Female sexual domination. Femdom.

When I was a teen I started to have this fantasy. It was of collaring a man. At that time I had no idea of what that meant to BDSM people. I just liked the idea of a man in a collar.

I wanted the feeling of control control and it perpetuated a lot of my teen fantasies. Some quite extreme. But the general theme was he was enjoying it. Things that I had been taught were not sexual seemed sexual.

As I started to have boyfriends and realized not many men share this it took a back seat. It's quite weird how to you explain to someone I love you and I want you to enjoy me hurting you or taking you or doing other things? The pool of people genuinely into that is small. I think the worst thing would be if a guy was to pretend to or try do something he wasn't into. ( I am not down with that). A lot of quite adventurous guys think BDSM is simply adventurous sex....it's not. Yet I always felt the need to be in a relationship with someone I was sexual with. I only once had a 'connection' with a man who wanted that.

I went to a few events and some of the people there quite frankly seemed totally detached from reality and emotionally unstable. Perhaps I had unrealistic expectations. Men and women after would email me unsolicited without introducing themselves asking for whatever sex act. Not only is that in poor taste and a turn-off, but also suggests a fundamental lack of understanding of who??s in charge. If you can't have a normal conversation etc then I don't think they are stable enough for continue. I understood it can be awkward but it's important for me to see they are genuine. A lot of people couldn't even define what they wanted exactly to see if our interests and ideas might overlap. I think that it takes a great deal of personal strength, self awareness, and understanding to submit, to even admit that's what you want to do.

I was not interested in anyone so detached from reality they would let anyone abuse them. It seemed to me that the ability to consent in that case was lost. For example if I request a —human ashtray?? and the candidate, in particular non-smoker/not into smoke fetish opens his mouth straight away regardless of the health risk — that's a signal for me how are they going to refuse something more dramatic in the heat of the moment? Nor was I interested in someone who could not see me as a person or follow simple instructions on how to contact me or was disrespectful. I was not interested in someone with low self esteem et

Men are not used to being burden with being the boundary setters. They are used to persuading women. And so asking a man 'what is your limit? What can't I do to you?' Seemed to puzzle some. They are placing their trust and innocence in my hands. That is gold, a gift to be treasured, not abused.

I had friends suggest I compile a questionaire next time.

In kinksterville the men out number the women but about 10 to 1 and subs (both male and female ) outweigh Doms. And not many Dommes seemed happy to speak to me. I guess I noob can be a drag.

I get the sense that a number of men (certainly not all - I hate universal gender generalizations!) have had a problem with feeling craved in their sexual relationships: they crave the woman they're with, but they don't know if she lusts after them a certain way back. Does she like his hair? His smell? Does she have sex dreams about him, daydreams where she focuses on his body and his sounds, the way he does about her?

I went through a particularly bad relationship and ceased all sexual relationships for a long time.

Then I started dating again. My personality is warm empathic and there is really nothing to outwardly suggest I have these thoughts. And so while I might attrack naturally shyer men not 'that type'. It's something innate, it can't be adapted or something you'll grow to like. It just is or it isn't.

I like vanilla sex it's nice. It is what it is..

Finding a guy who is sane kind and that way seems ...I dunno

Anyway I wanted to ask if anyone else had experiences. Or just even wanted to talk about it.the submissive male/dominant female relationship does not resonnate with all.

I met a guy a few months ago who was into the femdom concept and wanted to be a slave. We just talked and kissed and never really did anything else.

He wanted me to look at this website called fetlife. He was also into chuckholding, chastity devices, wearing a collar.. He actually had a mistress before. She had a few slaves (men and women). Once she made a slave penetrate him and he said he enjoyed it.

Anyways I guess he was into it because he had erection or size problems. He was such a cute guy though.

I kind of tried imagining how it would be like to be a mistress but like you said, the outfits and the community seemed very superficial to me. Many people must be into this because it seems kinky not because they actually want it.

I'm on fetlife. I have to say I agree with your last statement there are a lot of time wasters . I get it some people have fantasies they would rather remain that way.

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by beggarsblanket

Anyways I guess he was into it because he had erection or size problems. He was such a cute guy though.

... the outfits and the community seemed very superficial to me. Many people must be into this because it seems kinky not because they actually want it.

Sorry but I take issue with the above lines. You guess or you knew he had erection or size problems? Somehow that line contradicts with your second line when you say the community seems very superficial?

click to expand

I am just an observer. I wasn't dating this guy. We talked about this stuff and I considered it but decided it wasn't for me, at least for now.

He told me that he has erection problems. He actually went to a pscyhiatrist and the psychiatrist told him to try homosexuality. He likes being penetrated but he is not gay.

What I found superficial on fetlife was just like any other online dating website, people post half naked or naked pics, or the men who are just into it for the sex, or the cliche stuff, the costumes etc. I don't have a problem with any of this, people should be able to express themselves but it's just that it doesn't turn me on.

Posted by beggarsblanket
He told me that he has erection problems. He actually went to a pscyhiatrist and the psychiatrist told him to try homosexuality. He likes being penetrated but he is not gay.

I guess the psychiatrist is earning his paycheck.

I have a friend who is a submissive. He's known this since he was 8. He used to pester me when we were kids so that I would scratch him. Anyways, he's said some of the same things, that it's terribly hard to find anyone who is truly into it, and not just curious. Too many have said they would try it and then bailed. He's a true woman worshiper. I think he would have made the perfect acolyte at some goddess temple 1000 yrs ago.

I've had a lot of convos with him about his sexuality, because I'm trying to understand it, even though the BDSM isn't something I"m into (I don't like being degraded and I can't degrade someone unless I hate them). Love and a connection and trust are all tightly tangled in the act of being used (for him). He wants a woman to tear him down and then build him again, over and over. I hope he finds his mistress for life, someday. He loves to spoil a gal.

Warning for those women on Fetlife there has been a recent data scraping on the site by some scumbag and you may have experienced the bullying and harassment. I would get off the site. Just so you know they are pulling info and reposting and threatening only female users. But whatever your gender boycott the site.