OK, so what do you think about this?

I thought this was a rather interesting article. I do recognize that:

1) This lady is selling a book and making a name for herself

2) I have no idea how she managed to winkle out this information. Maybe that is to be found in her book.

I am quite interested in what our dxp female contingent thinks about this. Enjoy the read....


http://womensinfidelity.com/why_women_divorce.html

I had debated starting a new thread for this line of thinking. But, upon some consideration, I feel that this topic is closely related enough to the thread title that I could include it here. That is, while it does not directly relate to infidelity, it does closely relate to marriages and families.

This is part of a conversation I have had with one of my sisters. She showed this to her husband of 40 years. It seems to have struck a very sore nerve, and was the source of a good deal of "discussion" around there house.

The note that follows is to long for one pane, so is separate. It is the note I sent to my sister that started this conversation.

Here is an interesting if morbid tidbit. The two groups of people with the highest rate of suicide are teenagers, and males in their 70's. We both know about the angst of teenagers. The 70ish males have different dynamics. They tend to be ill. They tend to have few or no family connections. They feel they aren't really serving any purpose, no jobs, kids have their own grand kids, so great grand pa doesn't really play a role. Probably in chronic pain. Basically, they feel useless, unneeded, unloved, and miserable, so they kill themselves.

And to drone on, it seems that the distance between this guy and his family probably started pretty early. I have reading assorted studies stating such things that after about 9 years of marriage, his spouse is losing interest in sex. She has had all the children she wants, so knock it off, buddy. After about 16 years of marriage, a lot of the remaining attention he had received from spouse has shifted to the oldest child, who is now of child bearing age. New grand babies absorb the entire family. On the other hand, granddad has been replaced in many ways by grand babies own father, making granddad biologically irrelevant. By the time great grand kids are arriving, this whole process will be repeated, with great granddad being pushed even further from the center of the family. The granddad role is being played by son or son-in-law, you see. Great granddad may not be fully supporting himself by this time, either. You can see how feeling pretty bad about yourself would arise.

One thing that I haven't been able to discover anything about is the female process. Grandma will be playing a very large role in the new babies lives. She has the baby knowledge and interest. She is still central. So, now here is where you can provide some clues. When you became a great grand mother, did you feel that your role in the live of the new grand baby was all that significant? Basically, I would argue that the same process will occur to the great grandmother that happened to the male, but when he was a grandfather. Same thing, just a generation later, you see.

Of some curiosity, our own father had difficulty with his own kids, and he was openly hostile to his grand kids. He of course wouldn't like being pushed aside. Makes sense to me.

"....Basically, they feel useless, unneeded, unloved, and miserable, so they kill themselves....."

This is me dofacc, and I am not even 70!!! Or a guy!

"I challenge these thoughts with another, I've posted this before and probably will again: You never know when you'll be exactly where and who someone needs you to be. You may not even be aware that when happens. Pass it on."


Curiously enough Swimming, one of my younger sisters told me not long ago that while she had never mentioned it before when we were growing up she took a great deal of comfort having me around. Things like jerky boys didn't bother her, cause I had a reputation for being mean. I was quite surprised to hear that from her, as I truly had no idea until she told me all these many years later.

I am finding this trajectory of the human experience to be rather interesting at this point in my life. Is this what I have to look forward to, I suppose is the question I am asking myself. Intriguing to me, obviously.

As for you RNAP, Don't make me give you a Head Butt!!! After all, I learned from the Master Herself, now didn't I!

@ El

I have 3 sisters, most of my friends are actually female, and I work with a lot of females. In this context, I found the book ladies assertion that half of all married women cheat to be quite startling. It certainly isn't what I have observed.

I do on the other hand find the process from parent to grand parent to great grand parent to be more apparent. And once again, I am not exactly why I am tying these two ideas together, but for some reason they do seem to be intertwined in my head. Could be a lack of clear thinking on my part. Imagine that....

^^^Quite interesting.

One of the things that goes through my mind is something I have read off and on. That is, women form "networks," while men do not. I have seen it argued that men stop making real friends by their early 20's. After that, any new, deep connections are only formed with a long term partner of some sort. This would once again fit into my personal experience and observations. Men simply do not want to do the network thing at a personal level. Actually, they may not be able to forge these new relationships. This makes it a great deal more difficult to develop and maintain a life outside of a family scenario.

I would also say that your experience of having a "Me" independent of your adult children fits quite well with what I am thinking. I have read such things as women have their "family" for emotional needs. This may or may not include a male partner. They have their friends for their social needs, and have jobs for their financial needs. This feeds back into the males of her cohort feeling abandoned. They literally have nothing to offer females of their age group.


I am still able and willing to make new friends. However, they are invariably female. Once they come to understand that I am not "on the prowl," being friends does actually happen. Any males of my age get real tense real fast under the same situations, however.

Still, part of my original question is does this networking of females start to vanish once they reach what I have termed the Great Grandmother phase of life? Are men and women so very different that women are able to maintain a sense of connection even at that late stage of life?