View on love, hate, & indifference

So they say, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. I understand that statement. My ex-husband is lacking skills in the father and human being department but we have been apart for many, many years. I see no reason to argue or get mad or invest any energy into him. I have a guy friend though that is still arguing, acting childish, and just still very upset by things his ex does. Their situation is different from mine. I'm not crazy. hahaha. His ex cheated, then kept son from him and he now has custody because she's an addict but she still gets visitation. They haven't been together for 4 yrs. The problems arise over their son so I guess it's hard not to get emotional in that situation but after 4 yrs should she still be able to get him that riled up? Can you hate someone so much that indifference isn't possible? Is it possible to truly get over an ex when there is that much emotion, even if it is negative emotion? Guess just wondering how a man's brain works in that situation. Sorry if this made no sense. 🙂

Posted by Impulsv
It's not so much About being indifferent but put urself in his shoes having an ex who's an addict affecting my child. yes there will be issues!!! I'd do anything to
Protect my child . Let's not ignore the issues an addict brings into a child life.

Yeah-- this ^.

I'm sure it's infuriating having to live with that situation-- although, if she's that bad, I'm surprised he still allows visitation.

Or maybe he's trying to stop it?

Still-- frustrating, I'm sure.

Posted by Impulsv
It's not so much About being indifferent but put urself in his shoes having an ex who's an addict affecting my child. yes there will be issues!!! I'd do anything to
Protect my child . Let's not ignore the issues an addict brings into a child life.

He should definitely protect the child. Currently visitation is three weekends a month. Why a judge would give him custody and then that visitation is beyond me. for an example, this weekend is her weekend but he would like to take the child to a family friend memorial but she won't let him. It's her weekend. the police would say you have to go by the visitation agreement. So, I can see being upset that she isn't being cooperative but he just seems to get unreasonably upset, like he enjoys the drama. Why would she cooperate now, when she never has. Either change it legally, which he plans on trying to do, or accept the current situation. The unreasonably upset is what I'm wondering about.

Lady of ReBirth. Thank you for that point of view. Interesting.

Don't know what state you live in, but when a parent loses custody as a result of being a drug addict, any future visitation is suppose to be supervised visitation until the parent can prove they are clean (drug testing). The fact that she gets three full weekends a month is shocking.

This father has every right to be cautious, and concerned having to turn the child over to someone like this without supervision. Does he still suspect drug use? He can go to family court and request the court to do a drug test. If he can prove she is doing drugs the quicker that will happen, but the judge will most likely send family services unannounced to her home while the child is there. I applaud the fact that he is acting out and upset, it means he is a caring parent. Why would you knock him for that?

Ok, I am not knocking him for caring about his son. In my opinion the child doesn't need to be around the mother, the judge felt he did need to be around her and his sister. She lives with her mother so the son is really with the grandmother, the mother is out doing her thing. The grandmother picks him up and drops him off. The topic isn't about the child's safety. I think he should fight like mad to make sure the child is safe. no argument there from me. BUT Why the petty back and forth bickering, snide comments just to "burn" the other. Eventually that need to continue to argue over nothing, getting so mad it ruins your whole day, that should subside. when the arguing is not about the child's safety.

Some people don't have the emotional capacity or endurance to keep loving you after you've hurt them bad enough. They believe that love is a choice, therefore when they reach their boiling part of end of their capacity to hold any emotion for you, they make the CHOICE to emotionally block you out/let you go. This is entirely possible, can happen & DOES happen.

However, some people have an emotional gas tank that takes many many years or deal breaking things before it finally gets full & starts to explode. And even in this case, some people react to this explosion by restarting the clock to hating them all over again, while others wait until the explosion to finally say enough is enough, citing that they at least deserve the credit for have putting up with all that they did so they can walk away knowing they did their part.

Some people hate their ex's not b/c their ex is worth that much hate but b/c they are choosing their ex as the mental punching bag for all of the OTHER things they've been through in the past & with others.

You never know when YOUR bullsh***t will be someone's last straw! And if you were the person who caused the explosion (buildup from the past + what you just did to hurt them) then of course their hate for you will seem exaggerated & extreme. The person hating you usually doesn't understand that the real reason for the exaggerated/extreme hate is b/c of a buildup of EVERYTHING they've ever experienced & hadn't healed from vs. it really being from what 1 individual person (the ex) did.

It's like the girl who kills her ex b/c he cheated on her & got another girlfriend. No, at that point, the woman clearly had deeper issues that most likely started long before she met that ex. It just so happened that her ex was the person in her life at the time who brought on the last straw, thus him ending up the final punching bag for alllllllllllll the other things others have done to her.

Most people who never dealt with past hurts don't go back & start hurting those from the past 1 by 1. No, once the psychological explosion happens, the person or people in their life at the CURRENT time suffer the brunt of it

The same goes with a woman is in an abusive relationship. The abuser swears he's so violent & bitter b/c the woman must be doing something THAT grand/wrong that it causes him to be that way. But 99% of the time, that's not true; the abuser has just chosen an innocent victim to release all of their pent up anger from the past on. But the person being abused will most likely believe that damn, I must've really hurt this man! She might have hurt him in some ways BUT if his reactions to her hurt are not proportionate to what she actually did wrong, then there's your answer..the reason the hate was so strong had very little to do with outsiders but mainly b/c of an internal battle

Posted by CrabbyCat
Ok, I am not knocking him for caring about his son. In my opinion the child doesn't need to be around the mother, the judge felt he did need to be around her and his sister. She lives with her mother so the son is really with the grandmother, the mother is out doing her thing. The grandmother picks him up and drops him off. The topic isn't about the child's safety. I think he should fight like mad to make sure the child is safe. no argument there from me. BUT Why the petty back and forth bickering, snide comments just to "burn" the other. Eventually that need to continue to argue over nothing, getting so mad it ruins your whole day, that should subside. when the arguing is not about the child's safety.

OH..I see now. This is how it works. The judge has the final say and found a reasonable basis to make that decision. She was not found to be unresponsible, neglectful or a drug addict. Her mother is there and the judge felt grandma would take care of the child and will be supervised through family. Good for the child he IS safe. You made it sound like this child was thrown out to the wind by being with the mother on weekends. This post is about you, not the child. Your opinion doesn't come into play here at all. This is between the mother and the father of that child. Sounds like you need to step away from the situation, or take your nose out of their business. It gets more peaceful that way.