Emotional or Physical Cheating

On the topic of cheating and open relationships.... I was having a conversation with a male (Gemini) friend of mine who said he's "cheated" on his wife BUT he didn't really consider it cheating because it was just a one night stand. He didn't know anything about the women other than their first names. He only considers cheating, cheating, when there's an emotional component. I've actually heard this from other men as well.

This reminded me of a time that I was cheated on. Of course it hurt but what really killed me was getting the phone bill and seeing the amount of text messages and phone calls they exchanged. It hurt worse to imagine them having lots of intimate conversations than it did to imagine them having sex.

Is there a difference, Do you think is one is worse than the other?

Could you forgive easier, a one night stand vs an intimate, emotional affair?

I also wonder if there is a difference between men vs women.... Are men more hurt by physical affairs & women more hurt by emotional affairs?

I know everyone have their own idea of what cheating is...

But I feel like even if there wasn't an emotional connection.. Just for the simple fact that you had a physical connection.... I would consider that cheating

Like c'mon... If you step outside your marriage to conversate with an individual and you find yourself getting emotionally attached... I'll consider that cheating...

& if you step outside of your marriage to have intimacy with an individual... I'll consider that cheating...

To be honest... I couldn't forgive either one because in my eyes.. My spouse would always yearn for that other person.. Either emotionally or physically... Plus it'll me make second guess myself as if I'm not good enough.. & I'll always replay in my head what happened between my spouse and that other person...

I feel like REAL men wouldn't cheat.. Or REAL women wouldn't cheat.. If your married, your spouse should be your Bestfriend and by that I mean you should be able to talk to your spouse about certain things... If things need to get spiced up.. Then talk about it.. Now if your spouse refuses the suggestions then maybe you all need to get a legal separation...

Well of course I don't condone cheating in any capacity. I just found it interesting when I was having this conversation with my friend, how I was reminded that for ME, when I was cheated on, initially I was hurt by thought of them having sex but as soon as I learned about all of the time spent together, conversations and the two of them doing things together.... none of which he was doing with me, that hurt worse and the whole sex part took a back seat. I was still disgusted by the sex aspect but It was the emotional connection they had that hurt the most.

Posted by TerramineLight

Posted by DeeLovesRed
To be honest... I couldn't forgive either one because in my eyes.. My spouse would always yearn for that other person.. Either emotionally or physically...

Okay but at the same time... how can you judge them for LOVING? That's absurd? You say you couldn't forgive them, for even so much as developing feelings. But that's your own selfish viewpoint. You just hate it because the person doesn't just love you and want you exclusively. It's wrong to cheat. But it's not wrong to have those feelings. If you can't see that it's something that is going to naturally happen all the time, and that the only thing you can really do about it is break up when those feelings form. Then that's your problem.

I won't hate somebody, for loving someone else that isn't me. That's kind of wrong and immature.

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Well in that case.. I can understand the two people "love" eachother.. BUT why continue to keep me around if your in love with another person.. Instead of cheating just leave me alone and be with the other person...

But let's just say.. My SO isn't fully in love but have some type of emotional connection with an individual... How can I forgive that? I can't.. And I won't.. Because if your not going to fully commit to something why be involved in the first place...

& same thing goes with physical... If your not in love with that person and your not ready to leave me.. I will not forgive you for having sex with an individual

@TerramineLight... Now @ImTheRam brought up swingers... Now that I wouldn't consider cheating... Because as a union both husband and wife made that mutual decision.. But just clearly stepping out... Now that's completely EVIL.... If something can't be spoken about then just call it quits....

Emotional cheating doesn't mean much, at the end of the day you haven't done anything except for thinking about someone else for a few hours.

@leowww see now that's just evil.. And sexting leads to an emotional connection and over time if it's permitted it'll lead to something physical... Now how can one forgive their SO for that? Like that's a tough one.. Especially since it was happening for a long time right under her nose...

Posted by Palerio
Emotional cheating doesn't mean much, at the end of the day you haven't done anything except for thinking about someone else for a few hours.

I don't consider only thinking about someone as emotional cheating, if the thoughts stay in your head that's fantasizing. I consider emotional cheating as sharing intimate conversation and forming an emotional attachment. I know a lot of affairs begin by sharing relationship problems with someone of the opposite sex and that person empathizing and commiserating. One thing leads to another and the person who is unhappy in the relationship starts thinking this other person is so understanding and the other party starts talking about how much better they would/could treat the person in the relationship....... and an affair is born.

Posted by RiverLee

Posted by Palerio
Emotional cheating doesn't mean much, at the end of the day you haven't done anything except for thinking about someone else for a few hours.

I don't consider only thinking about someone as emotional cheating, if the thoughts stay in your head that's fantasizing. I consider emotional cheating as sharing intimate conversation and forming an emotional attachment. I know a lot of affairs begin by sharing relationship problems with someone of the opposite sex and that person empathizing and commiserating. One thing leads to another and the person who is unhappy in the relationship starts thinking this other person is so understanding and the other party starts talking about how much better they would/could treat the person in the relationship....... and an affair is born.

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I see... I like that you think fantasizing is still ok, personally I find it very healthy and it's also something we all do in order not to develop an obsession over the person we're with.

I don't consider sharing intimate moments and creating an emotional bond as cheating either. Then of course it depends on what you're sharing of your intimate life... I don't have many other options since externalising is actually one of my way of interiorising. I don't need/want people in my life I'm not intimate with.

I only consider emotional cheating if you're sending flirty texts at night and even in that scenario the other person usually know I'm just being playful because that's how naturally am.

Posted by Palerio
Emotional cheating doesn't mean much, at the end of the day you haven't done anything except for thinking about someone else for a few hours.

Yeah but it's still kinda wrong when you're talking and flirting with someone while still being with someone else.

I've done it from a lack of attention, but not because I did the have feelings for the guy anymore

I think I'm just gonna stay single and live out truly passionate love affairs. 😄. I'd have no problem doing that...well...



....until I'm too old to keep living out passionate love affairs lol..

Beats finding out you've been sleeping next to a creep all those years, and even worse not knowing and living a lie.

Truth is, no matter how well you think you know someone, you will never truly know what goes through their mind, and heart.

All you can do is pray to god, that you caught a good man/woman and trust that they're making you proud, instead of doing sonething that would make you cry when they're not with you.

It's quite the contrary actually,

Cheating is temporary.

An emotional connection is permanent.

When there is an emotional connection accompanied by physical intimacy or subliminal intimacy, it isn't considered cheating. Your relationship IS over, or was over many moons ago. You missed that mark. The other individual just hasn't 'physically' left yet.

When there is just a physical connection, then yes, this would be considered cheating. The primary goal is to fulfill an innate need temporarily while keeping the current relationship intact.

Which is worst?

It depends on the other person.

To remain in a relationship while consistently being disrespected and cheated on.

OR

To remain in a relationship waiting for the other individual to walk out the door.