Need vs Independence

So this topic came up when I was speaking to my roommates. I read somewhere a long time ago that guys sometimes want to be reassured that his female partner needs him. One guy I dated once told my best friend (who was also his friend) that he felt like I didn't need him, which was something that put a small rift in our relationship at one point. I was never aware of this, but I could see his point; I was raised to be very independent by mother who was the same way, and my dad was never really a stable figure in my life, so I often relied on myself the majority of the time and I often wouldn't go to my boyfriend when I was having issues. When my boyfriend and I were having an argument, he finally admitted that he felt like I was putting him on the wayside; I also admitted that I did need him, or at least his support, but I didn't want to burden him half the time or appear too clingy.

So just out of curiosity, is this something that a lot of guys feel? That they want their partner to need them from time to time rather than handling themselves. And if it's the former, what role does the guy like to play?

If a lot of this didn't make sense, my apologies. I had a lot of thoughts jumbled in my head, and I wasn't sure how to get them all out, lol.

input, anyone?

I actually get mixed messages on this topic when I ask guys how they feel about this. On 1 hand, they all say that they respect AND want a woman who is 1. Independent 2. Knows how to hold her own 3. Doesn't need/depend on him for everything, all the way from money to the little things like yard work. BUT on the other hand, I also hear that guys have a tremendous need to feel/be needed. They like to provide & to get credit for that. Problem is, women who literally do everything (are the woman AND the man), make men feel as if they are stripped of giving anything to the relationship/friendship.

For example, if a woman never needs anything, then it'll be kind of hard for a man to be with her & yet still feel that he is providing/adding anything to the relationship. I think men have certain areas where they feel they don't mind the woman not knowing how to do/being willing to do, like making the most money (career-wise) or bringing home the bacon. Men can be so confusing. They want you to make enough money so that they don't have to feel nickel & dimed too death BUT at the same time, some men don't want their women to make more money than them. Some men want their women to actually HAVE a job, they just don't necessarily want their women to work longer stressful hours or make as much money as they do.

I'm confused sometimes too on what men REALLY want b/c it seems like for every 1 man that wants independence, there's another man who makes his woman feel bad/regret being so independent. I think it all comes down to the man & what he considers important & what he considers important that he adds/provides to the relationship, whether that's bringing home the bacon, or doing all the masculine things like yard work. Some men feel that certain things are associated with masculinity, thus when a woman starts to tap over into that area, it can sometimes make a man very uncomfortable & regret wanting a "Superwoman" after all

Lol, I always tell the guys I'm interested in, when we start getting closer, that I like my boyfriends to be my best friends as well as my partner. I need a guy I can go to when I want intimacy and play video games with.

still, I'm the type of person who doesn't easily show when I need someone else. I'm not necessarily clingy and I often joke that I can't be with my partner all the time or I'd just get bored of seeing his face, lol. Either way, I agree with Krysrenee that it is sometimes confusing when trying to understanding what a guy wants in that aspect. Every guy is different of course; I suppose it's just trying to understand that that specific guy wants to bring to the relationship.

Steve Harvey's book "Act like a lady think like a man" states that men need to feel needed. Not in a dramatic way but simply asking them for help in changing a lightbulb or putting up a picture for you. Yes, most of us can do it better ourselves but something he says makes them feel needed and useful makes them happy to be doing things for us and makes them feel more manly...I guess!

I tried it and had my Dad & brother so willing to help me...such a helpless woman!

Posted by scorpio_chic
I'm independent financially and I make it clear that I can do for myself, with or without you.

But from what I've been told, men like to provide for & protect women who can do it on their own. But the man still likes to step in & help so that he feels he has purpose. (only some men.. not all) I'll let a man fix things around the house for me.. change my flat tire, give me tips on a new work-out regimen. I'll ask his opinion on things, because I value his opinion. I also let the man play the 'protector' role.. walk me to my car in the dark, etc.. These things make him feel 'needed', like he's being helpful & providing for the woman he loves. But he likes that I don't 'need' a man to get my hair or nails done or to pay my bills. LOL

Everybody wants to feel invaluable to someone and I think that's where the need to be/feel 'needed' comes in.

Yesssssss.