Game playing

So I decided this year that I was going to be honest and open in all my relationships as I have had enough of people playing games and manipulating, and I have found that it was all a waste of time!Is no one happy if they are not playing some kind of game? Does everybody only just want the chase? is it only me who wants a drama free relationships?

I really feel like i'm alone in this. Is this just the way that relationships are now, with no-one ever tellng eachother how they really feel? When a guy asks me if i'm mad do I have to say the stereotypical "im fine" whilst storming out the room.

Maybe I should spend the whole of next year bullshitting my way through relationships and playing hard to get and making people jealous, maybe then eveything will be messed up just they way it should be! haha. Suppose i'm not really looking for answers just venting a bit.

I agree. The game playing or game of battle for seduction can be a big thrill in the beginning but eventually it gets old & played out.

These are the mindgames I'm done with:
1. If I'm not really "fine," I won't say I am unless we're around other people, children, family members, and/or an environment where it wouldn't be healthy OR appropriate to start an argument or discuss my negative feelings towards someone.

2. If I want to call or talk to you, I will. None of that "Wait 3 days" rule(s) stuff. I just have to hope that you won't take my efforts of communication with you as clinginess or me being demanding in any way.

3. The silent treatment is a form of abuse. There's NO gain in it, regardless of whose giving & whose receiving. It's a tool used for manipulation & often creates a lose/lose scenario. The best way to show your partner that you're NOT willing to effectively communicate with them is to use this treatment.

4. Using sex as a means to get what I want, get my point across or control a situation. If I'm horny, I want you now! If you piss me off, let's talk about it with our mouths & minds, not handle the situation by refusing to give up the goods. Sex shouldn't be the method for which we gain respect/attention in the beginning of dating/relationships so it def. shouldn't be a tool of attraction or manipulation once IN the relationship.

5. I want you to want me b/c you want me, not b/c I had to make you jealous or guilt you into wanting me. If I have to canoodle someone else just to get your attention, that speaks volumes! Doing so is just insensitive & manipulative. My partner should want me the most when I'm giving THEM my undivided attention, not 3 other guys just to test to see if you really like/want me.

6. Playing hard to get is for the birds. If you want me, tell me AND do what you've gotta do to get & keep my attention. If you ignore me purposely just to see if I'll chase you I'll take your antics to mean that you're not that into me. And if that's NOT the message you wanted to send me, make sure your actions match up with your words buddy!

in my opinion, games just take up a lot of time to really truly understand each other

You're not alone, librasun. I never was a game player...people always know where I stand, what I want and how I feel. Unfortunately, I got mixed up with an Olympic game player and I noticed that Ive become calculating. That when I knew enough is enough. I will change for no one.

@Libra Sun,

No, you are not alone. I never understood why people feel the need to play games with one another. All it leads to is confusion, misperceptions, and resentments....not only towards the other person, but towards ourselves as well.

@K7

You are my new hero! lol I swear. I read your "Carrie Bradshaw" column in the relationships board and its very refreshing to find another person (even if it is via internet) to relate to. I am with you on what you have posted above...especially # 3. Its not hard to open your mouth and say whatever it is that needs to be said.....I usually only go silent if I find myself constantly repeating myself. It gets old and tiring trying to explain what is spelled out for you clearly.

As for #4....can't really relate to the "using sex to get what I want" only because its not a behavior I practice. If we are a couple, and I want you......DAMN IT, I want you NOW ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like being in High School "love" all over again. (In the healthy sense) But if it can't happen at that time.....I'm not going to storm off and refuse to give it up later simply because you didn't give it up when I was ready.

#5 This one hit home for me. I spent alot of time this year comforting friends and trying not to get pulled into anothers relationship because of the reason said above. Maybe I missed the train, but since when is a HEALTHY relationship based on materilistic value? HEALTHY relationships should be built on trust, respect, and FRIENDSHIP. If you can't offer or are not willing to offer that.....then keep walking because there are PLENT of others out there who can and WILL.

Posted by QLIbraMale
fun games are excellent romantic stimulations. deception games aren't fun just hurtful.

Very true. BUT there's only 1 problem. There's a very THIN line b/w game playing & deception. The 2 are usually interchangeable. And especially if 1 decides to use certain "game playing" techniques in every situation, romance or relationship. Most people don't just play games with 1 person. Once someone masters the art of game playing, they continue to use the same techniques with others. People get carried away & even end up believing that their game playing is in someway benefiting them or the situation. SMH

@Arch: Thanx love! I appreciate the love! It's nice to know that somebody else relates. I swear I see the same ole things going on all the time all around me & it seems that most people just don't "get it." Guess "common sense," isn't so common lol

Good question! I don't think people psychologically take it in when they say, "Karma is a b!" They let it go in 1 ear & out the next OR they figure they'll be able to "handle it" once it comes back around. Foolish creatures!

Posted by wineaux
games are for milton bradley!

LOL...that reminds me of something I once said to the guy I feel may be playing me. I sent him a text that said, "You play more games than the Parker Brothers!"

Posted by krysrenee7

Posted by QLIbraMale
fun games are excellent romantic stimulations. deception games aren't fun just hurtful.

Very true. BUT there's only 1 problem. There's a very THIN line b/w game playing & deception. The 2 are usually interchangeable. And especially if 1 decides to use certain "game playing" techniques in every situation, romance or relationship. Most people don't just play games with 1 person. Once someone masters the art of game playing, they continue to use the same techniques with others. People get carried away & even end up believing that their game playing is in someway benefiting them or the situation. SMH

click to expand

OMG that is So true.

Example..I go to dinner at a male friends house(with my s/o)and another couple show up unexpectedly to pick something up. But while her husband is in another room, friend flirts with girl. SAME thing he does with me when my s/o is out of the room. I caught on to his games way back but to see it with my own eyes was priceless! And he has a g/f.(same girl goes back to him repeatedly) The difference with me though is I called him out on it recently, in a sense played my own game with him and then watched him run>>> His game didn't work with me, he was caught, and he knew it! i don't do deception or lying. BE REAL! or get lost.

If someone is being real, honest, respect, and truly likes/cares about you..they will not play games with you! The men I have had serious relationships with never did that.

Well since im not the only one who thiks this way then there is still hope for me to find a non game playing guy! lol. Great list there Krys, def agree with all of it.

Posted by Shadows

Posted by wineaux
games are for milton bradley!

LOL...that reminds me of something I once said to the guy I feel may be playing me. I sent him a text that said, "You play more games than the Parker Brothers!"

click to expand

I so gotta remember that one! LOL what was his response?

Nothing but defense...continued saying he doesn't play games. Yeah, ok.

Agree 100% . krys you took the words outta my mouth. My family totally doesn't get why i hate playing games (always telling me to do so) but omg I hate it. Refreshing to find people who agree with me.

Ditto to all of that! I made a decision last year to not play games. Yes, I admit that I do play the kind of fun seductive games but none that would cause any turbulence or harm IMO. I am sure I slip up here and there but I try not to.
I decided to be myself, be real, no facades! That way, especially for romantic relationships, the man knows what he is getting into with me and who I really am. If someone doesn't like it then I just know he isn't the one I want to be in a relationship with. Why do we always try and change ourselves to fit the mold for what a certain man wants when it isn't who we really are? I know I have done it in the past too. It's like in "Runaway Bride" with Julia Roberts and she is eating eggs the same way as each of the men she was with and she is doing things they like and acting like she likes it. I think being truthful is just soooo much easier and just takes the pressure off. If you start with a facade then you have to keep up with it and that is so tedious and unnecessary.
I am me and I am proud of who I am! I share it with everyone and if some don't like it, then some don't like it. No biggie. I call/text when I feel like it and I don't try and wait a certain number of days or whatever. I speak my mind just like I would with a friend even if my opinion differs from theirs and I think that actually adds a bit of spice to the relationship instead of it becoming boring and stale b/c there is no individuality!
🙂

Well, I think most women have the wrong perception of "games" when it comes to men. Why are guys so into sports? Men are competitive and always want to be viewed as the best. Game to men is not what women think.

A guy messing with my head/heart is not competitive. A guy can be as competitive as he wants aslong as he is not messing with my emotions. They are the games people are talking about. Upping his "game" to get a girl to notice him is no the issue here. We are talking about the things stated very well in the list that Krys wrote.

I'm not talking to Krys's list. I'm addressing your initial post, LS.

You may not like the game, but men will play it. I may not be defining the word "game" and "play" correctly. They are not negative. They are very enlightening if you broaden your view. If you want to play and have a MAN in your life, don't continue to expose your "hand" to him as in a game. He will beat you every time. Men understand games and like to figure out strategies to win. Aren't you worth winning?

No I do not want to be won I am not a prize. I want upfront honesty and nothing else. Games just confuse me and I would rather be alone then unhappy. All the "Games" men (and women) play are easily noticeable and are an instant turn off to me. I have not met a guy who has actually been good at playing the games they play, have all been very transparent.

They can be the greatest game player in the world but you can not beat someone who isnt playing with you 🙂

Shadows, did you really think he would admit it? It would stop you from thinking...

Posted by libra sun
No I do not want to be won I am not a prize.

Huh?

This is a problem...

Its only a problem to a game player who wants to "win" me. Which is the type of guy I do not want anyway so it is not a problem to me.

You don't get it, LS.

Your right I do not get it. I have had relationships with great guys who do not play games, so why should I now settle for game playing, makes no sense?! If you enjoy that kind of thing fine, good for you, but it is not for me.

Posted by libra sun
Your right I do not get it. I have had relationships with great guys who do not play games, so why should I now settle for game playing, makes no sense?! If you enjoy that kind of thing fine, good for you, but it is not for me.

Is any one of them still available?

What does it matter if any of them are still available? They are ex's for a reason.

Posted by libra sun
What does it matter if any of them are still available? They are ex's for a reason.

Because you said the relationships were great and the guys didn't play games.

Yes they were great and didnt play games. My ex fiance is my best friend now and the others I dont really see much but are still good friends. Just bcause someone doesnt play games doesnt mean you are compatible in a relationship. We split up obviously because it didnt work, but not becasue anyone was playing games. I like to only keep up front honest people in my life and remove anyone who is giving off negative energy, not having them bring me down to their level!