Stockholm Syndrome

1. What are the psychological mechanisms behind Stockholm syndrome?

2. How can we differentiate between manipulation and true consent in these cases?

3. Are there cultural or systemic factors that make some people more vulnerable to Stockholm syndrome?

4. How does Stockholm syndrome challenge our understanding of free will and survival instinct?

5. What does the social circle of someone with Stockholm syndrome typically look like?

This is quite a studious assignment to undertake for someone staunchly done with school

It's been said that if it's not an enthusiastic yes, it's a no. That's not always true. Hell sometimes a no genuinely becomes a yes and you can wear a bitch down & make her fall in love. But if the person doesn't make eye contact and exhibits signs of being controlled such as only speaking when spoken to, these could be signs of coercion. "Fawn" response that many people succumb to, especially those with violent parents/childhood caregivers. Undersocialized people with little to no support group are vulnerable to Stockholm syndrome. I read an article once about how vulnerable autistic women are to coercion

The predator in this case is also perceivably mentally ill, probably too focused in general on social hierarchy, power dynamics. Not truly charismatic playas who are often otherwise polite and socially decent, and whose "victims" are moreso consenting (fighting over him even) & not forced into a freeze response unlike with the predator

I was recently wondering if some of my work colleagues, myself included, were suffering from SS under the circumstances. Let me give you some background.

Our institution is undergoing "work force resizing" and several hundred people have to leave. However, the case for redundancy is possibly weak, because they could have downsized some of their super expensive "vanity projects" instead of the workforce.

To make us leave "voluntarily", the higher management employed some bullying tactics where doom and gloom was spread and many rounds of voluntary severance (VS) were offered.

Two years ago, my then line manager, most likely a psychopath, used coercive tactics where he targeted almost 50% of people, myself included, asking them to take VS. Although practically illegal, his tactics worked with some, but also backfired. Everyone hated on the "psycho" and he had to leave after several complains of harassment.

We've been now in a similar situation for many months, except that our new line manager is a kind, compassionate, double Cancer. Like his "psycho" predecessor, he is a tool in the hands of higher management. His own boss selected a pool of people for redundancy pool, and the Cancer will have to make some people redundant, unless he persuades them to take voluntary redundancy.

Unlike the psycho, the double Cancer is well liked and has little to no blame put on him personally. I like him a lot too and even feel sorry for him to be in this position. The fact that I'm a double Pisces and not in the redundancy pool probably helps.

The question is, do we really like him for who he is, or are most of us suffering from Stockholm syndrome by now, after more than two years of being harassed, our careers and livelihoods endangered, and losing hundreds of our colleagues?

I think this example may answer your first question. Perhaps the psychology behind it is to attach the idea of safety and gratefulness to someone who appears to be compassionate and understanding, while they are still part of a coercive, kafkaesque "oppressor". Whatever helps us sleep better at night!

As for the manipulation question, we are most likely manipulating ourselves into submission.

Posted by Undine
I was recently wondering if some of my work colleagues, myself included, were suffering from SS under the circumstances. Let me give you some background.


Our institution is undergoing "work force resizing" and several hundred people have to leave. However, the case for redundancy is possibly weak, because they could have downsized some of their super expensive "vanity projects" instead of the workforce.


To make us leave "voluntarily", the higher management employed some bullying tactics where doom and gloom was spread and many rounds of voluntary severance (VS) were offered.


Two years ago, my then line manager, most likely a psychopath, used coercive tactics where he targeted almost 50% of people, myself included, asking them to take VS. Although practically illegal, his tactics worked with some, but also backfired. Everyone hated on the "psycho" and he had to leave after several complains of harassment.


We've been now in a similar situation for many months, except that our new line manager is a kind, compassionate, double Cancer. Like his "psycho" predecessor, he is a tool in the hands of higher management. His own boss selected a pool of people for redundancy pool, and the Cancer will have to make some people redundant, unless he persuades them to take voluntary redundancy.


Unlike the psycho, the double Cancer is well liked and has little to no blame put on him personally. I like him a lot too and even feel sorry for him to be in this position. The fact that I'm a double Pisces and not in the redundancy pool probably helps.


The question is, do we really like him for who he is, or are most of us suffering from Stockholm syndrome by now, after more than two years of being harassed, our careers and livelihoods endangered, and losing hundreds of our colleagues?


I think this example may answer your first question. Perhaps the psychology behind it is to attach the idea of safety and gratefulness to someone who appears to be compassionate and understanding, while they are still part of a coercive, kafkaesque "oppressor". Whatever helps us sleep better at night!


As for the manipulation question, we are most likely manipulating ourselves into submission.

"I think this example may answer your first question. Perhaps the psychology behind it is to attach the idea of safety and gratefulness to someone who appears to be compassionate and understanding, while they are still part of a coercive, kafkaesque "oppressor". Whatever helps us sleep better at night!"

This raises the possibility that someone experiencing SS might not just be a passive victim but also consciously or not plays an active participant in how they respond to the coercive/toxic behavior. Does the one with SS enable the behavior? It questions how much of that attachment is a survival instinct (what are other options besides having that same interaction) and how much becomes complicity over time.

Posted by kachi_cakee
1. What are the psychological mechanisms behind Stockholm syndrome?


2. How can we differentiate between manipulation and true consent in these cases?


3. Are there cultural or systemic factors that make some people more vulnerable to Stockholm syndrome?


4. How does Stockholm syndrome challenge our understanding of free will and survival instinct?


5. What does the social circle of someone with Stockholm syndrome typically look like?

I do believe my mother has this with my dad, and ironically she was born/raised in Sweden 🇸🇪

1) I am not a psychologist, nor have I read any studies about this, but I imagine the mechanisms behind it involve a great deal empathy, limerence, as well as codependency, and low self-worth.

2) I personally think for the people living it long-term, they don’t understand the psychological or manipulative aspects and they therefore truly believe they are consenting/choosing their partner. From the outside looking in, I suppose we don’t fully know what the victim knows about their abuser; perhaps they truly do see the manipulation and find comfort in it.

3) I think coming from a line of codependents or addicts makes you pre-disposed. Sometimes I wonder if being Swedish makes you pre-disposed. Both just theories lol.

4) How Stockholm syndrome challenges our understanding of free-will and survival instinct varies from person to person. Again, we don’t truly know how clearly they view their abusers. They may see the manipulation but also see some pure version of their abuser deep down. As someone who’s been in a similar experience, I can say I knew 100% what kind of person my ex was, but I still held onto the ideal of a “changed” version of him- that if I loved him properly and provided the tools for evolution he could change (I still do believe this 🤦‍♀️).

5) In my moms example, she’s in a support group- Al-Anon- for friends/family of alcoholics. I’ve been to a few meetings with her, and from what I gather a lot of the spouses of alcoholics are married to abusive people, interestingly enough. She has a strong social support via that group. As for myself, I have a couple friends who are just like me- involved with or have been involved with abusers, make excuses for them, hold out hope for them. It’s kind of like “birds of a feather flock together”. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve also had friends who are well-adjusted in healthy relationships, but tbh my connection with them doesn’t feel as strong.

Do people in the army suffer from SS?

Posted by kachi_cakee
Do people in the army suffer from SS?

No, that’s not how it works.

People who make a career out of the military generally have a purpose and discipline that leads them to maintain that career. Much in the same way an accountant or neurosurgeon pursues their career.

All of the surgeons and dentist I’ve been with have commonly expressed an obligation/commitment to their jobs, an inherent obligation comparable to parenthood. Would you think they have SS?

But anyways, I see career-military-service members having that same inherent obligation/devotion.

I’m definitely experiencing ss with my toddler. I don’t consent to any of the emotional, mental, physical and psychological abuse my 2 year old inflicts on me but do I have a choice? I still wait to shower her with all the love I can give 😭

Posted by Undine
I was recently wondering if some of my work colleagues, myself included, were suffering from SS under the circumstances. Let me give you some background.


Our institution is undergoing "work force resizing" and several hundred people have to leave. However, the case for redundancy is possibly weak, because they could have downsized some of their super expensive "vanity projects" instead of the workforce.


To make us leave "voluntarily", the higher management employed some bullying tactics where doom and gloom was spread and many rounds of voluntary severance (VS) were offered.


Two years ago, my then line manager, most likely a psychopath, used coercive tactics where he targeted almost 50% of people, myself included, asking them to take VS. Although practically illegal, his tactics worked with some, but also backfired. Everyone hated on the "psycho" and he had to leave after several complains of harassment.


We've been now in a similar situation for many months, except that our new line manager is a kind, compassionate, double Cancer. Like his "psycho" predecessor, he is a tool in the hands of higher management. His own boss selected a pool of people for redundancy pool, and the Cancer will have to make some people redundant, unless he persuades them to take voluntary redundancy.


Unlike the psycho, the double Cancer is well liked and has little to no blame put on him personally. I like him a lot too and even feel sorry for him to be in this position. The fact that I'm a double Pisces and not in the redundancy pool probably helps.


The question is, do we really like him for who he is, or are most of us suffering from Stockholm syndrome by now, after more than two years of being harassed, our careers and livelihoods endangered, and losing hundreds of our colleagues?


I think this example may answer your first question. Perhaps the psychology behind it is to attach the idea of safety and gratefulness to someone who appears to be compassionate and understanding, while they are still part of a coercive, kafkaesque "oppressor". Whatever helps us sleep better at night!


As for the manipulation question, we are most likely manipulating ourselves into submission.

I hadn't considered SS occurring at the hands of an employer, but you're so right. This sounds a lot like my experience at General Mills, down to the expensive, superfluous vanity projects. They gave us all beautiful backlit bathroom mirrors, automatic soap and hot air dispensers on the sink, enormous break room booths like a damn McDonalds and a fancy vending system like a gas station-- all while laying off most of their departments at length, including offering temporary unemployment. My dept wasn't hit with the layoffs like some of the others (including the plants biggest money-maker), but we were threatened that a line might be scrapped for poor performance and that it was our fault specifically. Despite the high turnover off-shift from the top down-- plant management changed hands often as well, especially assistant plant manager-- we had a new one at least every year. When I got fired and went to the temp agency that I had started there through, I found out they don't accept temps anymore, had just recently cut em off.

Midwestern factory life is known to be abusive. I don't understand people who don't support unions. That said, I try to appreciate each job I have, if only for the hours, pay/benefits, technical ease/social isolation, short commute, and exercise. If my job includes some or all of those things, I'm grateful. Better yet if my boss likes me. But there are always worse jobs out there, like being a dietary aide in a nursing home (aka forced to work through your breaks)