Treat them mean...

Hi Ladies,

There's a big problem I've been having...

In a nutshell when I'm dating, the girls I'm actually interested in, I think I show too much interest in and possibly scare them off. After a month they lose interest and nothing happens

But the girls I show no interest in, but remain polite and message the back etc, message me forever and never take the hint...

So do I need to show some serious self restraint when i actually like a girl? Am I too intimidating if I'm upfront? Ultimately I like the chase, but if I'm into someone I just go for it. But it's not working!

Also, I'm a Leo

(For context)

Posted by Astrology101
How do you generally chase someone? Or as you said... how do you show your interest?

Have never really defined a style . But I guess message them a lot, try to be funny, ask them out etc...

And they'll never message first...

If I'm not interested, i get messages all the time, gifts,tears...

I don't understand or play mind games! Argh

Posted by The_Ands
I don't think there is a universal rule

Trial and error with what works for you

My buddy has the opposite approach

He treats them nice (I fucking saw this dude holding the girl's hand on the way to the treadmill like wtf) and he says all his exes always come back and try to contact him during the holidays

When you say girls you mean females right?

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by The_Ands
I don't think there is a universal rule

Trial and error with what works for you

My buddy has the opposite approach

He treats them nice (I fucking saw this dude holding the girl's hand on the way to the treadmill like wtf) and he says all his exes always come back and try to contact him during the holidays

When you say girls you mean females right?

click to expand

Girls are females - female children.

If he had said females, he could have meant female chimps for all we know so your correction only makes makes the sentence more vague.

Either way.

My policy is never change who you are, and don't question your own approach.

One day someone will appreciate it, and that's ultimately the ideal...

Posted by Librahelpme
Hi Ladies,

There's a big problem I've been having...

In a nutshell when I'm dating, the girls I'm actually interested in, I think I show too much interest in and possibly scare them off. After a month they lose interest and nothing happens

But the girls I show no interest in, but remain polite and message the back etc, message me forever and never take the hint...



So do I need to show some serious self restraint when i actually like a girl? Am I too intimidating if I'm upfront? Ultimately I like the chase, but if I'm into someone I just go for it. But it's not working!

No. Keep being who you are... there are women in this world like me who looooove a man to text me and be sweet and show he cares and has no one else. You can do every other day if you'd like to slow it down but if she questions it then just ask what would be a happy medium and you both work on it

Nah dude, you don't get this yet. It doesn't matter how often you message them. There's no such thing as treat them mean, keep them keen. Sure you can put a down women to make them feel worthless and maybe they'll feel like they can't do any better than you, but what kind of women would you end up with, and what kind of guy do you want to be. I'd rather be the guy that uplifts his woman and makes her feel confident.

It's all about confidence, about your value. its not about how often you message, it's more about HOW you message. You need to message her often but in a way that it doesn't appear you rest all your value on whether she responds or not, this makes her comfortable. You need it at casual conversation level, not needy please respond to me level, which is what a lot of guys in their 20s are like. Being needy/clingy is the opposite of confidence. There is such a thing as showing genuine interest for the right reasons, because you genuinely like her. And not asking her out in a needy/clingy way because your don't have value without her response. So really think back to why you showed interest in her, and how you showed it.

Posted by AriesJo
Nah dude, you don't get this yet. It doesn't matter how often you message them. There's no such thing as treat them mean, keep them keen. Sure you can put a down women to make them feel worthless and maybe they'll feel like they can't do any better than you, but what kind of women would you end up with, and what kind of guy do you want to be. I'd rather be the guy that uplifts his woman and makes her feel confident.

It's all about confidence, about your value. its not about how often you message, it's more about HOW you message. You need to message her often but in a way that it doesn't appear you rest all your value on whether she responds or not, this makes her comfortable. You need it at casual conversation level, not needy please respond to me level, which is what a lot of guys in their 20s are like. Being needy/clingy is the opposite of confidence. There is such a thing as showing genuine interest for the right reasons, because you genuinely like her. And not asking her out in a needy/clingy way because your don't have value without her response. So really think back to why you showed interest in her, and how you showed it.

Hammer meet nail

Cheers