Long distance opinion

Okay I am “seeing” someone long distance. I have been the only one To travel to see him. He is scared to fly and I’m understanding of that so I don’t mind doing the traveling. But my family and close friends are growing bitter (haven’t met him either ac
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  • Okay I am “seeing” someone long distance. I have been the only one To travel to see him.
    He is scared to fly and I’m understanding of that so I don’t mind doing the traveling. But my family and close friends are growing bitter (haven’t met him either accept for the friend who introduced us a couple years ago) because they feel I should not be the only one doing the work. They think he should find a way to visit me.

    Am I being too understanding or are they being too judgmental?
    What are your opinions on this?
    Don’t get me wrong I’d be beyond happy if he came to visit me but If he is uncomfortable flying then it is what it is. I am not going to hold I against him.

    He has been the one to initiate visits lately and he said he wants to pay for me to fly down soon.
    It’s about a 21 hour drive so I wouldn’t expect that.

  • Posted by clownloyal
    you should also obtain the fear of flying

    how about taking a bus? honestly, if he starts paying for the trips I see nothing wrong w/ you being the one to go down there cuz he is meeting you half way by paying and such


    Yeah he hasn’t paid yet but offered this time. We will see.
    If he contributes I don’t see a issue either, he also drives a couple hours to pick me up at the airport. I mentioned something such as taking a train to him he seemed uninterested.
  • Posted by UnicornSag
    wait, so there is a bus/train option beside plane and he doesn't accept that either? That would be a warning sign to me. Personally I wouldn't listen much to what others think but if there is land option for him to reach you I'd definitely get suspicious if he doesn't express desire to do so. I drove 32h in a bus and here I am still alive and perfectly fine, so if he can't take plane should be willing to do bus at least. Did you ask him about that option?


    Have not mentioned bus but not much different from train is it? Still an alternative. He’s a very cautious person and doesn’t take many risks. I know he cares but idk maybe the cancer with Virgo moon nature being too cautious
  • Arielle83
    Good c.u.n.t.
    So I guess you'll be travelling alone the duration of your relationship?

    Hope you're independent.
  • Posted by nano
    It really doesn't matter what we say, as long as it's working between you and him. You should also think about how important your family is to you, and how he is effecting his own reputation with them.

    In my own opinion, I think that's something that he needs to overcome if he is going to be in a LDR... what is more important to him - allowing his fear to hold him back or you? I don't think it's wrong of your family to be concerned either. I think it's quite ridiculous to engage in LDR but be too scared to travel, lol.


    I am thinking with more time he will get there he makes moves... slowly but It takes time with him. But there seems to be a lack of willingness to try. But like I said I accept it and he is offering to pay for my travel so there is some compensation. But in long term aspect, id like him to meet my family and friends. And see me in my own environment: I am beyond understanding, sometimes I put my own needs and wants aside. But part of me also (Leo sun venus and merc) I will do almost anything for my loved one but if I feel I am getting way less than I put out I subconsciously want to back up, I need reciprocity. But my lib Moon also makes me back up to create more of a balance when i see my side of the scale weighing down.
  • Posted by UnicornSag
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by UnicornSag
    wait, so there is a bus/train option beside plane and he doesn't accept that either? That would be a warning sign to me. Personally I wouldn't listen much to what others think but if there is land option for him to reach you I'd definitely get suspicious if he doesn't express desire to do so. I drove 32h in a bus and here I am still alive and perfectly fine, so if he can't take plane should be willing to do bus at least. Did you ask him about that option?


    Have not mentioned bus but not much different from train is it? Still an alternative. He’s a very cautious person and doesn’t take many risks. I know he cares but idk maybe the cancer with Virgo moon nature being too cautious

    yeah, train even better and safer option. It's just laziness of a Cancer I guess then lol but sure why not suggest him those options and see what he says, simply tell him you'd love for him to see your surrounding as well and to know how and where you live too...can't hurt I guess
    click to expand


    I feel in time he will he’s a slow mover lol
  • MyStarsShine
    Venus ruled, Star gazing Scorpio with Moon in Taurus
    Could he travel to you by sleeper train ?
  • Posted by Arielle83
    So I guess you'll be travelling alone the duration of your relationship?

    Hope you're independent.


    Yes I have been traveling alone. And I am very independent actually. First plane trip and first long road trip were all on my own. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand unlike him lol
  • Posted by UnicornSag
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by UnicornSag
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by UnicornSag
    wait, so there is a bus/train option beside plane and he doesn't accept that either? That would be a warning sign to me. Personally I wouldn't listen much to what others think but if there is land option for him to reach you I'd definitely get suspicious if he doesn't express desire to do so. I drove 32h in a bus and here I am still alive and perfectly fine, so if he can't take plane should be willing to do bus at least. Did you ask him about that option?



    Have not mentioned bus but not much different from train is it? Still an alternative. He’s a very cautious person and doesn’t take many risks. I know he cares but idk maybe the cancer with Virgo moon nature being too cautious

    yeah, train even better and safer option. It's just laziness of a Cancer I guess then lol but sure why not suggest him those options and see what he says, simply tell him you'd love for him to see your surrounding as well and to know how and where you live too...can't hurt I guess


    I feel in time he will he’s a slow mover lol

    that could be it as well...well like I said, you know him better than people around you so make your own decision is he worth it or not, don't let anyone cloud your judgement is all I can say smile but also fair from him to offer to cover expenses so he sounds ok to me at least
    click to expand


    Thanks for your input. Like I said I’m fine with it, I knew how he was when we got into this predicament. You are right I think people are getting to my head, I just don’t want the people close to me to get a bad image of him. My brother is very judgmental and thinks he is not a good guy because he won’t come see me. But it’s definitely more complicated than that you know?
  • Posted by MyStarsShine
    Could he travel to you by sleeper train ?


    I believe so
  • Posted by nano
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by nano
    It really doesn't matter what we say, as long as it's working between you and him. You should also think about how important your family is to you, and how he is effecting his own reputation with them.

    In my own opinion, I think that's something that he needs to overcome if he is going to be in a LDR... what is more important to him - allowing his fear to hold him back or you? I don't think it's wrong of your family to be concerned either. I think it's quite ridiculous to engage in LDR but be too scared to travel, lol.


    I am thinking with more time he will get there he makes moves... slowly but It takes time with him. But there seems to be a lack of willingness to try. But like I said I accept it and he is offering to pay for my travel so there is some compensation. But in long term aspect, id like him to meet my family and friends. And see me in my own environment: I am beyond understanding, sometimes I put my own needs and wants aside. But part of me also (Leo sun venus and merc) I will do almost anything for my loved one but if I feel I am getting way less than I put out I subconsciously want to back up, I need reciprocity. But my lib Moon also makes me back up to create more of a balance when i see my side of the scale weighing down.


    Well I think that if he is offering to pay for it, it does prove that he is invested and serious on some level. I don't think that what you want is at all unfair. It sounds like it might be time to have a serious talk with him - but surely he doesn't plan to never meet your family or go to you? That would be insane lol.
    click to expand


    Right lol like I said I’m going to give it some time he is the type where if you don’t pressure him he will eventually make moves. Hoping he gets there one day
  • Arielle83
    Good c.u.n.t.
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Arielle83
    So I guess you'll be travelling alone the duration of your relationship?

    Hope you're independent.


    Yes I have been traveling alone. And I am very independent actually. First plane trip and first long road trip were all on my own. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand unlike him lol
    click to expand


    Speaking from experience, if you choose to commit fully, and long term, there will be times where you want to take trips overseas, and you will resent him if he opts out, and he most likely will.

    You most likely will resent the fact that you are doing all the heavy lifting, and you may feel that if he wanted you enough, he should of conquered his fears to keep you in his life.
  • Posted by Arielle83
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Arielle83
    So I guess you'll be travelling alone the duration of your relationship?

    Hope you're independent.


    Yes I have been traveling alone. And I am very independent actually. First plane trip and first long road trip were all on my own. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand unlike him lol


    Speaking from experience, if you choose to commit fully, and long term, there will be times where you want to take trips overseas, and you will resent him if he opts out, and he most likely will.

    You most likely will resent the fact that you are doing all the heavy lifting, and you may feel that if he wanted you enough, he should of conquered his fears to keep you in his life.
    click to expand


    That is my fear in the long term, right now I’m done but eventually I will get sort of fed up I imagine
  • Arielle83
    Good c.u.n.t.
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Arielle83
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Arielle83
    So I guess you'll be travelling alone the duration of your relationship?

    Hope you're independent.


    Yes I have been traveling alone. And I am very independent actually. First plane trip and first long road trip were all on my own. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand unlike him lol


    Speaking from experience, if you choose to commit fully, and long term, there will be times where you want to take trips overseas, and you will resent him if he opts out, and he most likely will.

    You most likely will resent the fact that you are doing all the heavy lifting, and you may feel that if he wanted you enough, he should of conquered his fears to keep you in his life.


    That is my fear in the long term, right now I’m done but eventually I will get sort of fed up I imagine
    click to expand


    One of the reasons why I left my husband was because all the promises of travel never happened and he never made an effort to travel overseas to meet my parents.

    His mom didn't want him to leave her.

    I did it all alone or with friends.

    If you're independent and love to travel, you need someone that matches that.

    I resent him and his controlling mother.
  • Posted by Arielle83
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Arielle83
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Arielle83
    So I guess you'll be travelling alone the duration of your relationship?

    Hope you're independent.


    Yes I have been traveling alone. And I am very independent actually. First plane trip and first long road trip were all on my own. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand unlike him lol


    Speaking from experience, if you choose to commit fully, and long term, there will be times where you want to take trips overseas, and you will resent him if he opts out, and he most likely will.

    You most likely will resent the fact that you are doing all the heavy lifting, and you may feel that if he wanted you enough, he should of conquered his fears to keep you in his life.


    That is my fear in the long term, right now I’m done but eventually I will get sort of fed up I imagine


    One of the reasons why I left my husband was because all the promises of travel never happened and he never made an effort to travel overseas to meet my parents.

    His mom didn't want him to leave her.

    I did it all alone or with friends.

    If you're independent and love to travel, you need someone that matches that.

    I resent him and his controlling mother.
    click to expand


    I don’t necessarily think I’d ever really travel over seas. I am very independent and he is very dependent though
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