LetltB
@LetltB
12 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 1 · Posts: 9186 · Topics: 179
A rare request for outside opinions..
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Long story short, the police and CPS showed up right after my son and I did at his home. She falsified charges against my son and I. The same 8 year old (now remember this is prior to her getting arrested), had bruises up and down both his legs. Thank GOD...I'm anal and I keep not only a journal but a calendar journal with my work times (at the time my son's after school stuff etc..and client appointments). The Virgo prevented the police and the CPS investigator from showing up at my home unannounced, and assured them I'd be at his home. That would have blown my mind...he knew that.
Ironically, the weekend she accused us of this happening, my son and I did not see them that weekend. What was sad, was the kid was forced to lie with her about it as he cried his eyes out. As soon as the police and CPS realized what was going on, and I was able to run home to get my book and phone numbers to clients I was with (humiliating) to confirm, they still had to do a full investigation on my son's school records. Fucking ridiculous. It took 9 months for the state to clear us from that accusation even with PROOF. After cleared, I wanted to go after her legally. I was talked out of it by both the state police and the district attorney. Anyway, the bullshit didn't stop. Each time they'd visit they would make comments about what happened after visitation with their father and going back to her. I couldn't take it any more, my son didn't want to visit and play with them anymore, and all three were in counseling. I attended twice because the counselor wanted to get the full picture. Because of her mental illness, he told us this would continue. I put up with it for close to another year, and that was that. We sat and talked for 4 hours about splitting. It was heart wrenching, but it was for his boys. We saw each other briefly about a month after that conversation and it was then she was arrested.
I was called to testify during his custody battle. I continued to help him with the boys for a bit and when it was over, and he got custody, he hired a nanny and we officially split. She continued even during supervised visitation to go mental on the kids. Really fucked them up mentally even after we split. Then it finally died down and she abandoned them (no contact for five years). OK...that's the background.
Ironically, the weekend she accused us of this happening, my son and I did not see them that weekend. What was sad, was the kid was forced to lie with her about it as he cried his eyes out. As soon as the police and CPS realized what was going on, and I was able to run home to get my book and phone numbers to clients I was with (humiliating) to confirm, they still had to do a full investigation on my son's school records. Fucking ridiculous. It took 9 months for the state to clear us from that accusation even with PROOF. After cleared, I wanted to go after her legally. I was talked out of it by both the state police and the district attorney. Anyway, the bullshit didn't stop. Each time they'd visit they would make comments about what happened after visitation with their father and going back to her. I couldn't take it any more, my son didn't want to visit and play with them anymore, and all three were in counseling. I attended twice because the counselor wanted to get the full picture. Because of her mental illness, he told us this would continue. I put up with it for close to another year, and that was that. We sat and talked for 4 hours about splitting. It was heart wrenching, but it was for his boys. We saw each other briefly about a month after that conversation and it was then she was arrested.
I was called to testify during his custody battle. I continued to help him with the boys for a bit and when it was over, and he got custody, he hired a nanny and we officially split. She continued even during supervised visitation to go mental on the kids. Really fucked them up mentally even after we split. Then it finally died down and she abandoned them (no contact for five years). OK...that's the background.
I made that post in the misc forum, because I've been thinking about all of them... more than usual which took effort to stop.
Virgo has Scorp moon...we can speak without talking. Anyway, a girlfriend and I decide to go to some estate sales yesterday. Made a day of it with a nice lunch. We walk out of the restaurant, and I see the Virgo's brother...lol another Virgo with Cancer sun. His family is my family. Their mom is my second mom.
Big hug...haven't seen any of the family in quite some time. He informed me yesterday the mental case (three weeks ago) surfaced again, and took the Virgo to court for visitation. BAM...there it is. Although it is supervised again she was doing the head games. In the state of NY when a child turns 12 they are considered old enough to choose where they want to live after speaking with a judge. They are 14 and 15 now. Young men. It's been almost six years..statute of limitations. She of course was promising them the world, and doing exactly that. Trying to get them back with her. On top of all this is my Taurus ex has been making weak attempts of trying to stop child support. I've been in court twice and have another hearing this Wednesday. He's toast..that should conclude on Wednesday. Waste of time on my part, but he now has a Leo girlfriend (who he had an affair with and got caught) going through court and he's paying her legal fees, and thinks he can drop the child support. lol... The Virgo's brother told me I should go over there and see him and the boys. At the very least for him to vent, and for the boys to see me. However, now that they are older, I'm not sure if they will mention to her they've seen me. The last thing I want, is to cause that to be bad, however on the other hand the visitation is for a couple of hours SUPERVISED by the county cps people. I wanted to call him last night, because although he's always told me when I want to see him do not hesitate, we haven't talked in a very long time. He and I had not seen each other throughout my long marriage to the Taurus, and when that was over, it was like time never by. Always been that way.
I feel selfish to want to see them, because hell, that's why we decided to split...because of the bullshit, and from what I understand it's been peaceful until now. I also don't want to be a memory for those boys that when I'm around shit hits the fan... I'm truly at a crossroads here. What would you do??
Virgo has Scorp moon...we can speak without talking. Anyway, a girlfriend and I decide to go to some estate sales yesterday. Made a day of it with a nice lunch. We walk out of the restaurant, and I see the Virgo's brother...lol another Virgo with Cancer sun. His family is my family. Their mom is my second mom.
Big hug...haven't seen any of the family in quite some time. He informed me yesterday the mental case (three weeks ago) surfaced again, and took the Virgo to court for visitation. BAM...there it is. Although it is supervised again she was doing the head games. In the state of NY when a child turns 12 they are considered old enough to choose where they want to live after speaking with a judge. They are 14 and 15 now. Young men. It's been almost six years..statute of limitations. She of course was promising them the world, and doing exactly that. Trying to get them back with her. On top of all this is my Taurus ex has been making weak attempts of trying to stop child support. I've been in court twice and have another hearing this Wednesday. He's toast..that should conclude on Wednesday. Waste of time on my part, but he now has a Leo girlfriend (who he had an affair with and got caught) going through court and he's paying her legal fees, and thinks he can drop the child support. lol... The Virgo's brother told me I should go over there and see him and the boys. At the very least for him to vent, and for the boys to see me. However, now that they are older, I'm not sure if they will mention to her they've seen me. The last thing I want, is to cause that to be bad, however on the other hand the visitation is for a couple of hours SUPERVISED by the county cps people. I wanted to call him last night, because although he's always told me when I want to see him do not hesitate, we haven't talked in a very long time. He and I had not seen each other throughout my long marriage to the Taurus, and when that was over, it was like time never by. Always been that way.
I feel selfish to want to see them, because hell, that's why we decided to split...because of the bullshit, and from what I understand it's been peaceful until now. I also don't want to be a memory for those boys that when I'm around shit hits the fan... I'm truly at a crossroads here. What would you do??
I'm not saying this to be ugly. I am surprised that he wants you back. You quit on him during the most difficult time in his life. When the battle was over and it could have been smooth sailing you bounced. I wouldn't want you back. If he does then take him and never let him go because that is one compromising individual. I mean he is throwing 100% pride and self worth right out the window.
Is my common sense being shaded by this retrograde? I know it's over after today, (I think...) and whether I've seen his brother or not, just reaching out has been heavy. One other thing...the comment about "take down sex"...was purely a fond memory. lol... Even if we hit it off and said let's try this again, (which I doubt due to the issue at hand), it would take me a bit to get to that point. Our friendship means way too much.
Anyway..thanks for taking the time. It's appreciated.
Anyway..thanks for taking the time. It's appreciated.
Posted by HappygoluckyI appreciate your comment. However, this was a JOINT decision on both of our parts. It took us a month to actually split. This was a huge sacrifice for his children's peace and sanity, and that of my sons. We thought of every single scenario and thought this well out even through the therapist to come to that decision. It took me a very long time to move on.
I'm not saying this to be ugly. I am surprised that he wants you back. You quit on him during the most difficult time in his life. When the battle was over and it could have been smooth sailing you bounced. I wouldn't want you back. If he does then take him and never let him go because that is one compromising individual. I mean he is throwing 100% pride and self worth right out the window.
Also...since it was already assumed that I wrote this to get back with the Virgo... it is NOT. Having moral support from someone you trust and as his brother said to "vent"...is WHY and asking if he needs any help while going through the legal process. The last thing I want is to jump into a relationship during this bullshit. I already learned from it and what it could do. I'm not one to put my hand on a lit stove twice.
Posted by LetltBI fully understand where you are coming from. 2 people that truly want to be together will stay together through the roughest of times. Yea, its damaging to BOTH parties but it's happening TOGETHER. You moved on and remarried, I take it he never did?Posted by HappygoluckyI appreciate your comment. However, this was a JOINT decision on both of our parts. It took us a month to actually split. This was a huge sacrifice for his children's peace and sanity, and that of my sons. We thought of every single scenario and thought this well out even through the therapist to come to that decision. It took me a very long time to move on.
I'm not saying this to be ugly. I am surprised that he wants you back. You quit on him during the most difficult time in his life. When the battle was over and it could have been smooth sailing you bounced. I wouldn't want you back. If he does then take him and never let him go because that is one compromising individual. I mean he is throwing 100% pride and self worth right out the window.click to expand
Posted by LetltBBut that is exactly what you are doing here. You said that you want him for moral support and if he showed up you would use him for "throw down sex". Don't use the man.
Also...since it was already assumed that I wrote this to get back with the Virgo... it is NOT. Having moral support from someone you trust and as his brother said to "vent"...is WHY and asking if he needs any help while going through the legal process. The last thing I want is to jump into a relationship during this bullshit. I already learned from it and what it could do. I'm not one to put my hand on a lit stove twice.
Also, how do you think he's going to take this? If he shows up and you fuck him and open up and talk to him he's going to want you again. It's going to happen. The chemistry was there once and it will be there again. Then you are going to leave him again.
When he shows up you should just spare him the long term pain and kick him in the nuts and tell him to leave.
When he shows up you should just spare him the long term pain and kick him in the nuts and tell him to leave.
I did not remarry...don't know where you got that from. He and I were together for some time a while back then he moved away we broke up. He got married, I moved 3000 miles away, then I got married. Didn't speak for about 15 years. When we both unknowingly were legally separated/divorced from our marriages, that's when we got back together. She got into the trunk of his car, took his police semi-automatic rifle out and shot 7 times at him in front of the boys missing him. He filed for divorce. A year later, is when we saw each other and had a five year relationship. That's when he had visitation with his boys when I came into the picture.
Yea...she got away with the shooting bullshit too. "Mental anxiety"... Restraining order and probation.
Posted by HappygoluckyAries.....smh
Also, how do you think he's going to take this? If he shows up and you fuck him and open up and talk to him he's going to want you again. It's going to happen. The chemistry was there once and it will be there again. Then you are going to leave him again.
When he shows up you should just spare him the long term pain and kick him in the nuts and tell him to leave.
Nevermind. Thanks for your time and assumptions. I know myself better than anyone to be reckless. I'm asking if I should see if the Virgo needs help and to vent and yea.. be a human being. Don't worry, I'm already leaning toward just a phone call to feel that out, because logic would state, that's the respectful route.
Posted by HappygoluckyOk...I know who you are lol... have a nice day and go fuck yourself. 😉Posted by LetltBBut that is exactly what you are doing here. You said that you want him for moral support and if he showed up you would use him for "throw down sex". Don't use the man.
Also...since it was already assumed that I wrote this to get back with the Virgo... it is NOT. Having moral support from someone you trust and as his brother said to "vent"...is WHY and asking if he needs any help while going through the legal process. The last thing I want is to jump into a relationship during this bullshit. I already learned from it and what it could do. I'm not one to put my hand on a lit stove twice.click to expand
Posted by LetltBOk. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I'm not following the story correctly because info is being left out and it's all over the place. In your OP you stated you were married to a bull. Then in the opening line of THIS post you said you did not remarry. 3rd sentence you said you did. Maybe I don't understand the timeline.
I did not remarry...don't know where you got that from. He and I were together for some time a while back then he moved away we broke up. He got married, I moved 3000 miles away, then I got married. Didn't speak for about 15 years. When we both unknowingly were legally separated/divorced from our marriages, that's when we got back together. She got into the trunk of his car, took his police semi-automatic rifle out and shot 7 times at him in front of the boys missing him. He filed for divorce. A year later, is when we saw each other and had a five year relationship. That's when he had visitation with his boys when I came into the picture.
I stand by my other replies to this thread for the moment.
Posted by Arriusoh ok, now you're gonna give good advice. Thank you...all of that ^^^^^^^^^^^is definitely being considered. I analyze the shit out of everything.
The children are older. That dynamic has changed-- somewhat.
As long as she draws breath, that woman will work her evil. There is no way to stop it.
You know what you will be getting back into. As the boys continue to age, her efforts will be increasingly less effective, but they won't stop.
It's certainly not a "deal" that I would sign up for, but that's just me.
I take back the go fuck yourself for the other comments. Thanks for your time.
Posted by HappygoluckyYea...I mentioned there's a lot of info. left out. I'd rather be battered by P-angel. She was around when this was all happening while I was WITH the Virgo and that screenname I had when I came to dxp in 2005.Posted by LetltBOk. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I'm not following the story correctly because info is being left out and it's all over the place. In your OP you stated you were married to a bull. Then in the opening line of THIS post you said you did not remarry. 3rd sentence you said you did. Maybe I don't understand the timeline.
I did not remarry...don't know where you got that from. He and I were together for some time a while back then he moved away we broke up. He got married, I moved 3000 miles away, then I got married. Didn't speak for about 15 years. When we both unknowingly were legally separated/divorced from our marriages, that's when we got back together. She got into the trunk of his car, took his police semi-automatic rifle out and shot 7 times at him in front of the boys missing him. He filed for divorce. A year later, is when we saw each other and had a five year relationship. That's when he had visitation with his boys when I came into the picture.
I stand by my other replies to this thread for the moment.click to expand
Thanks again anyway.
Posted by LetltBNot a problem. Just calling it as I see it with the info that was provided for me to read and give an "outsiders" view that you were looking for. Guess you don't want it after all. I'm sure P-Angel will be happy to call you a user much more than I would. Take care and good luckPosted by HappygoluckyYea...I mentioned there's a lot of info. left out. I'd rather be battered by P-angel. She was around when this was all happening while I was WITH the Virgo and that screenname I had when I came to dxp in 2005.Posted by LetltBOk. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I'm not following the story correctly because info is being left out and it's all over the place. In your OP you stated you were married to a bull. Then in the opening line of THIS post you said you did not remarry. 3rd sentence you said you did. Maybe I don't understand the timeline.
I did not remarry...don't know where you got that from. He and I were together for some time a while back then he moved away we broke up. He got married, I moved 3000 miles away, then I got married. Didn't speak for about 15 years. When we both unknowingly were legally separated/divorced from our marriages, that's when we got back together. She got into the trunk of his car, took his police semi-automatic rifle out and shot 7 times at him in front of the boys missing him. He filed for divorce. A year later, is when we saw each other and had a five year relationship. That's when he had visitation with his boys when I came into the picture.
I stand by my other replies to this thread for the moment.click to expand
Posted by Happygolucky Not a problem. Just calling it as I see it with the info that was provided for me to read and give an "outsiders" view that you were looking for. Guess you don't want it after all. I'm sure P-Angel will be happy to call you a user much more than I would. Take care and good luckWhere in this post and my history with the Virgo do you identify as "using?" lol.. Like I said, it's not difficult to figure out the cowardly trolls around here...so yea, move the fuck on.
Posted by ellleThanks. Yep, I'm not one to jump the gun on this. I was only "thinking" about it, and yesterday after seeing his brother....the eye contact and his concern for his brother is what's got me just "thinking" more.Posted by Arriusthis ^^^^^
The children are older. That dynamic has changed-- somewhat.
As long as she draws breath, that woman will work her evil. There is no way to stop it.
You know what you will be getting back into. As the boys continue to age, her efforts will be increasingly less effective, but they won't stop.
It's certainly not a "deal" that I would sign up for, but that's just me.
I'd tread cautiously and I believe that your relationship with the virgo has already set a foundation where he would understand why.
Just take one day at a time.click to expand
Regarding the troll...I expect more to surface. Nothing new in dxp.
Posted by LetltBOk ok. Fuck. I just read it 3 times. I misread the part about you seeing him for HIM to vent. I totally misread that and it influenced the rest of your post I was reading. I read the "throw down sex" then I thought you wanted him for your own support system.Posted by Happygolucky Not a problem. Just calling it as I see it with the info that was provided for me to read and give an "outsiders" view that you were looking for. Guess you don't want it after all. I'm sure P-Angel will be happy to call you a user much more than I would. Take care and good luckWhere in this post and my history with the Virgo do you identify as "using?" lol.. Like I said, it's not difficult to figure out the cowardly trolls around here...so yea, move the fuck on.click to expand
SORRY. Saw user and my fire lit up and it was all over from there. My bad, I fucked up.
Posted by IrresistableScorpI appreciate that^^. Thank you. lol and yea, you have no idea what it took for me to hold back on his ex and what I wished for. Her karma arrived not long after. It always does, and I know better. 😉
Hey LIB. Thanks for trusting us with this.
Not that astrology means everything here but damn I can see by just your SUNs and MOONs how deeply entangled the two of you were and probably are to an extent.
If I were you I'd reach out. There was nothing done in the past that either of you did wrong. You did what any parent does-- put your kids first. You're a Scorpio. With a Pisces moon no less. You could have put the ex wife into hell if you wanted to--don't tell us you didn't think about it. 😉
But it's apparent you didn't want to further damage the children. Anyone with sense can see that.
Reach out. It can't hurt.
I will analyze this for a while. My gut told me to call last night and I fought it. My head this time around will be the one to figure this all out. This isn't about a relationship. This is about concern and him dealing with this alone. I feel that pull big time. What elle said...one day at a time. I have to allow the emotion of looking into his brother's eyes and hearing/feeling what he said subside. It sucks.
Posted by LetltBYou have a Pisces Moon... so I'm going to run with the assumption that you'rePosted by IrresistableScorpI appreciate that^^. Thank you. lol and yea, you have no idea what it took for me to hold back on his ex and what I wished for. Her karma arrived not long after. It always does, and I know better. 😉
Hey LIB. Thanks for trusting us with this.
Not that astrology means everything here but damn I can see by just your SUNs and MOONs how deeply entangled the two of you were and probably are to an extent.
If I were you I'd reach out. There was nothing done in the past that either of you did wrong. You did what any parent does-- put your kids first. You're a Scorpio. With a Pisces moon no less. You could have put the ex wife into hell if you wanted to--don't tell us you didn't think about it. 😉
But it's apparent you didn't want to further damage the children. Anyone with sense can see that.
Reach out. It can't hurt.
I will analyze this for a while. My gut told me to call last night and I fought it. My head this time around will be the one to figure this all out. This isn't about a relationship. This is about concern and him dealing with this alone. I feel that pull big time. What elle said...one day at a time. I have to allow the emotion of looking into his brother's eyes and hearing/feeling what he said subside. It sucks.click to expand
just going to 'get' what I'm suggesting.
If I have the facts straight, you want to contact him during or around the time that the supervised
visits will be conducted between the (crazy) mother and her boys... if I misunderstood that,
then this may not apply.
I have no doubt that your motives are good-- none, at all.
But what is bothering me is that this isn't a new battle-- it's an old one that's resurfacing.
And all the 'players'... yourself, included... are lining up nicely to have another go.
Something about that gives me a slight case of the creeps.
Idk... *shrugs* lol
As long as you go with your instinct, and err on the side of caution, you should be fine.
🙂
Posted by ellleI second or third this point.Posted by Arriusthis ^^^^^
The children are older. That dynamic has changed-- somewhat.
As long as she draws breath, that woman will work her evil. There is no way to stop it.
You know what you will be getting back into. As the boys continue to age, her efforts will be increasingly less effective, but they won't stop.
It's certainly not a "deal" that I would sign up for, but that's just me.
I'd tread cautiously and I believe that your relationship with the virgo has already set a foundation where he would understand why.
Just take one day at a time.click to expand
@Montgomery
Thank you. I just got done pming someone who wrote something along those ^^ lines. I should tell everyone here, I am not trying to or at all hopeful to get back with this Virgo. It seems the runs we had tended to be around crisis. I truly believe in my heart we are not meant to be together. If we were we would have. After our last split, I knew in my mind and right now, it's not going to happen. Do I love this man? Absolutely and I'll take that to the grave with me. I also have a certain type of love for my son's father even though he's being a jackass right now. I'm taking the time to remove the past and that raw emotion out of the picture. (raw emotion...feeling like I have to protect those boys and the Virgo's sanity again). I brought the quote over from the misc board, because it's a VERY fond memory, yet a very small part of what our relationship was. If I never see him again, I'm ok with that. It's because I know I've accepted we are not meant to be. There was always...always an obstruction and crisis that surrounded us, it's so hard to explain. (not our doing either) We had our share of all outs..wasn't perfect either, but we got through those. Damn right Scorp sun and Scorp moon going at it...lol..talk about sparks flying during tough disagreements. We always worked it out. It was always an outside force that put us between a rock and a hard place. We even discussed we weren't meant to be a couple, but always there for one another. So when I saw the word "creeps" lol..I really got you. It's the truth. I just want to help. It's going about asking if he needs it. I'm thinking about reaching out to his mom. (long and hard) She's also a Virgo.. so damn many of them! lol. She would be the one who gives me the yay or nay. She's direct, a sweet woman, and as mentioned, she's my second mom. Very tight family. She's also capable of being neutral. She was a big part of our last split, and she fully understood it.
So when people ask in this forum Do Scorpio's give second chances. I emphatically answer NO. He was the only second chance I've taken, and will be the last. There's a reason for everything.
Thank you. I just got done pming someone who wrote something along those ^^ lines. I should tell everyone here, I am not trying to or at all hopeful to get back with this Virgo. It seems the runs we had tended to be around crisis. I truly believe in my heart we are not meant to be together. If we were we would have. After our last split, I knew in my mind and right now, it's not going to happen. Do I love this man? Absolutely and I'll take that to the grave with me. I also have a certain type of love for my son's father even though he's being a jackass right now. I'm taking the time to remove the past and that raw emotion out of the picture. (raw emotion...feeling like I have to protect those boys and the Virgo's sanity again). I brought the quote over from the misc board, because it's a VERY fond memory, yet a very small part of what our relationship was. If I never see him again, I'm ok with that. It's because I know I've accepted we are not meant to be. There was always...always an obstruction and crisis that surrounded us, it's so hard to explain. (not our doing either) We had our share of all outs..wasn't perfect either, but we got through those. Damn right Scorp sun and Scorp moon going at it...lol..talk about sparks flying during tough disagreements. We always worked it out. It was always an outside force that put us between a rock and a hard place. We even discussed we weren't meant to be a couple, but always there for one another. So when I saw the word "creeps" lol..I really got you. It's the truth. I just want to help. It's going about asking if he needs it. I'm thinking about reaching out to his mom. (long and hard) She's also a Virgo.. so damn many of them! lol. She would be the one who gives me the yay or nay. She's direct, a sweet woman, and as mentioned, she's my second mom. Very tight family. She's also capable of being neutral. She was a big part of our last split, and she fully understood it.
So when people ask in this forum Do Scorpio's give second chances. I emphatically answer NO. He was the only second chance I've taken, and will be the last. There's a reason for everything.
Damn shit!! I hope I'm not coming across like a drama queen..ugh. If so, I apologize, because the reality is, I'm hoping to avoid drama.
I've just read all these posts. Shit, that must have been hard to decided to break up but mental ex partners will never fuck off and die when you need them to! I've promised myself never to date a guy with kids. Ever again. But enough about me.
So if I've read this right, you're thinking about the idea and possibility of getting in touch with the Virgo mainly to say hi, be a good friend despite having no contact for a while, and just see how that goes. I don't see an issue with that at all. I also think I read that you'd do this away from both sets of kids so the kids won't know you've seen him which means no issues for the kids and ex wife. Again, no issues with that.
What I would say is try to be clear with your own motives. What are you expecting or hoping from this? Is it just two old friends/lovers having a coffee etc. Is this going to set either of you back in a negative way.
I think you have a lot of history there so this is good if you wanted to reach out plus you have the excuse of seeing his brother although if you had not seen his brother would you be thinking of reaching out to him?
Venus retrograde has made me do much thinking and I reached out to a past love. My first real love. I was 28 and it only lasted six months for various reasons and I cut him off. He never got over it but I was too young to settle down. I think it's done him the world of good and actually it's been nice and refreshing for me too.
I'm also Scorp sun, Pisces moon.
So if I've read this right, you're thinking about the idea and possibility of getting in touch with the Virgo mainly to say hi, be a good friend despite having no contact for a while, and just see how that goes. I don't see an issue with that at all. I also think I read that you'd do this away from both sets of kids so the kids won't know you've seen him which means no issues for the kids and ex wife. Again, no issues with that.
What I would say is try to be clear with your own motives. What are you expecting or hoping from this? Is it just two old friends/lovers having a coffee etc. Is this going to set either of you back in a negative way.
I think you have a lot of history there so this is good if you wanted to reach out plus you have the excuse of seeing his brother although if you had not seen his brother would you be thinking of reaching out to him?
Venus retrograde has made me do much thinking and I reached out to a past love. My first real love. I was 28 and it only lasted six months for various reasons and I cut him off. He never got over it but I was too young to settle down. I think it's done him the world of good and actually it's been nice and refreshing for me too.
I'm also Scorp sun, Pisces moon.
Holy shit, that's just beyond horrifyingly disgusting in regards to the children's' mother. I can't even imagine what that family has been through. For the Virgo's sake, and the kids', I'd say reach out. They need some stable in their lives, but I'd also do it with caution, because the ex is beyond vile. At least your kid and his kids are older and there's less ability for her to really manipulate them, but that doesn't mean she can't throw in some major monkey wrenches into your life.
I don't envy the position you're in: a rock and a hard place. Prayers and thoughts going out to that family, though. I'm disgusted and heartsick over what they've gone through.
I don't envy the position you're in: a rock and a hard place. Prayers and thoughts going out to that family, though. I'm disgusted and heartsick over what they've gone through.
Posted by LetltBI don't think you sound like a drama queen at all. Or a 'woe is me' whinger!
Damn shit!! I hope I'm not coming across like a drama queen..ugh. If so, I apologize, because the reality is, I'm hoping to avoid drama.
Your last lengthy post in response to Monty's one was a good one. Very clear. It reminded me of my Virgo ex who was my 'second love'! You can love someone dearly but know you're not meant to be together or that it's impossible for you to be together for whatever reason.
Someone else posted in here that if you were meant to be together then you'd find a way and do everything you could but in reality, and I like to think I'm a reasonably realistic person despite my Pisces moon making me away with the fairies, it isn't always that simple. Sometimes the head must rule the heart.
@Agent...thank you. My motives will definitely be made clear right off the bat. He knows and his family knows I'm a straight shooter, and he knows me better than my own family. He would know if I wanted something out of this, I'm not naive to think otherwise. I honestly do not. He would know that by just a look into the eyes. When that post came up on misc. board...I know I sound like a broken record here (it wasn't the first one on dxp, in fact I've answered every one of them that has been posted the same way...NO WAY IN HELL...I also won't date a man who has an ex not over him either...nope..no effing way). Lesson learned!
@ Moonartist
Those boys continued counseling for almost three years. I think I'm more afraid of them reverting back to the FEAR she instilled in them, and as adults, most of us know what a "trigger" can do. They are older, but I just know that's a huge possibility. The Virgo may also.... so yea, maybe I just want to be there to tell them anything negative they are feeling now stems from the past, this is now to get them all especially the Virgo to realize that and as a father to open that door of..holy crap your right..and then I have all the faith in the world he'll have a good game plan to keep that in check. Does that make sense?
@ Moonartist
Those boys continued counseling for almost three years. I think I'm more afraid of them reverting back to the FEAR she instilled in them, and as adults, most of us know what a "trigger" can do. They are older, but I just know that's a huge possibility. The Virgo may also.... so yea, maybe I just want to be there to tell them anything negative they are feeling now stems from the past, this is now to get them all especially the Virgo to realize that and as a father to open that door of..holy crap your right..and then I have all the faith in the world he'll have a good game plan to keep that in check. Does that make sense?
I've dealt with CPS...they are stupid and relentless. Just remember that the old CPS files are accessible and that your son is the number one priority. Definitely call and maybe have a third party adult present with uou all if you choose to meet up in a public place. That way if her psychosis surfaces against you, you're protected. If you go that route, choose someone you know who is a mandatory reporter (government worker, counselor, teacher, health care worker, etc). They would be seen as a more reputable witness should anything come up.
I mean shit....after his brother told me that, the "trigger" was instant and very damn real! Brought me back almost six years like it was yesterday...
In that case, give the dude a call. Š
Posted by MsTeeq1974My son is now in college. If I meet up with him, I'm guessing it will be when the boys are back in school and he can fill me in on everything outside their presence.. Their demeanor (which his brother said they are all screwed up over this..I'd want to identify how screwed up), what behaviors he's noticed, and yes, how he's handling all of this. Give him advice, reassurance, if he wants me to see the boys I'd be more than happy to. That would have to be his call.
I've dealt with CPS...they are stupid and relentless. Just remember that the old CPS files are accessible and that your son is the number one priority. Definitely call and maybe have a third party adult present with uou all if you choose to meet up in a public place. That way if her psychosis surfaces against you, you're protected. If you go that route, choose someone you know who is a mandatory reporter (government worker, counselor, teacher, health care worker, etc). They would be seen as a more reputable witness should anything come up.
Alright, I need a breather. Gonna go distract myself for now. Those who have read, and replied thanks. I will be back to read more if any later..and yes, to reread every word over again..
Good day..
Good day..
Posted by LetltBTriggers are real, but maybe they need your interaction so that they have that chance to push past that fear she's given, in a healthy way, and they'll have adults (their dad and you), to give them the logical thinking on how to work through it. Best case scenario is them working through their trauma and becoming well adjusted adults DESPITE the scars their mother has given them.....but it will take calm guidance and compassion to get those worked out for them.
@Agent...thank you. My motives will definitely be made clear right off the bat. He knows and his family knows I'm a straight shooter, and he knows me better than my own family. He would know if I wanted something out of this, I'm not naive to think otherwise. I honestly do not. He would know that by just a look into the eyes. When that post came up on misc. board...I know I sound like a broken record here (it wasn't the first one on dxp, in fact I've answered every one of them that has been posted the same way...NO WAY IN HELL...I also won't date a man who has an ex not over him either...nope..no effing way). Lesson learned!
@ Moonartist
Those boys continued counseling for almost three years. I think I'm more afraid of them reverting back to the FEAR she instilled in them, and as adults, most of us know what a "trigger" can do. They are older, but I just know that's a huge possibility. The Virgo may also.... so yea, maybe I just want to be there to tell them anything negative they are feeling now stems from the past, this is now to get them all especially the Virgo to realize that and as a father to open that door of..holy crap your right..and then I have all the faith in the world he'll have a good game plan to keep that in check. Does that make sense?
That just made me think of "Tashi and the Monk". Watch it if you haven't seen it. It's a fairly short documentary on HBO, but is also on youtube. It really puts into perspective how much love and compassion can heal and help children who have been through hell and back. A beautiful story.
The whole time I'm reading this, I'm getting the vibes that this mother/woman seems fine and operation perfectly normal considering she just lost her life partner. You seem to be unaware of the human quality of upset she is going through, and act like it's her fault that she cannot handle her feelings being hurt due to another woman (you).
After all, you are the "other" and not the mother of his children, to whom he had been married to in the recent past. How unreasonable it is of you to act like she's crazy, and you say all these things .. when they are stuff you were told by him, the other half of the upset party whose perspective of her is also jaded, and so you're being fed extremely biased information to react on.
Then I thought ..... if it's common for the kids to have marks after see their father, and the mother is freaking out about it .. well, shouldn't she be freaking out? Wouldn't you? Isn't every good mother suppose to be up in arms if she believes her children are being abused?
Yet ... you act like she's just a crazy nutjob for running to social services (or whomever the agency is) because her children are getting fucked up when visiting their father.
Posted by LetltBThen, at the end, when you said the above ... it was the a-ha moment when all of this came into focus.
.... from what I understand it's been peaceful until now.
.... when I'm around shit hits the fan...
When you're not around, life for that family is peaceful ... so that means, it was you who was fucking everything up during that time.
That's why none of it made sense from that angle you were spinning
And now you want to interact with them again .... knowing full well that it will cause drama.
so, why would a rational adult, like you believe of yourself as being ... purposely and willfully want to manipulate an entire little family again?
Posted by LetltB
...... my son's father even though he's being a jackass right now. I'm taking the time to remove the past and that raw emotion out of the picture. (raw emotion...feeling like I have to protect those boys and the Virgo's sanity again).
Obviously, your desire is based in deception.
While in the same train of thought you correlate your Taurus being a dickhead, with you needing to be a savor to the Virgo and kids.
psycholoy101 ... rebound/deflection
Posted by LetltBIn that case, then it's just yourself to worry about. I hope that all goes well.Posted by MsTeeq1974My son is now in college. If I meet up with him, I'm guessing it will be when the boys are back in school and he can fill me in on everything outside their presence.. Their demeanor (which his brother said they are all screwed up over this..I'd want to identify how screwed up), what behaviors he's noticed, and yes, how he's handling all of this. Give him advice, reassurance, if he wants me to see the boys I'd be more than happy to. That would have to be his call.
I've dealt with CPS...they are stupid and relentless. Just remember that the old CPS files are accessible and that your son is the number one priority. Definitely call and maybe have a third party adult present with uou all if you choose to meet up in a public place. That way if her psychosis surfaces against you, you're protected. If you go that route, choose someone you know who is a mandatory reporter (government worker, counselor, teacher, health care worker, etc). They would be seen as a more reputable witness should anything come up.click to expand
Posted by P-AngelThis should come as a surprise to no one.
The whole time I'm reading this, I'm getting the vibes that this mother/woman seems fine and operation perfectly normal ...
If I read P-Angel correctly, that's a big IF, is that the only time there is really turmoil with the mother is when the OP is in the picture. The mother feels threatened by the OP and goes batty
Errrr did anyone miss the bit where the mother was beating the shit out of her own kids?
Posted by HappygoluckyIf you read the OP correctly, you'll note that the woman was
If I read P-Angel correctly, that's a big IF, is that the only time there is really turmoil with the mother is when the OP is in the picture. The mother feels threatened by the OP and goes batty
diagnosed with mental illness, by a doctor... her own child
ratted her out, about the beatings.... and LIB has never even
met the woman.
Further, p-gel may be good for ratings, but she isn't one to be
taken seriously.
Posted by LetltBI think that some people just get stuck under your skin... the ones that you can't block out.
Is my common sense being shaded by this retrograde? I know it's over after today, (I think...) and whether I've seen his brother or not, just reaching out has been heavy. One other thing...the comment about "take down sex"...was purely a fond memory. lol... Even if we hit it off and said let's try this again, (which I doubt due to the issue at hand), it would take me a bit to get to that point. Our friendship means way too much.
Anyway..thanks for taking the time. It's appreciated.
And that's normal. Its seems to be that everyone has one or two.
They might've been wrong time and situation people, but generally the loves that just didn't quite work out but were so close to it.
Regardless, you still love the person that they were, and can't evict them out of your head and heart.
I can imagine its much, much harder to do that when they have kids you care about too.
but that could be my leeb bits talking.
Anyway, I think it sounds like a tough situation all round, and you both did what was best for the kids. No wonder your heart feels that there was unfinished business still
Posted by P-AngelAfter shooting 7 rounds at him from a semi automatic police rifle that was locked in his trunk, and missed, I guess he decided it was too risky to stick with her. lol... did you lose your ass in poker this weekend P?
The whole time I'm reading this, I'm getting the vibes that this mother/woman seems fine and operation perfectly normal considering she just lost her life partner.
Your comments don't make sense at all. 😐
Thanks a lot everyone. I decided to do something people never do anymore. Half page handwritten letter. I told him I ran into his brother and know what's been going on. Told him I still have two good ears for listening and if he needed help with the boys to just say the word, I'm there. Wished him the best and to remain tough. That's it. It will go in the mail tomorrow.
He can do with that what he will, and at the same time I remain neutral. I'm good with that.
He can do with that what he will, and at the same time I remain neutral. I'm good with that.
Posted by LetltB
Mind you I did not meet this woman ...
I didn't want to meet her.
The reality is ..... everything you've said about this woman is second hand information told to you by a disillusioned husband, whose views are greatly jaded.
Looks like I'm the only one with enough common sense to put two and two together.
Posted by MontgomeryNoted.Posted by HappygoluckyIf you read the OP correctly, you'll note that the woman was
If I read P-Angel correctly, that's a big IF, is that the only time there is really turmoil with the mother is when the OP is in the picture. The mother feels threatened by the OP and goes batty
diagnosed with mental illness, by a doctor... her own child
ratted her out, about the beatings.... and LIB has never even
met the woman.
Further, p-gel may be good for ratings, but she isn't one to be
taken seriously.
click to expand
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This Venus retrograde, or the psychic connection I have with this Virgo has been nagging at me for the last three weeks. Hard. We do the Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas thing via text. Our history is deep and I had to step away because of his three boys and his diagnosed mental case of ex-wife. For those who do not know our history, I'll be brief, because there's way too much to write. We both decided for the well being of his boys and myself and my son to split. He got custody of the boys after she beat the oldest (who was 8) at the time to a pulp prior to our split. While together he would get them for visitation, and they would have cuts on their noses, foreheads, bruises etc... If it was investigated, she would somehow find an excuse, or worse, tell CPS the cuts/bruises came after they visited with their father.
When she sent the 8 year old to school after beating the shit out of him one day, (chest, neck, face and arms) it wasn't him who "told"... It was one of the twins, (both 7 at the time) and then the 8 year old scared shitless told the truth. Hence the arrest and the Virgo getting full custody after a one year custody battle. Mind you I did not meet this woman, nor interfered with their issues ever. I didn't want to meet her. Well, then the e-mails started as the boys would talk about me and my son to her. She'd question the Virgo and try to tell him I can't be around when the boys visit his home. That kind of shit. UNTIL....I get a call from the Virgo, and he tells me that my son and I need to be at his home @ 3:45 in the afternoon. (he knew better to tell me why on the phone).