Sick for days, so many ways.

After a 4 year relationship that grew from friend to soul mate, trust is something I took for granted.

All was well up until 2 months ago. Over that time, the flame has become all but distinguished.

Someone who had eyes only for me and treated me perfectly has suddenly lost their focus on me for an old friend of hers who just got divorced by his wife.

This attraction for this guy living hundreds of miles away has been steadily growing.

In the beginning, I respected her space. We aren't married. Let her work her feelings out on her own. After a few weeks, I calmly confront her on the status of us and on the possibilities of her with... let's call him. Cheese-dick.

So as I see it... she's in the process of leading me on. Saying she doesn't want to hurt me and is trying to understand what is right for her. That I'm her best friend and not only doesn't want to hurt me, but also wants me to stay a part of her life.

I'm being really calm and open about all this. Facilitating opportunities for productive communication and avoiding any stressful or intimidating scenarios associated with this kind of relationship problem.

She's being sneaky, selfish, and nothing like the individual I knew and fell in love with.

This isn't about me ego. I can swallow getting booted for a better fit. My pain stems from her refusal to be plain, honest, and direct in assessing the situation.

All this feels shady as fuck.

I'm not even really angry at all, just disappointed. Hurt. Surprised.

I'm at the point now where I'm feeling like:

"Shit. I don't know this girl. I don't love her. I love what I thought she was."

I love what we had. She wants to remain best friends. Perhaps move back into the type of relationship we had going prior to this obstacle. I just feel scorned. Even if she loses interest in Cheese-dick. Even if she apologizes and wants to move on. I feel like things are different. I see her in a different light. I don't know if I trust her. A relationship must have trust.

Up until now. Everything was perfect. Some would look at this as a trial. I look at it as disrespect. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm def a legit partner. All I'm asking for is for a little bit of direct honesty and I feel like I'm getting the run-around.

I'm afraid that maybe I don't love her like that anymore.

Is it dumb of me to just wash my hands? It hurts, but I feel like I deserve better treatment.

Do I wait around? She's been nothing but a perfect fri

She's been nothing but a perfect friend and partner up until now. ****

Walk away.


I went through this earlier this year. I had known mine for 15 years and we had been married for 7, but that moment when you know things changed... they did. Trust your gut, if shit feels shady, it is. Every piece of what you said here I went through. I told myself it would be okay. I held on long after I knew I should let go, I just couldn't do it.

She lost your trust, she'll NEVER get back 100% of it.

I know this short response to your long post may seem like I don't get it all, I couldn't have caught every detail you laid out... I did, I lived them all (and a lot worse) too.


Walk away.

Thanks Sid, I appreciate the words. I was afraid to hear that. Was hoping there was another answer. The truth hurts.


Shit.

I think you answered your OWN question. Of course these situations are ALWAYS easier said than done, BUT all that matters is that you'll end up suffering MORE by staying & walling in the UNKNOWN more than you would by leaving. How many times have we all probably thought the world would end, only to look back months/years later & realize that we made the RIGHT decision.

Seems like you're in love with who she USED to be & not in love with who she CURRENTLY is. Seems like you're struggling to ACCEPT the creed that "people change" & sometimes grow apart. Yes, what you're seeing is real. She probably HAS changed; no, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you. Your gut intuition is right.

And even if you walk away, that doesn't mean that it won't still hurt. After all, grieving the death of a friendship or past relationship will ALWAYS hurt; there's no getting around that. BUT the goal is to hurt as LESS as possible. And if you start to re-focus your energy on moving ON, you'll again get to that point of "wow the world really WASN'T over" just like you probably have in the past in other situations.

It's very hard to be friends when feelings are involved. It may seem like a good idea b/c keeping a "friendship" is the easiest way to keep hold onto someone that we secretly just don't know how to let go of.

Friendship may be possible LATER on down the road once you've completed the process of healing. BUT, if you continue to stay in this friendship, you'll continue to focus your energies on the things that really DON'T even matter. How wonderful or not this new guy is to her is besides the point, b/c she was going to change anyways.

And hey, sometimes it's not even that a person really changed; it's moreso that WE are the 1s who finally started seeing that person for who & what they really are; and when you're in love & got the "blinders" on, it sucks, BUT there's always a big chance that simply being in love could cost us the chance of LOGICALLY being able to see the truth.

Accept that you may NEVER completely understand HER actions & new persona. And even if she gives you answers, there's no telling that those answers will even be true OR that they'll make you feel any better. The only person you can change is YOU. Focus on YOU. You're right, you do deserve better

The BEST part about this whole situation is that you are being HONEST with yourself. You know that even if this was all just a bad dream that never happened, that you'd probably never trust her again. And I'm sure it took alot of guts for you to say that. After all, we'd all like to believe that if certain things would just freakin' go back to normal that our lives could magically resume & feel wonderful all over again. Well, that's FANTASY. But when it comes to the talks you are having with YOURSELF, you MUST living in REALITY.

The truth hurts, BUT guess what hurts even more? IGNORING the truth only to find out that doing so backfired & caused MORE suffering in the long run! THAT hurts a helluva lot more!

Don't feel that you are alone. In fact, many of us are secretely & subconsciously still in love with the person our exs or partners USED to be moreso than who they REALLY are at the moment. And since you can't have a real friendship with who someone USED to be, the BEST move for you logically & emotionally is to move on.

This girl may be confused. She may be leading you on, BUT not necessarily to be spiteful or manipulative. This girl might be having a battle b/w her heart & her head. Either way, you waiting on HER to make the decision & to lead things back the way they used to means the same as you trusting a 2 year old to know what "2+2" is. She's not emotionally capable/strong enough to be the LEAD & especially not over YOUR emotions.

So take some of the power back. If you continue to wallow in the "Whos, Whats, Whens, Wheres & Whys" it'll be a waste of time, b/c you've ALREADY admitted to yourself that the damage has been done & that even if things were to go back the way they were before, that you'd never trust her again. Not being able to trust someone DEFEATS the whole purpose of not only relationships BUT also friendships too.

As the saying goes, "IF YOU BELIEVED WHAT YOU SAW WHEN THINGS WERE GOOD, BELIEVE WHAT YOU SAW WHEN THINGS WERE BAD." Yes, she has changed. Yes, your intuition is telling you right. You are BOTH confused. And to avoid FURTHER confusion, take yourself out of this emotionally-charged situation so that you can begin to focus ono YOU again. And anyone who TRULY loves you wouldn't want it any other way.

Sorry ZJV,

People do change and I think can easily grow apart. A lot of people stay together long after they should have parted ways because of it. I am not the same person I was in my 20's or 30's. Only in my 40's have I really started to understand who I am through change. My point being earlier in life I had no clue. I only thought I did and had years to grow to the woman I am today. I would not change a thing and like the progression even though it meant my marriage after 12 years. I believe one can love many throughout a life time, not just one. I know I have and don't see one partner being in my future for the rest of my life. I may be wrong but it doesn't seem possible right now.

Listen to the above posts, lots of good stuff. You're young, handsome and have lots going for you in my opinion. Talk some time for yourself for a while and be ready to be the great catch you are! Someone will snatch you up and may never want to let go! 🙂

Posted by FeistyAquarian
That sucks :/ All that time, all those hopes...it's so easy to lose it all in the blink of an eye. I haven't been in that position, myself but I would figure it would be hard to gain the trust back because who's to say it wouldn't happen again? Or that those strange feelings from her wouldn't reignite if she continues talking to "Cheese-dick?" (lol sorry, I had to laugh!). But really, I feel for you! Good luck and I hope everything turns out well for you 🙂

LOL. Glad someone pointed the fact out that I used the term cheese-dick in such serious context. I always try slippin a little humor in even the darkest of things; coming from the guy who tells jokes about dead family members.


And to everyone in general - Thanks for the kind, supportive, rational words. I think I'll use this disappointment as motivation to better myself. I'm the kind of person who uses negative feelings as fuel for the fire. I'll be damned if I put this energy to waste. I've already got a schedule set up at a local boxing gym and to balance things out... a bit of yoga. haha. It's all good.

I'm a stable dude, I'm not going to fall to pieces, but I still have the feeling of loosing your stomach when you're going down a roller coaster...except in this case it's my heart. However it did def. help getting some insight from unbiased third parties such as yourselves.

You know, it's especially rough being that she's my best friend. In cases like this, when my heart feels like a rock, she'd be the person I'd go to. I just moved. Don't really know anyone, not that it will be a problem for long as I'm a Libra and can talk anyone till their blue in the face.

Fuck it. Life goes on, I know. I'm just pissed that I took for granted that giving respect to those around me would guarantee the same in return. I'm also grateful I didn't blow my lid. I don't enjoy being fucked with. At all. Normally shit goes down when fucking with me happens and the scales turn to fists. Don't know what has gotten into me. Lunatic calm? >🙂

Libraluv. Thank you for quoting me. I needed that reminder!

>;] **

K. Done. Ties cut clean. Cha-ching. Heart mending in progress.

Well, I'm glad that you've acknowledged that you perhaps took some things for granted, BUT don't start to BLAIM yourself for why someone ELSE did something that was out of your control. This girl doing a complete 180 has NOTHING to do with you; if it did she would've told you so. She didn't mention "YOU" as the reason her feelings needed to be sorted out. Even SHE's taking responsibility for her own mishaps so DON'T convince yourself that you're the blaim when the VERY PERSON that you love isn't even doing so!

I think it's about time that you STOP giving her so much POWER & CONTROL over YOUR emotions. Remember, you gave her that power once before & CLEARLY she messed that up so STRIP her of that power once & for all! I think it's about time that you let BOTH her & YOURSELF know that if she wants to "have her cake & eat it too" that's fine, BUT you don't want ANY part of it! It's about time that you SHOW YOU & her better than you can tell her/you what true STRENGTH is! Remember, that even those who secretely like manipulating others WON'T respect those whom allow them to succeed! The LAST & WORST thing you can do is CONTINUE to give her more ammunition to play with your emotions. It didn't feel good the 1st time & I promise you that it'll NEVER feel good!

Don't worry about her anymore. The "unknown" sucks, BUT remember that you can't change her or anyone other than yourself! Focus on healing. Focus on getting your energy & desire to be happy back again! Focus on how YOU feel & what YOU'RE gonna do from here on out! If you try to "guess" your way through HER emotions, you'll be stuck & confused until you run out of gas. Hell, SHE can't even figure herself out, so you'd kill yourself trying to do what SHE can't even do!

Everything will be alright. She is NOT the only person who can offer you true friendship & companionship. And she is NOT the only person in your life that you might notice "changing." Sometimes people change for the bad so that YOU can begin striving towards who/what is REALLY meant for you. If anything, send her a THANK YOU card for making you 1 step closer to getting to know/feeling love from the things/people who were specifically meant for you!

In life, there are LEAVES, BRANCHES & ROOTS.

The LEAVES represent the people in our lives who exit our lives as quickly as they entered. They don't last long. They come for superficial, shallow, deceitful & all the WRONG reasons. These types of friendships have NO foundation; this is why the littlest thing can cause a "break up" or split up for good. The LEAVES aren't in your life for the long haul. These types of friendships probably started at a quick pace, just like they always end the same. These are the kinds of friends that those cliche quotes say, "Come & go." The minute something small/minor changes, these types of people will LEAVE YOU in the dust & never look back. These types of people are LITERALLY like the LEAVES on trees; the leaves that appear charming & beautiful in the beginning but yet ALWAYS FALL OFF & die at the change of every new season.

The BRANCHES are sort of the WORST kind. They aren't as quick to leave you like the leaves are, BUT they aren't necessarily "down for you" in the long-haul either. Branches offer more than the leaves do, BUT with enough pressure, wind & storms, even the branches fall off. These are the people who truly THINK they're your friends. Problem is, there TRUE strength, loyalty & colors don't come out until emotions, hearts & love has already been given. If ENOUGH wind comes to pass, even these people will leave you in the dust. People often mistake the branches for the leaves, b/c these types of friendships generally DON'T end that quickly. These people will be down for you on CONDITION. But the minute things get rough ENOUGH OR the minute 1 of you changes, the friendship cannot survive. Branches might survive through SOME seasons, BUT NOT through all!

Then there are the ROOTS! The roots represent the people who won't leave you no matter what. The friendship won't be over just b/c someone changed or moved across the country. The roots will be there to hold you when you're crying over all the leaves & branches that suddenly deserted you. These are the people whom you have an UNCONDITIONAL foundation/bond with. They may do you wrong b/c even the roots are flawed, BUT there NEVER will be an ending. The roots are underground & untouchable, thus this is why they survive through EVERY season. These are the people whom you can forgive & pick up where you left off w/o that terrible feeling like you'll never be able to trust them again. Roots aren't ex's or any of the people who only loved us on CONDITION.

I think this girl was just a BRANCH. And most of us spend half of our lives obsessing over the loss of the branches we mistook to be ROOTS. I say she's a branch, b/c the minute she changed OR things went sour, the friendship couldn't survive. The minute the wind got too strong, it was as if the whole tree was knocked over & dead. BUT, those who are truly living life & who know how to pick/choose QUALITY, NEVER forget about the ROOTS that are left behind after every storm, undamaged & untouched.

Stop convincing yourself that this girl was a root; she was only a branch. If you try to find ways to blaim yourself for why things aren't the way they used to be, you're only making it harder on yourself. Even if you take ALL of the blaim, that still WON'T change the fact that she's emotionally confused.

Now that the final storm has come, try to re-focus your energy on cherishing the ROOTS in your life that never left you. These roots might be your family members, OTHER close friends & even better, YOURSELF.

I think Krysrenee just told you to hit the bitch with a baseball bat a.k.a. "tree branch", and then bury her in the yard a.k.a. "the roots"... right? Are the leaves to camouflage the dig site?

I think she may be on to something... really.

🙂 Thanks for the supportive words. It's all good. I just needed to vent and hear the hard truth. Now all that is over, I'm ready to press on. Plus. My birthday is this weekend.



LETS GET FUCKED UPPPPP.


;D

Posted by LibraSid
I think Krysrenee just told you to hit the bitch with a baseball bat a.k.a. "tree branch", and then bury her in the yard a.k.a. "the roots"... right? Are the leaves to camouflage the dig site?

Sid, I like your sense of humor.

Posted by zjv


LETS GET FUCKED UPPPPP.


;D

Well, if you insist...

La da da Duh da da Da!

Why man?

LibraSid is a nut! LOL! And yes, hitting her with a tree branch (bat) & burrying her in the yard (roots) was EXACTLY what I was trying to say lol!

Enjoy your Bday! You'll only turn this age ONCE!

Is it cruel of me to hope she contracts an STD from this man and he ruins her life?

I personally think it's completely fair.

Posted by brianafay

Is it cruel of me to hope she contracts an STD from this man and he ruins her life?


I personally think it's completely fair.

The jury has reached a verdict. You are innocent of cruelty, and she deserves an STD from cheese-dick.

LOL. You are all vicious.


As an update. Something much better has happened than an STD contraction. Much better. I'll save you all the personal details. Let's just say some karma has already caught up. Funny ass shit. It's priceless.


Thank you all for wishing death, burial, and STD on my ex.

I am laughing.

The gears of justice are in motion. I'm loving listening to their turning.