Note to Self

I read a lot of posts from women who are heartbroken and confused over the slow demise of the beginning of the end of a relationship OR when the relationship ends. Even if it was just a FWB type situation, that technically is still a relationship that is lost. Sometimes the confusion/heartbreak is self inflicted because of unrealistic expectations. But also the confusion and heartbreak can be brought upon by mixed signals, sudden hot/ cold behaviour, etc. From the other person. We're all only human, and most people have been through the same if not worse whether we want to admit it or not. So because I can say that I've been through both before, I wanted to share something I wrote to myself during one of the hard times and read to myself every day. While all of it may not apply to your certain situation, maybe some of it can be of help to someone going through it now.

I thought I was over you, but I'm not. I could put the blame all on myself, but the blame is just as much on you as it is me. You manipulated and led me on just as much as I read way too much into your words or actions. To top it off, the mental chasing has made me have unrealistic expectations of what is going to happen. You don't really care about me, and it's obvious from your actions. So I will do what is necessary to cut these feelings out. I will cut contact and no longer social media stalk you. I will find someone else who loves me unconditionally and not use excuses to myself as to why I'm still dealing with you. You're fucked up, and I'm even more fucked up for continuing to deal with you. I'm no better than the women I pity getting emotionally involved with men based on sex alone. I am stronger than this. I am stronger than you. I have people who truly love and want me just as I am, so why am I still chasing after you? Maybe it's true we only want what we can't have. But If I did finally get you, would I truly be happy or just happy I "won"? I apologize to myself for allowing this to happen. When you chose to walk out of my life, I should've just let it be. Instead I tried to find closure and fight for "friendship". Stupid!!! I vow to not put my heart through anymore bullshit. I vow to listen to my intuition from now on and not allow my feelings of rejection want to prove anyone wrong. I vow to REALLY listen to when someone is telling me who they are and make sure the actions match to what is being said. I love myself and need to start showing it. I realize I'm only human and things like this happen, but I'm no longer overthinking this or you. I forgive you and release you, therefore starting the process to heal myself.

well done.

Thank you for the compliments! I'm glad it helped 🙂