Why do people stay in toxic relationships?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by mysteriousTaurus on Thursday, March 12, 2015 and has 13 replies.

Profile picture of MadMarchRam
@MadMarchRam
11 Years1,000+ PostsAries

I'm completely baffled by it myself.
Some people just love the drama and playing the victim.
I know a few people that have stayed with someone for years that treats them like shit, knowing they won't change. Then want to whine and complain about how badly they are being treated, expecting sympathy.
I lose patients with it after a while and tell them, if you choose to accept that treatment then don't keep whining about it to me.

Profile picture of crabRiot
@crabRiot
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Because they are tied to the person emotionally and is unable to let go..Doesn't mean they haven't tried though (some people) that's why you have so many on and off relationships.
Or it might just be a karmic relationship.

Profile picture of indiajones33
@indiajones33
11 Years

I think it sometimes has to do with how much you invested in the relationship.. everyone wants to see a return on their investment.

Sometimes because the "monster" you know is easier to deal with than the one you don't. It seems easier to try and work it out than get into another situation that may be just as crazy.

Profile picture of DMV
@DMV
15 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius

I stayed in a toxic relationship becasue I seriously believed there wasnt anything else out there. I wanted to make things better. I loved him.

I dont throw stones at anyone because I was there myself. It can happen to anyone no matter how smart you think you are.

I was young and became isolated from my friends n family. I became codependent on my partner. I had also invested all this damn time.

it took an ultimatum from my employer to get me to leave.

Profile picture of Stihl46
@Stihl46
11 Years1,000+ Posts

I watched a toxic relationship and its physical effects it has on the guy involved. I had a baseline to start with as I've known the man for years plus the fact I knew what he looked like before he started dating this girl. After the honey mood period ended the changes in him slowly started the first thing I noticed was his mood change he in the honey moon stage of their relationship he was still the same pleasant guy. HM period ended his mood changed started becoming unfriendly he wasn't the same guy he used to be this progressed.

Then I started seeing the physical effects of what stress does to a mans body his hair started falling out he started to age as his relationship progressed he's looking way older than he really is in the 2 years give or take he's been with this girl he looks a good 10-12 years older. He's done so much damage to himself he will never recover from it and he is still putting himself through it. The physical effects are apparent, weight gain, hair loss, severe aging on his face.

The reason why he's still in this relationship? it is deep rooted insecurities he doesn't do so well around women in the years I've known him he's never had any luck in the woman dept. In his current state he's screwed the damage is done what woman his own age would be attracted to him he looks so old. He's had self esteem issues about his looks before all this happened now? All I can say he's done so much harm to himself that he will never be the guy he was 2 years ago.

Her she hasn't changed, she hasn't aged like him she's filled out a little bit but she doesn't have the physical effects and her personality hasn't changed. I have realized she is the toxic one she controls the relationship. She likes the fact she can control him she doesn't like strong men a strong man scares her. Her BF is very much a codependent man.

Watching this relationship progress for 2 years has been interesting for me, I've watched how much damage a woman can inflict to a weak man. Funny she is scared of me because she can't control me she admitted she likes weak men her last BF is similar to the one she is with now.

Profile picture of P-Angel
@P-Angel
21 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

Since I've been around long enough to see several generations grow up, I find that the people who stay in wrong relationships, are the ones who were treated badly as children and they are living what they learned.

Perspective is a lot more than people realize. They say they know, but, they really don't apply it.

One man's junk is another man's treasure. So, for you to make the judgment call that a person is toxic, only applies to you. This other person may think it's a beautiful quality.

So really, all this boils down to is that you want to bitch about something you don't like and in so doing you've placed a judgment call on another person because that person doesn't own up to your standards.

That's pretty fucked up.

Profile picture of Stihl46
@Stihl46
11 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by P-Angel

Since I've been around long enough to see several generations grow up, I find that the people who stay in wrong relationships, are the ones who were treated badly as children and they are living what they learned.

Perspective is a lot more than people realize. They say they know, but, they really don't apply it.

One man's junk is another man's treasure. So, for you to make the judgment call that a person is toxic, only applies to you. This other person may think it's a beautiful quality.

So really, all this boils down to is that you want to bitch about something you don't like and in so doing you've placed a judgment call on another person because that person doesn't own up to your standards.

That's pretty fucked up.

Yes I can see that with the girl I know her dad wasn't a good role model, her BF he was raised in a family where money was no issue be brags about how much money he has, money is everything in his life he tries to use money to make her happy.

Profile picture of krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
18 Years5,000+ Posts

People f**ck over other people for the same reason that they f**ck over themselves.

Self-esteem doesn't mean that you'll be perfect or make perfect relationship decisions, but I'll say this...the person with higher esteem will probably be in healthier relationships than those who have minimal or no esteem.

It's not always that people stay in bad situations b/c they're stupid or anything that deserves harsh judgement. It's that somewhere along the line, esteem got lost..and to make matters worse, they just so happened to cross paths with another mf who had esteem issues too.

People lie to others. They cheat on others. They mislead others. They don't give it their all with others. They don't fully appreciate or support others. The kicker though is that those very same people lie to themselves too & do alllll of the bad things they'd endure but just with another person.

Esteem speaks volumes & decides whether you will be happy in your lovelife overall or if you'll be just another victim.

You nor any relationship can survive AND be happy without it.