black magic (scorpio) woman

Hello Scorpios and scorpio appreciators 🙂 I am in need of your advice and insight on my situation.

I am a Gemini (woman, turning 30) and the love of my life is a Scorpio (woman, turning 41) (facepalm). Although these are not presumed to work well together, we actually have very powerful synastry. For example, her Venus is conjuncting my ascendent (Libra), our Saturns are trining eachother, her Venus is trining my Saturn and my Venus is sextiling hers. Her Mars is conjunct my MC and we have two composite grand trines.. and a lot of other good stuff as well.
Another obvious detail worth mentioning is that she is 11 years older than me.

It's a long story dating back to when i was 19 and i joined her company - she is to this day the ceo of the company. I was immediately drawned to her, but of course the situation didnt allow me to try or express anything. Still, i could sense very well that there was a very strong, mutual connection between us. Half an year later, due to some unrelated circumstances i had to exit the company.
The vivid memory of this woman haunted me for years, but for the 8 years that passed i never met her again. Sometimes i even had dreams about her and every following morning i woke up overwhelmed by the feeling of loss that at times lasted for days.

2 years ago (2014 that is), just by a fluke i saw that she is on facebook (facepalm 2). After so much time, 8 years like i said, there was not much to say, i didnt even know if she'd remember me, so instead of writing to her, i just sent her a son - Black magic woman - because this is what she has been for me since day 1. Few days later she actually responded and we had a very nice, warm and long conversation. I thought that was going to be it, but actually in the following days, entirely by her own initiation, she continued writing/calling and all that. Eventually we met, we met few other times.. Every now and then she invited me to her place. There was a natural flow that evolved in something more - which for her was the first time with a woman. Although it was new to her, she managed to naturally be very open, responsive, intensely expressive at sharing her feelings, caring, gentle... Everything happened so naturally indeed that every now and then she said - it's not normal things to be so good, so easy, so perfect. I guess she was right, because around a month later the owner of her company got to know about this relationship and he literally told her - you are either breaking it off with her (this being me) or you lose what you worked for at this company for 17 years now (facepalm 3). She promised him she would, but... at the end she didnt. She suffered a lot, cried a lot, but when she got calmer, in a matter of days, she returned to me. Although we had to hide and be very careful, i could tell that she wanted this and that she strived for me. I guess she believed that she could figure it out with more time on her hands, but unfortunately she couldn't. (Continued...)

So, as no one can stand such limitations, gradually we started seeing each other less and less, i could not go to her place any more, i moved in her area even, we live less than a mile away, but she started coming less and less to my place as well. She grew distant, disappeared in work every now and then. I was very patient with this, i tried not to push her, but that was to no avail. It was around Christmas when we had few bullets fly, it was not even an argument, about whether we'd spend Christmas together or not, but she used the situation to just disappear without any explanation (facepalm 4). She blocked me on all possible social channels in less than a second of course. I dont know about my phone number, but i wrote her that i am going to wait for her and that i hope that one day i become part of the changes that she said she wanted in her life. As time past i sent her flowers, i sent her cupcakes for her favorite holidays, tickets for concerts with her favorite artists, usbs with stuff she would enjoy.. And although i did these things, because i simply cared for her and wanted to surprise her as opposed to just provoke a reaction, she didnt react in any way. Only that at one point she unblocked me on facebook (facepalm "who's counting").

To this day an year and a half has passed since i had any interaction with her. Last week i saw that a favorite author of mine has a new book (title roughly translated to english: There, where we are not) and i went to the publisher's website to order it. I had the strange feeling that i should order to books and not just one and so did. They arrived last Saturday while i was at my office which i thought was the only thing that made up for working this day. After work i went out with a random colleague to enjoy my favorite coctails at a bar downtown. We sat outside and no one, but us was there. After perhaps our first drinks came, i had this accidentaly urge to turn back and i see her.. walking down the alley towards us, doing something, gazing at her phone. I froze. I have no idea how i looked like when i turned back to my colleague. I thought that she'd just pass by, but no, she met a friend and at that empty place they sat at the table that was next to us - literally 2 feet away.
She didnt see me, i am sure, but i was entranced, the chemistry in my brain was going so wild i didnt know what to do. One adequate molecule in my brain said to me that sooner or later she'd see me anyways, so i better act on time and not just play retarted.. So, i stood up i went to her and greeted her very simply. She looked at me very calmly and gently, with very warm eyes and since i didnt want to outstay my welcome i returned to my table.. which was really 2 feet away.

So, there we were sitting, so close to eachother and at the same time so distant - i with my colleague, she with her friend - for maybe 2 hours. It was odd and peaceful at the same time. (Continued...)

At one point i remember the two books that were with me - There, where we are not.. on which back cover, again roughly translated, is written - She comes as perfect as a knife, to a place where we are not. In my own way it dawned on me why i had the feeling that i should order 2 and not 1. At the time when my colleague and i were leaving, which i made sure is before they leave, i went again to them, apologized for interrupting them a second time and told her the story about the book. How while i was ordering them that week i had had the feeling that i should order 2 and not 1 and that now i knew why it had been like this. She was again very calm and gentle, said thanks and as the author is also her favorite, she told me how this week there had been a reading with the author but she missed it. I told her that she didnt miss it, because it was not last week, but is going to be the next (which is this week). So, i wished them good night and left.

Two days have passed and i am still stunned of this experience. I want to have her back, but after so much time and after such a disappearance with no turning back, is it at all possible? And what do you do after so much time? Do you keep silent and see if she'd do something, do you try to bring humour and lightly ask her out to this reading. I dont know. Since she disappeared an year and a half ago, there has not been a day or night that i didnt think of her or wanted her. I waited for so long that now i am afraid of the risk of "outwaiting". At the same time, i still dont want to push her either. She still has the same limitations, i guess.

Bottom line is this - it is so hard to wait for something that i know might not happen, but at the same time it is even harder to give up on it when it is everything that i have ever wanted.

So please, good people, if you have any insight, do share it with me. Thanks 🙂

@Ryoko - after all this, even No would make a change for the better - still an answer. There has not been any till now.

@ElleDuMonde - as long as it is flesh.. 😉

@Impulsv - Homophobia is alive and well

Posted by ElleDuMonde

Posted by Impulsv
Is still that backwards were personal life n employer can demand who u date.?

she probably showed up and caused some drama or something.

nobody gives two shits about who somebody is dating.

click to expand

Actually, no, I haven't, I have never even met the guy. I know, however, that he is from a very traditional family.

Posted by ElleDuMonde
pffft.....especially an employer.

two words - Ally McBeal

WHAT DID YOU DO?

If I intended to hide something from the story, I would not have asked about your opinion 🙂 otherwise how would I able to make use of it, if the situation is really different? So, there is nothing that I am saving from the story.

I don't know where you are from, but homophobia is really alive and well in Eastern Europe, where I am from. And when you are the face of a rich company, owned by someone who is from Armenia (further east), making money from other even richer people - it's very common to have such a threat.

Posted by ElleDuMonde

Posted by psykko

Posted by ElleDuMonde
pffft.....especially an employer.

two words - Ally McBeal

WHAT DID YOU DO?

If I intended to hide something from the story, I would not have asked about your opinion 🙂 otherwise how would I able to make use of it, if the situation is really different? So, there is nothing that I am saving from the story.

I don't know where you are from, but homophobia is really alive and well in Eastern Europe, where I am from. And when you are the face of a rich company, owned by someone who is from Armenia (further east), making money from other even richer people - it's very common to have such a threat.

You are not getting it. I don't care where you are.....a scorpio woman will not concede when faced with love. Love will win. She would have done whatever possible to keep the two of you together.

That in itself tells me you did something to screw this up....bad.

How did the employer even find out?

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Her theory was that her neighbors, friends of his, told him about this. Then when he asked her if she was having a relationship with a woman, she said - yes, I do. It was then when he issued this ultimatum.

Appart from that - I am not trying to convince you that the woman really loved me, who knows may be she didn't and she was just making this up for just for the rush. That would explain very well why she didn't fight for it. But, is it really possible to be so good at pretending if the other one still believes you are meant to be together?

Posted by ElleDuMonde
you know what?

it doesn't even matter.

she went no contact with you for over a year based on your posting history.

you accidentally come across her at a public place while she's enjoying dinner with a friend.....

....and here we are.

please leave the woman alone.

I'll have it in mind, thanks 🙂

Posted by ElleDuMonde
read it again....

no contact for over a year.

leave her alone.

you are not meant to be together.

she did not seek you out.

you accidentally (maybe you even planned it on purpose...since you conveniently bought two books) ran into her at a cafe.

she had you blocked on everything....except facebook....(which is debatable whether you created a fake account or not for her to friend you on.)

there is nothing indicating that she would be happy to reconcile on any level.

I recommend you to see this movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118883/?ref_=nv_sr_1 🙂

No worries, I can tell you the title - it's a link to a movie called Conspiracy Theory, with Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts, maybe it will help you with the paranoia 🙂

Why can't Gems be concise?! My one adequate molecule hurts 😭!!!

Posted by ElleDuMonde
can you post your chart?

I'll be nice to you.

if you are truly interested in my chart, I would share it with you in a private message. No need to promise to be nice or not, however you prefer.

Gemini eatz scorpios

@Sagittarius16b - How is the Saturn thing going on for you 😉

Posted by ElleDuMonde
Look, I had an ex return after two years....and he was welcomed back with open arms....

but he was bettering himself during that time.....not paying me any attention....i.e. living his life to the fullest....

Not holed up in his bedroom monitoring my online activity, creating fake facebook accounts to see if I was posting subliminal messages to him, going through my garbage to find receipts of places I frequent or renting a storage unit because he bought two of everything.

Do you see the difference oe does it escape you?

Good for you, I hope it still lasts 🙂

Posted by Nevermore

Posted by ElleDuMonde
Look, I had an ex return after two years....and he was welcomed back with open arms....

but he was bettering himself during that time.....not paying me any attention....i.e. living his life to the fullest....

Not holed up in his bedroom monitoring my online activity, creating fake facebook accounts to see if I was posting subliminal messages to him, going through my garbage to find receipts of places I frequent or renting a storage unit because he bought two of everything.

Do you see the difference oe does it escape you?

I can see why she named her username.

click to expand

Only that I have never done either of the counted.

I believe you're full of it, but here it goes anyway for any lurkers in the same hand wringing "should I, shouldn't I" dilemma.

You reached out after 8 years and she messaged you, called you back almost immediately to reconnect right?

You see her after a year of no contact and several gifts later and she still acts like you don't exist. Doesn't even bat an eyelash. You have your answer.

No need to worry if you should wait, initiate, send more gifts. She's done.

I would just put it down to a lovely connection and experience you had in your life, lots of people never experience love like you felt.
If you are putting her on a pedestal you are not leaving your heart open to feel the love of someone else who is free and able to be with you without the restrictions she encountered.
I would move on hun, just my opinion x

@PhoenixRising @Impulsv - thank you, I really appreciate your thoughts.

@PhoenixRising - Not full of anything more than the facts I shared with you, really. If you still believe the contrary, I appreciate that you give me your feedback even more.

Posted by piscespoppy
I would just put it down to a lovely connection and experience you had in your life, lots of people never experience love like you felt.
If you are putting her on a pedestal you are not leaving your heart open to feel the love of someone else who is free and able to be with you without the restrictions she encountered.
I would move on hun, just my opinion x

My logical thinking has been telling me the same, I guess I should find a way to make that happen. Thank you for your advice.

Posted by psykko
@Sagittarius16b - How is the Saturn thing going on for you 😉

oh oh oh. Thanks fr asking. So not well.... but everyrhi g else is

Posted by unknown2u
@Spykko "Every now and then she invited me to her place. There was a natural flow that evolved in something more - which for her was the first time with a woman."

Maybe she's bisexual, and it's no so much about you, but about her being confused and not knowing what she really wants. Male, Female— Idk, just a thought!

Yes, this is very possible.