I bit the bullet and got shot down

Okay, I finally told the Sag man that I liked him. We had spent a whole weekend together and it was the most fun I've had in a year. I guess I was eat up w/ him. We've been dating for about 6 months. But just recently had gotten closer. (I'm a scorpio) His response: What is wrong with that? So I told him that I was interested in more. (he likes me....even my friends say when he's around me that he adores me) His response: (and for the life of me, I can't get a grip on this unless it is just an excuse) You've been divorced for 15 years. I've only been divorced for 3. It was a slap in the face. I didn't respond.

I went to bed with my tail between my legs. And woke up this morning w/ my heart hurting. What was I thinking?

I am sorry to hear about your situation...I am a Sag woman and have dated a few of the men...problem with Sag men is once you let them know you are interested, many of them lose interest. With Sag men (and for the most part MANY men as I am learning) are hunters...once they hunt and get what they want it is on to look for the next person to hunt and conquer...

There is the off chance that your Sag man didnt mean what he said as he said it...we sometimes tend to suffer from foot in mouth and words come out harsher than intended...I have only dated a few Scorpios and found them too moody for my care free attitude and too sensitive for my sharp tongue...I dont know what is what in your case but either way I wish you the best with or without him...

**It is not time between relationships that matter as much as time taken to get over the last relationship...maybe it took you 15 to move on...but it could have taken you 2. Don't let a silly remark that just seems a bit childish get you down...**

Agree with Sassy here on this one. Don't take to heart too seriously what he said. It's part saggy/pary foot in the mouth. He didn't mean it to hurt your at all - it's how they respond - complete honesty and sometimes without thinking about how it may affect the other person. My suggestion to you: just keep doing what you've been doing - continue with the relationship. They are smart - he did hear what you said - just keep it fun and interesting and all should be fine.

I am leaving on vacation tomorrow. I thought it was good to say how I felt before I left. Thought it would give him time to adjust to the words. I figure I will know what he wants within a couple of weeks of no contact. Am I correct? I figure if I gave him space to ingest it, maybe he would warm up to it.

His facebook page said "looking for relationship" until we got back from our weekend. But when he said "I'm not looking for a serious relationship", I assumed he meant "I'm not looking for a relationship with YOU."

I know he likes me. He calls me all the time. He text me and sends me e-mails. I don't contact him to give him space. I wait on him. Did everything I could to keep that run instinct Sags have from developing. But you are correct on the hunter part. I get that.

I'm a scorpio. He doesn't hurt my feelings on anything but this. This is WAY too personal for me not to get hurt over.

Gem girls are the one of the only ones I've seen coming somewhat close to taming them. But they still run wild until they want to stop. If they EVER do lol

Well, this whole thing could have been avoided if you all had driven to North Carolina and stood behind me to advise me as the conversation developed. (kind of like the verizon commercial) I couldn't come back w/ anything that wasn't hateful so I kept my mouth shut.

Updated note, I haven't heard from him. AT ALL. No text, no e-mails and no phone calls. This is the longest we have gone w/out talking.

My sister told me last night to turn around and walk away. She said when a man really wants you (not just sex) you will know it....you won't have to guess and you won't have to have the "discussion".

The positives about the sag man is:
*he was so much fun
*we constantly laughted
*we never argued
*we never sat home....we were always doing something
*he was really good in bed

The negatives:
*he made a joke always....even during serious moments
*after he kissed me and knocked my feet out from underneath me, (which I'm sure it did his too) he never kissed me that way again
*he wouldn't keep eye contact during sex
*he had a big mouth and told me stuff I didn't want to hear
*he couldn't keep a secret (I was friends w/ his brother and his brother knew all)
*he wasn't ready for his grown (23 and 25) kids to know he was dating again

*he had his best friend (beth) on his desktop of his cell phone (which made me think he was in-love w/ her)


So Sags tell me, do I wait? Or do I take my sister's advice and walk away? (Scorpio woman: when we are done, there is no going back)

laughed not laughted (sorry)

I'm a scorpio. I get too involved to just use him for sex. We like sex, but it isn't a physical release for us. It is an emotional release. NO CAN DO.

sags cant understand a love that means a bonding wall..

Could you explain this.

Thank you for your insight. I don't plan on contacting him. I'll let him contact me. As soon as he gave me the "I've only been divorced 3 years" comment, I deleted him from my phone. This was to protect me from calling him or texting him. The temptation would be too strong if I hadn't.

*I think his desire to be the "hunter" is stronger than his attraction toward me. Don't think this will end well.

Well RUMI, I don't know if we are allowed to cuss on this board, but I'm about to start flying w/ some good ones. Just got a text message that read he played 18 holes, scored good and had an erection.....and where was I? ASSHOLE!

^What? It sounds like he's not giving you what you need. If someone can't give you what you need than, I guess it's time to heave home. I don't think you should ever wait on someone. Life is too short for that. Plus you will probably meet someone who does by the time your waiting anyway. But don't ever project what you want on someone else and if they don't give to you make them out to be the bad person. Everyone is different. And I'm sure you'll find someone whos on the same page with you.

"My sister told me last night to turn around and walk away. She said when a man really wants you (not just sex) you will know it....you won't have to guess and you won't have to have the "discussion". "

You have a wise sister. Relationships ARE work; however, when a man is "into you" trust me, you won't have to second guess it. Their a $ $ will drive hours (after work to see you); fly across the country to see you; stop talking to their friends for you (not that I am saying this one is good 😉); and just basically make you FEEL like they want to be there with you. I'm not implying he doesn't want you, but if you were secure in his interactions with you, I don't think you would be posing this/these questions...

So Sags tell me, do I wait? Or do I take my sister's advice and walk away? (Scorpio woman: when we are done, there is no going back)

Wait?? Try go date other men so you will stop being so needy of this one man, waiting only makes you look and feel more needy and desperate, go out on a hot date and forget about this man for awhile, you don't have to dump him, you just have to make sure you are taking care of your needs so as to not come off as this needy desperate woman that has no life because that is the message you send when you hold on waiting for this ONE man to man up

So now he KNOW he has complete control over you, over the relationship so you have no choice but to LEAN BACK and not give him so much of your time and energy as to balance the power and control, go date other men, let him decide if he's going to be serious about you or RISK losing you to some other great guy. Now he's being disrespectful and put you in the let's just be friend's fuck buddy zone which is typical when a man know he has all the power, now he's going to dominate this issue by getting only HIS NEEDS MET because he know your needy this is why it's NOT in a womans best interest to tell a man how she feels FIRST, she ends up getting the ass end of the relationship. I don't care if you have to wait 2 years for a man to fess up about his feelings, it's better to let a man say how he feels first because that is how you know if he's READY and if he's SERIOUS about moving forward with you.

Now he's going to stall and stall and stall because he can because he know your WAITING...stop waiting and ignore his stupid text messages, only answer and respond when he's being serious and no don't chew him out about how he makes you feel, that would reinforce that he has complete power over you...use that scorpio stinger and sting that ass in a way that says I'm not going to be your play puppet, I 'm not needy of your love and validation...you go out and make sure everyone see's you with your hot date and you date until your man or some other man wants to be your dream man.

I have dated other men. But this one makes me laugh. (& he's the only one I will have sex w/)

Update: He told me Thursday on my way to vacation that he wanted to speak to me as a friend. We don't have serious discussions so this let me know to listen. He told me that this was as good as it was going to get. If I thought something more could come out of it, I was wrong. He said he was telling me so I wouldn't think it was going somewhere & get crushed later.

NOW MIXED SIGNALS!

He sent me a text Sunday to let me know he was thinking of me. (I had deleted his number so I wouldn't contact him) We text while I drove all the way back. (3 1/2 hours) Then he called me Sunday night and asked me to go to a ballgame Tuesday. I went fishing yesterday w/ someone else. (I've only been twice and the first time was w/ him.) He got super jealous and made a mean comment. I invited him over last night and we had sex again. (I couldn't help it. I can't keep my hands off of him.) The deal is he drove an hour to come be with me and drove home at midnight. (has to be at work at 7:30 a.m.) I know he can get sex in his town so I assume he really wanted me.

SO............I'm getting a lot of mixed signals. I'm not putting all my eggs in this basket. I am still dating thinking someone else is going to come along. But he is under my skin. He is green light/red light. And it drives me crazy.

No it's not mixed signals, he wants sex, that is all he wants, he has been completely clear, he has no intentions of being your boyfriend, he wants you at his convenience which is to give him sex, I don't see any mixed signals in that.

The green light/red light keeps the sexual tension going and it keeps you hanging on hoping he changes his mind, well he won't change his mind, you will always be his fallback girl, his FWB girl, unless you like being stuck in this box I would urge you to stop giving him what he wants on his terms, I would forget about this drama queen for awhile and find a more suitable partner, a partner whom is willing to negotiate a REAL relationship one were it's not just based on his terms, one that wants to be more than a fuck buddy.

that drive to you means absolutely NOTHING, why beg other women for sex when he know he has a girl that will put out if he breathes her way....it's just easier, your easy, he doesn't have to beg and supplicate for sex with you whereas with other women it would most likely be harder for him to get them to put out, he would have to court other women and why do that when he has a girl that doesn't require all that effort, IMO you were a back up that night as if he was with someone who flaked out so he called you HIS fallback girl.

interpreting and analyzing his behavior, you can easily end up interpreting things wrong and making up a relationship that doesn't exist.

He is leading you on, stringing you along, he will keep being this way as long as he gets what he wants with minimal effort on his part. He's been clear with you that what you are getting is ALL your going to get, it's you that is interpreting all his actions as to keep hope alive...He's made it clear, he's unavailable, he will spend time with you, be your friend and sex

I had a serious epiphany today. He didn't want his kids to know he was dating someone. His kids got upset when he was texting me. (they are 23 and 25.....at the time I was thinking what in the world?) He informed me that his ex sent him a do you remember e-mail last Sunday. Sort of like she was opening a door. I am starting to realize that maybe he was thinking about getting back together w/ her. They were married for 26 years and divorced for 3. He likes me....that is why he keeps contact. But he realizes what is going to happen and doesn't want me to get hurt.

Tiki, I am going to take your advice. I think this bothers me because I don't find many men that I connect w/ and can laugh w/ so much. He was really fun. My heart hurts just a little.

I pray that God will put someone in my path soon to divert my attention. Thank you all for listening and offering advice. I know you get tired of the old romantic woes. Sometimes it is easier for someone that isn't involved to see the bigger picture.

ITS you don't have to fully dump this guy, you just have to MANAGE your love life in a way that your not NEEDY and STUCK on this ONE guy. Give it a break for a little while, their are other funny interesting men out their but you won't see it being stuck on this ONE man. Open your heart to other men, replace this man with someone and/or something that your equally passionate about until you can do that it's better to lean back, not react and respond to him too much and please if you have to have sex, DO IT ON YOUR TERMS not his. You have to send the distinct message that you do what you want to do not because he wants you to.

Yet for now, don't have any long drawn out boring talks, loosen your grip and let him slide through your fingers and shift your focus elsewhere and only answer him at your own convenience. You now know his agenda, their is no reason to pretend otherwise, you still have POWER in this situation and you still have OPTIONS, an option that creates a powerful feeling inside of a woman is to only speak to him when your HORNY and no other man is around to fulfill that need, your option is to date 3 or more men while this ONE man figures out what he wants with you, your option is to never lean forward, leaning forward feels like chasing, which means you don't text, email, call first, you don't TRY to be were he is, you don't strike up conversations with mutual friends about him because you want it to get back to him, YOU JUST PULL YOUR ENERGY OUT, you pull your energy away from men that you have deep feelings for but for whatever reason he resist reciprocating and giving you what you deserve, staying around men that don't want you but on their terms is damaging to a womans self esteem, she ends up doubting her desirability and doubting her ability to DO real relationships.

You have options, you can cut him off completely or you can minimize your interations with him and shift your focus on other men, you can replace him with something your equally in love with, passionate about....

Your not done unless you want to be, your just pulling out for awhile, pulling out will give him time to think about his behavior towards you, also he will get to feel the sense of loss and that could turn it all around yet if you accept his terms the way they are now he will never have to even think about it, he will just continue on doing it his way b/c he can.

good luck

I am taking your advice. Actually laid in bed last night and thought about all the advice on here.

Now............if he calls tomorrow and wants to know if I want to do something, should I say "no"?

Actually I liked the advice. If I back off, I get myself back in control. If he comes around, I will be happy. If he doesn't, I get on with my life.

It actually helped get me grounded again. For some reason, I was loopy for awhile.

And I asked out another man today. (I've only done that once in my life) So I'm feeling quite chipper.

You all are great! (but what is up w/ the dude that has the two ants doing it?)

Posted by itsthelaw
Actually I liked the advice. If I back off, I get myself back in control. If he comes around, I will be happy. If he doesn't, I get on with my life.

It actually helped get me grounded again. For some reason, I was loopy for awhile.

And I asked out another man today. (I've only done that once in my life) So I'm feeling quite chipper.

You all are great! (but what is up w/ the dude that has the two ants doing it?)

Well being grounded is a great start so you can actually figure out how you want to deal with this issue. You know what options you have which helps you feel grounded, the best thing you can do for you both is not enable his fears by being his FWB buddy (unless your okay with being his FWB then that changes things) yet if you know you want more than that it's better to stay out of the bedroom for awhile, you shifting your focus back onto you/your life will give him time to see you in a different way, not just sexually but emotionally as well and gives you an opportuntity to take care of your needs while he's figuring it all out for himself. Some men have a strong fear of getting back into something serious, they harbor negative feelings around relationships due to past etc so patience is needed.

LOL...2 ants? I don't see that?

I do domestic work. Want a divorce in NC?

Posted by itsthelaw


........ I guess I was eat up w/ him. ........

That's a term "eat up with" that I associate with syphlis, or herpes, or genital warts, etc.

"Update: He told me Thursday on my way to vacation that he wanted to speak to me as a friend. We don't have serious discussions so this let me know to listen. He told me that this was as good as it was going to get. If I thought something more could come out of it, I was wrong. He said he was telling me so I wouldn't think it was going somewhere & get crushed later."


"I invited him over last night and we had sex again. (I couldn't help it. I can't keep my hands off of him.) The deal is he drove an hour to come be with me and drove home at midnight. (has to be at work at 7:30 a.m.) I know he can get sex in his town so I assume he really wanted me."





Oh, I get what you mean now by you being eat up with him.

Hopefully, you will come to realize that you being eat up with him is making you enjoy being his slut .... or maybe you do realize it already, and so don't really care how much it's eating you up, so long as you get to bitch about it.

That was very harsh.

He called and asked me to eat dinner w/ him Saturday. I responded w/ "I thought you said we needed to back off." He replied "a simple no would suffice."

We talked back and forth and finally I said "if you think it is okay." I had made a comment to my best friend that I wasn't going to do ANYTHING. This way I would know if this had all been in my head or if he had been leading me on. He was at my house 5 minutes when he grabbed me and hugged me. Later he kissed me. He kept initiating everything. So I know now that the actions that he showed weren't ones of someone who just wanted to be friends and I had been pushing for more.

I am over it. I've got my head back on straight.

P-Angel, what seems to be your issue?

My issue?


I'm not the one so eat up by a man that I'll open my legs just because he wants it ..... that's you, my dear.



So, what's your issue besides being eat up?

Sorry dear, I wanted it too. But thanks for the judgment. (rolls eyes)

Posted by itsthelaw
That was very harsh.

He called and asked me to eat dinner w/ him Saturday. I responded w/ "I thought you said we needed to back off." He replied "a simple no would suffice."

We talked back and forth and finally I said "if you think it is okay." I had made a comment to my best friend that I wasn't going to do ANYTHING. This way I would know if this had all been in my head or if he had been leading me on. He was at my house 5 minutes when he grabbed me and hugged me. Later he kissed me. He kept initiating everything. So I know now that the actions that he showed weren't ones of someone who just wanted to be friends and I had been pushing for more.

I am over it. I've got my head back on straight.

P-Angel, what seems to be your issue?

Sex, friends with benefits, and you will keep interpreting his actions as something more but the bottom line that never changes is he has TOLD you his intentions yet you interpret how he makes you feel for something more as though he's confused about you, he's not, I think most of us have been were you are, it's a struggle because he's there in so many ways but yet those words of this is all it's ever going to be with us lingers in the back of our minds, it's completely confusing but realistically he's told you his boundaries, it's you that is interpreting the rest. He initiates everything because he know your not going to resist maybe if you say NO he would start taking you seriously but he know your excited over him and most likely your going to talk yourself into a relationship that doesn't exist and that's fine by him as long as his agenda is satisfied. So he's going to court you back into the bedroom and at some point when things get to heavy and too real he will REMIND you that he wants nothing but friendship.

P Angel is harsh but she has a point....

if you want to believe he wants more despite what he's told you which he could only be your friend then maybe you should play that out for awhile, sometimes it takes a woman months, years even to realize it what it is, it's not going to change....I sense you have a deep deep attraction for him and that keeps you attached this man, you do have the option to play it out and see if he will give more of himself, I highly doubt it but sometimes a woman has to do what she has to do and see for herself.

Posted by itsthelaw
Sorry dear, I wanted it too. But thanks for the judgment. (rolls eyes)

Yes, I know you wanted it ..... you've clearly shown every person in here reading this that you wanted to be this man's piece of ass ... since he just told you that he wants nothing from you, and then takes his pants off for you to jump on his dick.


Yeah, I got that ... that you wanted it ... that you wanted to participate in the degradation of respect for you.


Thank you for clarifying what it means to be eat up by a man .... I'll pass, and let you have it all for yourself.

I think you misunderstood. He led me to believe that he had only wanted to be friends all along. I thought I had conjured all this up in my head. When I had the chance to see it for what it was, I was over it.

Life is good.

I won't post again. Thank you all who helped.

Posted by itsthelaw
I won't post again. Thank you all who helped.

):

Just thought everyone would get a good laugh.............I haven't contacted him since this thread. I backed off and moved on. I got a text message from him two nights ago wanting to know if he could borrow $ 1k. I am amused. I didn't respond.

Posted by Hypnotic1o1

Posted by deemnsout4ever

Posted by Hypnotic1o1
P-Angel is going to be disappointed.
😢
I will blame you for that.

me ?

nope.. itsthelaw..
with all those happy endings, P-Angel will be unemployed in a while..

😄

click to expand

LOL I'm sure it'll really make her happy to know Aries and I got over our spat we had pretty quickly and we're still set to get hitched But I'm sneaky like that 😉 I'm trapping him before he finds out how ugly I am inside. hehehe
I'll pass along her condolences to him. 😄

Aww hypnotic 🙂 You're sweet ya know that?
I was actually being a bit sarcastic and poking fun at myself..... and things that have been said about me 😉
But I've know that as you said we all have certain degrees of ugliness within. I have no problem seeing that within myself. I know my demons well and I'll always fess up when I know I'm wrong. No reason not to when all the signs points to very very obvious. lol

I am sorry to hear that.
He might need some time and maybe he still loves his past wife or something.
Now for what people say about saggis is really disturbing sometimes. I am a sag myself and I have long been seeking a relationship that will last forever. In fact I have never been in a relationship until recently and I am 26 soon. But this is not because I can't or do not want to be in a relationship it is more of a ??I have not found the right one until now??. sex with no love for me is shallow i mean i feel nothing and always regret it afterword....

When my lover told me he loved me (which happened the second day) I was very happy and opened up my heart and told him that I fell the same.

Both my sun and moon are in sag by the way and I am a one person only guy and I can't even think about being with somebody ells wile I am with him even though some people say that's haw a lot of us sags work. Sometimes I actually don't I am a sagi 😛

Sometimes I actually don't think I am a sagi*