HOW TO DATE A GUY WHO JUST GOT OUT OF RELATIONSHIP

I met this guy November last month and since then he never goes a day without contacting me. We have hanged out a couple of times and he is always the one who initiates us meeting. He seems to enjoy my company a lot. Three weeks after I met him, I asked if he is in a relationship, he said he is having issues with his gf, and they had a quarrel two weeks ago, no one has contacted each other since then. We got close, he is excited to take me out with his friends and to get to know me..we are always talking about relationships and how to treat each other right.. after a month plus of what ever we were, we kissed and made out. We didn't have sex, I refused and he didn't push it. The next day while we were chatting about me not wanting sex, he said hope I know he is not in a hurry that the fun is kissing, cuddling and talking. So I asked him what does he want from me, a real relationship or a fling. He said he want us to be very close friends and hope for the best, that way we will go far. I wasn't satisfied and I told him so. i asked him if he wants to keep me while he wait for his gf to come back, he said no, he just need to get through her and clear her out of his heart, he is not waiting for her to come back. I told him that means he is still attached to her and still loves her. He said he's honestly not attached to her and is not in love with her anymore, if he was, he wont have gone a month without contacting her or allowed the issue they had to get serious. He said I should remember he came looking for me even before they quarreled, cause he has a reason for wanting someone else. He went further to say I should put myself in his position, I will need sometime to be sure of what I am doing, I should be patient with him and trust that he can handle this, i should stick with him and forget he has a gf somewhere. I told him I cant forget he has a gf somewhere
So he asked me what do I want? I told him I want a real relationship with no gf somewhere cause I don't want to be dating a guy and feel like m his side chic or past time. He said ok, when he makes up his mind I will be the first to know. I was supposed to go out with him the next day for a friend's party and thereafter go with them for their high school reunion party, I canceled, told him I cant be hanging out with him when m not sure if m just a side chic, so he went alone. The next day, that was yesterday, he chat me up, said he is feeling like m avoiding him. Told him I just want to

Told him I just want to give him space to clear his head. He said I shouldn't give him space if i do, then am making it worse for him, I should stand by him, while he makes up his mind. Said he missed me at the party and couldn't get me out of his head. He's been acting all sweet since so m wondering how do I handle such a situation. I like him and I know he likes me too but I don't know if there is something good here

Ok so we know how he feels & what he thinks you oughta do but where is YOUR logic and judgement?? And why is the emotionally tarnished person calling all of the shots here? Him simply enjoying your company is nice & all but his flattery shouldn't override your street smarts & common sense.

Of course he's gonna swear that he's over her. Of course he's gonna say & do all the right things. He needs a distraction. He needs to feel like he's still wanted. He wants all of the benefits from you that he probably misses getting from a relationship.

Some people use you to duplicate relationship benefits although they don't necessarily want a duplicate of the person they were in the actual relationship with. In other words, you're a convenient void filler.

Oh come on, you know how these stories end. Get your head out of the clouds, put on your big girl panties & use your street smarts. You know better. A lot of men may like you (even bad guys) but that's not a good enough reason for you to willingly put yourself in a situation that most often ends badly for most women doing what you're doing.

Don't let the emotionally torn/hurt person make decisions about where this is going! lol Don't let his guilt tactics cloud your judgement. Him being a little TOO eager to move on & beg you for your love and attention is a major red flag that speaks volumes. You may not see it b/c you're ego is too wrapped up in all the praise & his needing of you, but honey you have way more to lose by being captain save-a-man than you do scaling back & waiting to give your emotions, body & heart to a man who doesn't make you question whether or not he's emotionally available.

Posted by Khaleesi


Three weeks after I met him, I asked if he is in a relationship, he said he is having issues with his gf, and they had a quarrel two weeks ago, no one has contacted each other since then.

ANSWER:

HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND HE'S CHEATING ON HER

YOU ARE CHEATING WITH HIM AND SCREWING AROUND WITH ANOTHER WOMAN'S MAN

If you avoid this answer and proceed with this dirtbag, you deserve whatever comes to you.

Dont knowingly walk into shit unless you like b eing knee deep in shit.

is this a competition thing for you?

Thanks everyone for the advice i appreciate. There is no competition here,i am not trying to compete with any girl for her man. He told me why they have not been talking for a month plus now and i have nothing to do with the issue they are having. according to him, she accused him of texting and calling her male friend to threaten him, which he said he never did, he doesnt even know the guy..he asked her for the content of the message, she said he had no right to know, and kept hanging up on him, then told him not to call her again. so he decided he wont, cause he is just accused wrongly. she never called either, thats how they have been for a month. I am not the one chasing after him or trying to get him to look my way..he is the one who came looking for me, who does most of the chatting up, calling and initiates hanging out. I know about the risk of rebound, and i believe it can be avoided without necessarily cutting off from the person. i believe thats what he is trying to avoid too, by not wanting to rush things. we are both matured people, he is 30 and m 25. i am honestly not in haste to get into a relationship. i just liked him and felt if theres something there maybe while i keep searching for the right guy i could still keep him on my radar. i am still meeting other people and going out on dates with them, i dont intend to stop until i am in a real committed relationship. he just seem to be the one i am closest to, maybe cause he actively pursues me than the others. i dont know how long it will take for me to settle into a real relationship or how long it will take for him to move on. is it such a bad idea if i keep things with him at a friend level while i keep looking? if by the time he is ready i am still available fine, if i am not, then all good, we are still friends?

See now you're back tracking b/c we all came down on you hard lol

1st of all, just b/c someone knocks on your door doesn't mean that you have to answer it. You act as if you're forced to respond to him & give yourself to him all b/c he technically asks & initiates things. He may have thrown the original bone, but you keep jumping for it when it's thrown. You keep biting it, hence the reason this post even exists lol. So don't put that all on him.

Secondly, you guys have spent most of your 'dating' session talking about his past relationship. And I'm sure the other half was spent with you over-analyzing & wondering if he was even over his last relationship

I get that he's a cool dude n all, but like you said, there's plenty of fish in the sea, so go be with those fish. You're playing a dangerous game by physically & emotionally subjecting yourself to a man you're not so sure is even an honest person.

If your streets smarts are telling you to be 'just friends' cool, but act like friends instead of things looking like the typical rebound or side chick story. You're not powerless here. It's really hard to be 'just friends' with someone you're crushing on. Acting like love birds behind closed doors while going out in public & brushing it off like it's no big deal is a self-told lie that leads you HERE.

Just be his friend. Your gut is telling you to question things for a reason. So freakin' listen! LOL