I Do............

Patti on the Bravo channel who is a matchmaker said on her show that a man knows within the first 6 to 9 months if he wants to marry a women and he should be ready to pop the big question after the first year to take her off the market. I agree with this I never thought of dating in this light but I think it's true espically when you are in your thirties and you are ready to settle down and you don't want to waste a lot of time.

Posted by scorpdiva
if he wants to marry a women and he should be ready to pop the big question after the first year to take her off the market.

They do....they get em pregnant instead.

Lol @Febfish that's not really getting her off the market she can just have the baby and still leave you then you will be a upset baby dadddy.

If you are married it is more chance you will hopefully try to make it work to perserve your marriage.

I think that is too fast. Yeah we can rule someone out way faster than that but to decide to spend the rest of you life with someone after only a few months? No wonder the divorce rate is 50% .

Well she said you should propose by the first you but yes you should be engage for a while to get to know eachother I don't think that is too fast maybe if your 20 but if you are in your 30's abd 40's you should be ready and if not then why waste more more than a year.

"by the first year" mess up above.

scorpdiva, i kinda agree with patti. i knew my husband on a friendship basis for a year. we started dating and in three months he popped the question, and we married one month later. been married for ten years.i think if you've spent enuff time with that person during that year that you should be able to note the "crazy eyes" or subtle hints one always puts off to let you know they are not good marriage material. for instance, i noted my husband was irresponsible with money before we married. and he still is! i didnt choose to overlook that he was irresponsible, i just chose to deal with it.
i hardly think a person can go more than a year without showing their true colors to some degree. i just think sometimes people choose to ignore it (rather than move on or be alone), then pretend to be surprised about the obvious behavior later.
i think a year should be plenty of time for someone to know if a person is someone that they are compatible with.just my opinion. 🙂

Posted by LoveBucket
I think you know, as well, but for some reason, I think it's too soon to pop the question because alot of the times, people fool you until you walk them down the aisle. After that walk, THEN you see who you're really dealing with. Some folks are patient too -- they can keep up *their act* for years, and then once they are married to you -- out comes the real them -- that loco person they hid, very well, during the courting period.

and lovebucket, i didnt mean to discredit your idea. because of course, there is always gonna be one nut job out there that no one saw coming. but i do believe, for the most part, people reveal there "issues" within a year.

I definitely think that the time frame when one pops the question is really just a personal thing. I could be biased, but I have to agree with librasid; one year still seems a little early to me; at least, I'm not sure if I'd feel ready to take that plunge after one year. I mean, I know in one year I probably won't want to be with anyone else, but I'm not sure if I'll be ready to just get married. I'm not huge on the idea of marriage anyway, but if I did, I feel like I'd have to wait a little longer than that.

There is nothing wrong with getting engaged in one year. Some people do it earlier, some do it later. I'm sure I will know everything about my partner in one year, but in the back of my head, I don't think that's enough for me to just want to get married. So, I think it all depends.

candeh, i think patti (on the show) meant in the case that you are ready to get married, then a year would be time enough to know if he/she was the one. 🙂

Posted by txtbukariesgirl
candeh, i think patti (on the show) meant in the case that you are ready to get married, then a year would be time enough to know if he/she was the one. 🙂

Ahh yeah (I think I remember Patti saying that too). That would be more understandable than just throwing it out there like that. If we both talk about it and feel it's right, then yeah, a year is understandable. I mean, in the case that both partners are ready, then the time frame is up to them. I really hate having like a set time frame for things because often people will be like, "You've been together for 5 years, why aren't you getting married?" And I'm usually thinking, "Why do they have to get married?" I mean, I understand that there could be things going on, but if both people are on the same page in whatever direction they want to go in, then there should be no pressure to wait or not to wait.

is Patti awesome or what?

i definitely agree that if you are in marriage mode, you dont need 3 years to figure someone out. i dont think anyone is ready for marriage until after theyre 30. Saturn Return and all...

just my thoughts.

Posted by FebruaryFish

Posted by scorpdiva
if he wants to marry a women and he should be ready to pop the big question after the first year to take her off the market.

They do....they get em pregnant instead.

click to expand

there is alot of truth to this statement. either the girl decides (more so by herself) that shes ready and will get preggo OR the guy will just ask her to have his baby. that is more of popping the question.

sad thing is, baby dont mean commitment.

DMV I agree this is not for those in their 20's, your 20's are for you to learn and have fun and just be free so I think this if more for people in their 30's and up. Also I love patti and that show I love her no sense attitude and she is right about a lot of love advice, for me personally I am 32 and I dont want to waste more than 2yrs on anybody I am ready to settle down and if you are not why bother.

@txt you knew befor you got married your husband was not good with money, I think when you are ready to commit their are so things you to choose to deal with or able to accept.

If marriage is your thing than yes, break up and move on. I know people who have stayed together for 10 years b4 they decided to get married and that sounds nuts. what were you waiting on? an invitation?

i want a man to make an honest woman out of me and i want to make an honest woman out of me 2. thats the only way i will have kids. my parents did it that way and i want to do it that way.

you know what sucks, what if you spent all this time with a guy to only have him dump you and he goes and marrys someone else within months of dumping you! awww, i marvel at the power of a rebounder.

Well ladies that is my plan from now on I hate to be this way I am giving men a year or maybe two then it's on to the next one I just feel like I am getting to old for games or to waste my youth on someone who is afraid or who doesn't want to commit. The guy I am dating now it will be a year the end of this month and he has already brought the idea to me so he is on the right path but he has a little bit longer and if he doesn't commit or take me off the market I will be open to the next men. I am already kinda open to the next one since I don't have a ring but I am giving him first dibbs.

Posted by scorpdiva
Well ladies that is my plan from now on I hate to be this way I am giving men a year or maybe two then it's on to the next one I just feel like I am getting to old for games or to waste my youth on someone who is afraid or who doesn't want to commit. The guy I am dating now it will be a year the end of this month and he has already brought the idea to me so he is on the right path but he has a little bit longer and if he doesn't commit or take me off the market I will be open to the next men. I am already kinda open to the next one since I don't have a ring but I am giving him first dibbs.

I admire you for your commitment to that. You know what you want and you shouldn't have someone make you wait; I mean, if you know the man isn't ready for marriage when you are, it's going to take some work.

I personally don't think I could commit to that myself since I'm not that keen on marriage, but the best of luck to you scorpdiva.

@Candeh15, thanks I will see how it goes My goal is to be engage to this person I am dating by the years end but we will see how that goes. My parents have been married for 31 years and they are a pisces(mom) and leo(dad) so I would like this same thing Plus I want another child before I am like 36 years old.

I understand what you, and everybody else is saying, but yall talking about men.
Marriage does not come out of a mans mouth(Im speaking about the typical male, theres some that do)
A man will tell another man that he would skeet skeet in a female, just so she can have his baby and then they're connected for life, thats like taking em off the market. Baby daddy drama is a no-no.
To get back within the discussion I agree with most and say a year is too short. Then again, its up to the couple, they could fall in love and get married after a month...last a lifetime, or a couple could wait 3 years then get married, and if they do get married that dont necessary mean that she off the market cause married people cheat.
Im sorry but Patti just talking out the ass, she got bills to pay so she need that check, she dont know people feelings and emotions after a year, she could be setting someone up to fail if they follow that advice.

@FebFish, LOL, I get what you said about getting a woman pregnant. Yeah, getting her pregnant does take her off the market in a certain category.

@scorpdiva, don't let him know you are expecting to be engaged by/before year's end is what I will say right now.

Posted by LibraSid
I think that is too fast. Yeah we can rule someone out way faster than that but to decide to spend the rest of you life with someone after only a few months? No wonder the divorce rate is 50% .

Hmmm... food for thought

@pathfinder, yeah I won't tell him I will be and have been subtle about it. Oddly enough he brought up the topic before I did.

Posted by scorpdiva
@Candeh15, thanks I will see how it goes My goal is to be engage to this person I am dating by the years end but we will see how that goes. My parents have been married for 31 years and they are a pisces(mom) and leo(dad) so I would like this same thing Plus I want another child before I am like 36 years old.

holy cow scorpdiva...

my mom is a fish and my dad is a lion..

Posted by FebruaryFish
I understand what you, and everybody else is saying, but yall talking about men.
Marriage does not come out of a mans mouth(Im speaking about the typical male, theres some that do)
A man will tell another man that he would skeet skeet in a female, just so she can have his baby and then they're connected for life, thats like taking em off the market. Baby daddy drama is a no-no.
.

yep, you are right here. which is why i stay on top of my birth control and keep them away from dudes. they stay trying to lock you down. its the next best thing to marriage.

and baby mama drama aint no different.

Posted by scorpdiva
@pathfinder, yeah I won't tell him I will be and have been subtle about it. Oddly enough he brought up the topic before I did.

cause he aint no dummy. he sees the way you look at him. 🙂

@DMV yes my parents are, and you always hear this couple won't work but my parents have been married for almost 33yrs with some up and downs ofcourse.

Posted by scorpdiva
@pathfinder, yeah I won't tell him I will be and have been subtle about it. Oddly enough he brought up the topic before I did.

I believe that. MEN will do that sometimes to test to see where your head is and maybe even subtly find out what buttons to push to get what they want from you (from time to time).

My take is, don't elaborate on it. If he asks if you want to get married, just answer "hmmm, not today. I've got to get my car detailed and my garage door fixed." Or some such thing.

An indifferent answer like that will not only surprise the hell out of him, but it will make him think that marriage is NOT paramount in your life. And if he is a good boy, HE will offer to PAY for your detailing or garage repair OR offer to do it for you HIMSELF.

THAT will show you whether he is good enough for you to even Think about the big "M" when you are with him.

😉

I'd have a hard time taking advice from a woman whos made such bad decisions with her face.

Posted by DMV

Posted by FebruaryFish
I understand what you, and everybody else is saying, but yall talking about men.
Marriage does not come out of a mans mouth(Im speaking about the typical male, theres some that do)
A man will tell another man that he would skeet skeet in a female, just so she can have his baby and then they're connected for life, thats like taking em off the market. Baby daddy drama is a no-no.
.

yep, you are right here. which is why i stay on top of my birth control and keep them away from dudes. they stay trying to lock you down. its the next best thing to marriage.

and baby mama drama aint no different.

click to expand

Baby mamas dont shoot, baby daddies do.

Posted by scorpdiva
@DMV yes my parents are, and you always hear this couple won't work but my parents have been married for almost 33yrs with some up and downs ofcourse.

so have mine! 30 plus years and still going.

Posted by FebruaryFish

Posted by DMV

Posted by FebruaryFish
I understand what you, and everybody else is saying, but yall talking about men.
Marriage does not come out of a mans mouth(Im speaking about the typical male, theres some that do)
A man will tell another man that he would skeet skeet in a female, just so she can have his baby and then they're connected for life, thats like taking em off the market. Baby daddy drama is a no-no.
.

yep, you are right here. which is why i stay on top of my birth control and keep them away from dudes. they stay trying to lock you down. its the next best thing to marriage.

and baby mama drama aint no different.

Baby mamas dont shoot, baby daddies do.

click to expand

baby mamas dont shoot? HA! the ones in florida do! and they stab, break windows, show up at your job...

baby mamas are more mental with their BS. baby daddies are all about action!