The First Fight.

Dating for two months, I'm 25 (cancer, Gemini moon) he's 33 (Leo/Leo moon). I recently ended a 4 year relationship, started dating new guy 2 months after, to make a long story short, he fell hard and fast, and two weeks ago we had our first fight. I was the source if conflict, lashed out and pushed him away (after finding out some news about my ex) and exchanged some mean words. He's been on a trip ever since, left the next day, he originally said he "wasnt interested in a peace offering, that I messed up and I should "deal with it". We've had barely any communication , other than a VM I left immediately apologizing and he did send a text saying "Maybe we'll talk when I get home, I'm still extremely upset from last Friday".

Well he returned last night from his long trip (didnt expect communication during that time regardless) and last night I did reach out briefly on FB to notify him of some news about a mutual friend casually. He also said "you're slowly but surely creeping into my good graces...well, maybe not surely but you know what I mean!"

So my question is...is he looking for me to reach out to him first since Im the one that screwed up? Is he waiting for me to ask him about his trip? Or do you always stick to the golden rule "let him chase you/let him come to you" regardless of who's fault it is? I just don't want to miss my window of opportunity but on the other hand, I don't want to come off needy and/or begging for forgiveness.

Well, he broke up with me, I essentially had to do it and move out. He pulled the "I'm not ready for a relationship" card stating that he needs to find himself , he's always been in a relationship and since we were arguing lately, didnt want us to end up divorced by 30. (He was also 25). Although it was hard it probably was for the best but he continued to say "if I were to end up with anyone or date anyone it'd be you" but I found out 3 months later he went out on two dates with the same girl. He essentially called me a hypocrite because he knew I was going steady with one guy. I disagree because I wasnt the one "not ready for a relationship".

Anyways, with the guy I'm dating now, although perhaps I'm not ready, and although it was too soon, I was very hesitant and was "holding back" as he said. He already disclosed having deep feelings, wanted to be exclusive, etc. so based on that you would suggest reaching out since he already seemed unsure of my feelings?

Posted by pssymonstaa

A 33 year old should not throw a piss fit.

First, he didn't throw a piss fit. You stated that as if he was in some kind of fault for being upset .. when in reality he should be upset. Being upset when it is warranted is NOT throwing an unjustified piss fit.

Posted by pinkstarsxx

... we had our first fight. I was the source if conflict, lashed out and pushed him away (after finding out some news about my ex) and exchanged some mean words.

... he originally said he "wasnt interested in a peace offering, that I messed up and I should "deal with it".

.... he did send a text saying "Maybe we'll talk when I get home, I'm still extremely upset from last Friday".

click to expand

The reality is .. he handled himself very maturely, in that he told her she needed to deal with her own shit, and that he was probably willing to have a conversation when he gets home, and that he's upset.

He should be upset ... not only did she bring ex-drama into the current relationship, she inflicted it upon him ..... her words of this infliction, "lashed out and pushed him away (after finding out some news about my ex) and exchanged some mean words."

How is he responsible for her ex-drama-bullshit? he's not, so therefore had every right to be upset with her.


that is far from throwing a pissy fit


Just because a woman is female doesn't mean she's entitled to being a douchebag

Posted by pinkstarsxx

Or do you always stick to the golden rule "let him chase you/let him come to you" regardless of who's fault it is?

And secondly, that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is what your problem is .. because there is no such rule.

You believe in a delusion, which you have in place to remove any/all guilt from yourself, should you fuck up in any way.

That is a serious psychosis for any person who is without guilt when in error, is dangerous because it means they are also without a conscience.

A person is responsbile for themselves, and if you believe that he is always at fault, even for your fuck-ups, then in reality, you're psychotic, and it would be in his best interest (all people's best interest) to remove themselves from your proximity.

Yikes. Perhaps I wasn't clear, he was unaware of the drama with my ex. That's not what I disclosed, he had no idea nor do I plan on bringing in my personal past drama especially if I'm trying to move forward. All I did was push him away, act very cold and said mean things while having a few cocktails, I take full responsibility for being disrespectful and being a b*tch. I believe my coldness was due to the own emotions in my hand I was experiencing combine with alcohol. Still no excuse nor did I say his silence/space isn't warranted. I get it.

However what I am asking is what do I do from here with this new guy? Is he looking for me to make the first move after I've apologized ? Is he looking for validation that I do care/'have feelings through this situation since prior to me messing up I was never forthcoming with them?

*drinks

Maybe you should consider being by yourself for awhile, I mean a break up of 4 years only to move right into a new relationship 2 months later, makes no sense to do that when you've not healed nor moved completely on from your ex.

I suggest you slow down and not jump further into something new until you've purged out all of the icky bitter stuff from your ex.

So he returned home yesterday from the long trip. So don't reach out saying "how was your trip?" Or anything? Wait for him to initiate conversation? I have a feeling since I didn't express 100% interest before, and now I messed up, his ego/pride may be getting in the way which is why he may be too stubborn to reach out first?

Posted by pssymonstaa

In general. Stop hesitating, say sorry, say i love you, have some raunchy ass makeup sex and all should be well.. Right?
My 2 cents.

+1

Well it's basically done! I messed up. Took the advice and reached out to him by asking "How was your trip, love?" No response for five hours. Typically I would not hound , as I realize someone is busy, however, I realized at this point he was purposely ignoring me.

I snapped. I then proceed to send a text hours later saying " Alright, love. Let's state the obvious...it's clear to me that you do not want to make conversation and I respect that. However, I am also not one to beat a dead horse. Hopefully we can be friends one day. I do have two studly shirts that you left behind, let me know if you need them".

He then responded 30 seconds later saying "I do, I'll meet you for drinks next week to grab them". I then respond (which I shouldn't have) saying "I'd be lying if I said your response didn't make me laugh, punk (a name we use), ...but i'll be out of town next week. I get it--lol---I'll drop it off before I leave, no worries. Sound like a plan?"

(No response). I then proceed to go a little, well crazy, because it's clear he's ignoring me. At this point, I lost self control and didn't care. I then say " Alright, you're too much of a hard ass, you win. I don't want to play games nor do I want to drag this out---no hard feelings". (no response). I then send a final message (yes I know I went over board, but I've been silent for 2 weeks)

"Joe,You're killing me, Smalls! At the very least, I'd like to hear in your own words and move forward, regardless if you do not want to speak. It has been bothering me---I'm only human. Enough games, already. If you do not want to give me the opportunity, just tell me and I'll send your things".

NO response! UGH!

^^^^Pink you are OUT OF CONTROL and immature! Let this man be. Take a break from dating til you sort out your issues.
All of that was unnecessary and just plain emotional diarrhea and manipulation.
He is under no obligation to help you sort out your issues.
You have to do that on your own. Nor is he obligated to jump back into a relationship with an emotionally unstable woman.
Why do you admit you messed up but then set the time table for him to forgive you? It doesn't work that way.
Take a vacation, take a walk and just chill out.

If you have apologised for doing something wrong and at the same time expected something in return for your apology it was a bit of an insincere apology. The insincerity of it was made clear to him by your subsequent followup angry texts, which just served to show him that your apology wasn't very real after all but more of a gameplan. If you want to take it into astrological signs, then insincerity to a Leo is the highest of insults pure and simple - if you flatter you do it with sincerety, if you berate you do it with sincerity, if you apologise you do it with sincerety, anything else is low. When you recognise you have done something wrong you should want to make an apology without truly caring about the possible outcome for you, sincere and real apologies are made from the selfless heart and without an agenda.

Your desperation is ugly as fuck ..... in his shoes, I would ignore you also.


whoever told you to reach out to him is an idiot ... you should take a good look at your counsel

Posted by pinkstarsxx

I was the source if conflict, lashed out and pushed him away (after finding out some news about my ex) and exchanged some mean words.

Posted by pinkstarsxx

I snapped.

I then proceed to go a little, well crazy,

I lost self control and didn't care.

click to expand

You're a loose cannon ...

I just read your other post on the Leo board, not only did you get so blind drunk on the night you had "emotional" issues over your ex, you did it in public with your leo man at a black tie even he brought you to, so its safe to assume his business/personal friends and colleagues were there to witness all. Because you cannot remember the evening, as you were so blotto, you cannot remember what you said to him, but it was insulting enough for him to tell you he was never so disrespected in his life. Golden rule number 2 with leo's, DO NOT make a show of him in public. Besides that, you drove yourself home drunk, you were out of control and beneath the status that he expects of his equal partner, he now has nothing to respect and he needs to have equal respect in a relationship, as do most mature men - he told you then to get your shit together, he meant it, he's done with you.

I need to stop making the ASSumption that people's words and actions will match. And that they have control over their emotions

Never say sorry if you don't mean it. You sit hear and say 'I know I shouldn't of" and " I went crazy". You are fully aware that your emotions/reactions are out of control... but you don't give a fuck

No one said to "reach out". They said "say sorry and express your feelings"...

You took a tantrum like a child and expected to get responded to like an adult. Most ADULTS know that it is best to ignore a toddler's freak out

not cute

Let me add my input...

My last girlfriend who co-incidently is also a 25 year old Cancer sun/Gemini moon did nothing but start pointless arguments with me over the most trivial bullshit. She was a liar, manipulative, insensitive, a cheat, demanding, sly and cunning. After 4 years the relationship finally self-destructed. All she wanted to do was fight, and yet, in the middle of it all, she would burst into tears and cry and say "I don't want to fight" and yet every single conflict we encountered between us was caused by her.

I will NEVER even consider a single one-off date with a cancer woman again after her. I'd rather have my genitals chewed off by piranha.

Must be something about that cancer/gemini placement...

Posted by celticlioness

.... you did it in public with your leo man at a black tie

*** gasps ***


#1 rule to sucessful relationship is that you never, I repeat, never ... NEVER ..... betray your man in public in any way ... humiliation/embarrassment/shame/belittle/degrade, you don't abase him in any way in public.



Seriously .... wtf — You fucking tore at this guy in public in front of his colleagues?

wow .. seriously, wtf !!

Alright, I got it. If I was looking at receiving criticism believe me, I wouldn't have to go far for that! I understand what I did. However, I am looking for advice.


UPDATE: So oddly enough, the Leo reached out and texted me this: Maybe one day you'll get off that high horse of yours cause right now your butter stinks! Have a great life!"

WHAT!? Beyond confused. I thought he was done for good (as far as expecting him to respond). What is he looking for?

For some reason i'm thinking this wasn't an out of the blue text he sent but rather a reply to something you sent to him first. Anywho, nothing odd about it, he is merely saying fuck you from a height and get out of my life. So maybe you might think about respecting that and not communicating with him anymore.