Dating after divorce

I have been divorced for nearly a year. We had no children, no house, no shared assets. I moved away from my ex and was caught up in the flurry of learning a new language, starting a new job, and navigating a new country. I didn't want to think about the divorce at the time and was able to avoid it.

A year later, I have adjusted to these changes, and the pain is starting to seep in. I have been dating someone that has fallen in love with me. But I find it hard to say that I love him back. Lately I cry over my ex and miss him and wonder why I left him.

I have told my current boyfriend that it feels like I need to be alone for a while. Unfortunately now we are living together and it would mean breaking up and moving out, an additional pain for me to deal with. He says he doesn't want to lose me, and I don't want to break up with him. I'm not sure if I want to stay with him because I actually want a long-term relationship or simply because I'm scared. It's like I don't know my own heart these days. I constantly feel confused, second-guess, and lately have been starting to feel depressed.

Part of me is terrified to be alone. The other part knows that it may be what I need to do if I ever want to have a healthy relationship again.

Are you divorced? How did you heal after yours?

Posted by seraph
What is that you want, exactly?

I don't know. That's the problem.

Divorce is one of the biggest life events you can go through. They take time to get over. How long was it after the divorce that you got involved with your new guy? Rebound is a real thing.

When I got divorced, I got involved with a guy relatively soon after. It lasted about three months or so. He wanted more, but I decided it wasn't fair for him because I couldn't feel anything at the time so we broke up. After that I decided I needed at least a year on my own to fully heal. I am so glad I did that. It allowed me to strip away the person I had become during my unhappy marriage and refind myself which ended up being a lot different than the person I had become during my marriage. I used that year to build myself on a good and healthy foundation.

The interesting thing is that I briefly got back in touch with the guy I dated and this time I was able to see that we had nothing in common. He fell in love with the emotional hot mess I was when I was coping with divorce and I wasn't that person anymore. I honestly feel lucky I didn't try to maintain the relationship with him even though at the time I thought he was someone with potential--he really was a good guy. A year later, however, I saw it for what it was: sexual healing and rebound.

This was my experience.

Posted by ScorpFemme
Divorce is one of the biggest life events you can go through. They take time to get over. How long was it after the divorce that you got involved with your new guy? Rebound is a real thing.

Yes, I worry that he is "just a rebound." We got involved a few months after the divorce was final, about a year after the separation from my ex. But he is the first man I became involved with after the divorce.

Posted by ScorpFemme
Divorce is one of the biggest life events you can go through. They take time to get over. How long was it after the divorce that you got involved with your new guy? Rebound is a real thing.

When I got divorced, I got involved with a guy relatively soon after. It lasted about three months or so. He wanted more, but I decided it wasn't fair for him because I couldn't feel anything at the time so we broke up. After that I decided I needed at least a year on my own to fully heal. I am so glad I did that. It allowed me to strip away the person I had become during my unhappy marriage and refind myself which ended up being a lot different than the person I had become during my marriage. I used that year to build myself on a good and healthy foundation.

The interesting thing is that I briefly got back in touch with the guy I dated and this time I was able to see that we had nothing in common. He fell in love with the emotional hot mess I was when I was coping with divorce and I wasn't that person anymore. I honestly feel lucky I didn't try to maintain the relationship with him even though at the time I thought he was someone with potential--he really was a good guy. A year later, however, I saw it for what it was: sexual healing and rebound.

This was my experience.

Thanks for sharing. When I think of living alone again, half of me sees that it's exactly what I need. The other half is terrified. The fear is amplified by the fact that I'm in a new country and haven't yet met many people that I can rely on or see as my support system.

I came to this message board to talk to people and hear their opinions. I think the more feedback I get, the easier it will be to make the choice to be alone again. I need someone to talk some sense into me. Thanks again...

Posted by taurusgirl9000

Posted by ScorpFemme
Divorce is one of the biggest life events you can go through. They take time to get over. How long was it after the divorce that you got involved with your new guy? Rebound is a real thing.

When I got divorced, I got involved with a guy relatively soon after. It lasted about three months or so. He wanted more, but I decided it wasn't fair for him because I couldn't feel anything at the time so we broke up. After that I decided I needed at least a year on my own to fully heal. I am so glad I did that. It allowed me to strip away the person I had become during my unhappy marriage and refind myself which ended up being a lot different than the person I had become during my marriage. I used that year to build myself on a good and healthy foundation.

The interesting thing is that I briefly got back in touch with the guy I dated and this time I was able to see that we had nothing in common. He fell in love with the emotional hot mess I was when I was coping with divorce and I wasn't that person anymore. I honestly feel lucky I didn't try to maintain the relationship with him even though at the time I thought he was someone with potential--he really was a good guy. A year later, however, I saw it for what it was: sexual healing and rebound.

This was my experience.

Thanks for sharing. When I think of living alone again, half of me sees that it's exactly what I need. The other half is terrified. The fear is amplified by the fact that I'm in a new country and haven't yet met many people that I can rely on or see as my support system.

I came to this message board to talk to people and hear their opinions. I think the more feedback I get, the easier it will be to make the choice to be alone again. I need someone to talk some sense into me. Thanks again...

click to expand

You are welcome! Good luck.

There is no simple and single solution to how to cope with relationships.

Some find happiness in love at 18 and it lasts forever-which could be boring to some people, some date lots and lots of people and it never works, or for most people it lasts for a couple of years, then for a long time they can't connect with anyone but then they do again...

it's about luck really. there is nothing you can do about it. so you gotta let it be and not let it bother you that much. long relationships usually have a lot of issues too.

just let your heart breathe and never lose hope because you never really know 🙂 life is hard anyways just feel as light as you can.

Posted by Impulsv
When I got divorced I feel in love with a Taurus shortly after

It wasn't a rebound

Follow your heart if it works it works

U don't have to analyze things to death

Ha, I know. But I'm a woman, it's what we do 😉

Thank you, you're right 🙂

Posted by taurusgirl9000
I have been divorced for nearly a year. We had no children, no house, no shared assets. I moved away from my ex and was caught up in the flurry of learning a new language, starting a new job, and navigating a new country. I didn't want to think about the divorce at the time and was able to avoid it.

A year later, I have adjusted to these changes, and the pain is starting to seep in. I have been dating someone that has fallen in love with me. But I find it hard to say that I love him back. Lately I cry over my ex and miss him and wonder why I left him.

I have told my current boyfriend that it feels like I need to be alone for a while. Unfortunately now we are living together and it would mean breaking up and moving out, an additional pain for me to deal with. He says he doesn't want to lose me, and I don't want to break up with him. I'm not sure if I want to stay with him because I actually want a long-term relationship or simply because I'm scared. It's like I don't know my own heart these days. I constantly feel confused, second-guess, and lately have been starting to feel depressed.

Part of me is terrified to be alone. The other part knows that it may be what I need to do if I ever want to have a healthy relationship again.

Are you divorced? How did you heal after yours?

Hi. Give yourself time. Stay in the relationship you are currently in. One of these days you will SNAP, turn to your bf lying in bed next to you and you will realize he's the best thing God gave you. Girl, you are LUCKY, LUCKY to have met a man (and you used the word "unfortunately" living with now); because GOOD men are SCARCE!!! I have been divorced three years; last serious relationship I had was 15 months ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have cobwebs in my "Miss Kitty" 😆 I have met a man (Taurus); you've read my posts. We, single women, have gone thru hell and back with horror "dating" stories. I, too, lived (five yrs) with a guy (Scorpio many, many moons ago); when I FINALLY was falling in love with him guess what happened? He cheated on me. Was this love lost? Not really. I just don't want this to happen to you. Again, give yourself time. You'll realize you've got a GOOD guy.

I'm confused (edited my post); the title is "Dating after divorce". You SURPASSED that (luckily, again) since you met someone so fast, so soon, so "lucky" (you should play the lottery). Eva looking puzzled 🤔

Good luck!

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

Posted by EvatheDiva

Posted by taurusgirl9000
I have been divorced for nearly a year. We had no children, no house, no shared assets. I moved away from my ex and was caught up in the flurry of learning a new language, starting a new job, and navigating a new country. I didn't want to think about the divorce at the time and was able to avoid it.

A year later, I have adjusted to these changes, and the pain is starting to seep in. I have been dating someone that has fallen in love with me. But I find it hard to say that I love him back. Lately I cry over my ex and miss him and wonder why I left him.

I have told my current boyfriend that it feels like I need to be alone for a while. Unfortunately now we are living together and it would mean breaking up and moving out, an additional pain for me to deal with. He says he doesn't want to lose me, and I don't want to break up with him. I'm not sure if I want to stay with him because I actually want a long-term relationship or simply because I'm scared. It's like I don't know my own heart these days. I constantly feel confused, second-guess, and lately have been starting to feel depressed.

Part of me is terrified to be alone. The other part knows that it may be what I need to do if I ever want to have a healthy relationship again.

Are you divorced? How did you heal after yours?

Hi. Give yourself time. Stay in the relationship you are currently in. One of these days you will SNAP, turn to your bf lying in bed next to you and you will realize he's the best thing God gave you. Girl, you are LUCKY, LUCKY to have met a man (and you used the word "unfortunately" living with now); because GOOD men are SCARCE!!! I have been divorced three years; last serious relationship I had was 15 months ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have cobwebs in my "Miss Kitty" 😆 I have met a man (Taurus); you've read my posts. We, single women, have gone thru hell and back with horror "dating" stories. I, too, lived (five yrs) with a guy (Scorpio many, many moons ago); when I FINALLY was falling in love with him guess what happened? He cheated on me. Was this love lost? Not really. I just don't want this to happen to you. Again, give yourself time. You'll realize you've got a GOOD guy.

I'm confused (edited my post); the title is "Dating after divorce". You SURPASSED that (luckily, again) since you met someone so fast, so soon, so "lucky" (you should play the lottery). Eva looking puzzled 🤔

Good luck!

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

click to expand

Thanks, Eva! You're very sweet. 🙂 I think I said "unfortunately" because I feel badly about my confused self and the impact that confusion has on this wonderful man. Perhaps it hurts more since we live together, and I don't want to hurt him... But I guess I already have and I can only be honest with him about my feelings. I feel lucky to have found someone that understands me and is such a gentle soul, willing to stand by me through all of this.

I'm not really the "dating" type. Ha. I realize now that title is not entirely accurate. I'm a relationship girl, I always hop from one to another, have rarely been single. You're right, of course, a good man is hard to find. And maybe if I left him I would be out there alone for a long time because I am very picky about who I choose to be with. But maybe that would be good for me and would make me more capable of being in a healthy relationship.

Thanks for your perspective and hug 🙂 🙂

Posted by Impulsv
I suggest u get off these post n don't let other sway you

N meditate for awhile as too what Ushould do n what truly brings a smiles. Take away fears

Takeaway worries

take away what if's and just look at it without those

I hope soon I can be strong enough to look at the situation as you suggest. Right now I feel weak, horribly weak... And I hate it.

Posted by Rindaroo
I've been divorced twice. The first time I was a hot mess, met my second husband about a year after I separated from my first. We were together 20 years. It was the real thing, but I like you in the beginning was a mess and unsure. It's not really about whether it was the real thing or a rebound. What I take away from both divorces is that after the first one I should've worked on myself, and learned how to be alone. That is what I did after the second one and I did a tremendous amount of personal growth, learning to love myself, who I really am, what happened in my marriages, what I never want to happen again, what i do want. It's been 5 years, there have been a couple of relationships along the way. Each i think about as teaching me something. I am the happiest and healthiest I've been in my life & living for myself and children. Have a relationship now that has possibilities. The real kind, not the I'm not alone and someone loves me kind. I am also in an area with no real support system. It is difficult but I manage.

This is just my experience, but I think worth sharing 🙂 think about what you need for yourself & pursue that (whatever it may be).

Thank you for your comments! I'm happy to hear you feel strong and at ease now 🙂

Posted by taurusgirl9000

Posted by EvatheDiva

Posted by taurusgirl9000
I have been divorced for nearly a year. We had no children, no house, no shared assets. I moved away from my ex and was caught up in the flurry of learning a new language, starting a new job, and navigating a new country. I didn't want to think about the divorce at the time and was able to avoid it.

A year later, I have adjusted to these changes, and the pain is starting to seep in. I have been dating someone that has fallen in love with me. But I find it hard to say that I love him back. Lately I cry over my ex and miss him and wonder why I left him.

I have told my current boyfriend that it feels like I need to be alone for a while. Unfortunately now we are living together and it would mean breaking up and moving out, an additional pain for me to deal with. He says he doesn't want to lose me, and I don't want to break up with him. I'm not sure if I want to stay with him because I actually want a long-term relationship or simply because I'm scared. It's like I don't know my own heart these days. I constantly feel confused, second-guess, and lately have been starting to feel depressed.

Part of me is terrified to be alone. The other part knows that it may be what I need to do if I ever want to have a healthy relationship again.

Are you divorced? How did you heal after yours?

Hi. Give yourself time. Stay in the relationship you are currently in. One of these days you will SNAP, turn to your bf lying in bed next to you and you will realize he's the best thing God gave you. Girl, you are LUCKY, LUCKY to have met a man (and you used the word "unfortunately" living with now); because GOOD men are SCARCE!!! I have been divorced three years; last serious relationship I had was 15 months ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have cobwebs in my "Miss Kitty" 😆 I have met a man (Taurus); you've read my posts. We, single women, have gone thru hell and back with horror "dating" stories. I, too, lived (five yrs) with a guy (Scorpio many, many moons ago); when I FINALLY was falling in love with him guess what happened? He cheated on me. Was this love lost? Not really. I just don't want this to happen to you. Again, give yourself time. You'll realize you've got a GOOD guy.

I'm confused (edited my post); the title is "Dating after divorce". You SURPASSED that (luckily, again) since you met someone so fast, so soon, so "lucky" (you should play the lottery). Eva looking puzzled 🤔

Good luck!

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

Thanks, Eva! You're very sweet. 🙂 I think I said "unfortunately" because I feel badly about my confused self and the impact that confusion has on this wonderful man. Perhaps it hurts more since we live together, and I don't want to hurt him... But I guess I already have and I can only be honest with him about my feelings. I feel lucky to have found someone that understands me and is such a gentle soul, willing to stand by me through all of this.

I'm not really the "dating" type. Ha. I realize now that title is not entirely accurate. I'm a relationship girl, I always hop from one to another, have rarely been single. You're right, of course, a good man is hard to find. And maybe if I left him I would be out there alone for a long time because I am very picky about who I choose to be with. But maybe that would be good for me and would make me more capable of being in a healthy relationship.

Thanks for your perspective and hug 🙂 🙂

click to expand

YW and anytime!

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

It's an eternal dilemma, you can't be alone all the time, and when you're with someone it gets serious and takes up every aspect of your life, and eventually you'll break up most likely, and you're in shit ville. You need time to clear your head, but you also can't be alone. This problem will always be present, in everyone's life. The key is friends... And having an honest, friendly rapport with your partners...but the hard parts of being alone or feeling smothered, or having to choose whether to stay in a relationship, will always remain.