getting over a sag anyone??

i would love to keep this as concise as possible. basically, i was dating a sag for about a month now. our first date was a walk through a park and abandoned train station, then a bar. from the off he told me that i felt familiar to him. i felt the same. it was a nice feeling, not too overwhelming. anyway, on that same first date we went back to his. he cooked dinner and i slept over. i did sleep with him that night. when i left the next morning he called to say how much he enjoyed being around me. he said, 'i loved waking up to you. you looked so gorgeous, all lit up by the sun.' we made plans for later in the week. that went excellently too.

we met after he finished work, went to bar, browsed in a book shop then got some thai food. for me, conversation was like an orgy of ideas and everything felt very natural. so again, made plans to see each other that weekend. i was out with friends that evening so he suggested i stay over at his that night. we sat in his room talking. again, everything was great. i noticed how attentive he is. he also said two things which really pleased me. he said, 'i'm so glad i met you. and i'm so happy being around you. can't you see by my face? it just lights up'. again, when i spoke to him later that day he mentioned it was comforting to wake up to me.

in between times he'd be calling to say goodnight and texting everyday. things got weird earlier this week. we had plans to meet, and he had gone away to visit his parents for the weekend. i hadnt heard from him. and i know what i did next messed things up. i texted saying, hey. i doubt we're meeting up today, i haven't heard from you. i don't want to second guess, but have you had second thoughts about me?

he got back to me and apparently he had texted, they hadn't come through. so he said he'd call me that night. and that was when he dropped the bomb! he said, 'i just want to get straight into it. we moved too fast physically. i think you're beautiful, charming with a lovely personality but we aren't compatible. i've experienced this before and i don't think we'd work out long term...i'm so physically attracted to you, but out of the bedroom i'm not so sure. i feel like i have to struggle to say things to you. there isn't a connection.'

i was so shocked that i didn't say much, other than to ask what brought this on? apparently he felt that way the last time we'd seen each other. i thought we mentally clicked. in fact, i know we did.

aha, so much for being concise!! well the next day i said my piece. that if he was feeling that way, why didn't his behaviour match his emotions? and why was he basing his decision on that one last time we saw each other? it seems off. he admitted everything up to that point was going so well but, and i quote, 'i couldn't ignore this sense of things not being right. i could choose to ignore this but it would end up hurting us both to a far greater extent in the future. there just isn't that spark that's needed for me to want to take things to the next level.' all very clear cut. but, again. the day the conversation happened, i had called him at work. he sounded SO happy to hear from me. and then with the conversation later that night, he sounded distressed almost. rehearsed, and kind of panicky. and upset? it was just weird.

yeah, i didn't act too level headed. i said, let's explore the possibilities. i told him off for being sexual when he knew he wanted to pursue a relationship. i whinged. i hissed and spat. then, once none of it was working i texted saying he was worth fighting for and i didn't want him blowing things out of proportion. that i didn't know it before but i loved him. and thanked him for opening my windows and letting the light in. short, but sweet.

once i calmed down and got my head straight, i texted again tonight to apologise for the tantrum earlier, saying i respected his decision and understood his reasons. and that i would like for us to be friends, if possible. i've yet to hear from him but he does sleep early (its coming up 1 a.m out here), so we'll see.

can anyone shed light on the best way to move forwards? and what can i do if i genuinely feel we have a connection? he's said what he has to say, but i gotta be honest. i don't think i'm getting the whole story here. something in his delivery and the events leading up to us breaking up seem off key. what do you guys think?

First of all,

Don't beat yourself up on sleeping with him so soon. I'm so sick of hearing woman say that. Like what? Sex is just a commodity and a reward for a good attendance? I think woman who consider sex to be a tool like that or a bargaining chip are just as bad as guys who just want to get in your pants. You went with your feelings and there is nothing wrong with that.


Maybe you just skipped the "getting to know you phase" a bit. I feel like people skip over that all the time, because they are so into being " offical " with someone instead of talking that time to talk, listen to them, do things with them, ect. You can always go re visit that and make that connection stronger if he is willing.


I really think that is the missing piece here.

yeah, i agree with you 100% . sex isn't a sin, y'know? i just thought it was worth mentioning because for him the physical aspect overwhelmed things and he apologised for not being more rational about things

i think that the getting to know you phase was skimmed over too and i want to re-visit it. i mean, i didn't think we needed to be official that soon...he's being quite adamant he's made the right decision to end things though. maybe he'll come around...i just feel it's not fair to write things off this soon when we haven't done the groundwork and i think 'we're incompatible' is the worst fob-off ever, what does he think he is, an amateur astrologer?

oh. well that makes sens then :/

taking my emotions out of the equation, it really does seem that way. he rushed the intimacy...and then yes, the break up reasons sounded like an excuse. so, i got played. dammit!!

it's so hard when a person ticks all your boxes, but then you have to face the facts they were acting out of a need to conquer you, and there was nothing more to it. in the cold light of day, at least it didn't get any further...

i'm under 25. i'm not so much easily led, think i'm very idealistic though. it's funny. smart guys are my weakness. i wouldn't have fallen for this with a person of a let's say, slower intellect. in fact, because i'm so picky in general i guess i project alot onto guys with the qualities i like, instead of trying to see them as they really are.

and i'm about to give the feminist movement a stroke, or ruffle their petticoats a little, but...if he called i'd run to him 😢

and you're not rude. just clued in. maybe a little jaded, but it's a good thing

i agree with the twitter/fb thing, it's even worse now that people have this stuff 'on legs' now, it just gets in the way of face to face interaction. very hollow.

it wouldn't be the same vim and vigour, no. i know i'd hold back or be tempted to exact revenge, something like itching powder in his boxers or going through his phone, picking a girl's number and calling her whilst we were having sex. but in this moment, i so would go back. like a dumb chicken.

this guy says he grew up with not many friends, he has hang ups and describes himself as an introvert. if anything, he's a very clumsy player. like he hasn't quite found his feet yet. he's 27, so i guess he has some growth to get on with. that's the thing, i thought he would be my summer fling; the kind of person you sit up late talking to whilst jazz plays in the background, then get up in the morning and hit the park...i wasn't expecting a commitment. not because i was selling myself short, but because a relationship isn't a be all end all for me. so him flipping the script and dumping me was like, huh?

mancore, i like it! *high fives triple e*

Posted by everevolvingepithet
The way I see it with the state of play with textuality etc 🙂, is most people will stoop to anything to try and get their way, in the flesh they usually aren't shit unfortunately.
This is the only area I consider myself a snob lol 😛😛
Women are allowed a little leeway because they like gossiping more lol.

are you sure? guys seem to like idle talk too, unless you guy's call it something different? like information management or something :p

data collection? lol!! noooo im not disgruntled he got there first, i do like him. not just a hit and run thing, i was tender towards him, just a bit iffy on committment right now. but you're right about everything else 🙂

excellent talking to you too! have a great day 😄