@sweethearts
20 Years5,000+ Posts
The real deal or just a Player—
@ Lauren & Amethyst, yeah totally know where you are coming from there. They stuck around without any actions for a period of time...
BUT were they really involving themselves in your personal life? Taking you out to dinner and texting or calling is easy enough but were they asking the right questions about your home, family, work etc did they remember everything you were going through and pick up on your moods and were they really there with you & for you—
The dating and keeping in contact is "the book" part, that's just going through the motions in order to get the prize!
What I'm getting at is pay particular attention to how much attention they are giving and how much they are really listening and trying to insert themselves into your life!
@ Kylee
If they are acting for the sake of looking good then that shows the immaturity level and with immaturity that has the potential to be flighty
as for the actions speak louder than words, right on the button there 🙂
I think, well for me anyway, I buy into it and read more into the situation than at hand because it's what I want to believe...now that there isnt anyone of significance (that does it for me) around I can see clearly..
There are two at the moment, I chat to them mostly on the net and
No 1 knows all about me and remembers my children by name and whatever they are going through and always always asks about them and how things are going with them and me and what is happening in my world.
No 2 says the nicest things some times but we only talk about day to day stuff and nothing real personal.
I personally think that IF I were to go further with them, No 1 would be wanting a relationship/future and No2 would be happy with playing around even though he is the one that has suggested that he's waiting for someone like me so he can settle down...
At 17 i wasnt even thinking like that...just living for the moment so you are well beyond your age maturity wise & have your eyes wide open. Good for you 🙂
I appreciate the imput on the players... they are fairly easy to pick...mostly anywho..
But it's the Real Deal that I am more interested in hearing about and the signs that they are who they say they are...
Posted by sweethearts
Could it be this easy to distinguish the Players from the Real Deal...Real Deal - are genuinely interested in something permanent and want to get to know all about you. They ask personal questions about your day to day life & whatever is happening in your life. When you talk again they have remembered what you have said and ask how things are going with what you last talked about...
they are happy enough to take things slowly as if they have all the time in the world
^^that's the definition of superior con man. i think women look for the snake in the grass and often times it's the sheep that gets ya.
he is very attentive. he listens intently to your worries and concerns...so that he can remember them. he's available virtually whenever you need him as conning you is now his job. he will set himself up to be your knight in shining armor and will constantly work to disarm you. for example, he may not press the issue of sex. he's getting it elsewhere so he can honestly say that he's willing to wait. you will find yourself asking, "this is too good to be true" and it is!
point is, a good player will appear to be the real deal. he will know that you're looking for specific signals/signs and he will give you want you want to see and hear. he definitely is reading a book and every chapter is about you.
lmao!
actions before words.
longevity and consistency.
he doesn't need or ask for money.
he doesn't need or ask for a place to stay.
beyond that, it's a crap shoot.
^agreed and that's why i think longevity and consistency are so important. you only know if he's the real deal until he ends up on bended knee so in a way, you have to be aware at all times. it's difficult to give and guard your heart at the same time but ultimately, if he's a player, he's trying to get something out of you. the payoff isn't love. it generally boils down to money or sex.
and there's another category of player that has money and will often attempt to lure you in with promises of money and stability. for him, the payoff will eventually be control.
Wow! That's one hell of a guy...so you never slept with him for the whole 4 months? Did he pressure? What was the relationship like during that time, did he tell you that he loves you? Were you talking future? Was it daily contact with him making the first moves? Or i wonder if it turned from a relationship to friendship on his part...Did you end up falling for him and getting hurt after he walked?
I am curious because 4 months is a long time for a guy to hang round just for the want of sex as he did, maybe TS was right with her conclusion.
I still think these signs are a good start to look for & I hope that your situation Lauren hasnt rocked you too much.
@lauren, the ones who promise money and a happily ever after are often the scariest. i think they're far more prone to be abusers...or worse. i mean seriously, not many men rush into marriage without a reason but if a dude is proposing marriage, offering you cars and what not at hello, RUN!
Posted by amethyst2002
You know the best way to weed them out? Tell them you don't like sex.
lmao 🙂
might work except he might regard it as a challenge. he'll want to show you how a "real man" does it 😛
Real men want a good woman at their side, not a different one every day of the week. And flip it round.
lol...when he was "younger"
Posted by ianthefish
women are like postage stamps....lick 'em
stick 'em
send 'em on their way...
Uhhuh ian. 😛
Posted by ianthefish
women are like postage stamps....lick 'em
stick 'em
send 'em on their way...
Be careful Ian.... every now and then you'll get one thats got something that will stick to you and you cant get off!
Posted by LeoLadyLovesToBeLoved
Be careful Ian.... every now and then you'll get one thats got something that will stick to you and you cant get off!
I think they give shots for that now a days.
HAHAHHAA! Way to go VH, I about shot coffee out my nose. Warn someone, would ya?
But seriously. If something sticks, see your physician.
Posted by LeoLadyLovesToBeLoved
Be careful Ian.... every now and then you'll get one thats got something that will stick to you and you cant get off!
I think they give shots for that now a days.
click to expand
VH! VH! You know as well as I do there is stuff out that that shots can't cure, sugar! Im just sayin....
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Could it be this easy to distinguish the Players from the Real Deal...
Real Deal - are genuinely interested in something permanent and want to get to know all about you. They ask personal questions about your day to day life & whatever is happening in your life. When you talk again they have remembered what you have said and ask how things are going with what you last talked about...
they are happy enough to take things slowly as if they have all the time in the world
Players - tell you everything you want to hear and more, the flattery and painting of pretty pictures, it's almost like they are reading a book and doing what it tells them to do. Their way of getting what they want after a little chase...they may stay around for a few weeks or longer but exit quite quickly never really knowing much about you or your life...
They move quickly and give you the feeling that it's now or never or they are interested in the excitment of the NOW...it cant wait!
What other signs have you picked up on?