Way of communication & Misunderstandings

Hi,

I am a virgo man married to a taurus woman for 7 years. We have a 4 year old son. I am a working professional and my wife is a home maker.

I studied the MBTI personality types and understood that I am of INTJ personality type and my wife is of INFP.

My wife and I are having intense arguments over some trifling matters. Need to understand if I am making any mistake and causing all the trouble.

As per my perception, Whenever my wife wants to report/complain on any particular thing, she says it with mild sarcasm or I would say I feel 'with little disrespect'. I do not like that and I feel respect is more important than worrying over that tiny issue. When I tell this to my wife, she defends herself saying she is true. But I am not concerned whether she is true of false. I wanted her to communicate with respect or at least without disrespect. After a few years of our marriage I came to know that the way of communication is from her maternal side. I explained her many times to change the way of communication. She always took me wrong and gets it like 'I wanted her to beg me'. That is not what I thought at all.

I believe that issues/challenges/problems/fights are part of life irrespective of married/single. I always looks at the context of these and have a discussion/argument to address the problem and not to leave as it is and NOT TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION OF OTHERS ON TOP OF IT. Cause I believe that the circumstances make a person to act like that but it may not be that person's innate nature. Even though it is, I don't want to make an impression on the closed ones and start treating them the other way. I saw my wife measuring me with the way I handled things and made an impression of myself that I am always prone to misunderstanding and to blame her.

She don't want any issues/challenges/problems/fights in her life, as these are happening to us, she is thinking I am the primary reason for these. I said many times, even if she marries to someone else the issues/challenges/problems/fights are common in everyone's life. We can only try to avoid/face/solve them but not on the cost of our relationship and individual's respect.

My concern is instead of my wife measuring myself and start making an impression over tiny things. I want her to weigh the balance between which is important/necessary and which is not. Cause there is no absolute truth or false. A little change of way of communication will help us a lot in our marriage.

Now a days we started eating separately and doesn't talk much as she stopped and thought talking might make me misunderstand things.

I am a little clueless in romance and she doesn't communicate many things directly and always expect me to reach to her. I am lost in those situations like I am not even sure whether she needs me at that time. When I ask her to say that to me, she says I need to find out. Again I am lost. Communication is the key to understanding, but the if the way is not correct that becomes misunderstanding.

I am being loyal, passionate and I care and concern about her and she is too. Not sure whether her way of communication or my understanding is going wrong. We are distancing ourselves and making our relationship grow weaker.

Please help us out!

You need a marriage councilor. And I'm not trying to be funny.

I'm not sure an astrology forum has the answers for you. Ditto GFB, seek a counselor.

As I understand it, your wife uses sarcasm sometimes, and you interpret it as being disrespectful. Most likely is true, but how about you change the way you interpret it? Like, say it out loud when it happens “my wife has such a great sense of humour”…? Taurus women usually do, but unfortunately the main targets of their ridicule are always their husbands. Seen it way too often with my mother, mother-in-law, cousin….all Taurus women. Cousin is married to a Virgo, and he learned to shut up and keep his head down, not to aggravate her.

The more you get worked up about it, the more she will use it against you. Change your tactics. Sometimes your ego is not your best friend. Especially when you married a Taurus…she is practically your boss! 🤷🏻‍♂️

Seek counselling. Maybe she is lacking something from you, maybe you are failing her in some way and she's unable to communicate for whatever reason. I do feel like there's something way more deep lingering to this, the resentment for something that has been built overtime and she doesn't seem to find the way to address it. You do need to talk to her. Ask her how can you make everything better for her. What does she need you to do. Just communicate with her. Try this before counseling.

Agree with WA, you also sound controlling. You say you are desperate to get her to communicate and start loving you again but you are trying to control everything. What does she want? How does she feel? Do you understand what her love language is?

I see you saying you want desperately to get her to open up to you however, I read… I’m doing all the work, I’m the bread winner, I’m trying to understand her, I’m the intellect… she’s just a house wife. That alone would make me feel devalued. This happens when a woman is only the cook, cleaner and home maker if they have no other out sources. She maybe be searching to find her own value! Something that makes her feel pride in herself!

It’s low key disrespectful on your end to demean her concerns as “tiny trifling issues”. It’s important enough for her to speak on it so you shouldn’t dismiss her.

Her way of communicating with you offends you and causes you to become defensive and dismissive. In response she withdraws and stops communicating to avoid this. You get upset she isn’t communicating. Both of your approaches suck.

Like others have said try couples counseling with the goal of better communication between you both. No one here is equipped with the tools to help you.

Lol leave it to the Virgo to feel disrespected when someone complains. The universes sense of humor strikes again!