Stay single or immediately get someone else?

Would you rather your ex dump you and be alone or dump you and jump into another relationship? A friend of mine was recently dumped and was baffled when through her "investigative" work she found that he is still single, not dating or anything. She stated that she could get through the break up better if he had someone else, then he could be the "bad person" who needs constant validation from women. Since he is single, it's making their break up worse for her emotionally. She feels like he's saying to her, I would rather be single than be with you. I personally don't think being single is a disease 🙂, but this is affecting her a great deal.

If you were dumped and the other person was still single would it make it harder for you to get over them? She also feels that because she was dumped that it would make it difficult for someone else to take her seriously. I told her she doesn't have to tell the next guy that she was dumped and what makes her wrong for her ex could make her right for someone else.

I think it would make a difference how long I was with that person, and the reason why we broke up. Every situation is different. Why did they break up, and how long were they together? I think it would be hard regardless no matter their status after we broke up. You can justify either way which one is worse really.

Lol I am not the one who would wait for my ex boyfriend to just find a new one so I can sit there and be miserable...

Whenever a relationship is over for me, I instantly go out and find someone new, maybe not a serious one, but there are tons of people out there who just want to rebound and thats fine with me.

I think that if I ever get single again though, I wouldn't want an official relationship again... I'd be fine with just being me, myself and my new lovers lol

They were together 2 years. I'm still not clear on all the details regarding the breakup. There was a lot of arguing at the end regarding him wanting to get married and her wanting to wait. She was giving him a timeline (she's in grad school and wanted to get married after she finished), but he seemed very anxious about it. Still not quite sure what cause the actual breakup though since they have been talking about getting married for a year and a half now.

BTW, she's a Taurus and he's a Capricorn.

I like to say I prefer he see other people straight after me but who am I kidding, I would prefer him dump me and remain single.....for the rest of his life.

Posted by TaurusGirlRas
Waiting for your ex to find someone just so u can feel better is the dumbest shit I've heard all day. She'd do better getting herself up and find someone new herself. Obviously she's spending time thinking on him .

I don't think she's waiting on him to find someone. I think she expected him to immediately start dating (like the next week). They broke up about a month ago. But yes, she is thinking about him a lot. She just wants him back and him being single is giving her hope. She wants her hope taken away I guess 🙂! They are young, she'll be okay.

Stay single. What's with needing to be in relationship at all times? The only time you truly get to know yourself and what it is that you want/don't want is if you actually spend some time with yourself.

Posted by Caia
Stay single. What's with needing to be in relationship at all times? The only time you truly get to know yourself and what it is that you want/don't want is if you actually spend some time with yourself.

Yes. But the question was concerning your ex (who most people don't care about). Would you rather your ex be single or immediately with someone else after dumping you? My friend who got dumped feels like her ex staying single is making it harder for her to move on vs. him jumping right into something or someone else.

Posted by capnip

Posted by Caia
Stay single. What's with needing to be in relationship at all times? The only time you truly get to know yourself and what it is that you want/don't want is if you actually spend some time with yourself.

Yes. But the question was concerning your ex (who most people don't care about). Would you rather your ex be single or immediately with someone else after dumping you? My friend who got dumped feels like her ex staying single is making it harder for her to move on vs. him jumping right into something or someone else.

click to expand

Oh, I didn't read the small print LOL.

I don't know. I wouldn't care whether he's single or not. By the time he's an ex, what he does in his free time would be of no consequence to me.

But like you say, she was dumped, so the feelings are still there.

And WTF? He dumped her because she wouldn't marry him?

Of course he's still single. He still has feelings for her. That dumping sounds like a final move to control her/ push her into marriage.

It doesn't work that way. Bringing another woman too soon into the equation would trigger fits of fury and jealousy, obsessive spying and comparisons. She should move on before it happens.

Depends on how hung up on the guy I am after we break up.
If I am still in love and he is still single; in my feeble brain I am thinking perhaps he is still hung up on me too!!!
I will just email, text and call him 30x a day to make sure of it.
Then maybe we can get back together. 😆

If he jumps into a relationship and I am still hung up on him, then that is paralyzing.

If I am over him and he is either still single or rebounded, I really don't care and wish him the best.

First, I am a Taurus with Capricorn descendent female. So I don't jump into anything.... And I rather stay single for a minute after a break up.. Hm ever since my last serious relationship with my ex when I was 19-25 years old. Hm kinda dampered my attitude with male behaviour. SO I stay single for along time...And I can go 1-2 years without saying wait a minute I havent been out in a while lets see what I am missing..Not much which to me seems very frustrating.

I would rather the guy who dumped me stay single for awhile. If I get dumped that probably means I didn't want the relationship to end so I'm still going to have feelings, even if I know the relationship wasn't great or the guy probably wasn't "the one" being dumped means I wasn't ready, mentally or emotionally prepared...
If he stays single for awhile that's easier on the ego. I can make sense of it... we weren't compatible, different personalities, communication styles, goals in life, different paths etc

BUT if he jumps right into a new relationship, that's going to fuck with my head. Was he cheating? I must be an idiot for not seeing it. How long ago did he stop caring if he can quickly move on? I'm laying here miserable & he's fucking this new chick.... maybe right now. What does she have that I don't? Self esteem is smashed because you start picking apart every little flaw. And if you are at all competitive, even if you know that it wasn't a good relationship, you might just be compelled to try to "win" him back just for the sake of winning or proving something to your crumbling self esteem, which may make you do dumb stalkerish shit that you will later feel like a jack ass for, thus adding to your already damaged self esteem.

I think the issue is your friend took it to personal that this person just didn't want to be with them.

That is the issue. She felt if he was going to stay single then why not just try to make it work with her. It's just messing with her head right now. I told her that he might come back one day, don't know but for now she has to move on. She's only 25. I know she will be okay, she just doesn't know it right now.

BUT if he jumps right into a new relationship, that's going to fuck with my head. Was he cheating? I must be an idiot for not seeing it. How long ago did he stop caring if he can quickly move on? I'm laying here miserable & he's fucking this new chick.... maybe right now. What does she have that I don't? Self esteem is smashed because you start picking apart every little flaw. And if you are at all competitive, even if you know that it wasn't a good relationship, you might just be compelled to try to "win" him back just for the sake of winning or proving something to your crumbling self esteem, which may make you do dumb stalkerish shit that you will later feel like a jack ass for, thus adding to your already damaged self esteem.

ALL OF THIS!! I did this before. Ex moved on a week after I dumped him. I expected him to be too broken up to look at another girl, so I was surprised...and mad. So I went after him again on a mission to "win". Got him back and then realized (again) why I didn't want him. Dumped him again and he's never spoken to me since. I felt bad for awhile....but I was young. Forgave myself and promised to not do anything like that again.

Posted by TaurusGirlRas
Waiting for your ex to find someone just so u can feel better is the dumbest shit I've heard all day. She'd do better getting herself up and find someone new herself. Obviously she's spending time thinking on him .

+1

Her logic behind it all is effing retarded.

"I FEEL SO MUCH MORE WORSE BECAUSE HE'S NOT WITH SOMEONE ELSE."

What the hell kind of logic is that? He broke up and wants to be single for awhile. Her emotional being is fucked up if she thinks it's better or normal to be with someone else immediately after a break up. Anyone with any sort of functioning brain knows that you should take some down time after a break up, not jump into another. People who jump from one to the other are fucked up in the head.

Posted by RiverLee
I would rather the guy who dumped me stay single for awhile. If I get dumped that probably means I didn't want the relationship to end so I'm still going to have feelings, even if I know the relationship wasn't great or the guy probably wasn't "the one" being dumped means I wasn't ready, mentally or emotionally prepared...
If he stays single for awhile that's easier on the ego. I can make sense of it... we weren't compatible, different personalities, communication styles, goals in life, different paths etc

BUT if he jumps right into a new relationship, that's going to fuck with my head. Was he cheating? I must be an idiot for not seeing it. How long ago did he stop caring if he can quickly move on? I'm laying here miserable & he's fucking this new chick.... maybe right now. What does she have that I don't? Self esteem is smashed because you start picking apart every little flaw. And if you are at all competitive, even if you know that it wasn't a good relationship, you might just be compelled to try to "win" him back just for the sake of winning or proving something to your crumbling self esteem, which may make you do dumb stalkerish shit that you will later feel like a jack ass for, thus adding to your already damaged self esteem.

THIS makes more sense than the OP's friend's logic.

Posted by DonJohnson
always always find someone else. immediately if you can.

it's a selfish thing to do. but there's nothing like new pussy after a bad breakup. really sobers you up from your addiction to the previous partner.



i'd imagine it's different for a woman. you'd probably feel shame and grow even more attached to the previous partner after a meaningless hook-up. I've had this talk with a lot of girls about rebounding.

So you are trying to immediately get over an ex by having sex with someone else? Does that actually work for you?

Posted by capnip

Posted by DonJohnson
always always find someone else. immediately if you can.

it's a selfish thing to do. but there's nothing like new pussy after a bad breakup. really sobers you up from your addiction to the previous partner.



i'd imagine it's different for a woman. you'd probably feel shame and grow even more attached to the previous partner after a meaningless hook-up. I've had this talk with a lot of girls about rebounding.

So you are trying to immediately get over an ex by having sex with someone else? Does that actually work for you?

click to expand

He's a guy. A lot of guys don't work through feelings first. They ignore them and bury them by sleeping around with shallow hook ups. Grunt grunt, gotta be that big tough man with no feelings! They continue to do so until they turn into someone like DJ- which most real women wouldn't want a relationship with.

He thinks it helps him get over an ex, but it's clear that approach hasn't done much for him. It's pretty obvious based on his views of women and relationships.

Posted by DonJohnson
completely wrong.

i'm asian... i don't have the perception of lust or sexuality around me.

as a matter of fact, by the time vast majority of women sleep with me they already want a relationship with me. then they get their cervix pushed in and bladder knocked loose. it's a wrap.

that is actually the crux of my biggest problem.

never a shortage of relationship candidates. all good girls too incidentally.

So the ex means nothing to you? Do you ever go back? You are moving on physically, but how about emotionally? If you were dumped and your ex let someone hit it the next day, how would you feel about that?

I think everyone has heard the saying "the best way to get over a man is to get under another one". I did that in my 20s. It never worked well. Don is right about women feeling more for the ex after a meaningless hookup. It also created issues with the guys who were serving as rebounds. Contrary to popular belief, some guys don't like being used for sex. It just gets messy. Glad I stopped doing it.

I still struggle with being truly alone after a split, but it always works out better for me. In my humble opinion, people who hop from person to person just leave a trail of broken hearts because they never healed from the original relationship.