You are not his woman...

Unless you and him both agree to be in an exclusive relationship.

Shacking up is NOT commitment.
Playing house is NOT commitment.
Assuming that b/c he spends a lot of time with you is NOT commitment.
Don't assume anything.
Don't forget that actions speak louder than sweet words.
Men will take freebies. Matter of fact, human beings love freebies. That will never change.

Do not hold a man responsible for YOUR street smarts.

If you're giving a man all you've got (heart, sex, emotions, or maybe even money, etc.) before he's committed to you (the LEAST he can do), fine, but don't ever forget that in the event that he ever decides to go screw or wife up another chick, he is perfectly within his rights to do so, b/c while you were in an imaginary relationship, he never forgot that he was technically single.

I feel no empathy for women who get knocked up by these men who were never theirs & then look like a deer in headlights when he says or makes it clear that he never had any intentions on being with her. Were you left alone, single & bitter b/c he was the bad guy for doing what single men do, or is the problem that YOU gave away freebies and yet irrationally expected someone to want to later purchase what was always free?

The whole "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" might be a cliche & played out phrase, but it's been around for ages b/c there's obviously something to it!! If your mentality & 'ways' haven't worked for you or produced the results you've wanted, then stop defending those 'ways' or that mentality.

Be honest with yourselves ladies. Pay attention. A lot of you got left behind, not b/c those men were bad guys, but b/c you failed to demand that he do the least to win your trust, body & respect. Don't ever give what you can't afford to not get back.

If you want him to be your man, tell him. And if agrees to make it official and then plays you later, yep it will suck, but at least you'll know that you used your street smarts & did your part to best protect yourself as best as you could (considering you can't control others/loyalty isn't guaranteed just b/c the relationship is official).

I get that loyalty isn't necessarily guaranteed just b/c you're an official couple. But understand that loyalty & exclusivity is 10x's less guaranteed when you're going through thick & thins and battles & riffs with someone who never even did the minimum for you.

I get it, some men lie and can be misleading, but it is YOUR job (not his) to make sure that you don't lose your focus, logic & standards just b/c you're lusting and on cloud 9. We tell men all the time to stop thinking so much with their 'little head.' Well ladies, the same concept applies to you (minus the penis lol)

There's nothing wrong with giving him a small sample of what you're all about & what you offer, but please don't be the girl who always gives all of herself away, only to then blame 'bad men' for the reason she's still miserably single & scorned.

Do NOT have girlfriend or wife expectations & demands unless you are in fact his girlfriend or wife.

If he's technically single, he can screw whoever he wants. And if you don't like it, stop dating him. The rules of what it means to be 'single' won't change just b/c you cry, kick, scream & don't like it.

If he's technically not your man, then it's unfair & irrational to give him a role he didn't ask for/doesn't deserve yet, or to make him responsible for your feelings & emotions

I get it, you're a nice person & you hate that dating is sometimes a 'game' & you want the kind of love story where both people just fell in love & never needed 'titles' to solidify things. Yep, sounds good, but if the underlying truth is that you want the title, own that & demand that before he's entitled to anything you have to offer.

Quit with the victim mentality following a string of YOUR bad dating patterns.

Be accountable.

Very direct, I like it.

It's a gamble you have to take to experience it all. One day people will wise up and they will also go through shit and back because they have to experience it themselves. So they realize this is either bad or good.. Yes we need advice and we come on dxp to find the answer.

Alot of people on here know what is right and wrong in a relationship, or friendship already. Usually I already know its either bullshit, drama, or red flags. I do trust people too easily and we still need a little push every now and then hm maybe because we see it going to so well at first and then something happens, so we go to someone who has more experience.

Good Post. If everyone followed the advice here there would be fewer broken hearts and fewer baby mamas

Lots of double standards this post has.

I agree that women need to be smarter when they do these things and/or know what the worst case scenario may be if they choose to do these things, but the fact that you place all blame on the woman and none on the guy makes you a tool for throwing your own gender under the bus. Guys do not get a free pass to fuck around like this because "they're guys." You should be embarrassed for uttering such a thing.

You speak of accountability but don't demand that guys be accountable for their bullshit ways. Why is that? You talk a lot of empowerment, yet you fall short where it matters the most.

Again, I do agree that there are a lot of women who need to wake the hell up to the tragedy that the dating pool is- one that has myths and bs surrounding it to mostly benefit the guy and his chances of getting laid. However, there are many out there, people like you, who always put the full blame on the women for "allowing" this to happen. And the big reason why guys do this and get away with it is because other guys and women like you think they don't have to be accountable because "it's what they do."

Instead of placing full responsibility on women, how about insisting that THEY expect the guy to be accountable for his bs? It should really be "well shit, he's being an absolute troll. Fuck that guy. I'm not bothering with him anymore." Instead it's a lot of "what did I do wrong??" or "You did this wrong. It's your fault he turned into a troll because you wanted to get laid."

Also knock off the dated "your body is a gift to his penis" shit. No. Our bodies are not prizes to be had. You are perpetuating the objectification of women by saying such a thing. Women can choose whatever they're comfortable with, whether to wait til marriage, treat it like some imaginary shrine and put out exclusively, or go scratch an itch when the need is there. Just because you live with a biblical mindset of "giving" someone your body like a prize doesn't mean all share this mindset. Nobody ever addresses guys "giving" their bodies to women, so I don't see why this is relevant to women other than the age old view of her vag being a prize to be had because guys back then get off better on the thought of her being a virgin. That shit needs to be dropped. We are now in 2015. Tthis same mindset stems from an era where women (ex: daughters) were treated like second class citizens and traded with livestock/a dowry as a part of a business arrangement with other men.

This is every day life experiences we go through. How do you wear your heart on your sleeve?

Posted by Hotbeefy
Sites of between woman and a girl.
http://elitedaily.com/dating/gentlemen/10-signs-youre-dating-woman-girl/638177/<BR> And my favorite one:
http://justmytype.ca/the-11-differences-between-dating-a-girl-vs-a-woman/<BR> Most important thing is (And I was falling like that before) is if you are insecure, you have to focus on yourself rather than dating your bf. He's not your coach nor a father (and a sex toy).
Otherwise you allowed them to used you since you are so naive and airhead through your insecurity.
Be a smart woman, not a innocent girl.

i agree with alot of the article, but some women will Always use their physical beauty/sexual allure to get a man (it's power to them) like how Marilyn Monroe, and countless movie stars/actresses do the same. They all come in every sun sign. I'm sorry but it is how it is.

these are good sayings from the article:

6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.

7. —A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.?? -anonymous

8. A girl does not respect her body. She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it's important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. —A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.?? — N. Mah

9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. —After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.?? — N. Mah

---

i agree very much with no. 6, but no. 7 is majority of female movie stars, and even at bollywood. You see all the female film stars are GORGEOUS. no one wants to see any woman up there playing the lead role less than. It's a fact in many cultures of what beauty is. so you are adored.

youd think yes, cherish your health, but come on!! be for real. Women love new handbags and diamonds and Pearls, and jewelry. that is not going to change. well most women, not all. i just understand plenty of women love that stuff.
although there are women who value books and meager belongings, but you don't often see monks in seclusion as women monks much.

Posted by Arielle83
Actually I don't even own a handbag. Weird.

are you serious?? or is this a joke??


even i own a few. given to me by my family for gifts too.

Posted by Arielle83
I honestly don't want handbags etc. it gets in the way if my need to travel. My husband hates buying me gifts because I say I never want anything.

Those actresses are just that way because of their competitive careers relying on their looks. I really liked number 6.

well if they work in the industry, it comes with the territory.

Nvm, so not awake yet. Brain no work :/

http://justmytype.ca/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man/<BR>
This also applies to this topic. A lot of the "boy" categorizations are things we see all the time here on DXP.

Posted by rockyroadicecream


Instead of placing full responsibility on women, how about insisting that THEY expect the guy to be accountable for his bs? It should really be "well shit, he's being an absolute troll. Fuck that guy. I'm not bothering with him anymore." Instead it's a lot of "what did I do wrong??" or "You did this wrong. It's your fault he turned into a troll because you wanted to get laid."

YES. Agreed.

Posted by Arielle83
I have a wallet on a braclet. I just have cards and change and my phone and keys link to bracket

However I have a backpack when I bike to work.

I'm a minimalist I guess.

my cancer sun/leo venus girlfriend gave me a handbag last year. A very very big one. i love it.

anyway, you have a photo of you in your profile, that has (i think that's you) in front of a shoe department, with tons of shoes and a handbag in your right arm.

(scratches head) you don't look like you would be without some fashionita stuff. just a guess.

anyway, i should make a topic on handbags.

its something like this but not so big, more fashionable as she has really good taste.



to go along with the topic.

you are not his woman. you are not his bag. lol

that's right. are you the RIGHT handbag for that/this man?