Family drama, could use some advise

this doesn't really need to be for Sag specifically but I'm a sag and am struggling with some traumatic family situations.

Not getting into all the details but there were some circumstances that have left me and my sister (Cap) on the outs with our parents (cancer & scorpio) and other family members. Lets just say that some very bad and crimes were committed by a family member that personally affected my sister, and our parents have more or less chosen to support the perpetrator of the crimes. i feel like their decision is based a lot on guilt, and their misplaced attempts to pretend that there is nothing wrong, and to "keep the peace" which has made me and my sister very upset.

My sister has let me know that she's conflicted about how she feels but needs to distance herself from them for now, she feels very betrayed and unsupported.

As for myself, I am pissed. I've opened my sag mouth and been very blunt about some things, which may have made it worse... I'm not happy with my parents actions but I can also see their perspective a little, and I'm struggling to figure out what to do. I know my parents are hurting too (water signs!), I don't want to make them feel worse, I don't want the situation to get worse by letting the silence between us go on indefinitely, but I'm not a great diplomat. I don't know what to say, or if I should say anything.

Tomorrow's my mom's birthday, and I don't even know if I should text her happy birthday, or ignore it and possibly make things worse.

basically I need all of this unpleasantness to be over so I can move on. If it continues I'm liable to just run away. again.

again, not a great diplomat. I'm too blunt, then they get passive aggressive and guilt trip-y, then I get more blunt and hurtful because I can't stand that shit...Not a good combination.

Posted by Shellyd238
again, not a great diplomat. I'm too blunt, then they get passive aggressive and guilt trip-y, then I get more blunt and hurtful because I can't stand that shit...Not a good combination.

Too hard to advise. I am too very blunt and not at all diplomatic.

I say depends on cituation. Can you text Happy Birthday and that's it?

And see if she replies. And maybe take it from there?

it's not about money, I wish it was...

No I moved out as soon as possible, I keep a healthy distance from my family anyway because they've always been way too clingy and guilt trip-y for me to handle. But our family has always been emotionally close until all of this.

I would like to be more detailed about the situation but it's very personal, and a very long and complicated story.

I'm really just looking for anyone who might know how to navigate these waters with families. I don't want to cause any more hurt, but I'm not really ready to forgive and forget yet.

I might just text her happy birthday and leave it at that, but I know that IF she replies it will most likely be some passive aggressive BS...I can never win with her.

So send her happy birthday and block her

Unblock when you ready.

It sounds like you believe your parents owe you the right to have them feel the way you do about this "situation".

I don't get why you are begrudging towards them, merely because they have a mind different from yours.



I mean, you're even going to hold wishing your mother a Happy Birthday hostage, AND against her ... all because she didn't do as you wished.



You aren't owed anything ...... if you are incapable of moving with the water as it runs under the bridge, then that's your problem to deal with, and not the responsibility of your parents.



If you're a child, then that's a different story, if you're an adult ... then put your big girl pants on and suck it up.

From the gist of what you have told, my reaction is to try to care for everyone individually and then subtly remind them we got to get through this together as a family.



After all (I am assuming) that the negative feeling comes from being misunderstood and miscommunication.

So perhaps mediating a safe space to talk over and understand each other's perspective could be helpful.

Posted by untitled28
Ok I've been in your shoes with a very similar sounding situation personally. My family member did something horrible to me and my sister and it separated our family. The real unkind raw answer is there is no clear path here for you and your sister.

And at the same time every choice now is probably crucial to the next several years of your relationships [for everyone in your family]

I would say that yes reach out to your mom but also you have to really think clearly about the choices a person has made are they being fair to all parties and how you truly feel about that. Some things are not ok and how people react to and support you in those moments does truly matter. Regardless of who the person is.

That's the tough part of life realizing that sometimes you have to part ways with people including close family members.

This is of course all subjective and you must take time to make decisions about what you want to do and how.

Sometimes when something drastic occurs within a family everyone really needs time to process how they feel sometimes that is a fluid thing changing over time the more they think about it. It may not get better for a long time that will just have to be seen.

I wish you the best of luck with the situation.

Thank you for this. It's very helpful! I do need time to process everything and decide how I want to move forward. The sucky thing being the timing... I'm personally not ready to reach out at all, and I have no idea what to say, but today's a pretty important day, so I know if I ignore it, things could get worse.

I guess I'm just going to have to bite the bullet, confront the situation whether I'm ready to or not.