Long distance opinion

Okay I am “seeing” someone long distance. I have been the only one To travel to see him. He is scared to fly and I’m understanding of that so I don’t mind doing the traveling. But my family and close friends are growing bitter (haven’t met him either ac
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  • Posted by Leowwwww
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Leowwwww
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Leowwwww
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Leowwwww
    Posted by oneday
    Okay I am “seeing” someone long distance. I have been the only one To travel to see him.
    He is scared to fly and I’m understanding of that so I don’t mind doing the traveling. But my family and close friends are growing bitter (haven’t met him either accept for the friend who introduced us a couple years ago) because they feel I should not be the only one doing the work. They think he should find a way to visit me.

    Am I being too understanding or are they being too judgmental?
    What are your opinions on this?
    Don’t get me wrong I’d be beyond happy if he came to visit me but If he is uncomfortable flying then it is what it is. I am not going to hold I against him.

    He has been the one to initiate visits lately and he said he wants to pay for me to fly down soon.
    It’s about a 21 hour drive so I wouldn’t expect that.



    What do you think?
    Do you mind at all?

    Your family is looking out for you and that's nice but what matters is how you feel about the situation...

    Plus he's splitting the costs I'm assuming ..since he did offer to fly you out ...so it's not like he's taking advantage of you in that way..?

    My concern would be ..long term..if you start really really liking this guy ( and your family knowing his existence is a sign you might already...)


    I’m okay with it. I don’t mind traveling but eventually I’d like him to come meet my family and friends.


    Well have you told him about it?

    I'm scared of flying but I did it for an ex boyfriend of mine, he was temporarily living in Europe for work and it wasn't possible for him to fly to me at the time ( work) so I did...I was terrified 0.0 ..especially flying by myself...no one to squeeze my hand...butI mean otherwise it would have meant 2 months of not seeing each other.

    If he really can't fly to you...

    21 hr drive is a lot ....but I mean he could pull it off smile it's for a good cause --- > meeting your family.



    Aww I guess you are right! How sweet of you flying over there for him. Are you guys still together?


    No.Laughing

    No regrets ..I sort of confronted my fear because of it ..I'm still terrified ..don't get me wrong but I know I can do it now Tongue


    Good for you, always good to go outside your comfort zone and experience things!


    True! smile I try.

    Hopefully you're able to reach an understanding and he gets to meet your family/friends!
    Talking about it would help, saying how you feel - helps! smile

    If he cares about you and he knows how important this is for you, he might be able to confront his fear or make that long drive!
    click to expand


    Thank you you’re a sweetheart lol. I have tried I’ll give it some time and see where I can go with it! Thanks again for the input
  • Posted by Leowwwww
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Leowwwww
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Leowwwww
    Posted by oneday
    Okay I am “seeing” someone long distance. I have been the only one To travel to see him.
    He is scared to fly and I’m understanding of that so I don’t mind doing the traveling. But my family and close friends are growing bitter (haven’t met him either accept for the friend who introduced us a couple years ago) because they feel I should not be the only one doing the work. They think he should find a way to visit me.

    Am I being too understanding or are they being too judgmental?
    What are your opinions on this?
    Don’t get me wrong I’d be beyond happy if he came to visit me but If he is uncomfortable flying then it is what it is. I am not going to hold I against him.

    He has been the one to initiate visits lately and he said he wants to pay for me to fly down soon.
    It’s about a 21 hour drive so I wouldn’t expect that.



    What do you think?
    Do you mind at all?

    Your family is looking out for you and that's nice but what matters is how you feel about the situation...

    Plus he's splitting the costs I'm assuming ..since he did offer to fly you out ...so it's not like he's taking advantage of you in that way..?

    My concern would be ..long term..if you start really really liking this guy ( and your family knowing his existence is a sign you might already...)


    I’m okay with it. I don’t mind traveling but eventually I’d like him to come meet my family and friends.


    Well have you told him about it?

    I'm scared of flying but I did it for an ex boyfriend of mine, he was temporarily living in Europe for work and it wasn't possible for him to fly to me at the time ( work) so I did...I was terrified 0.0 ..especially flying by myself...no one to squeeze my hand...butI mean otherwise it would have meant 2 months of not seeing each other.

    If he really can't fly to you...

    21 hr drive is a lot ....but I mean he could pull it off smile it's for a good cause --- > meeting your family.



    Aww I guess you are right! How sweet of you flying over there for him. Are you guys still together?


    No.Laughing

    No regrets ..I sort of confronted my fear because of it ..I'm still terrified ..don't get me wrong but I know I can do it now Tongue
    click to expand


    Good for you, always good to go outside your comfort zone and experience things!
  • Posted by Leowwwww
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Leowwwww
    Posted by oneday
    Okay I am “seeing” someone long distance. I have been the only one To travel to see him.
    He is scared to fly and I’m understanding of that so I don’t mind doing the traveling. But my family and close friends are growing bitter (haven’t met him either accept for the friend who introduced us a couple years ago) because they feel I should not be the only one doing the work. They think he should find a way to visit me.

    Am I being too understanding or are they being too judgmental?
    What are your opinions on this?
    Don’t get me wrong I’d be beyond happy if he came to visit me but If he is uncomfortable flying then it is what it is. I am not going to hold I against him.

    He has been the one to initiate visits lately and he said he wants to pay for me to fly down soon.
    It’s about a 21 hour drive so I wouldn’t expect that.



    What do you think?
    Do you mind at all?

    Your family is looking out for you and that's nice but what matters is how you feel about the situation...

    Plus he's splitting the costs I'm assuming ..since he did offer to fly you out ...so it's not like he's taking advantage of you in that way..?

    My concern would be ..long term..if you start really really liking this guy ( and your family knowing his existence is a sign you might already...)


    I’m okay with it. I don’t mind traveling but eventually I’d like him to come meet my family and friends.


    Well have you told him about it?

    I'm scared of flying but I did it for an ex boyfriend of mine, he was temporarily living in Europe for work and it wasn't possible for him to fly to me at the time ( work) so I did...I was terrified 0.0 ..especially flying by myself...no one to squeeze my hand...butI mean otherwise it would have meant 2 months of not seeing each other.

    If he really can't fly to you...

    21 hr drive is a lot ....but I mean he could pull it off smile it's for a good cause --- > meeting your family.

    click to expand


    Aww I guess you are right! How sweet of you flying over there for him. Are you guys still together?
  • Posted by Leowwwww
    Posted by oneday
    Okay I am “seeing” someone long distance. I have been the only one To travel to see him.
    He is scared to fly and I’m understanding of that so I don’t mind doing the traveling. But my family and close friends are growing bitter (haven’t met him either accept for the friend who introduced us a couple years ago) because they feel I should not be the only one doing the work. They think he should find a way to visit me.

    Am I being too understanding or are they being too judgmental?
    What are your opinions on this?
    Don’t get me wrong I’d be beyond happy if he came to visit me but If he is uncomfortable flying then it is what it is. I am not going to hold I against him.

    He has been the one to initiate visits lately and he said he wants to pay for me to fly down soon.
    It’s about a 21 hour drive so I wouldn’t expect that.



    What do you think?
    Do you mind at all?

    Your family is looking out for you and that's nice but what matters is how you feel about the situation...

    Plus he's splitting the costs I'm assuming ..since he did offer to fly you out ...so it's not like he's taking advantage of you in that way..?

    My concern would be ..long term..if you start really really liking this guy ( and your family knowing his existence is a sign you might already...)
    click to expand


    I’m okay with it. I don’t mind traveling but eventually I’d like him to come meet my family and friends. I’d love it to be honest but how can I judge or hold something against someone that they are uncomfortable with and scared of. It happens. And yes my family knows a lot about him and I met a lot of his family and friends
  • Posted by Arielle83
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Arielle83
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Arielle83
    So I guess you'll be travelling alone the duration of your relationship?

    Hope you're independent.


    Yes I have been traveling alone. And I am very independent actually. First plane trip and first long road trip were all on my own. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand unlike him lol


    Speaking from experience, if you choose to commit fully, and long term, there will be times where you want to take trips overseas, and you will resent him if he opts out, and he most likely will.

    You most likely will resent the fact that you are doing all the heavy lifting, and you may feel that if he wanted you enough, he should of conquered his fears to keep you in his life.


    That is my fear in the long term, right now I’m done but eventually I will get sort of fed up I imagine


    One of the reasons why I left my husband was because all the promises of travel never happened and he never made an effort to travel overseas to meet my parents.

    His mom didn't want him to leave her.

    I did it all alone or with friends.

    If you're independent and love to travel, you need someone that matches that.

    I resent him and his controlling mother.
    click to expand


    I don’t necessarily think I’d ever really travel over seas. I am very independent and he is very dependent though
  • Arielle83
    Good c.u.n.t.
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Arielle83
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Arielle83
    So I guess you'll be travelling alone the duration of your relationship?

    Hope you're independent.


    Yes I have been traveling alone. And I am very independent actually. First plane trip and first long road trip were all on my own. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand unlike him lol


    Speaking from experience, if you choose to commit fully, and long term, there will be times where you want to take trips overseas, and you will resent him if he opts out, and he most likely will.

    You most likely will resent the fact that you are doing all the heavy lifting, and you may feel that if he wanted you enough, he should of conquered his fears to keep you in his life.


    That is my fear in the long term, right now I’m done but eventually I will get sort of fed up I imagine
    click to expand


    One of the reasons why I left my husband was because all the promises of travel never happened and he never made an effort to travel overseas to meet my parents.

    His mom didn't want him to leave her.

    I did it all alone or with friends.

    If you're independent and love to travel, you need someone that matches that.

    I resent him and his controlling mother.
  • Posted by Arielle83
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Arielle83
    So I guess you'll be travelling alone the duration of your relationship?

    Hope you're independent.


    Yes I have been traveling alone. And I am very independent actually. First plane trip and first long road trip were all on my own. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand unlike him lol


    Speaking from experience, if you choose to commit fully, and long term, there will be times where you want to take trips overseas, and you will resent him if he opts out, and he most likely will.

    You most likely will resent the fact that you are doing all the heavy lifting, and you may feel that if he wanted you enough, he should of conquered his fears to keep you in his life.
    click to expand


    That is my fear in the long term, right now I’m done but eventually I will get sort of fed up I imagine
  • Arielle83
    Good c.u.n.t.
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by Arielle83
    So I guess you'll be travelling alone the duration of your relationship?

    Hope you're independent.


    Yes I have been traveling alone. And I am very independent actually. First plane trip and first long road trip were all on my own. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand unlike him lol
    click to expand


    Speaking from experience, if you choose to commit fully, and long term, there will be times where you want to take trips overseas, and you will resent him if he opts out, and he most likely will.

    You most likely will resent the fact that you are doing all the heavy lifting, and you may feel that if he wanted you enough, he should of conquered his fears to keep you in his life.
  • Posted by nano
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by nano
    It really doesn't matter what we say, as long as it's working between you and him. You should also think about how important your family is to you, and how he is effecting his own reputation with them.

    In my own opinion, I think that's something that he needs to overcome if he is going to be in a LDR... what is more important to him - allowing his fear to hold him back or you? I don't think it's wrong of your family to be concerned either. I think it's quite ridiculous to engage in LDR but be too scared to travel, lol.


    I am thinking with more time he will get there he makes moves... slowly but It takes time with him. But there seems to be a lack of willingness to try. But like I said I accept it and he is offering to pay for my travel so there is some compensation. But in long term aspect, id like him to meet my family and friends. And see me in my own environment: I am beyond understanding, sometimes I put my own needs and wants aside. But part of me also (Leo sun venus and merc) I will do almost anything for my loved one but if I feel I am getting way less than I put out I subconsciously want to back up, I need reciprocity. But my lib Moon also makes me back up to create more of a balance when i see my side of the scale weighing down.


    Well I think that if he is offering to pay for it, it does prove that he is invested and serious on some level. I don't think that what you want is at all unfair. It sounds like it might be time to have a serious talk with him - but surely he doesn't plan to never meet your family or go to you? That would be insane lol.
    click to expand


    Right lol like I said I’m going to give it some time he is the type where if you don’t pressure him he will eventually make moves. Hoping he gets there one day
  • Posted by MyStarsShine
    Could he travel to you by sleeper train ?


    I believe so
  • Posted by UnicornSag
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by UnicornSag
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by UnicornSag
    wait, so there is a bus/train option beside plane and he doesn't accept that either? That would be a warning sign to me. Personally I wouldn't listen much to what others think but if there is land option for him to reach you I'd definitely get suspicious if he doesn't express desire to do so. I drove 32h in a bus and here I am still alive and perfectly fine, so if he can't take plane should be willing to do bus at least. Did you ask him about that option?



    Have not mentioned bus but not much different from train is it? Still an alternative. He’s a very cautious person and doesn’t take many risks. I know he cares but idk maybe the cancer with Virgo moon nature being too cautious

    yeah, train even better and safer option. It's just laziness of a Cancer I guess then lol but sure why not suggest him those options and see what he says, simply tell him you'd love for him to see your surrounding as well and to know how and where you live too...can't hurt I guess


    I feel in time he will he’s a slow mover lol

    that could be it as well...well like I said, you know him better than people around you so make your own decision is he worth it or not, don't let anyone cloud your judgement is all I can say smile but also fair from him to offer to cover expenses so he sounds ok to me at least
    click to expand


    Thanks for your input. Like I said I’m fine with it, I knew how he was when we got into this predicament. You are right I think people are getting to my head, I just don’t want the people close to me to get a bad image of him. My brother is very judgmental and thinks he is not a good guy because he won’t come see me. But it’s definitely more complicated than that you know?
  • Posted by Arielle83
    So I guess you'll be travelling alone the duration of your relationship?

    Hope you're independent.


    Yes I have been traveling alone. And I am very independent actually. First plane trip and first long road trip were all on my own. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand unlike him lol
  • MyStarsShine
    Venus ruled, Star gazing Scorpio with Moon in Taurus
    Could he travel to you by sleeper train ?
  • Posted by UnicornSag
    Posted by oneday
    Posted by UnicornSag
    wait, so there is a bus/train option beside plane and he doesn't accept that either? That would be a warning sign to me. Personally I wouldn't listen much to what others think but if there is land option for him to reach you I'd definitely get suspicious if he doesn't express desire to do so. I drove 32h in a bus and here I am still alive and perfectly fine, so if he can't take plane should be willing to do bus at least. Did you ask him about that option?


    Have not mentioned bus but not much different from train is it? Still an alternative. He’s a very cautious person and doesn’t take many risks. I know he cares but idk maybe the cancer with Virgo moon nature being too cautious

    yeah, train even better and safer option. It's just laziness of a Cancer I guess then lol but sure why not suggest him those options and see what he says, simply tell him you'd love for him to see your surrounding as well and to know how and where you live too...can't hurt I guess
    click to expand


    I feel in time he will he’s a slow mover lol
  • Posted by nano
    It really doesn't matter what we say, as long as it's working between you and him. You should also think about how important your family is to you, and how he is effecting his own reputation with them.

    In my own opinion, I think that's something that he needs to overcome if he is going to be in a LDR... what is more important to him - allowing his fear to hold him back or you? I don't think it's wrong of your family to be concerned either. I think it's quite ridiculous to engage in LDR but be too scared to travel, lol.


    I am thinking with more time he will get there he makes moves... slowly but It takes time with him. But there seems to be a lack of willingness to try. But like I said I accept it and he is offering to pay for my travel so there is some compensation. But in long term aspect, id like him to meet my family and friends. And see me in my own environment: I am beyond understanding, sometimes I put my own needs and wants aside. But part of me also (Leo sun venus and merc) I will do almost anything for my loved one but if I feel I am getting way less than I put out I subconsciously want to back up, I need reciprocity. But my lib Moon also makes me back up to create more of a balance when i see my side of the scale weighing down.
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