love and sexuality

here's my question. what does love have to do with sexuality? why can straight men only be in love with women and vice versa? let's say you're a guy and you meet someone online who's gender inconspicuously remained a mystery. this person is really nice and you think you could be falling in love with them. then, they tell you theyre a man. why is it that the cold chill runs down our spine from hearing that? homosexuality is a sexual preference. like the saying goes, you can't control who you fall in love with. who says a straight man can't love another man? do you have to be sexually attracted to someone to love them? i'd hope not. maybe that's what's wrong with the world. i dont think sex should have anything to do with love. but then there's the anomaly of having children. should we have children in relationships? now granted, the balance of men and women caring for a child is, in my opinion, better than just one sex. but the two can also be the worst thing for the child. maybe it depends on the people. maybe love shouldn't have anything to do with raising a child. love between the two parents, i mean. maybe they could just love the child because it's their child. i dont know. perhaps love is something that should altogether be avoided. afterall, they say God's greatest gift is friendship, not love. true enough, friendship is the root, but maybe it should stay a root. maybe love is one of those things that people weren't supposed to let friendship reach the level of. but back to what i was saying? what is it in us that wont allow us to love someone based on their gender? i often hear lesbians say they just dont feel for men, and gay men talk a bunch of crap about women, or throw you off with a gay joke. let's say the lesbians are right. let's say they dont feel for men. but what if they didnt know it was a man? and just so you wont throw this one at me, let's say the man neither lied or told the truth about his gender because he was never asked. obviously if that were the case, she'd just assume him to be some kind of pervert or something. what would happen when they come face to face? would the woman just scoff at him? would the previous thought randomly pop in her head because she felt betrayed? the thought that he was just some pervert. or would she really be able to love him back?

7, who have you been lying to? you should confess before it eats you up. 😛

nah, i know what you're saying. but i've also heard people who say, "i love the person, gender doesn't matter." and i've personally known people who thought they were completely hetero until they met one person that they fell in love with who happened to be the same gender as them. afterward they still didn't classify themselves as homosexual, because it was the person and not the sex that attracted them.

fraid i can't really answer your question...i guess it just comes down to the individual really. some people just can't feel anything beyond friendship for members of their own sex, some people can't feel anything for the opposite sex, and some people don't care either way. as for why that is, i...just dunno.

from my perspective, it's possible to love someone without being sexually attracted to them. however in social psych this is called companionate love. the kind of love that people typically associate with r-ships, romantic love, requires passion. so in my mind, you can definitely love someone you aren't sexually attracted to, it's just not romantic love.

Very Interesting Thread !

who says a straight man can't love another man?

99.9% of Straight Men!

do you have to be sexually attracted to someone to love them?

Not always, but most of us SEE the person before we KNOW the person, and lots of studies have been done on the criticality of those initial physical impressions & assessments that we do when we meet someone for the first time.

7,

Ever see the movie, The Crying Game??

Fergus fell in love with the Idea of Dill as a woman. Once he was struck with the reality (in that famous scene!), he had to change his ideas, but his hetereosexual behavior did not change. He never consumated his love with Dill. Most straight men would respond in a similar fashion - if they continued to be friends with Dill at all. The Good Old Boys I know would probably react violently to the reality, so let's hope this stays theoretical!

@wheelhomies: "and i've personally known people who thought they were completely hetero until they met one person that they fell in love with who happened to be the same gender as them. afterward they still didn't classify themselves as homosexual, because it was the person and not the sex that attracted them."

Are you sure that person wasn't just in the closet about his sexuality. I find it hard to believe that you can be sexually attracted to a person of the same sex without being at least bi. I know, we shouldn't put labels on everything, but truth is, everything comes with a label. The chances of me finding a man that I'm attracted to are very slim since I've never even looked at men in that way. So one person comes along and changes all that ... nah, I don't know. I believe that we are first and foremost in love with a gender (regardless if you're hetero, bi or homosexual) and then an individual out of that group. That makes the most sense biologically speaking.

as i said, i believe it's an individual thing. just because it isn't possible for you, doesn't mean it can't be for someone else. speaking for myself, i would say i am hetero (not bisexual). while i find the female body to be very beautiful, in my experience i just don't react to a woman's touch or kiss the same way i do with a man. no matter how lovely she is, that "spark" just isn't there. but, i wouldn't rule out the possiblity of loving a woman just because i haven't yet. i don't really know how to word it. i just think that when it feels right, it feels right...and it's not really limited by gender for everyone.

to be honest, i generally find most feminine characteristics to be much more "lovable" than masculine ones. when i think about it, the people i know who have begun a relationship with someone of the same sex based on that person, they are women. maybe women feel more free to explore in that way than men.

and, to be honest, i'm not sure just how big a part what makes sense biologically speaking plays in relationships these days. it is fairly obvious that the human race is fine as far as numbers go.