Would you TELL/SNITCH?

So we've ALL either been IN or SEEN those kind of situations where you surprisingly found out that a good friend of yours was being CHEATED on.

A study in O magazine of 400,000 men & women suggested that 87% of MEN ((WOULD)) go tell their buddies if they secretely found out their buddy was being cheated on. BUT only 23% of WOMEN WOULD report such findings to their friends if they discovered that someone was doing their precious friend wrong. Hmmm, interesting.

So what do you guys think?
1.If you knew that your friend, family member (or anyone you are close to) was being cheated on & did NOT know it, would YOU be the 1 to go tell them? Why OR why not?
2. Would YOU be mad if you found out your friends KNEW THE WHOLE TIME that you were being cheated on but yet did NOT tell you? Why OR why not?

I'm curious to know how you guys feel about this. Btw, I totatlly BELIEVE the findings from the study that claim that men are damn near 10Xs MORE likely to tell their male friends, EVEN IF they are also cool with their buddy's girlfriend!

If anything, I always notice that it's the WOMEN who actually start hesitating to tell their friends something like this! Interesting

Personally, whether or not I told a friend would depend on ALOT Of things:
1. How long I've known my friend & how close our relationship is. (If she was my BEST friend or sister, that'd be 1 thing; but if she's just some lady I'm only cool with b/c we work together, DIFFERENT STORY)

2. How long (if at all) I've known her boyfriend. (Example: If I've known them both for about the same length of time, I'd be a little MORE hesistant to open my mouth vs. me barely knowing my friend's boyfriend at all)

3. Their relationship history. (If they've been in a fool-proof relationship from the beginning where BOTH of them have NEVER expressed concerns/suspicions about the other 1 cheating, it'd eat my conscious to KNOW my friend was unknowingly living in a fairy tale land/being deceived). (BUT if my friend's relationship has consisted of her being cheated on numerous times in the past before, I'd probably just let her figure it out)

4. Her views on cheating & how likely she is OR isn't to stay with her man persay he got caught cheating. (When a woman says, "I'll need physical proof before I leave him" that sends the signal to me that she's 1 of those kinds of women who PURPOSELY set the bar SO HIGH that she's making it impossible for HERSELF to leave him. Let's be honest, most women DON'T get the luxury of actually WALKING IN on their partner's cheating on them. If she's waiting on that moment to actually catch him in the act, she's going to be waiting for a LONG time & the way I figure it, my "findings" or "he-said/she-said" wouldn't be considered as actual Physical proof since SHE didn't see it for herself, thus it'd be a waste of time to tell her.

5. Her views on how she'd handle things if she were to be cheated on. (If she's the kind of girl that can't wait to place blaim on the other woman OR attack everyone else BUT her cheating azs man, I purposely won't tell her b/c girls like this often make their friends feel BAD for being honest with them & trying to save them! If I know a friend is NOT likely to believe me OR leave a man, there's NO way in hell I'm going to risk ruining the friendship over something she'll probably find out anyways.)

6. How much of an influence her man has over her thinking (If she's with a man whose quick to isolate her from friends OR make her 2nd guess her friends when they are really right, I'd be a fool to tell on her man, KNOWING she's going to tell her man I'M the 1 who told, only to give him AMMUNITION against me

7. What I actually saw/found out. (If I physically saw my friend's man out kissing another girl, that'd be 1 thing. Hell, I'd probably approach him & ask him what in the hell he was thinking--and I'd probably do this on instinct way quicker than I would run back & tell my friend immediately). (BUT, if I just heard through the grapevine that my friend's man was cheating on her, I'd be a little MORE hesistate to say something b/c I'd be taking the risk of relaying FALSE/FAULTY information to someone else. And when it comes to accusations of infidelity, that's a SERIOUS matter & since people's HEARTS/RELATIONSHIPS are at stake, I'd have to be 100% SURE that what I heard/saw was REALLY true before I even THOUGHT about saying anything to my friend.)

8. Whether or not I knew if she'd tell me if the tables were turned. (This may sound kind of cold, BUT if I got the feeling that if things were turned, my friend wouldn't tell me, I'd be TWICE as likely NOT to tell her when she's the 1 getting cheated on).

9. Who the person IS that her man is cheating on her with. (If I find out that he's been cheating with someone she knows & even worse, someone she actually TRUSTS, I'd be more willing to snitch. The same goes for if I found out my friend's man was cheating on her with multiple partners OR having a long-term affair with someone else.)

10. What circumstances my friend is in. (If my friend was pregnant & was already going through alot, I'd probably hesistate to tell her just moreso out of NOT wanting to cause EXTRA stress to her life. BUT if she were persay ENGAGED to a man & about to commit to a man under GOD, I'd feel it was my duty to ATLEAST make sure my friend was aware of her man's cheating, if anything to give her the chance to decide whether or not she's going to be marrying the right person.)

11. What my friend would potentially LOSE if she were to find out her man was cheating (If she was married, had 3 kids by the man & had all of her fiances intertwined with him, I'd be a little more hesistant to tell her, if anything just out of the FEAR/pressure put on me knowing I could at any second JEOPARDIZE/RUIN all she's got going for herself---ESPECIALLY if she's got a whole family with him.

Would I be upset if a friend didn't tell me that she knew I was being played? Well, of course my 1st instinct would be to ask WHY. BUT, as I think things over, there are some pretty UNDERSTANDABLE/JUSTIFIABLE reasons why someone wouldn't tell me just like there are some good reasons I might not tell a friend if the tables were turned. I'd try my best to see things from HER point of view before even beginning to question the LOYALTY in our friendship.

I've been in this situation before. And me telling my friend BACKFIRED on me. Instead of her being thankful that I told her what I'd seen, she INSTEAD
1. Started questioning me as if I had any reason to make it up
2. She immediately started convincing herself of the famous line, "Oh you guys are just hating" or "Oh you guys just want my man OR my relationship to fail."
3. She wanted all the details, which at the time didn't really seem to be of importance. The POINT I wanted her to get was that her man was cheating on her. The whos, what's, where's & why's are questions HE should be answering.
4. She went & told her man that I'd snitched on him (BIG NO NO) & he capitalized on this by trying to convince my friend that I was wrong/had it out for him.
5. Ended up staying with him but yet slowly but surely losing contact with me! Even though I had solid proof & actually knew the girl who he cheated on her with.

I was really shocked that I left the situation REGRETFUL. I thought I would've left feeling like I did my friend a favor by telling her what I'd seen, but NOPE..b/c she wasn't ready to face the truth, she tried to find every way POSSIBLE to turn this back on me. Back then, I said to myself "NEVER AGAIN" & I still feel that way even today.

In my experiences, there's a BIGGER chance that a woman will ditch the female that TOLD her way BEFORE/quicker than she'll ditch the actual culprit!

Men, however always seem to take their friend's word for it & will leave the situation immediately, if anything out of PRIDE and/or not wanting to appear "weak" or "naive" once their friends know about it. Their EGOs alone would prevent them from staying with someone all their friends accused of playing him.

I like the idea of letting Jerry and Maury handle this stuff.

If I was told I was being cheated on I'd take their word. I must. Whether it is true or not I do not want questions and doubt ringing in my head and would break up.

1.If you knew that your friend, family member (or anyone you are close to) was being cheated on & did NOT know it, would YOU be the 1 to go tell them? Why OR why not?

- Yes I would tell them and actually I have done. Couple of years back my friend's partner tried it on with me. I did think shit should I do this but I thought about how I would feel if it were me and I would want to know, so I told her. Turned out he'd tried it on with several of her other friends who HADN'T told her and only then admitted it after I spoke up. What a douche.

2. Would YOU be mad if you found out your friends KNEW THE WHOLE TIME that you were being cheated on but yet did NOT tell you? Why OR why not?

- I would be bloody LIVID if no-one told me. Why wouldn't you? To spare my feelings? I'd rather be hurt/whatever than continue to be with someone who was ripping the piss out of me. Don't think so.

Having said all of that ^^^^^ not everyone thinks the same way I do and even though it boggles my mind there are some women out there who would prefer to live in ignorance. I don't get it though personally.

Oh and if a friend were not to believe me, that's their call. Doesn't say much for the friendship though.

If a close friend were to say to me no matter how smitten I was with a guy I'd believe them in a heartbeat. I choose my friends carefully though.

I would tell them.
I would want someone to tell me.

I would give the boyfriend the oppurtunity to tell them and if they didnt then i would have to, but i dont get involved with domestics!

Posted by libra sun
I would give the boyfriend the oppurtunity to tell them and if they didnt then i would have to, but i dont get involved with domestics!

That's me right there, giving the opportunity to them to come clean first because I'd rather not be the one to break my friends heart with the news! But I also wouldn't want her to be seen as a fool. So he would have a period of time in order to tell her himself!

As for if my friend told me then I would give the benefit of the doubt at first and probably weigh up the situation before confronting my man..but probably already have made up my mind that it was true and wanting to see what his reaction was going to be like...whether he would in fact lie or try and put it on my mate in some way.

Geez hard situation because I believe everybody deserves one stuff up...but only one!

I agree. We'd all love to think that our 1st instinct would be to automatically believe our OWN friends persay they came to us & told us we've been cheated on. Only 1 problem: Sometimes a woman not automatically believing her friends has sometimes NOTHING to do with how much she trusts that friend/the friendship. After all, a woman is supposed to trust her MAN ALSO, so if 2 people whom you TRUST alot have 2 completely DIFFERENT stories, other factors would have to come into place in order for some people to make a clean decision on who they believe.

If a woman is naive and/or puts more trust into her man MORE than her friends, that doesn't mean that the friend who told her isn't trustworthy. No, it means that if someone works hard enough to avoid a potential truth, they WILL accomplish avoiding the truth, REGARDLESS of who the MESSENGER was.

A person not trusting their own friends sometimes says MORE about the person being told moreso than the messenger sometimes. If a woman is not ready to face the truth, it won't matter if she's told by her best friend, cousin or her OWN mother! If she's not ready to face the truth, she'll do everything she can to find a way to discredit everyone BUT the culprit (the man cheating). It's sad & it sucks BUT it's true.

Everyone feels they have the right to be told by their own friends if others knew they were being cheated on BUT since it's technically NOT anyone's job (other than the person you're actually COMMITTED to) to touch basis on the fidelity (or lack thereof) in the relationship, women need to make sure that if they are walking around NATURALLY EXPECTING for others to run & tell them that they make themselves approachable!

Some "friends" are just down right wrong by not telling their friends they've been cheated on BUT there are some who WISH they could, BUT WON'T b/c they know it'll do more harm (to the friendship) than good! If I know me telling another woman about her man's coniving ways will negatively affect OUR friendship (when it REALLY should be affecting her relationship with the ACTUAL CULPRIT) then Idk if I'd be willing to take that risk!

My friend's fiance hit on ME last year. B/c he hit on ME, I ran & told her IMMEDIATELY! I wasn't going to "hush" or protect the CULPRIT, even though I was cool with her fiance. Sometimes that CODE women have that encourages them to look out for another woman PERIOD, kicks in & takes over. And that's what happend. Even though I'd known her fiance longer than I'd know her, I STILL ran & told her. And hey, he was mad at me (DUH! OF COURSE CHEATERS HATE BEING CAUGHT) BUT oh well. Him hitting on me was already bad enough & ARROGANT on his part, but he made it WORSE for himself the min. he tried to make ME feel bad for keeping that a secret from her. After all, I'm sure his azs would want ME to tell HIM if the tables were turned. When it comes to other women OR my close friends, I try my hardest NEVER to protect the person in the wrong (the cheater).

On another occasion, I saw my co-workers boyfriend of 5 years was ALSO dating 1 of my sorors on the side. I immediately told my soror b/c I knew she'd have the LEAST HARDEST time letting him go, since they'd only been dating for 2 months. BUT, I hesitated a little to immediately run & tell my co-worker b/c I didn't want my work environment to become hostile JUST IN CASE my co-worker turned out to be the type of woman that will try to look for flaws in the messenger's story moreso than the culprit's story!

HOWEVER, there's 1 occasion where I did NOT tell a friend. She'd been dating this guy on & off for 3 years. They BOTH cheated on eachother throughout the whole relationship. And every time someone would go to her & confess that her man was cheating, I'd literally watch in disappointment as she would turn on the women who told her. She'd not only turn on & be quick to discredit anyone who told her (male or female), she'd ALSO always allow her man back into her life even after she DID finally get her proof. She always took him back EVERY TIME! So in that case, I kept my mouth shut b/c I knew that if I mustered up the courage to tell her, she wouldn't appreciate that I did OR she'd turn on me & end up back with his cheating azs anyways! So...boom!

There are very few people I consider real friends. If I found out something like this I would absolutely go to them, just as I would expect them do tell me.

Posted by LibraSid
There are very few people I consider real friends. If I found out something like this I would absolutely go to them, just as I would expect them do tell me.

True. Granted, there are people who go by the "Quantity OVER quality" rule, in which they'll prioritize the large number of friends they have vs. actually picking/choosing their friends wisely in QUALITY.

BUT, hey most of us believe & expect for our friends to be "REAL." And sometimes there's no telling how a certain person would act in certain situations until you're actually IN that situation & in the moment.

There's been a few times I'm sure we ALL "never would've thought" when situtations turn UGLY with who we thought were our "REAL" friends, BUT in some cases, whether or not a friend would believe me doesn't necessarily mean that the friendship is weak. In examples where me telling a good friend that her boyfriend (who is VERY emotionally abusive & whom she ALSO trusts) is cheating on her, her not believing me OR me deciding not to tell her may not necessarily mean that the friendship isn't real.

Sometimes it's about figuring out the risks associated with confessing certain things. And with some people in REAL friendships, sometimes the consequences of telling friends certain things far OUTWEIGHS the advantages; this is why with some people I tend not to take it personal when I sense hesistation the minute I confide in a friend that her partner's are cheating on them

I understand why some people wouldn't want to tell or would be afraid of the friends reaction. Trust is just too important to me. I would rather tell someone something they didn't want to hear (even if it meant loosing the friend) then keep secrets like this one. Even if the initial reaction is bad, they'll eventually figure out that you did the right thing by telling them.

What if I knew and didn't tell. Then the friend not only finds out about it, but he finds out I knew and didn't tell him. How could I expect his trust anymore?

Posted by TG
He might have destroyed me emotionally, but I destroyed him too. I only wish I??d murder him and all the scum who knew about the betrayel if I could get away with it.

Holy hell!

** gives a hug and slowly takes the knife away **

It'll be okay...


🙂

If it were my friend and I would tell them. Depending upon my relationship with the person who is doing the cheating, I'd confront them and let them know that they should come clean, if not I'll do it for them.

@Libra: Understandable. I agree that speaking up just for the principle of showing loyatly & concern for a friend whose clearly in the WRONG relationship is sometimes worth losing that person ALL b/c you spoke up.

And that's why I wanted to know what people's point of view on this topic was. So many of us on the 1st instinct would OF COURSE want our friends to tell us something like that, BUT there's a reason why people are keeping their lips sealed. And as we can all see, there are plenty of HORROR stories.

Would I want a friend to tell me? YES. BUT only if they were 100% sure the information they were feeding me was 100% correct. Sure, not all he-said/she-said is false BUT I'd be a little hesistant if a friend came to me & said, "I THINK your man cheated & got a girl pregnant!" Uhhhh you THINK?! That's a pretty SERIOUS accusation to bring to my attention w/o really even being sure of whether it's true or not. And hey, I'm not saying that I'd expect for my friends to play detective gadget & do all of the work of finding out all the details, BUT I WOULD however expect for them to ALWAYS consider the source (IF they didn't physically see it for themselves)

Posted by LibraSid
Even if the initial reaction is bad, they'll eventually figure out that you did the right thing by telling them.

And that's the SCARY part! It's the "WAITING" to see if the friend will actually find out for themselves that you were RIGHT the whole time! Hell, sometimes it might take them months or even YEARS to figure it out, thus the whole time in b/w the friendship suffered. And I think THAT'S what people are afraid of b/c hey, sometimes it's hard for some friendships to rebound after long periods of seperation/skepticism towards 1 another.

THAT is why my answer to whether or not I would automatically tell was NO. In MOST cases, I would, BUT if persay my friend had a very emotionally controlling/abusive boyfriend, I'd know up front that me telling my friend about his scheming ways would only give her man the ammunition to try to mentally/emotionally isolate her from me or anyone else who is "catching on" to his true colors.

And even though it'd suck to see a friend fall for such manipulation, I'd ALSO never take it personal b/c I have to remember that women/men often trust their partners JUST AS MUCH (if not even MORE) as they trust their friends. And in so many cases, the man will not only convince her that he never cheated, BUT he'll also accuse the person who told of trying to "split them up." And sadly, some women have a tremendous FEAR of losing their relationships, even if they know deep down they'll regret their decision to say; thus, I STILL wouldn't even take it personal if my friend decided to place some distance b/w us out of respect for trying to please & comfort her partner at a time of accusation.

We've all seen it. The politician's wives who continue to STAND BY their husbands even when the media & the world is staring at supposed "PROOF" that the politician is the culprit! All we can do is HOPE that those wives will figure it out (like ELIN WOODS DID) & be grateful for those who were really trying to save/help her.

Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

@Aqua: This will probably be 1 of my only, "NO COMMENT" moments!

And we ALL know that's rare for me! ;~X

Why won't you tell her?

Well, hell if they already have a shxt ton of problems anyways, there's no point in adding 1 more bone to the trash can, especially if it probably won't even make a difference.

Things change when you know BOTH people. Plus, you got your information from someone else, so if you tell her you're not only running the risk of losing HER, but also her man AND the friend who told you. And maybe that's not a risk you feel is worth taking; it's always easier said than done.

@Aquarian: Only thing is, if she ever DOES find out, AND that you knew about it, you not saying anything is putting the friendship at the same risks the same way it'd be a risk persay you told her.

And I say that b/c men/women not only wanna know the details on WHO their partner was screwing on the side, they ALSO wanna know WHO ELSE KNEW the whole time! And this is especially true when a person finds out that their partner has been cheating on them with someone specific (OR alot of people out in the open) for a long period of time; it's only natural for some people to automatically assume that SOMEONE must've known or saw SOMETHING!

Idk, I have mixed emotions about the whole "telling vs. keeping silent" thing. 1. While it's understandable that someone may not want to risk losing the friendship by telling, I'd also hate to lose the friendship persay that very same friend found out that I knew the whole time. It's almost like there's no escaping the chance of possibly losing a friendship; it seems that people ALWAYS tend to find out who ELSE knew what was going on. And if anything, I've lost MORE friendships this way (them finding out I knew) moreso than I have by telling (yeah that person may not want to face the truth primarily BUT eventually--since every cheater eventually gets caught--they'll understand & perhaps even thank me for taking such a risk & for trying to help them.

My friend brought up a GREAT point. She said that if you notice that someone you care for is being done wrong, it's DEAD WRONG to only try to help them out IF you feel that telling them will make them react in the way we WANT them to react. In other words, sometimes outsiders make it about THEM instead of the original person who deserves the truth. Sometimes it's about the PRINCIPLE of stepping in & protecting the person whose been done wrong.

And what my friend said was true to an extent. Some women will ONLY tell their friends the truth if they think their friends are likely to NOT turn on them. Some women will ONLY tell if they feel their friends will believe them, while others will completely OVERLOOK the fact that loyalty is loyalty, & not end up telling.

She was right in that you may save your friendship by NOT telling, BUT ultimately NOT telling is the same as protecting the culprit (whether you know them too or not). And THAT is why I think some people are even MORE upset with the friends that knew & didn't tell more than the person who actually did the cheating! Ultimately, NOT telling is sending the signal that yeah, we wanted to protect the friendship BUT also the culprit too; and of course to the person who just discovered they've been cheated on, this "signal" is NEVER 1 they take in a positive light.

On Jersey Shore, Snooky & the other girls KNEW their roomate was being cheated on. The "Women should protect other women" creed came into play, which is what made them feel guilty about not telling. They knew telling would jeopardize their friendships with the man who was cheating on her BUT ultimately the min. they decided NOT to tell their roomate the truth, they were insinuating that HIS friendship & protection was MORE important to them than hers.

So they FINALLY decided to end up telling the roomate, BUT instead of telling her face to face, they F'D UP by writing it as an anonymous letter. When she found the letter, she asked who wrote it BUT of course everyone was silent. See, when her roomates did this, they THEN made it about THEM & THEIR personal feelings. They should've NEVER said ANYTHING if they weren't willing to take the risks of telling her!

@Fiesty...aha! I think that sometimes when we assume our friends should've been SMART enough to see the "signs," anways, it's almost like we don't feel as bad when we find out they've been cheated on. The same goes when girls continually take back men who've cheated & gotten caught many times before; hell if SHE doesn't feel fidelity to be #1 in importance then why the hell should I be the 1 stressing it when it comes to her OWN relationship?!

I'm not gonna lie. Although I feel that cheating is wrong NO MATTER WHAT, I do tend to feel LESS bad for the women who've been played if I feel that the "signs" were already there. Women love assuming that if a man is/has cheated, that there MUST'VE been SOMETHING giving him away. BUT that's not always the case.

If a friend of mine was in 1 of those relationships where they BOTH acted like they were totally in love & like cheating was 1 of those things NEITHER 1 would ever do to eachother (ya know, those "too good to be true" kinda relationships") I'd probably be more quick to tell. I'd be even QUICKER to tell if I knew that a friend would take my word for it AND leave the jerk who played her.

It's kind of selfish the way we can sometimes determine whether or not we feel someone has the RIGHT to know, BUT hey, it is what it is.

I tell my friends all the time, "If you ever get cheated on, don't expect to find out by walking IN on him while he's still on top of another woman!" Actually CATCHING your man in the moment is VERY RARE. In fact, most people are aware of their partner's cheating by 3rd party information OR he-said/she-said. It sucks b/c we're all told to ignore "rumors" & to TRUST our partners the same way we trust our friends. So it's kind of hard believing your friend sometimes when she tells you that "My cousin's daughter's uncle saw your man out cheating." lol

Some women SWEAR that they would've believed the person who told them they were being played! It's NOT until AFTER the truth comes to the light (& when women find out THEMSELVES) that they love to promise others that had someone told them earlier or upfront, they would've not only 1. Believed them BUT ALSO 2. Left the cheating bastard. HA yeah right!

They'll say that, but yet the minute you pull them to the side & tell them about their man's cheating ways, it's almost like YOU become the 1 whose on the hotseat & whose loyalty is being tested!

I swear, men have it so easy! They know that even when their girlfriend's BEST FRIEND tells her she's being played that his girlfriend might STILL believe him! Men on the other hand, take their buddie's word for it AUTOMATICALLY! And if they find out later that their buddies were lying, fine; they'll deal with it. But women! Oh boy, we're sometimes quick to 1-up the person trying to HELP more than the person being accused of trying to HURT us!

Maybe THAT is why some men don't immediately confess the min. their girlfriend's accuse them of cheating b/c of what she "heard." Men know that their girlfriends might NOT even believe their OWN sources! Maybe THAT'S why some men don't even panic when they see their girlfriend's best friend, while they're out cheating. They probably figure that w/ enough convincing, his girlfriend is more likely to cut off HER friend before she cuts HIM off! UGH! Lying bastards! lol

Id definitely want to be told what was going on - it is my life and I have a right to make an adult decision as to what happens in my life. I wouldnt want other people making choices for me. It'd be one thing to know that my partner was having some other woman in his life but its another not to know and to think everything is just fine.

This has happened to me and my partner's so-called friends helped him to lie to me by sending me fake emails about how they had done this and that whilst he was away (went back home to visit his family) when in actual fact it was his lover doing this and that for and with him......was I angry? you betchya. Why did they send fake emails? because I was already suspecting something was up.

Would I tell somebody close to me that their partner is cheating on them? you betchya....having worn those shoes and feeling like such a stupid fool when I did work it out myself (no thanks to my partner at the time nor his friends)? Id not sit back and let a friend of mine go through it - the feeling of complete humiliation and then the anger.

Sure, they'd feel like crap knowing that the person they had all their faith in wasnt who you thought they were but at least you could make a decision as to whether you would stick it out, forgive and forget (although cheating is unforgiveable) or whether you'd walk away and let them have one another.

Cheating? a dispicable act especially when the cheater doesnt give a 2nd thought to the person who entrusts them with their heart, their health and their dignity....to cheat and have unprotected sex with another person whilst claiming to be in a committed relationship? as Ive said before....adultery used to be a criminal offence...now it actually can cause innocent partners to receive a death sentence just because another's sleazy desires.

Yep, Id squeal/snitch and yep Id wanna know

What person would help another cheat on another human being?

Posted by Chatz
What person would help another cheat on another human being?

PERFECT point! Although there are sometimes many DISADVANTAGES to "snitching" on the person who cheated, it always comes back to friendship & WHO is worth protecting the MOST in these situations.

Yes, my friend may not believe me, she may not leave her cheating boyfriend/husband, hell she might even be mad at me for knowing simply b/c of the embarrassment she feels by being the ONLY person who perhaps DIDN'T know. BUT, me NOT telling for WHATEVER reason means that when it comes down to it, I'd be protecting the VILLIAN moreso than the victim. And protecting the villian is NOT ever a good thing, nor is it ever really justified.

Even if I know both people, if it came down to protecting SOMEONE, I'd much rather prefer to protect the VICTIM, NOT the villian. If anything, THIS point would be the ONLY reason I'd be hurt if I found out that my friends knew I was being played the whole time but yet didn't tell me. Them NOT telling me would signal to me that they didn't feel the risks of losing me, among other things was worth it. Technically, my PARTNER is the ONLY 1 whose responsible for admitting infidelity BUT I'd also hate to have suspicions already, cry my eyes out to my friends about this, only to find out that while they're were nodding their heads the whole time in being there for me, that they KNEW the whole time.

If it came down to it, I'd want my friends to do the SAME for me that they'd want done for themselves if the tables were turned. I'd tell my friend & just HOPE that if she were to drop me OR not believe me that EVENTUALLY she'd come to her senses. And I can risk losing a friend IF I know I did so b/c I was doing the RIGHT thing

Plus I think most people aren't LITERALLY & sub-consciously mad at the other people who knew the whole time. I don't think that some women literally DON'T believe their friends. I don't think some women think they're doing the right thing deep down when they let their own friends go after being told about their partner's cheating ways. It's SAD though that someone would go to THAT extreme just to avoid/ignore the reality that everybody ELSE is seeing.

I've been in this situation many times. THe kinds of situations where me protecting the other person might "offend" or "piss off" my own friends. I don't care HOW mad a friend gets at me! If I see her attempting to drive drunk, I will NOT let her. I'd rather her be mad at me BUT YET still be ALIVE by the morning vs. me having it on my heart that she ended up killing herself OR someone else all for the sake of me "sparing" her feelings.

If I knew a friend was being abused, I'd tell any adults/people whom I knew could thoroughly help her. Sure, abuse victims desperately FEAR being helped, BUT only moreso b/c they fear retaliation from their partners. I had to go to the police FOR a friend who was once in a domestically violent relationship & OH BOY she was FURIOUS with me for doing so & even cut me off for doing so. I wasn't shocked though. BUT, like I knew already, she eventually apologized to me & respected me 10xs MORE 2 years later when she'd FINALLY saw the reality that I had BEEN saw all along. In this case, I was willing to take the risk of losing her since I knew that the advantages of me telling FAR outweighed the disadvantages long-term.

It seems that people won't "snitch" UNLESS they can see results/the benefits of doing so short-term or immediately. People don't like taking risks that will only show its advantages weeks/months/years down the road. It just comes down to having FAITH that your friends will respect, thank you & love you MORE in the long-run.

Hell yeah.