STDs

We've ALL been advised/warned to ask someone for PROOF that they are sexually healthy/VOID of stds BEFORE having sex with them.

MY QUESTION is: How many of you ACTUALLY ask for proof that someone is "clean" BEFORE having sex with them? If not, why not?

And for those who don't necessarily ask for proof BEFORE THE 1st sexual encounter, when (if you even do at all) do you normally ask for proof or some kind of reassurance (other than words) that the other person is "clean?"

And would you/have you ever been OFFENDED when someone asked you for "proof" that you don't have any STDs? Why? Why not?

I've never asked anyone for proof. I have only had one partner where the sex happened within 2 weeks of knowing each other but the others i had known for months first. I have asked all but that one guy whether or not they were clean but i never asked to see the evidence. i suppose i thought i would take their word for it and use a condom anyway.

i have never been asked for proof in return but i would not be offended. i'd think they were smarter than myself actually. i just try to keep a low turn-over rate of partners and hope for the best.

I have had tests after each partner since my marriage split for my own peace of mind but also approached the subject with the last person as I knew it was going there...he of course said that he had just been tested...I still am not definite as to whether he had but I know for a fact that I never got anything from him. One of the hardest things to do but yes something that has to be taken very seriously. I talk to my daughter all the time about it and have had her checked but in all reality, the truth be told alot of people run the risk.

I mean, when you have a test you should be re-tested in 6 months to be sure they say. If you are going with someone and dont have them have tests then you start with condoms...how long does that last before you think you are safe? Alot of the times people in the spur of the moment & in the heat of it dont even bother with condoms!

Alot also sleep with a guy before they really know them, so asking that question also complicates things and may turn that person off.

It's a game of Russian Roulette in todays world and people play...how many would really stick a gun to their head and fire??

1. We'd have a MAJOR problem if a man even LOOKED AT ME WEIRD after I asked him for proof. After all, if he doesn't understand the importance of me looking out for my OWN HEALTH/SAFETY, it's probably a BIG indication that he doesn't make his OWN health a priority

2. It amazes me how people try to "GUESS" or "Judge by looking" to figure out whether or not someone is clean. STDs don't discriminate. They infect good guys, bad guys, tall guys, short guys, broke guys, rich guys, black guys, white guys, religious guys, etc. There is no COMMON-SENSE JUSTIFICATION when a person rationalizes that they "looked & can just tell" that another person isn't infected! I mean seriously, since when is there a certain "LOOK" that spells "HIV?!" You can "get to know someone" forever, BUT getting to know them on an intellectual, emotional and/or psychological level is COMPlETELY DIFFERENT than getting to know those STD test results that can only be confirmed medically!

3. If you're going to ask for proof, don't wait to ask during the moment when you're almost fully naked & ready to get it on. Ask BEFORE the foreplay has even began. Ask during a time when a person's defenses are the most likely to be DOWN persay the topic were to be brought up.

4. When I asked 1 guy for proof, he looked at me strange, hesitated & answered my question by saying, "Don't worry, I've been checked within the last 3 months." My response: Um that wasn't the question sir! Seriously, I'm not looking for the answer, "Oh don't worry, I get checked regularly." That's NOT the question. And if that were actually the case, a person who prioritizes getting checked regularly would be the FIRST 1 to have such proof/documentation close by! "Regularly" to 1 person might mean twice a year vs. MY definition of what "regularly is." HEll if you screwed 5 girls, got checked & were clean BUT YET screwed another 5 girls AFTER the test, how am I supposed to know that none of those 5 girls gave you an STD!?

5. Using a condom is NOT enough. Are people just not educated?! Oral sex (most people don't use condoms during this time) transmits STDs too! I'm sure ALOT of people with STDs swear up & down they used condoms so obviously just stricly using condoms is CLEARLY not enough. Don't believe me? Ask the people who work at STD clinics. They've seen/heard it ALL!

That is why STDs are on the rise!

6. MOST people don't even experience symptoms or know they even have 1, so HOW ON EARTH is ANOTHER person supposed to "guess" or "Know" if the original person doesn't even know! That is WHY testing is so important! Sure, there are the cases where a man's pee might be green or a woman's vaginal area isn't smelling too good, BUT let's be honest, MOST people don't even know they have STDs UNTIL they are tested. And that's not just my opinion, that is a STATISTICAL FACT! Of course there ARE symptoms for every STD BUT all of those same brochures, websites & drs. make it VERY CLEAR that not everybody experiences those symptoms. You've probably walked by hundreds of HIV-positive individuals in your lifetime & wouldn't even know it. There's no certain "look"

7. I don't understand why people can't take out the time to ask such a simple question. After all, are you sure you'd want to be potentially dating and/or giving away your HEALTH to someone who either won't answer that question, gets defensive when asked that question OR doesn't even remember the last time they've gotten checked. It's bad enough people lie as it is, BUT it's even WORSE that statistics show that asking someone such a question seconds before sex is the time when someone is MOST Likely to lie about how often they get checked (if they even get checked at all).

Think about it. That guy whose super horny & who himself, "didn't notice any symptoms" on himself would be in the PERFECT position to "MAKE UP SOMETHING" when asked that question b/c hey, he doesn't want to ruin the mood, stir up any suspicion & even worse, lose out on getting some nooky!

I just think it's silly that people rationalize why they can't take 20 minutes out of their day to go get tested regularly. It's amazing to me that people consider making sure they're healthy to be an "inconveinance." HA! Tell that to the people who are already infected & cannot get rid of their stds! It's alot more of an INCONVEINANCE to have to tell someone you're infected (b/c it's a LAW) vs. just innocently asking if someone has proof they are clean! Trust me, people would spend ALOT MORE TIME/MONEY/HUMILIATION trying to TREAT the damn stds 10Xs more than they would just finding out if they're infected. People are idiots!

I have been very unsafe in the past and just very lucky that i have never caught anything, I have always got checked after every person which isnt a particularly safe method as like they say "no point closing the barn door after the horse has escaped".

What proof do people have that they are safe though— Everytime I have been checked they only contact you if your results are not clear. If you have not heard back you can ring and check to double check your results but its not like they print out a certificate of cleanliness lol

and yeah you are right about asking someone being no safe method either really, in the heat of the moment no guys going to admit he has been sleeping with skanks and not been checked for years is he?

Not wanting to make it sound like STD's are ok but the most common ones Chlamydia and gonnoreah (however you spell it?!) can be treated with a week course of antibiotics, so i wouldnt be that annoyed if i caught them, same as catching a cold. Obviously the serious ones like aids and HIV are the ones that people need to be getting checked for especially since it can take years for the symptoms to develop. just because your looking good and smelling right down there is no indication that your aids/hiv free. and herpes, well all it takes for your partner to have a coldsore (or be about to get one) and them take a journey down south, and you could have a new irritating life problem.

All I have to say is. Fuck. Read the box. It's scary how many people think condoms protect from STDs. Yowzaaah.

@Libra sun: WHOA!

1. if a person actually took out the time to ASK for persay a "certificate of cleanliness" they could & I'm 100% positive that any clinic would be GLAD to print out such a document. I know b/c I've got plenty of those "documents" stating that I'm clean. All people have to do is ask!

2. STDs that are not permament may be treatable within 1 week IF detected soon after they came into contact with the STD. Not to mention, STDs like Chlamidia can do ALOT of damage, & especially to a woman's reproductive organs if gone undetected for a long period of time. Sure, 1 week of pills may get rid of the std itself BUT those pills don't repair or REVERSE the DAMAGE that has already been done! Like seriously, do people not even realize that STDs, permanent or not are VERY dangerous?! So what a woman/man can get rid of certain diseases in 1 week! It only takes 2 seconds to put on a damn condom & go get checked vs. the 7 days it takes (if 7 days is even long ENOUGH) to treat such a thing!

If a person has the time/money/energy to invest in getting treatment for STDs, it amazes me that people try to rationalize why they can't/won't take some of that time/energy/money to invest in using protection & getting checked. I am 100% positive that condoms are 10xs CHEAPER than a visit to the clinic & the pills that "get rid" of certain stds! I'm also 100% POSITIVE that a person will invest/spend more time getting rid of an std (if they EVEN CAN) more than they would invest/spend time buying protection & getting checked!

@Libra: And I 100% agree that checking for the more serious/permanent STDs is important. BUT, what'd be the harm in double checking to make sure that you don't have the "smaller" stds?! I mean seriously! If a person is going to get checked for HIV, it wouldn't make sense for them to NOT get checked for all other stds, that if dorment for long enough can have some of the SAME effects on the body! When a woman is pregnant, they not only check her for HIV but they check for ALL stds! If the "smaller" stds weren't that big of a deal, clinics wouldn't invest BILLIONS of dollars into advising people to check for them all!

There's a REASON companies are spending MILLIONS of dollars on all these STD commercials. They are PERFECTLY AWARE that some STDs don't produce symptoms until years later. DUH, that is why they advise people to get checked 3-4 times a year, regardless of whether they're seeing symptoms or not. Just b/c a person doesn't have symptoms doesn't mean that a medical test can't detect the STD. 99% of STDs are detectable within 72 hours of contact/initiation. The PROBLEM is that people WAIT until they see symptoms (if they even do at all).

And the problem with WAITING is that: 1. You've probably slept with AND infected people during the time you were WAITING
2. The damage that has been done often can't be reversed/repaired with simple treatment.

(Example) This girl I went to high school with died after giving birth. When she was 1st pregnant, her chlamidia test came back POSITIVE. They couldn't determine exactly how long she'd had the STD BUT they DID know though that the chlamidia severly damaged her ovaries, uterus & other reproductive organs; thus they concluded that she'd OBVIOUSLY/probably had the STD for some time. She died b/c the STD damaged her uterine walls & caused cists to form (sign of Cervical cancer), which in term RUPTURED & killed her while she was giving birth. Her story puts to REST any rumors or "guesses" that the "smaller stds" can't/don't do harm. Those "smaller" stds are STILL screened for b/c they are known as "SILENT killers." They're ESPECIALLY dangerous simply BECAUSE Of the fact that they don't often produce symptoms, thus they're more likely to cause some serious damage that can affect health in the long run. Sorry but I'd rather never have sex AGAIN vs. losing my life AND my newborn's life all b/c I had all the excuses in the world to go get tested!

In England checks, treatments and condoms are free to everyone under 25 and anyone unemployed or on a low income so there arnt really any excuses for not being safe. But i have never heard of anyone ever being given written results, maybe you have to pay for them I dont know, i'll ask about it next time i visit which wont be anytime soon since im trying out celabacy for a bit.

Like i said i get checked after every partner so for ME chlamydia would not be a big issue as it would be treated before any long term damage had been done, obviously I am proud of my clean bill and would not want it tarnished but of all the STD's to catch it would be the one I would be least upset about.

Posted by krysrenee7
@Libra: And I 100% agree that checking for the more serious/permanent STDs is important. BUT, what'd be the harm in double checking to make sure that you don't have the "smaller" stds?! I mean seriously! If a person is going to get checked for HIV, it wouldn't make sense for them to NOT get checked for all other stds, that if dorment for long enough can have some of the SAME effects on the body! When a woman is pregnant, they not only check her for HIV but they check for ALL stds! If the "smaller" stds weren't that big of a deal, clinics wouldn't invest BILLIONS of dollars into advising people to check for them all!

Yes i agree completely i meant it is usually the smaller ones that people get checked or they go to the doctors because they have symptoms of something treatable and over look the fact that they could have something more serious.

@Libra: Oh no hun, I wasn't talking AT you in my previous posts. I was going off lol about the women/men who rationalize the dumbest of mindsets to avoid getting tested/using protection. I'm sure YOU personally take your health seriously, as you've given me no reason to believe that you don't.

And yeah, they actually will give you proof. After all, those doctors & nurses have to put your "clean bill of health" on file for themselves too. When a person gets checked often (& especially if they keep going back to the SAME place to get checked) there HAS to be SOME way those doctors/nurses already know up front that you've always had a clean bill of health. They write your results down on charts & store those charts in their files. And since THEY have something in writing letting them know your results were positive, it's 100% possible to ask those same nurses/doctors for your OWN copy.

And it's sad that people would even be okay with going through the process of treating an std all b/c they know certain stds are treatable. Sure, certain stds can be treated in 7 days, BUT why even go through that? Those pills/treatment cost money...a HECK of alot more than what it costs to buy a condom and/or an office visit to get checked.

What kills me is that people automatically assume that if they WERE to get an std that it's probably 1 they can get rid of. After all, it's not like a person can CHOOSE what std they want. A person is considered LUCKY IF they contact an std that just so happens to be treatable. I guess people never really payed attention to the part about stds being 100% PREVENTABLE. I'd rather face the discomfort of asking my partner if he's been checked recently vs. having to duck down in my chair in embarrassment when receiving "pills" for chlamidia!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with krysrenee7 and libra sun!
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Posted by Tahlia
"And would you/have you ever been OFFENDED when someone asked you for "proof" that you don't have any STDs? Why? Why not?"

never been asked. but i would be highly offended!!!!!!!! lol i like to be innocent and clean...which i am..............

While it's understandable that the LAST thing someone wants to discuss right before sex is stds, I don't think it even makes human common sense to get offended when asked this question. I mean seriously, I'd be MORE offended if someone infected me OR even worse, if I got infected by some damn disease I've known was 100% PREVENTABLE since the 3rd grade. That's another reason why I believe most people should discuss that sort of conversation wayyyyy BEFORE sex is even initiated. And hey, if 2 people don't get the chance to "discuss" that b/c they went from meeting eachother at 5pm to screwing eachother at 6pm the same day, THAT'S the damn problem anyways! If people would actually take some time out to get to know & befriend the people they are sleeping with, they wouldn't have to be so paranoid about asking such a question! Not to mention, half the women/men wouldn't be as heartbroken and/or always wondering why their love life sucks!

I know sex may not mean much to some people, but hey to me sex means alot. How DARE someone feel they have the right to stick their wocket in my pocket & yet get offended when I ask them to make sure what they're sticking in me doesn't have rabies lol!

Trust me, if there were some kind of way to KNOW whether or not a person is clean w/o the use of medical tests, I'm sure so many people would NOT have stds.

Do you actually believe that the people with stds now WANTED those stds? Hell no, they were just like MOST people..assuming they'd never be the 1 to get 1.

To me, asking someone if they're "clean" for the sake of having that clarification is the SAME as WASHING/SCRUBBING MY HANDS AFTER USING THE RESTROOM! Sure, there MAY be a slight chance that I won't catch the flu or pick up some nasty viral/bacterial infection, BUT hey it shouldn't be a BURDEN either to just take 2 secs. out of your day to wash your hands, if anything JUST TO BE SURE!

Posted by Asleep
I don't actually ask for proof if I'm wearing a rubber. Obviously I'm gonna take a look and make everything is looking/smelling alright. I DO take proof when a relationship becomes long term or serious. I hate wearing condoms tbh, and I'd rather leave it inside when it's 'That' time anyways. So a STD test? Yes, BC? Yes.

Double up LOL