The notorious disappearing act

This may have been addressed before, but I don't think I really understood the reasoning for this. In several of my relationships, I got dealt the "I'm going to disappear instead of actually tell you we're over" card. While this sucks and all, I pack up and move on after a bit; however, I'm a rather straightforward person. I lose respect for guys when they do this because I would much prefer if the guy actually said to me that he wasn't feeling me anymore and wanted to stop. Heartbroken, sure, but I would have felt better about moving on. I'm usually left confused (and since I over-analyze everything) rather hurt by this gesture. Now, I've done this before too, although, I never waited a couple of months or so to pull a disappearing act. I usually did it very early on when nothing was becoming established (like, after a week or two), but generally I tell the guy if I feel like we aren't work out. This often happens to me after seeing the guy for a few months. This isn't a rant out of bitterness and spite (okay, maybe a little), but I generally want a little light shed on this and what is going on through a guy's mind when he decides to do this. And what are the tell-tale signs of a disappearing act about to happen?

Man I just read this its bad really bad. I feel bad for you

take it easy Im disappearing

NOT AGAIN!!!! D=

Posted by Candeh15
This may have been addressed before, but I don't think I really understood the reasoning for this. In several of my relationships, I got dealt the "I'm going to disappear instead of actually tell you we're over" card. While this sucks and all, I pack up and move on after a bit; however, I'm a rather straightforward person. I lose respect for guys when they do this because I would much prefer if the guy actually said to me that he wasn't feeling me anymore and wanted to stop. Heartbroken, sure, but I would have felt better about moving on. I'm usually left confused (and since I over-analyze everything) rather hurt by this gesture. Now, I've done this before too, although, I never waited a couple of months or so to pull a disappearing act. I usually did it very early on when nothing was becoming established (like, after a week or two), but generally I tell the guy if I feel like we aren't work out. This often happens to me after seeing the guy for a few months. This isn't a rant out of bitterness and spite (okay, maybe a little), but I generally want a little light shed on this and what is going on through a guy's mind when he decides to do this. And what are the tell-tale signs of a disappearing act about to happen?

Unfortunately, they're aren't any signs that someone is getting ready to disappear out of your life. It just happens sadly. I've disappeared on a few people but I had my reasons and those reasons are only known to me.

It's difficult to explain -- the only thing you can look at is what's going on in a person life. Not what's going on between you and that person but what's going on in his/her life, that part thats not involving you. Right there, is where you can probably get the most answers.

Seavixen your purdy....

I have to slightly agree with Cappysweetie, I although I do believe there are signs she made a great point in also looking at what's going on in a man's life outside of the relationship but Seavixen pinned it for me...Men that behave this way are immature cowards but I do believe there are signs.

A few examples of signs is him distancing himself prior to disappearing, another sign is his sudden lack of interest in making you happy and/or doing things together or him going along with you but he's seems resentful and reluctant, another sign is his phone being off or on vibrate versus before he was wide open with his conversations with others, another hint is his inability to be consistent with communication via phone/text/email etc takes him days to get back or hours versus before when he was getting back within the hour, another sign is him talking about another woman such as his ex-girlfriends or a new friend that suddenly pops up into conversations, another sign is opting to be with friends over you whereas before he was stuck to you like glue, there are obvious signs such as him flirting with other women in front of you which includes online, him introducing you as a friend not as a girlfriend to others, there are subtle signs and not so subtle signs, I find through my experience with helping women cope with break ups etc is she never pays attention to any of the signs, when she does see them she denies those are real signs, if someone tries to point out signs she resents it (denial is strong when in love even if that person is showing signs of falling out of love with her she still clings to the man.

most men are not direct with women, if a woman doesn't know how to ration out his behavior she's going to struggle when he leaves, inevitably after all the subtle I don't want this with you anymore signs the man gets frustrated by the woman's clueless behavior and he opts to move on quietly but mind you he gave 10 or more subtle signs before leaving, he's doing everything in his power through his behavior that says I don't want this with you anymore but many women just don't get it unless he says it verbally which can cause and create a huge amount of pain for the woman when he disappears.

I have known men that don't give any clues or signs at all and yes that sucks, horrible to do to another person...It's the ugly part of relationships

My first left with a few small signs. But before leaving he talked about romantic things like kidnapping me (in the romantic way, not against my will. lol it's something in most cultures like mind and apearanly his). Or taking me away for whole week when he was free so we could have our little vacation.
When I last saw him, we were in his car. I kept kissing him, not wanting to leave. He told me that if I continued then he wouldn't resist but kidnap me right then and there.

I never saw or heard from him again after that very night. No text, no email... of course no phone call. I tried to call him on Christmas, which was about a week after that last night. Nothing.



So.. out of being so immature and childish, and very angry, I prank called him allot after that! lmao it's impossible if he didn't know it's me. But I continued to call with my number blocked and just wait till he hung up.

What was really weird was that he never said anything like stop calling me. But I remember on night when I called I heard someone wisper "it's okay" or something. Lot's of backround noice. Then hung up. I called again. This time another guy answered and coursed at me, calling me a bitch and telling me to leave his 'brother' alone. Stuff like that. Why his friend? Why not him telling me himself? He never once said don't call me again, never.

cowards. Yep.

first few times, I waited, got all hurt. I liked them, so I didn't want to write them off.

now I move on. If they ever show up again, they get ice. One virguy did this last year. Had the nerve to ask me if I'd change my mind, as if I had rejected him. Psh. I told him "you made your decision", and I walked away.

if a guy is into someone, he'll tell her he's busy and can't date. If a guy just disappears, he isn't into the girl. Probably just keeping her hanging while he pursues someone he wants more.

I agree with the original post from the poster. Suddenly disappearing all b/c you don't have the guts to break the news to your partner is passive-aggressive. If anything, in the name of CLOSURE, it's always important that the other person atleast be made aware of where the relationship/friendship stands, even if 1 or both people don't even want to be in the relationship/friendship anymore.

I do however think that breakups should be as clean & simple as possible. No long speeches about why you're getting dumped or doing the dumping. No insults or bouts of disrespect should be spewed at the other person. Even 2 people who have done eachother completely wrong, deserve to have some formal closing when things are over, just in case someone persay needs to start healing asap, vs. still assuming they're in a non-working relationship.

I don't think people should overdo it when they break up with you by saying things they don't mean and/or that could possibly hurt the other person. But I mean hey, if a person is that serious & content with ending a relationship it's contradictory for them to disappear w/o saying so b/c doing so shows that you aren't as content with leaving that person like you claim. When a person stands by their decision full heartedly they usually keep their head held high when making certain decisions. A person who claims to be content with someone/something but yet doesn't have the guts to tell the other person where the relationship stands, clearly wasn't ever content with their situation.

Some men feel they are actually doing women a FAVOR by just up & walking away w/o so much as ever speaking to her again. They assume that them breaking up with a woman means that they'll have to deal with watching her cry, or spit venom at him for breaking her heart, etc. And since men generally love to avoid both of these things anyways, they believe that disappearing gives a woman the opportunity to read b/w the lines & be less hurt by doing so vs. them actually just being direct & real about things.

I think everyone deserves closure. Breaking up with someone w/o telling them is just as tacky as breaking up w/ someone over a text message.

@candeh.......so sorry to hear that.

You know someone completely disappearing on me has only happened for like a day. And usually I am the one who is not tolerable of that after awhile and I let them go. I do ignore guys, but thats the intial stages of. Can I get ur number, and they just persist ans persist ans persist, I relent and give them. But I never ansawer.

But after my marriage when I dated someone for like 3 months there is evidence of the end, but I think most of it comes down to me.

I can imagine how that sucks to be ignored, boom, just like that. Some guys are just total retards, and I know it sucks but you are better off in the long run.

I think in ur case Candeh, you should allow men to chase you. You are young and beautiful. If a guy is really into you, he does stuff for you, and chase you. Don't be so giving of yourself. I learned the hard way. Stop chasing these dumb guys. Youre too good for that, AND you are completely worth it.