how should I word this apology or shouldnt I?

I recently broke up with my boyfriend who I loved very much.
The break up was partly down to things he did/said and partly down to my actions too (over the space of a week).
Since breaking up I have sincerely realised the errors of my ways and where I went wrong, how I could have gone about things differently....and maybe we wouldnt be in this situation.

I dont think there is a chance that we will get back together as we have broken up before and our arguments always go the same way (something gets under my skin and when I try to talk about it, instead of listening and being understanding, he interprets it as me blaming him or nagging him, and then I dont get the response I need from him (i.e he gets defensive) and then I get upset and we argue about our communication style ) I dunno, maybe I there would have been better ways to approach the subjects. I also realise that I havent been as a supportive girlfriend as I could have been.....my life has come together pretty well and I suppose I havent been so supportive that his hasnt yet reached that point i.e. me talking too much about what I want from life and perhaps being insensitive to his situation.

When we broke up it was during an argument and he left my place. I let him cool off for a few days and tried to talk him round but he still wasnt sure (he has a lot of other stress in his life at the moment). When I asked him if he needed more time to think or if he could let me know he txt me that it was over, that he couldnt take it anymore. I respected his decision and returned the rest of his belongings (didnt see him as he was out when I went over (bad idea I know). Anyways I txt him thanking him for all the great memories and I wouldnt forget how good he was to me etc. He hasnt replied or even acknowledged my txt.

Anyways, I am feeling really cut up because I know this time the break up is partly down to my actions. I dont know whether I should message him (doubt he would wish to speak right now) and just tell him how sorry I am that I wasnt more supportive to him when he has always been supportive of me. I know we wont be getting back together as he would have contacted me (its been 5 days), but I really hope that he doesnt remember me for this break up and forget all the wonderful memories we have, as only a fortnight ago we were really happy together.

So should I send him a brief message just apologising for not being supportive when he needed me to be etc.
Or not? thanks

ps. Meant to say that it hasnt been just one week that lead to the break up.....I have realised this week that in the over the past few months I havent been supportive of him on a number of occasions. I have just been thinking of myself, not intentionally. But I suppose because my life is where I want it to be I am thinking and planning ahead. He isnt in the same place as me and hasnt been for a long time. Because I love him I have been trying to be patient (because I know we're not all always in the same place at the same time) but probably havent always come across of being supportive, and maybe been putting pressure on him without really realising at the time.

I am really sorry that I could have hurt him in this way, and I know its gone too far for him to let me make it up to him, but I just want him to know how sorry I am.

Should I tell him, or do you think it would be the wrong this to do?

I am trying to resist making contact because, he said he couldnt take any more and it was over and so I accepted it (as I had tried changing his mind) and thanked him for our time together.

I really feel like it would ease my pain if I could tell him, but want your opinions.

Thanks
(sorry if I have repeated myself a few times, I am upset)

Leave him alone to sort out in his mind what he wants...you will continue to look like a nag if that's the way he is already feeling. He may reconsider but in all honesty if you were constantly sweating the small stuff you have probably pushed him to his limit and beyond. You need to take a look at what you are arguing over all the time, were they just your own insecurities ?? If so, look to change. If they were both, maybe you ae not ass compatible as you want.

we have broken up before and our arguments always go the same way (something gets under my skin and when I try to talk about it, instead of listening and being understanding, he interprets it as me blaming him or nagging him, and then I dont get the response I need from him (i.e he gets defensive) and then I get upset and we argue about our communication style )


She doesn't know how to express herself without making it sound to him like she is nagging. They are speaking two different languages, until she learns how to speak and explain herself ( and there is a way to do it with the way things are worded) he will hear nag nag nag even if it is an apology! Obviously it isn't the first time.

I am one who felt like apologizing to an ex for the way things went and how I treated, himself. I wanted him to remember me in a more positive light, because we did have a lot of great memories. So....I did. I messaged him. He never responded, though, and I also put in the offer to be friends. In the end, it's best he didn't respond, anyway. I needed him out of my life to get over him. Anyway, after sending it, I felt like I had just made a really stupid decision, and I didn't feel any better. I felt like I had more to say...and no matter how many messages I would have sent, it wouldn't have been enough to truly get the weight off my chest.

You are not me, so I'm not saying you would feel the same way. But, from my experience, I think it would have been better to not say anything. Sending him anything at all, at this point, is useless. It will probably not change his mind on anything. He's upset and stressed and a message from you, no matter what it says, has no guarantee of changing that, except maybe making it worse. If he has indicated he is done and doesn't really want anything else to do with you, then you should respect that. The only thing that could change his mind is time. Though, since you guys have been down this block a few times and have had a lot of arguments, it seems, I think this is honestly best for the both of you. Get a breath of fresh air and find someone who you can communicate with in a non-toxic way. It's hard to think of having anything else besides him, but sometimes you just have to look at a situation without using your emotions and say 'yeah, even though I wanted that really bad, it was also hurting both of us, and would continue to have done that. This is for the best'.

Right after a break up, you're going to think of all the good things you two had, but you can't forget the fact that it wasn't working. Never forget your reasons for breaking up, because it gets very easy to. You may not think your reasoning was very vindicated right now, but when you made that decision, you must have been pretty sure this isn't what you wanted...and that will only happen again and again, if you continue this relationship.

I know that wasn't exactly the advice you were looking for, but I feel like if I say things like that...eventually it will fall upon ears of someone who needs it. Sorry. And don't contact him! Haha

WOW I COULDN'T EVEN FINISH THE FIRST SENTENCE OF THAT WITHOUT A SPELLING MISTAKE. /caps for giving up on living.
Should be 'myself', not 'himself'.

Hi thanks for all inputs. I was planning on sending a message briefly acknowledging my part of the problems, but no grovelling. Then out of the blue he messaged me asking how I was, and asking if I had used the xmas present he bought me yet....I was due to use them for the first time that evening. I was shocked that he txt me and his message was friendly and upbeat and almost as if nothing had changed. I was kind of glad he messaged me because to be honest although I wanted to use the present he got me, I was worried that I would have emotions attached to it and it would spoil me using it (sporting equipment for a new hobby I've taken up). He told me he really wants me to enjoy them....so I did and felt better doing so. Anyways a few texts went back and fore, so I sent what I was planning on sending him and he replied with he knows that I care about him and its not that he doesnt love me but the arguments have pushed him to breaking point etc. He said that our relationship isnt healthy....and that I have been a very important person in his life and hopes we can continue talking as he would hate to lose contact with me completly. I know some people say that if a relationship has a chance of rekindling then communication lines should be kept open rather than NC but I cannot act like nothing has changed. He said he is glad that we tried again because when things were good, they are incredible (his words).
What I dont understand is that if he loves me and describes the good as incredible but knows our relationship isnt healthy (but we are both learning about ourselves and each other) then why didnt he speak up earlier so we could work through it together rather that walking away when we have a tough week?

I am torn because on the one hand I think that each break we have had has taught us something new, and learning more about communication and understanding. On the other hand if he chose not to work through it even though he has always told me he is 'so in love with me' (his actions showed it to) why would he not work through these tough times with me? So then I ask myself should I just close myself off completely from him?

On one hand I want him to realise that walking away from something difficult isnt the answer and that we should work through it.....on the other hand, even if he wanted to try again.....could I trust him not to say its over whenever he's got personal stresses and our relationship is having a few not so good days.

How can I move on if he is contacting me?

To move on you have to tell yourself all the reasons why your not right for each other, even if the relationship ending is not what you want. But in order to quieten your mind you have to justify the break up.

But what if no contact results in the other person having a wake up call and thinking shit I need to put this right? The other person (me) would have gone through all the emotions under the sun (sadness, depression, guilt, annoyance at the other person giving up quickly, resolution)

Of course, this may be the real end. He may go quiet and leave it be now that we are apart. But its hard to concentrate when yo have no idea what the other person is going to do and are giving mixed signals.

:/

He said that our relationship isnt healthy....and that I have been a very important person in his life and hopes we can continue talking as he would hate to lose contact with me completely.


Wow, quite the young man. Not many ladies get an explaination. He obviously cares and is quite mature. Be thankful for this.

You know one thing I have learnt and am experiencing now in my relationship is that you lose a little love for the other person each time you have a big fight, esp if it is uncalled for or you don't understand the persons reasoning/motives/actions.

Remember when you first fell in love, they could do nothing wrong, then there was the first fight and the make up sex after that, then the second fight, still intense and you still tried hard to resolve, then the third, and the fourth, and the fifth...starting to get a little over this shit now...especially if it starts becoming frequent or too frequent. Now I'm feeling like I'm getting picked on or always doing something wrong and having to say sorry..not exactly sure why but I'll do it to help things run smoothly. Then the sixth and seventh and my minds starting to think differently and I'm starting to stick to my guns...then you start questioning what's really happening and if this is it or will it get better?? Can I keep going I can see a pattern, do I want this??

Everyone has a different breaking point...