Meeting the Child

I've been dating my boyfriend for going on 4 months now & he wants me to meet his daughter this weekend. She's 11 & I'm.....well I'm scared to death LOL I've never dated a man with children before so this is new for me, I have a 4 yr old daughter myself & he has a toddler whom I've already met, that was no big deal. It's not hard to relate to a toddler but 11 years old....I have no idea how to interact with a child that age.

I don't know about the rules that go along with dating with children, he's the 1st guy I've dated while being a single mom & I waited about a month before introducing him to my daughter. So because I don't know about the rules....it never occurred to me that I wouldn't be welcome to stay at his house over night this weekend which is where I usually stay, because his daughter will be there. I completely understand it's just that I never thought about it.

So anyone have any advice for me about what to do/what not to do & how I should interact with a 11 year old girl? I'm so nervous about this that I told him last night I wasn't ready lol This really hurt his feelings though so I said I'd go along with it........PLEASE HELP....advice?.....encouragement?.....Please! lol

LOL thanks I might need it

"I don't know about the rules that go along with dating with children"


What? Rules?


Just being yourself are the only rules you will ever need in life to have a happy one.

He's still the same man, whether he is childless or has sired 50 .. you're making this more complicated than it has to be because you are letting yourself freak-out, which creates expectations and will put you on guard.

Wouldn't you want him to be himself around your family and not "act" like somebody he is not? Wouldn't you want your family to get to know the real him?

Same for you ^^^^^

Thanks for all the responses 🙂

PA, I'm not asking for advice on how I should "act" around the child, of course I'm going to be myself but I'm not around a lot of children in this age group so my concern is more about how to relate to her. This isn't so much about me as it is about the child & making her feel comfortable. Am I making too big a deal of this? That's possible but I care about my boyfriend & that means that I'm hoping for a good relationship with his child.

There are rules to dating when their are children involved, because it's not just about the adult couple, there are children involved so making decisions that are in the best interest of the children become the #1 priority as opposed to dating without children in which the only thing the couple would need to worry about, would be the couple themselves.

For instance, you wouldn't want to introduce your child to every man you had a date with, that would be a rule, because it's not just about ME & what would make ME happy, when your a parent it's not just about making yourself happy & that's why there are rules.

Good luck 🙂

GOOD LUCK an hopefully, yall just click like you and dad did! 😉

Good Luck!!!! Like some have already said, just be yourself. BUt just a word of caution.. i don't know how you are with other peoples children, but i get super attached and have gone through some serious heart ache when my relationship ended and i really felt stripped of his kid. It hurt deep. So much, that my own rule of thumb has been, i'm not meeting anyones children until we are at a stage in our relationship where we are ready to make next steps. I don't have kids, i still think about her and how she is. He refused me to have contact with her after we split which i totally understood. But she didn't have a mom really. He didn't have custody of her either. Her gramma did. She called me a month after me and her dad split crying her heart out asking me to come see her, her mom had just killed herself and she wanted me. He called her while she was on the phone and told her never to talk to me again. That broke my heart. I was the only stability and shit this child had. so just becareful 🙂

Oh Wow B-G That IS a really heartbreaking story & Yes that's exactly what I'd like to avoid. I'm a little slow to warm up to anyone.....children included but when I do, Yes I get very attached.

So I met the daughter & everything went well between the two of us, Typical 11 yr old I suppose although I didn't realize that kids that age were that smart LOL Oh & she's taller than I am so that was a little strange for me. Anyway The only issue I had is that my B/F I feel is trying to push us on each other which makes things uncomfortable for me, He said he'd like me to take his daughter to the spa & go have our hair done & he would pay of course but I'm not so comfortable with that right now. I dunno to me that seems like something a mother would do with her daughter as a bonding experience & I'm not so sure that's appropriate at this stage. Also he wanted me to join them in activities everyday that he had her & I felt like maybe it would be best for me to sit a day out & let them have a whole day alone together but he was insistent that I was thinking to much & that she wanted me to join them so ——?? I don't know, I'll just take it one visit at a time

I agree F-A which is why I kinda kept my distance, I mean I was being friendly but not fake friendly & throwing myself at her & by the end of the night she started following me around all on her own, which is the way I intend to continue to be. The point is, she didn't have a choice in choosing who her dad dates, It took he & I awhile to be comfortable with eachother so I wouldn't expect anything less from his child.

🙂