Revelations

It may be something in the water lately, or I'm just finally seeing everything in a different light, but I'm beginning to grasp the ins and outs, the trials and tribulations, the dos and the don'ts and the whatevers of dating. I have been setting myself up for failure only because I haven't taken time to consider what I wanted. I am afraid of disappointing people; in retrospect, I am just as afraid of being disappointed. To alleviate the problem, I would try to please someone else without pleasing myself; if you kept someone happy, they wouldn't disappoint you, right? Well, that had been my philosophy, and not just for significant others. If learning to say no and actually speaking up for myself meant that I could keep things in line, then I would deal with that. But that's not what I should be doing. I should have kept my standards and walked away from people (guys in general) who I knew weren't good enough, who weren't stepping up, who weren't on the same page as myself. I just didn't want to be the typical, nagging girl who was never satisfied. In honesty, I can be easily satisfied, but only if I know what I want. I've been thinking about a lot of this lately, and I have changed how I approach things.

But, I couldn't really come to many of these revelations on my own, and I really wanted to thank those who have given me sound advice in the year I have been on this site; to those who have listened to me, who have given me a swift kick in the rear, who have empathized and taken the time to help, I thank you very much.

I'm sorry if I sound like a sob or something, but I figured I would write this all out to really get my thoughts in line and to again thank those who have helped me out. I know I'm not completely an expert in all of this, but I'm a fucking sponge and can take a lot of info without trying to fight back.

And to think I started thinking about all of this because I was listening to Meredith Brooks "Bitch" on the radio. 😛

Posted by Candeh15
time I should have kept my standards and walked away from people (guys in general) who I knew weren't good enough, who weren't stepping up, who weren't on the same page as myself. I just didn't want to be the typical, nagging girl who was never satisfied. In honesty, I can be easily satisfied, but only if I know what I want. I've been thinking about a lot of this lately, and I have changed how I approach things.

Oh Candeh, I am so happy for you! Its funny that you say this today. I am recently divorced and new to dating. I just the past few weeks, came to a conclusion like yours. Is it the planets? super moon? Not sure but I am very strong in my convictions recently.

Aren't epiphanys awesome?!!!

Believe it or not, I've learned alot since being on this site. Hearing that others have gone through/are going through the very same things that I've experienced AND hearing how they've grown & gotten past those situations has really opened up my own eyes on alot of things.

I swear DXP is like 1 big ole family!!!

And yes, standards are the 1 thing you should NEVER apologize for. It's hard though b/c we're taught early in life to be self-less. Problem is, we often confuse & mistake self-less to mean living for others all so that they can be happy. Doing or "being" for others is wonderful, IF we're being/doing it & not regretting it or losing more than we're gaining after it's all said & done.

Having standards may decrease the QUANTITY of people in our lives BUT it def. increases the QUALITY of people we have in our lives. Once a person is focused on seeking quality moreso over quantity, THEN they start living. THEN, they can finally be happy.

I love growing up, and I am in my 30's and I swear each year gets better, even as it seems we are facing similar situations time and again, or getting new things to re-examine.

Glad you are feeling more content and assured, that feeling is awesome 😄

Yes DXP is a great community indeed, I appreciate it as well.

Posted by heroic_guy


Glad you are feeling more content and assured, that feeling is awesome 😄

Yes DXP is a great community indeed, I appreciate it as well.

that's a good way to put it. I do feel a little more confident after discussing it with myself. Like, I know what I have to do and I finally feel like I have the balls to do it (or they are growing at least).

I've always been confident as a single person, but when someone else came into the mix, I'd feel a little less under control, which is probably normal, but I'd sort of forget what I should be doing. But you know, one step at a time.

And yes, this is probably one of the most dysfunctional, outrageous, but entertaining communities I have been a part of. And I haven't regretted it... well maybe a couple of times... lol.

I've always been confident as a single person, but when someone else came into the mix, I'd feel a little less under control, which is probably normal, but I'd sort of forget what I should be doing. But you know, one step at a time.


It's super easy to lose yourself while trying to find someone else. And it's b/c being true to yourself & being yourself is more rare than playing games, pretending to "be" for someone just so they can stick around, etc.

I think the reason so many relationships haven't formed or worked out alltogether is b/c people have forgotten what it means to love self AND to get what you want with integrity. In almost every relationship book, none of the authors advise you to be yourself (good & negative). Same with society. There's always these "rules" or someone telling you how you oughta act so that you can "win" the man of your dreams. Problem is, we can get so stuck in the theater of it all that we forget the value of being 100% yourself/true to yourself and yet STILL walking away a winner (or with the man you wanted)

Posted by Layna
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"I just didn't want to be the typical, nagging girl who was never satisfied."

Was this caused partly by knowing it's a Virgo trait? I was kinda struck by this.

Now... -goes off to listen to Meredith Brooks' "Bitch"-

Ehhh, not so much being a virgo, but when you think about how critical we can be, it does sink in a bit. I just didn't want to nag in general. Like, "Yes, my guy is not texting me right now, but he's probably busy. I don't want to yell at him for something so trivial." I had to realize what is trivial and what is a problem. If my guy isn't texting me, cool, I can deal with that because I forget to text sometimes too. If my guy hasn't spoken to me in like a week and this is an on and off thing, not cool. I'm tired of just rolling over for things when really I should be putting my foot down or leaving.

I like it when people look at themselves .... people make thier own life, and it's always a joy when people have self-accountability.


I want to thank YOU, Candeh for keeping it real !!!!

Posted by P-Angel
people make thier own life

Something I'm finally beginning to handle.