Showing up unannounced...

I think someone showing up UNANNOUNCED is 1 of the most disrespectful things in the world!

If a person doesn't answer their phone, it may suck, BUT that's NOT code for call them 20 more times, nor is it code for show up unannounced at their job, house, or wherever they are!

Now if you're showing up unannounced b/c it's my birthday & you want to surprise me with flowers & rose petals, that's different! BUT even still, I think telling someone when you're on the way to where they are is a sign of respect.

It's not about having something to hide; it's about respecting someone's privacy & need for space.

If I don't answer my phone, it's b/c I'm either busy, talking to another friend/person who needs my attention/conversation TOO, I don't feel like being bothered OR I'm simply unavailable. So if I don't answer my phone, the 99th call won't be any different--you'll STILL be sent to voicemail. In fact, blowing up my phone only makes me NOT want to call you back!

But I think you'd have to be pretty damn insecure to show up to someone's house all b/c they're ignoring you or not responding to you. It lets off an air of desperation & insecurity about you.

And hey, if you think you'll be "catching" that person by showing up unannounced, you probably don't trust them, therefore you shouldn't be with that person to begin with. Wasting extra time/energy/& gas to go to their house to catch them doing something they shouldn't be doing is a WASTE of time/energy & like I said, gas!

If I don't respond to you, don't show up unannounced & damn sure DON'T be the creeper that sits in front of my driveway waiting for me until I get home. Now if it's an emergency, that's different! BUT, let's be honest here, don't expect for me to entertain your insecurities and/or attitude of entitlement. If I tell you I'm busy, respect & trust that. If I don't want to be bothered, don't try to FORCE me to be bothered with you.

Whenever someone has showed up to my job/house unannounced w/o a valid reason, it instantly turned me off & sent off big red flags! Am I the only one?!!!

I agree. Sometimes it doesn't hurt to let the other person know that you'll be busy/unavailable later, BUT at the same time, things come up. I don't want to have to constantly remind someone that I have a life or that I have a job or that I have other friends or that there are other people I entertain too. I want my partner or the person I'm dating to automatically understand & assume this, as I would naturally do the same for them.

Either way, when I don't pick up the phone, it's b/c I've made the DECISION not to. And as an Aqua, most of our decisions are final! If I have to pick up the phone & scream, "WHAT!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" that means I'm mad and/or that I feel you've violated the assumption that I'm busy. The way I see it, I don't see the need in entertaining someone if I can't give them my undivided attention anyways.

I can't stand it when someone answers my phone call just for the sake of answering yet only to talk to 5 people in the background and/or not really be able to hold a consistent conversation with me. I would much rather them just not have answered and/or have called me when they had time to talk or when they weren't busy.

I guess it's just a respect issue. It's about having consideration. And if you showing up unannounced stems from insecurities than I won't entertain that b/c I hate encourage insecurities, especially if I'm damned if I do & damned if I don't.

I need a partner who trust me both when I'm not busy AND when I actually am. I don't need them freaking out every time I actually decide to hang with someone else for a change, or when I'm at work actually working! It gets annoying having to explain yourself all the time, especially if you have nothing to hide.

Now blatenly ignoring someone isn't wrong b/c communication IS important, BUT coming to my house w/o permission is a no-no. The only people in this society who can show up unannounced are the police! And even they will get told off if they don't come correct!

If you're showing up to tell me that my friend's house caught on fire or that America is going to war again, that's 1 thing! lol.

But if you show up unannounced all just to tell me, "Hey, I was just seeing what you were doing," I'm going to be highly pissed & if anything, THEN I'll officially start ignoring you on purpose!

Same with voicemails! Calling me 5 times is 1 thing (still annoying--ugh) but leaving a voicemail per 5 times you called is just plain unnecessary, especially if there's no emergency!

Ugh, I swear there are some people who have a little too much time on their hands. There are some people who try to force you to have time for them even when you have a valid reason for not being able to talk to them or being around them. Some people are so selfish & are demanding of all your time. They want you to ignore all other phone calls when you're with them, but yet when you're not around them & busy, they expect for you to drop everything you're doing, for them.

word. i've actually had to tell one of my old co-workers, from years ago, that they were no longer allowed to call my place. they would literally call me until i picked up the phone. i asked him to stop twice before i finally had to lay down the law! i was so annoyed that every job i've had since i've written a disclaimer note by my number so that it never happens again.

luckily i've never had to deal with anyone showing up unannounced but i'm not keen on the idea. the truth is that i'm one of those people who wants to make sure my place is tidied up first (not that i'm gross but maybe i've procrastinated on a couple of chores). however, i have shown up unannounced before and continue to this day. of course, i have permission to do so.

Posted by Prince_Pisces
Who cares? Just dont answer the door then lol

Well sure, I can decide not to open the door, but then what? I'd have to deal with the after affect & the fact that some dude just showed up unannounced. And him doing so would probably change the dynamic of how I see him as a long term potential partner. It's the fact that him showing up unannounced symbolizes a potential problem or insecurity. And for that reason, I DO care.

I agree that if someone showed up unannounced & whether I was looking great or not, I wouldn't answer the door. If anything, I purposely wouldn't answer just to prove a point. Trying to back me in a corner is the same as saying that you don't respect my need for space & consideration from others; BIG NO NO! Boyfriend or not, everyone in my life WILL respect those 2 things.

I personally keep my house clean at all times b/c hey, you never know when 1 of your friends, family members or neighbors will stop by! Instead of trying to scramble around like a chicken with it's head off, I just make sure that everything stays clean "just in case" even if I have no reason to believe that someone will show up unannounced.

Same goes with appearance. Yes, I make it a point to look gorgeous & well "made up" when I go out to special places, BUT I ALSO make it a point to look nice when I'm at the little places like the grocery store or when I'm just going to a mini store up the street. You never know whose watching and/or who you might bump into. And life is so screwed up that it'd be your damn luck that the 1 time you walk out of the house looking a hot mess, THAT'S when your soulmate will accidentally run into you!!! Smh

Posted by Prince_Pisces
Well sure, I can decide not to open the door, but then what? I'd have to deal with the after affect

Yo could say you werent home. .

Excuse my language, but no F that! I wouldn't lie. I'd straight up tell someone that YES, I was home but that I didn't answer the door b/c I didn't appreciate them showing up unannounced.

In situations like that, the solution isn't to react passive-aggressively. I'd want someone to know up front & the 1st time they did something like that, to know that I did NOT appreciate what they did. I'd make sure the person knew that I was home & exactly why I didn't answer the door.

Me lying & saying that I wasn't home wouldn't help me to get the point across that showing up unannounced is not cool. Him being insecure/controlling wouldn't help, nor would me lying the min. someone does something I don't appreciate.

I'm not the type to get passive just to avoid conflict. If someone has done something that has truly offended me, I don't suppress things. I communicate with that person & let them know exactly how I feel and why I think what they did was wrong. I can only HOPE that they'll see where I'm coming from & promise not to do such a thing again, but still, I'd atleast take out the time to show him some respect & keep it real with him.

hhmmmm,

i dont like pop-ups...BUT, i will do a pop up if i have too

Well my opinion of my companion would slightly change if he started popping up unannounced. I wouldn't take it lightly if he showed up unannounced nor would I suppress my extreme discomfort with it.

But even though I'm not 1 to hide or suppress my feelings/opinions (especially if they're VALID), I do however hate having to have that uncomfortable "talk." After all, most controlling people never admit they're controlling. Most jealous people never really admit they're jealous. Most insecure people never really see it the same way; whereas I see it as insecurity, they see it as protection.

I hate having those uncomfortable conversations, BUT I hate even MORE the aspect of knowing that I didn't demand something I truly want (respect, consideration, privacy, trust, etc.) deep down. I wouldn't be able to shake the feeling that him showing up unannounced was done out of insecurity. And of course, it's very important to tackle any issues of insecurity immediately when it 1st happens.

I am so with you..I hate it! Aquadude..actually he is pisces come to find out(i was one day off on his bday) did that 2 weeks ago. Call me first! would have been nice. He knew from a text the night before I wasn't feeling well to boot. What he wanted to talk about(issue with his child) he could have done on the phone anyways(insert eye roll here)

And yes, K, other than this incident..things have been better 🙂

Ugh, & it's even harder to be mad at someone when they pop up & justify doing so b/c they claim they needed you really bad! On 1 hand, you want to cuss them out for popping up b/c there's really no excuse, but on the other hand, you kind of feel bad that they went to such extremes just to be able to talk to you or b/c they really needed you.

I guess I've never been in a situation where I needed someone SO damn bad that I just said F it & popped up over their house. If 1 friend doesn't answer, I'll be upset (and may even be supsicious or let my mind wander) for a quick second, BUT I'll quickly get over it & move to the next friend. But never have I been so insistent on someone picking up their phone to the point that I felt I needed to make a surprise appearance. I'd call 500 people before I showed up at anyone's house unannounced.

There's just some things I wouldn't do. It's kind of hard trying to convince someone that you showed up for any other reason other than insecurity! No matter what your excuse is, they'll still have that suspicious eye!

For real, I don't even believe in blowing someone's phone up. Well, unless it's an emergency that concerns a family member or something of that nature.

I'll call someone once or twice at the MOST & hey, if they don't answer, sure my mind might wander & all kinds of suspicious thoughts might start to circle in my mind, BUT I would never think to continually blow their phone up though. The WORST thing in the world is to need to talk to someone about something important but yet when you finally get ahold of them, you spend most of your time trying to convince them that you're not some crazy stalker whose clingy and/or insecure.

I'd much rather ask all my "questions" and/or air out all my suspicions later or when they finally call me back.

I've never understood the point in blowing up someone's phone. If they didn't answer the 1st 98 times, what makes us think the 99th call will be different?!

OMG are you all that highly strung??

I show up unannounced all the time to my friends and relatives and there's never been a problem and vice versa....if there was we wouldn't be so close...Maybe that's it be
cause we are close we don't have to make appointments to meet with each other!

I'd rather have an unannounced visit with my house in a mess than noone show up at all and be sitting lonely when I can enjoy others company...life's too short!

Posted by sweethearts
OMG are you all that highly strung??

I show up unannounced all the time to my friends and relatives and there's never been a problem and vice versa....if there was we wouldn't be so close...Maybe that's it be
cause we are close we don't have to make appointments to meet with each other!

I'd rather have an unannounced visit with my house in a mess than noone show up at all and be sitting lonely when I can enjoy others company...life's too short!

Well honey, family members are a little different. Friends are a little different too. But companions are another story.

And even then, I wouldn't necessarily pop up to a family member's or friend's house UNLESS we were both used to doing so. But I'm not talking about those kind of situations though. I'm talking about when someone randomly pops up for the FIRST time, even though they've never done so before (out of their character). I'm talking about when someone shows up unannounced b/c they were unwilling to be patient and/or respect that you're busy. Showing up anyways is rude & disrespectful.

I wouldn't even want my mother showing up to my house unannounced if me & my husband & kids were at home. You never know what someone is doing or might be busy with. And honey, if you're calling & yet they're not making an effort to pick up OR call you back, that's NOT necessarily the best indication that they want to see you or entertain you!

It's really something that me and my friends and family never discuss or fuss over ever! If I have to BOOK an appointment to see someone of feel this is what they expect then I'm NOT going to be comfortable enough to go shit in their toilet should the situation arise, so why would I even want to be around them! Maybe it's in the way I was bought up, even at dinner time and someone is there another place is set, you arent asked to leave! But I do know people that arent comfortable with that...I much prefer the way I live.

Now acquaintances ie: work collegues or people you have just met are different but you failed to state that this might be what you were saying.

I agree.
and then they try and call me the rude one for not inviting them in.
"but I drove all this way, blah blah blarh"

Posted by sweethearts
It's really something that me and my friends and family never discuss or fuss over ever! If I have to BOOK an appointment to see someone of feel this is what they expect then I'm NOT going to be comfortable enough to go shit in their toilet should the situation arise, so why would I even want to be around them! Maybe it's in the way I was bought up, even at dinner time and someone is there another place is set, you arent asked to leave! But I do know people that arent comfortable with that...I much prefer the way I live.
Now acquaintances ie: work collegues or people you have just met are different but you failed to state that this might be what you were saying.

Hey that's cool if that's the agreement that you & your friends have, that's cool as long as everyone involved IS cool with that. BUT not everybody will be ok with that.

It's not about having anything to hide or making people book "appointments." It may not kill me if you show up unannounced BUT it also wouldn't kill them to call before coming either. It's about respect & consideration.

The same way I feel that it's disrespectful to ask for/call an elder by 1st name is the same way I feel it's disrespectful to show up unannounced.

That person may not mind you coming over BUT obviously if they didn't answer when you called, that's an indication that they weren't 100% up to entertaining you for the moment. They might open their door b/c they don't want to be mean but hey, but at the end of the day I'd only want to be at their houses b/c they wanted me there AND gave me the permission to be there