I feel guilty because I dont stay in touch with my aging father

My father is 90 he is in a nursing home. He got me when he was 50 he became physically frail in my teens. Since then

i wince when I notice memory loss, clumsiness, hearing loss etc. It takes me a long time to just give him a call.

I know I am a pos. Is it common for children to abandon their parents as they age?

Was he like an ok father to you? Even he wasn't good.

If he was , it wouldn't hurt to call or visit him once or twice a month. You would be doing something good.

I don't think its common to abandon people's parents unless they have a reason to hate them.

not sure what kind of a father he was to you but it wouldn’t hurt to visit every now and then. especially if he still recognizes you as his son even with his memory loss.

i’m not too crazy about my mom (i was raised by a single dad) but i still call her sometimes and still pick up when she calls me. like once a month.

i don’t feel like i “owe” her much (other than her giving me birth) since she gave me more headaches/trauma than good memories growing up but i’ll still go and visit her when she’s old.

why? i don’t know. cuz it seems like the “right” thing to do. i probably won’t be doing it out of any sentimental reason. i’ll just do it cuz it’s the right thing to do. also cuz i realize now that i’m much older that she’s only human after all.

“I know I am a pos. Is it common for children to abandon their parents as they age?”

generally speaking, no. it’s actually considered pretty cold/heartless to do so.

You came out of his ballsack, give him a ring 🤣

You came out of his ballsack, give him a ring 🤣

Maybe it'll be awkward and you've never quite had that relationship but if things aren't bad then reach out to him. At this point, he's not going to be reaching out to anyone as he's old and probably tired.

We are all on our own here on earth, and we get the life we create. If he is in a bad position in this stage of life, he's experiencing the result of the effort he put into creating it.

Honestly a lot of men aren't great at putting in the effort at creating great relationships. You'd be better off worrying how not to repeat his mistakes, so someone else doesn't feel this way about you.

The (un)common question is greatly influenced by culture, I'd wager! I am also greatly inclined to agree with some previous posterd who suggested you reach out to him he wasn't a terrible man. No for him, but for yourself!

Posted by Stardustmopped
As someone who has worked with the aging/elderly, it’s not uncommon.

An overwhelming number of men die alone because they didn’t foster healthy relationships with their kids or prioritize their family. Especially if the Mom is already gone. The Mom usually holds the family together encouraging the kids to see the Dad. But if she’s gone, the kids really feel no connection to the Dad.

Wonderful. I love when people reap what they sow.

Go see him. I wish mine was still here. He died in 2013 at age 74 & was sick and not the same for the last 7 years. But you know what I’d fly down and go see him, spend time with him for a few days & it was the most amazing time now that I look back. It was a little hard then though. But he was just so grateful to see me every time. These moments are important. ❤️

It's weird to ask strangers whether you should be in contact with your own father

Posted by Parkourler

My father is 90 he is in a nursing home. He got me when he was 50 he became physically frail in my teens. Since then

i wince when I notice memory loss, clumsiness, hearing loss etc. It takes me a long time to just give him a call.

I know I am a pos. Is it common for children to abandon their parents as they age?

Its common for children of late bloomer parents to abandon them. The children are usually angry at the older parent. Because the parent will never be the way they want their parent to be like, like every other parent.

Or they are afraid of getting close to them because they know the parent is going to pass away sooner than the time they will have with them.

There is always resentment, regret comes later in the child’s life. And the cycle continues.

Posted by Lulufer

Posted by Parkourler

My father is 90 he is in a nursing home. He got me when he was 50 he became physically frail in my teens. Since then

i wince when I notice memory loss, clumsiness, hearing loss etc. It takes me a long time to just give him a call.

I know I am a pos. Is it common for children to abandon their parents as they age?

Its common for children of late bloomer parents to abandon them. The children are usually angry at the older parent. Because the parent will never be the way they want their parent to be like, like every other parent.

Or they are afraid of getting close to them because they know the parent is going to pass away sooner than the time they will have with them.

There is always resentment, regret comes later in the child’s life. And the cycle continues.

click to expand

Right. Especially if you got Virgo parents like me you WILL leave them behind once you become an adult.