Is it ever ok?

Under ANY circumstances, is it ever OK to talk to your partner's ex?

Some recommend NEVER talking to that person's ex b/c you can never be true that what they're saying is actually true, while others think getting the "scoop" from their ex might give you better insight into who YOU've really hooked up with (can't reject that opportunity, right? lol)

Under what circumstances do you think it's ok/worth it to talk to your partner's ex?
Before the relationship?
After the breakup?
If he/she becomes an issue before/during the relationship?
If the ex (he or she) finds a way to call you personally?
If rumor gets around that the "ex" has some "juicy stories" about him/her?
If the ex keeps calling your partner trying to get them back?
WHAT?!

I agree. If I felt for 1 minute that my man was not over his ex, I wouldn't want to talk to her--hell that wouldn't make him UNlove his ex; it'd just make it worse since I'd be feeding into their little "unfinished business" when the goal is the OPPOSITE. BUT, if I got the sense that his ex was still on him and/or trying to sabotage his new relationship with me (while he WAS over her), I'd still kind of hesitate to talk to her. I'd hope that he had the balls to handle/tame her. I shouldn't have to tame a complete stranger when my own man, whose been with her before knows how to do so. I'd want to stay out of it; talking to the ex should be the LAST resort, not the 1st!

If my man & his ex had kids together, that'd be different. I still wouldn't necessarily have anything to say to his ex; no hard feelings, BUT I'm not the kind of person that feels the need to "rub it in" that my man is MINE! That only causes drama, creates tension & is NOT healthy for a new relationship.

When I was with my 1st love, his ex somehow found my number & kept calling me. At 1st, I didn't answer b/c I was afraid of what she'd tell me. I knew that once I heard her out, there'd be no turning back & I really didn't want to deal with it. BUT, I eventually gave in & talked to her. As you can imagine, I regretted that decision. She tried her hardest to paint this ugly picture of my man, telling me all about his skeletons & how bad he hurt her.

Of course, my 1st instinct was to take her word for it, run like hell & never look back. BUT, then I thought like, wait a minute...how do I know that what's she's saying is true? I mean let's be real, she could care less about me, some stranger, getting hurt by some guy she's supposed to be over! I went back & forth about it too, wondering what she'd have to gain by contacting me: Was she telling me those things b/c they were lies/exaggerated so that she could spoil/ruin my relationship OR was she just genuienly trying to warn me? I absolutely HATED going back & forth with that question in my mind day after day!

Of course I'd be glad to learn any TRUE FACTS about the person I'm dating, especially if they're negative and/or things I really need to know. I think that's why they say "Keep your friends close, & your enemies CLOSER." Sometimes it's the LAST person you expected that can save your life! And even though ex's often have NO credibility, some of the things they say are actually true.

Then I remember the times when I sincerely want to warn another female about a man; I know that every time I have something bad to say about my ex, NO it's not b/c I still want him or even that I wish I had him back. HA! Sometimes I really do hate seeing bad people get away with murder; I hate knowing that their new fling doesn't know the truth. And the only reason I assume they don't know the truth is b/c I'd give even a complete stranger credit, assuming they wouldn't even be with that person had they known the REAL truth.

And since alot of people are so dead-set on this whole mindset that "the past is the past" sometimes it IS necessary to speak with others who have dealt with your partner before. I agree that the "past is the past" & that somethings can change, BUT I STILL want to know the past dammit!

Problem is, who you allow to tell you about your partner's past! Do you confront your partner with the allegations & wait on them to set every single record straight OR do you let it go, never mention it & just hope that if what their ex said was true, that the truth will come to the light eventually? That's a pretty hard decision. I mean your heart, time, & energy are only on the line! Sheesh!

I'd talk to an ex if I had to.

I've spent time with current boyfriends and exboyfriends (with their new girlfriends) for fun.

Hm...now that I've 'said' it out loud it sounds kinda weird.

I agree. Plus, there's almost ALWAYS some secret tension b/w the new partner & the ex anyways. Either the ex has been lied to/brainwashed about the new girlfriend/boyfriend OR the new partner has been told some bad things about the ex. Both people always come into a conversation being ready to NOT give the other person credibility simply b/c they are the ex (or in some cases, the new partner).

I'm always a little leary of men/women who immediately start putting their ex down after they get into a new relationship. It's def. possible that someone's ex could really be coniving, a liar & horribly scandalous, BUT 9 times out of 10, those "truths" are often exaggerated & are spoken only to keep the new girlfriend & ex away from eachother

Well, I also think if you're still feeling contempt for an ex you're not over them yet. Thats how I've always felt anyway. If I've seriously parted from someone emotionally in a healthy way, I'd never want to disrespect the relationship we had or the memories we shared. I'd wish them the very best.

If I do have any left over resentment hanging around...its usually more about being mad at myself for putting up with something I shouldn't have.

it depends i guess. gemini used to date a sagittarius girl and i love this girl like my sister. her and i became instant best friends when she started dating one of his close friends (she's now married to the guy and they have a baby on the way). gemini didn't tell me they used to be an item right off the bat, but i don't think he wanted to appear as if he were hiding it. he told me that they were not very serious and that they never effed but it wouldn't have mattered to me even if they did. she has never brought up the subject (likely because she doesn't see anything as an issue) and ive never felt like she was trying to make unnecessary information known just for the sake of stirring the pot or tried to get territorial.


i don't know if this counts as "talking" to an ex though.

An old relationship is NEVER completely over unless BOTH people (not just the 1 who found someone else) are content with the breakup AND with the other person moving on. It's no better if my man is over his ex if his ex isn't over him. BOTH people have to be over eachother & want/wish happiness for the other person.

The only people who find it tough to wish the other person happiness in their new relationship are those who are NOT yet over their ex. That doesn't mean they want the other person back. BUT you'll know you're completely over your ex when you're just as happy at the thought of them being with someone else OTHER THAN YOU. Most people secretely can't handle that thought

wow ... you know, there is nothing wrong having a relationship with your partners ex.

Just because you have a friend in the partners ex, doesn't mean you have to be twisting communication to mean anything other than what it is ... friends talking.

And so what ... what they say about your partner .. they are the ex, what do you think they are going to say? They broke the fuck up. Of course, their experience isn't going to lovely.


But, that doens't mean you are suppose to be a vulture.



::: shakes head :::

Posted by Shadows
I've spent time with current boyfriends and exboyfriends (with their new girlfriends) for fun.

Hm...now that I've 'said' it out loud it sounds kinda weird.

me too... and it didnt end well both times. the ex's ended up contacting me behind their partner's back. sooo it's not a good idea, like LIBRA said only if they have STD's hahah!

I never had any problems actually. We all got along fine.

Posted by ellessque

Posted by krysrenee7
BOTH people have to be over each other & want/wish happiness for the other person.

you do realize that in some cases this is NEVER going to happen, right?

click to expand

lol I know. Sad but true. Most people can't admit it but they selfishly/secretely only want their ex's to be happy only with them. People are always talking a big game while wishing their ex's the best of luck in the future, BUT the tables turn the minute an ex actually takes you up on that offer!

The min. an ex finds a new girlfriend/boyfriend, the old partner is either 1. Ready to compare 2. Find out all the scoop on their ex's new relationship (they want more of the bads then the goods) 3. Hate on and/or talk trash about the new partner or the ex AND/OR 4. When they see their ex catering to another person, it reminds them of what they used to have, thus the reminiscing sometimes makes them want their ex's back! And in some cases, some people conveinantly only want their ex's back once they've moved on to someone else. Smh