Is it ok to question everything and then be unsure

I am not sure if its a sag thing....but since i am on..i would want some ideas...
But i have always wanted to push my beliefs and thoughts to their extreme and i guess i have had my share of success with it...not accepting anything unless questioned and probed...
However, at the same time it makes me very jittery and wary...of the unknown that is in store...

One part of me wants to dig deep and bring out everything in the open( all my desires and fears) and leave it to the Gods....the other part of me is cautious..wise probably after repeatedly being disappointed on trusting my instincts and impulsiveness too much...

And every day there is this struggle to know the meaning of my existence when the fact is that because i question things and try to get to their root analyzing all the time....nothing seems worth living for.

Geez...confusing!🙂

Exactly!
But then i look at others and then wonder am i fool to be a loner (in my mind i will always be a loner)...or am i incapable of expressing myself to others or relating myself with others the way everyone else does...

Also i have observed that i have this tendency to go against conventional wisdom...i.e. when my mind is telling me not to do something i make sure i'll do it knowing fully it would end up in disappointments (remembers what geminifox once said...u strive and u fail, u let go and u achieve magical results! 🙂)...

So am i my own enemy here?...or am i just tryin to push myself beyond the seemingly obvious hoping to learn somethin new....when others might think i keep making the same mistakes again n again.

One more irritating thing i cant get over...when i want something badly i give my all for it...however the moment i have it, it loses its value...even when i dun want it to! how infuriating is that!

🙂
I know that i can survive no matter what...but i hate it when my so called experiments edn up involving others into it...those are the times when i feel i should be following a tried and tested 'whats demanded of me' life...so as not to hurt others.

but then old habits die hard!

And those are the times when i feel i dig my own grave 😉
Only to chase the thrill of coming out of it unscathed again!
Viscious cycle i tell u!

Have very lil idea abt zodiacs so i'll keep mum on who get along well with me 🙂

AFA as relating to others is concerned...i tend to be on my own most of the times... even when i feel like reaching out to people..what stops me is that no one would ever understand and i am not good at making myself understood ...atleast through words( very unlike a sag!)

So m sure my friends must be wondering what a weirdo i am to spend countless hours alone ...or not being able to do small talk and put up a smiling face when i know its all farce.

Ofcourse when i do get tired of being alone i 'throw it to the Gods' and do the same things which i dont feel like doing 🙂

Travel i love doing...but then again thats also alone...meeting new ppl etc etc.
I think i have outgrown the notion that i can have a teacher or a father figure in my life...even though its scary and i badly want to lean on to stronger ppl...somehow i dont.

Palas...🙂
I tell u we are all a bunch of sadists!😉
Knowing deep down very well whats going to break our hearts (either directly or indirectly by being responsible for breaking someone else's) and still doing the thing...

Gamblers instinct i guess...but then every gambler plays to win something right...what are we tryin to achieve here...new experiences...the idea of ' i have seen it all' ??

I dont mind acting like this for the rest of my life ( something tells me its not for me to decide anyways)...but how many 'trillions' of experiences can we gather...
isnt there an underlying theme across all? Are the answers out there or within us?

I tear myself to pieces everyday trying to figure out what works for me and what doesnt!

the same thing on one day does work for me and everything falls into place...and the moment i try to repeat it or strive harder for it (how can u not strive if u want something to happen :S)...i dun get the desired results!

Where is that secret magic formula 🙂!

lolz 🙂
As they say the way a sag comes to know about himself/herself is to question...question and then question a bit more!😉

On a serious note...i'll take that advice by heart.🙂

Yeah well..have observed that i tend to do things in cycles of extremes...

In the sense, there would be a phase where in i would be asocial or not indulge in conversations for the mock value of it....Then there comes a phase where in i socialize so much i dont have time to breathe!🙂..and so on...

Again one more example...i quit on non-veg food and followed a regime of veggies for 10 months...then came a tiem wherein the whole thing lost its significance and again i felt like 'trying' the 'other extreme'!

See saw ride 🙂

Ok...I guess one risk of opening up and expressing out ur deepest views is to risk being sounding like a pessimist....but i would actually call it the process of facing the hard facts and not assume that all is rosey all the time. I think sags are deep thinkers...but only when they are alone and away from the crowd...when amongst people we tend to picture ourselves as happy go lucky kinds...who can take any amount of crap from anyone and shrug it off with a smile 🙂

One of the most important lessons i have learnt in my life, through the hard way, is that i cant please everyone and be in the good books of everyone. However, although i do realize it, my natural disposition is to act like a smiling clown and it hurts when its not taken in the right spirit or appreciated.

I guess i wouldnt have had this period of deep self introspection and thinking if everything would have been fine...i would have continued pleasing the crowds then. the problem is that i have to fight myself to stop doing that against my natural tendency.

One more thing...Archer mentioned in some thread that sags like to play dumb to find out if anyone else is dumber enough to believe we are actually dumb 😉
But if i can twist it around...i don't think there are many people who can figure out if we are smarter than we really are 🙂

And therein lies this deep long and desire to search for people whom u can connect with or who understands u...and we hit a deadend in most of the cases with that.
🙂