Should love....

Should love....

make you feel afraid?

please explain your answer

Love bring the feeling of being vulnerable. Being scared comes from thinking "do they feel the same way?" "will i be able to handle heartbreak if they leave?", "can i live without them?"

so yes, it makes you feel scared, but you should feel the rush of taking a risk to feel in love! its a wonderful exiting feeling!

Love is scary, it is giving of oneself. Putting trust in them that they will not harm your most precious possession, your heart. To guard it and keep it safe. But to do that is the bravest thing one can do.

Posted by SunPiscesMoonGemini
Love bring the feeling of being vulnerable. Being scared comes from thinking "do they feel the same way?" "will i be able to handle heartbreak if they leave?", "can i live without them?"

so yes, it makes you feel scared, but you should feel the rush of taking a risk to feel in love! its a wonderful exiting feeling!

I believe if is real love, you will feel vulnerable, but should you be afraid? Shouldn't you feel Safe with the one you love?

Posted by venusianbull
Love is scary, it is giving of oneself. Putting trust in them that they will not harm your most precious possession, your heart. To guard it and keep it safe. But to do that is the bravest thing one can do.

VB, I agree. Trust is major. Does it exceed love or is it the foundation for allowing it?

* it = love *

I think it is the foundation for lasting love. Absolutely. Without it one is reduced to always being unsure as to the others true intentions. That would be mental. So many see love as a cage, when instead it is freedom. To be yourself with absolutely no fear. To look at another person and see yourself reflected back from their eyes.
And that is not fully inclusive of romantic love alone, for are you not your most free with those in whose feelings never waver?
That is what I want in my life, for myself. My best friend, my lover, my heart. Swirling round and doing the mashed potato all over life and to keep coming up swinging with me.

Love is scary, but not b/c it's not worth having or b/c it hurts. Love is the most valuable thing on earth; it's the ONE thing the people who have it keep on wanting and/or the ONE thing people who don't have it keep on searching for! It's the ONE thing most of us spend an entire lifetime trying to find, cherish AND keep.

And for those reasons, it's no wonder love brings fear, paranoia & vulnerability. It's like having the winning lottery ticket. It's the 1 thing everyone in the world would literally kill to have, therefore when you're stuck there holding the winning lottery ticket, it's normal to feel anxiety, fear & paranoia!

Hell, it's the 1 thing none of us can afford to lose whether it's love from family, friends, companions, strangers & even love for ourselves. When you're experiencing/holding something you can't afford to lose, it's only natural to feel afraid. Sometimes that fear keeps us on our toes; sometimes us reminding ourselves that we NEED something is the only way for us to fully protect & cherish it.

With some things like love, we have to remind ourselves sub-consciously/consciously that other people are waiting to steal/take what we've earned, & with anything that is in high demand, our protective & vulnerable nature comes out.

The problem is that too much fear, paranoia & vulnerability can backfire; it can ruin things, it can push others away & cast a insecure/negative shadow on us. There can't be too much caution/fear/anxiety or else we'll naturally let fear keeps us from the thing that we ultimately want.

The tricky thing about love is that it involves taking a risk; there is NO getting around that. The tricky thing about love is in knowing that we have just as much to lose by giving our hearts to someone just like we have alot to lose by ultimately closing our hearts off to others; At some point, we all have to be willing to take that risk or else it's not real love...it's infatuation that's being run by insecurity (backfires every time)

Love is beautiful & worth having, especially when you love yourself more than you expect anyone/everybody else to love you AND as long as you meet/grow with someone who shares the SAME definition of love as you.

Love only hurts when it's given to the WRONG person
Love only hurts when it's given at the WRONG time
Love only hurts when it's given for all the WRONG reasons
Love only hurts when we expect others to give us the kind of love we CAN'T even give ourselves.

Love is like the winning lottery ticket. There are millions of other people playing the same "game" & who are secretely plotting against those actually brave/lucky enough to find it. And with anything that is so valuable & in such high demand, it's only natural to experience some fear, anxiety, vulnerability, paranoia & insecurity.

Some people find it hard to love not b/c they don't want it, BUT b/c they are afraid of finding it & losing it.

Some people find it hard to love b/c they don't trust their own ability to find and/or give their love to the right/wrong people. (If you don't have faith in your OWN ability to effectively seek out the RIGHT people, of course there will be insecurity, fear, hurt, paranoia, etc.

Some people find it hard to find love from others b/c they haven't yet mastered the art of loving themselves 1st.

Some people find it hard to find love b/c they're worn out from all the bad seeds/wrong ones they gave their love to. By the time they finally realize how/when to give it to the RIGHT people at the RIGHT time & for all the RIGHT reasons, they are drained, worn out & left with little faith in their own ability to find AND maintain love.

Some people find it hard to find love b/c they don't even really know what love is. They're expectations are wrong/unrealistic. OR they can't handle such a beautiful thing once they've got it; so many people search for love so hard b/c they've never experienced it to their satisfaction & sometimes it's easier to pull away from the very thing we've always been looking for, if anything out of pure surprise & disbelief that we've FINALLY gotten what we always wished for

I don't think love SHOULD make you afraid. Do I think it COULD? Yes. More and more I'm noticing how we all tend to prevent love from really reaching its full potential by being afraid. It is scary as hell, but I can't imagine anything being more worth the risk.

I think more relationships suffer from people holding back than from people allowing themselves to love freely.

🙂 Just so. ^

Pathfinder .... it's not a matter of if it should.

What matters is that it does.

For too much time, and for too many times ..... people miss living their life thinking/worrying about shoulds, rather than ares.

People, for the most part, don't understand, not even themselves and their own feelings.


Love, under the circumstances of pain, is a negative energy ..... they think it's positive, they spread it, live it with pride, encourage it, enable it, pass it on to their children my means of example and influence ..... when the reality of it is ..... this so-called love creates the worse energy of all because it is disguised, it blinds them, it makes them think they are being good peoples.



People don't even know, nor understand themselves ... they are afraid of themselves, and spend most, if not all of their lives, ignoring this very thing.


If love makes you fear, or hurt in any way ... then it's not a positive energy .. but, trying to tell people that is like trying to tell them sex blinds you to your real existence.

Posted by venusianbull
....And that is not fully inclusive of romantic love alone, for are you not your most free with those in whose feelings never waver?

VB, this sounds like unconditional love. Is there such thing? Isn't it always contingent on something? It would be perfect it if wasnt't....

Posted by krysrenee7
Love is scary, but not b/c it's not worth having or b/c it hurts. ....

it's the 1 thing none of us can afford to lose whether it's love from family, friends, companions, strangers & even love for ourselves. When you're experiencing/holding something you can't afford to lose, it's only natural to feel afraid. Sometimes that fear keeps us on our toes; sometimes us reminding ourselves that we NEED something is the only way for us to fully protect & cherish it.

With some things like love, we have to remind ourselves sub-consciously/consciously that other people are waiting to steal/take what we've earned, & with anything that is in high demand, our protective & vulnerable nature comes out.

The problem is that too much fear, paranoia & vulnerability can backfire; it can ruin things, it can push others away & cast a insecure/negative shadow on us. There can't be too much caution/fear/anxiety or else we'll naturally let fear keeps us from the thing that we ultimately want.

....The tricky thing about love is in knowing that we have just as much to lose by giving our hearts to someone just like we have alot to lose by ultimately closing our hearts off to others; At some point, we all have to be willing to take that risk or else it's not real love...

Krysrenee, you say some deep stuff there. And while I agree with what you say, I'm beginning to think that by the way you describe it (love), it can be a very stressful thing having/being in/keeping love.... ?

Posted by krysrenee7
....Love only hurts when it's given for all the WRONG reasons....

How can you give love for all the wrong reasons?

Posted by krysrenee7
=Some people find it hard to find love b/c they're worn out from all the bad seeds/wrong ones they gave their love to. By the time they finally realize how/when to give it to the RIGHT people at the RIGHT time & for all the RIGHT reasons, they are drained, worn out & left with little faith in their own ability to find AND maintain love.

This is very sad. And while I understand what you say about "maintain love", yes, I could see the fear affecting this "RIGHT" love. But

I don't know that I totally agree with the "drained, worn out, little faith statement because when it is love as you describe it, it releases such good energy/vibes, it's very hard to resist. I believe love will strengthen you where you are drained or worn out. It will increase your faith, even if only to peak your interest to discern its sincerity, since the good vibrations (endorphins, dopamine, etc.) being released in your body is sooo positive....

Real love... What is love? I think it's important to know what it is first.
*It's caring, trusting, a secure feeling should be there, you feel whole, satisfied, you recieve as much as you give, being able to share time with someone and enjoying it no matter what situation... *

Real love shouldn't be scary. I think it's in the begining of a relationship that it feels scary because it's exiting and you have all these expectations and ideas and hopes of where things will go, like that honeymoon phase. And when it feels like it's getting seriouse but you're too excited to be clear about what it really is. Is it love? Or is it just all this excitement and hormones ranging and taking over?

I can't say from experience, the romantic type of love, but I know WHO I love and why I love them. A close friend of 4 years. I love her. We feel secure together. Trust eachother with the deepest secrets and thoughts. We haven't seen eachother a whole year, but once we do that bond will still be there, that's just how sure I am! Because I know she loves me, and I know I love her. There's not 'new friendship' excitement when we're still getting to know eachother, eachother's friends, parties, how much we share in interest, what we want to experience in life, etc.


No. Real love, the real thing, should never make you fear. And real love, I don't think it hurts as much as imaginary love. Because when you DO love someone it's easier to let go. But this is only if you're a whole person yourself.

Posted by QLIbraMale

Posted by pathfinder
make you feel afraid?

please explain your answer

. only if your breaking the law i can understand feeling afraid. also rejected many times isn't good on ones confidence. or escaping a abusive relationship be it verbally or physical or both can make feeling afraid an issue.

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breaking the law? Do you mean like dealing with a married man/woman?

Posted by Dianasart
Real love... What is love? I think it's important to know what it is first...


No. Real love, the real thing, should never make you fear. And real love, I don't think it hurts as much as imaginary love. Because when you DO love someone it's easier to let go. But this is only if you're a whole person yourself.

I agree, real love shouldn't be scary. Real love is more and more sounding like unconditional love. But is that possible?
Isn't there always some kind of reciprocation that each person is expecting?

"Whole person" meaning what?

Posted by Shadows
I don't think love SHOULD make you afraid. Do I think it COULD? Yes. More and more I'm noticing how we all tend to prevent love from really reaching its full potential by being afraid. It is scary as hell, but I can't imagine anything being more worth the risk.

I think more relationships suffer from people holding back than from people allowing themselves to love freely.

Shadows, it IS scary because people really want to connect to someone. But they need to TRUST that person, right? So the issue seems to be more of a trust issue than a love issue. If you trust someone, then you are not afraid, right? But you can love someone and be afraid...

I feel dizzy.... this is a tough question, even though the answers sound so simple. Should we be looking more for someone we can trust THEN we will be able to love them? Is trust the master key?

Posted by P-Angel
Pathfinder .... it's not a matter of if it should.

What matters is that it does.

For too much time, and for too many times ..... people miss living their life thinking/worrying about shoulds, rather than ares.

Yes, the question is "should love..." not that it "should". Saying it the latter way no longer makes it a question but an expectation/answer. For example, Q:"Should love make us afraid?" A:"Yes, love should make us afraid."

— Is that right?

Posted by P-Angel
People, for the most part, don't understand, not even themselves and their own feelings.


Love, under the circumstances of pain, is a negative energy ..... they think it's positive, they spread it, live it with pride, encourage it, enable it, pass it on to their children my means of example and influence ..... when the reality of it is ..... this so-called love creates the worse energy of all because it is disguised, it blinds them, it makes them think they are being good peoples.


If love makes you fear, or hurt in any way ... then it's not a positive energy .. but, trying to tell people that is like trying to tell them sex blinds you to your real existence.

PA, for the most part, I always get what you mean in your posts. I admire that you usually cut to the chase -- no sugar coat. But I'm getting a little lost on those few statements. Please explain.

Posted by pathfinder

Posted by venusianbull
....And that is not fully inclusive of romantic love alone, for are you not your most free with those in whose feelings never waver?

VB, this sounds like unconditional love. Is there such thing? Isn't it always contingent on something? It would be perfect it if wasnt't....

click to expand

I think there is, I believe there is. What flows between parent and child, back again. What exists between the dearest lifelong friends. The couples that have stood the test of time.

Posted by venusianbull

Posted by pathfinder

Posted by venusianbull
....And that is not fully inclusive of romantic love alone, for are you not your most free with those in whose feelings never waver?

VB, this sounds like unconditional love. Is there such thing? Isn't it always contingent on something? It would be perfect it if wasnt't....

I think there is, I believe there is. What flows between parent and child, back again. What exists between the dearest lifelong friends. The couples that have stood the test of time.

click to expand

Couples that have stood the test of time. You bring up an interesting point: the test of time. Time is the true test, eh?

Time is what allows us to really get to know one another. To build, layer by layer and stone by stone. To make the edifice that is strong enough to weather anything. Even the other, and still stand.

Posted by pathfinder

PA, for the most part, I always get what you mean in your posts. I admire that you usually cut to the chase -- no sugar coat. But I'm getting a little lost on those few statements. Please explain.

I think P-Angel is basically saying that love is one big, great irony.

A forwarded email from some unknown that I ripped from google:

Loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life.
And sometimes, you think you??re already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you??ll suddenly realize that you??re just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again.
For many, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much you love the person.
In my opinion, many are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else.
Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love because love is always present.
Its just that one was being loved too much and the other was being loved too little.
As we all know that the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left.
Maybe thats the reason why the heart is not always right.
Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love to only discover that for them we are just for past times while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger...

Posted by pathfinder

Posted by Dianasart
Real love... What is love? I think it's important to know what it is first...


No. Real love, the real thing, should never make you fear. And real love, I don't think it hurts as much as imaginary love. Because when you DO love someone it's easier to let go. But this is only if you're a whole person yourself.

I agree, real love shouldn't be scary. Real love is more and more sounding like unconditional love. But is that possible?
Isn't there always some kind of reciprocation that each person is expecting?

"Whole person" meaning what?

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A whole person meaning you are happy with yourself as who you are. That you don't need someone else to complete you, to depend on someone else to make you happy about YOUR self, to feel alive. Being independent, knowing what you want, knowing right from wrong and what steps to take... and then you can really develop a healthy relationship with someone without blindly falling in love and also understanding if you are receiving as much as you're giving, and the other persons intentions being clear too. (unless the other persons a great liar. but shame on them, you're still only human)

Posted by cutiebullie
"love has to be learned and learned again and again, there is no end to it; hate needs no instruction, it only waits to be provoked." -katherine mansfield


love is scary yet it grows with time and effort - it's more of a learning process and a choice - one has to fall in love with the same person over and over again to achieve it.

I like that.

Posted by venusianbull
Time is what allows us to really get to know one another. To build, layer by layer and stone by stone. To make the edifice that is strong enough to weather anything. Even the other, and still stand.

I agree. But sometimes time reveals things that challenge love. I guess "real" love can't be challenged, though...

Posted by Dianasart

Posted by pathfinder


I agree, real love shouldn't be scary. Real love is more and more sounding like unconditional love. But is that possible?
Isn't there always some kind of reciprocation that each person is expecting?

"Whole person" meaning what?

A whole person meaning you are happy with yourself as who you are. That you don't need someone else to complete you, to depend on someone else to make you happy about YOUR self, to feel alive. Being independent, knowing what you want, knowing right from wrong and what steps to take... and then you can really develop a healthy relationship with someone without blindly falling in love and also understanding if you are receiving as much as you're giving, and the other persons intentions being clear too. (unless the other persons a great liar. but shame on them, you're still only human)

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Ok. A whole person doesn't need anybody to make them happy about themselves, they know what they want, right from wrong and what steps to take. They can develop a healthy relationship with someone else. Love is not scary to them.

Now this is a little off topic, but for sake of conversation, if the "whole" person is involved with someone who is not "whole" (according to the whole person's POV as described), what then?

Do you now have someone who has it all together ("whole") and either they begin to feel unequally yoked to the other, or feel "superior" (for lack of a better word) to the less than "whole" person?

Because I would wonder if the "whole" person is going to feel they are giving/bringing MORE and receiving less. The whole person wants to receive as much as they give. Will they pull back their love because they are afraid their love won't be reciprocated on the level they expect?

How would real love effect that relationship?

Posted by pathfinder
make you feel afraid?

please explain your answer

It would make me very afraid.

People would "say" it's love .... but, they would "feel" insecure



And unconditional love doesn't exist .. because it's impossible.


Since every person is unique, every person has their own sense of life definitions ... so therefore each person can ONLY love you the way they interpret love to be, so therefore can ONLY provide a love to you they way they define it .. therefore the love you get isn't unconditional for you, because your definition is your own measurement.

You cannot treat another the way you want to be treated and believe it to be unselfish .... because the reality of it is .. it's very selfish, it's self-centered, actually ... because it is treating another ONLY as you consider yourself and what YOU like, what YOU want .. that is what you are considering as you proceed to treat the other according to YOUR desires.

That is extremely conditional in your treatment of the other.

Posted by DapperDon
P-Angel, unconditional love does exist. Parents, for example, would be a form of unconditional love. God offers unconditional love. When you're married it is supposed to be unconditional but I find that to be very rare.

I completely disagree with you ... if I have my knowledge that my son kicked the cat because he loved to watch the cat scream and jump into the air .... I'd put a condition on him so fast, it would feel like he was just kicked in the balls.

When you grow up and have a child you'll find out about how putting conditions on your children is what makes them do what they are suppose to do .. like ..


... when your room is clean you can go outside and play.


If you're going to be a dumbass .. do on the Scorpio board, where nobody has the wits to notice.

God tells you that if you don't behave you will go to hell and if you obey you will get a reward for it.



People are so goddamed brainwashed, it literally makes me sick to my stomach.

i don't understand why love should be scary lol. that seems absolutely silly

Posted by i love ewe
i don't understand why love should be scary lol. that seems absolutely silly

Because people have an expectation of it being conditional upon thier needs to feel complete and it scares the hell out of them that they might get hurt if they open themselves up and then find out that this isn't delivered.

I say - don't have any expectations ... then you have nothing to feel slighted about.

Posted by P-Angel
People would "say" it's love .... but, they would "feel" insecure



And unconditional love doesn't exist .. because it's impossible.


Since every person is unique, every person has their own sense of life definitions ... so therefore each person can ONLY love you the way they interpret love to be, so therefore can ONLY provide a love to you they way they define it .. therefore the love you get isn't unconditional for you, because your definition is your own measurement.

You cannot treat another the way you want to be treated and believe it to be unselfish .... because the reality of it is .. it's very selfish, it's self-centered, actually ... because it is treating another ONLY as you consider yourself and what YOU like, what YOU want .. that is what you are considering as you proceed to treat the other according to YOUR desires.

That is extremely conditional in your treatment of the other.

I love my best friend without ever asking for anything back. Sure I don't always agree with all her ideas and things she does but I love her to death. And nothing, even betrayal would make me not love her. Maybe take a step back, but I'll always care for her. How can you explain that one?

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by DapperDon
P-Angel, unconditional love does exist. Parents, for example, would be a form of unconditional love. God offers unconditional love. When you're married it is supposed to be unconditional but I find that to be very rare.

I completely disagree with you ... if I have my knowledge that my son kicked the cat because he loved to watch the cat scream and jump into the air .... I'd put a condition on him so fast, it would feel like he was just kicked in the balls.

click to expand

I do believe in unconditional love. Not everyone is open to it; not everyone wants to give or receive it, but it is real.

If my son liked to kick cats I would still love him. I would discourage the behavior but I wouldn't turn against him. Besides, I raised him better than that, he won't become a serial killer or kitty kicker.

btw Don, I hope you find your missing cat you must be so worried. I hope no one is out there kicking it...

Posted by i love ewe
i don't understand why love should be scary lol. that seems absolutely silly

Because you can't control it. Some people just can't let go and enjoy the ride.

or

You open up time after time and get hurt, eventually some people are afraid to keep trying.

Posted by LibraSid

If my son liked to kick cats I would still love him. I would discourage the behavior but I wouldn't turn against him. Besides, I raised him better than that, he won't become a serial killer or kitty kicker.

**shakes head**

But, of course ... because love and unconditional love isn't the same, my dear

Love becomes scary because you must relinquish control. People fear what they can't control....be it people, emotions, situations, etc. For example, when you're riding passenger seat with someone you think can't drive. You start getting all freaked out and become "backseat driver." However, no one is scared of their own driving because they have complete control of the vehicle. Love is uncontrollable, as well as the person who you are in love with.