Cautious, testing, or friend zoning?

Hello all. I hate that my first post is one where I am asking for something, but I promise I will contribute heartily to the forum in the future. Right now I am attempting to ascertain whether the person I am interested in is just being cautious, testing, or politely "friend zoning" me... I know I could have posted this elsewhere, but I thought given his sign perhaps in addition to my general question I could also get a bit more insight from an astrological angle.

Having lurked the dxp boards for a little over a month, admittedly I feel a bit like a lamb to the slaughter... I am new - be gentle?

I will preface this by stating that I cannot tell a short story to save my life (but I will make a sincere effort), and that I have not yet met the person I seek advice about in-person. Try to restrain your groans - though I understand if you cannot (and will happily and respectfully debate with you on the merits privately). In many ways, at least in my opinion, this sort of communication can be beneficial in the same way that it can be harmful if someone is actively deceiving and misrepresenting who they are.

I am a polyglot - to date I fluently speak four languages with conversational proficiency in two others - I graduated not too long ago, and I was thinking of enrolling in a Master's program overseas in the fall. I thought it would be prudent to find language partners to brush up on my skills and pick up some of the more commonly spoken vernacular for a more seamless transition... Regional slang sometimes escape me. Anyway, skyping with friends was too inconsistent as was going to the language center where I used to tutor, so at the behest of a friend I signed up for one of those language exchange sites. The very first day I created my profile is the day we began our correspondence. Long story short, he stimulates me in one of the ways I find to be important - intellectually. It is increasingly difficult to encounter people in my age set whom I connect with, yet somehow we just click (at least from my perspective). To be frank, intellect opens the floodgates (I know you might be thinking heffa we don't know you like that, but... whoomp, there it is!), and the fact that he is smarter beyond my comprehension makes him that much more appealing (and admittedly a bit intimidating... But I find that is part of the thrill). Whoever said intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac had guys like this in mind.

We are alike in ways I value, yet vastly different in ways that keeps it interesting... if that makes any sense. That coupled with the fact that he is aesthetically appealing and has a seemingly limitless arsenal of traits I find alluring... Well.

I feel that ambition is something I have in abundance yet he makes me want to be an even better version of myself than I envisioned... All the cliches I have tried to actively avoid my whole adult life and here I am taking a crash course in all of them.

Anyway, we have been exchanging e-mails and even snail mail for about five months now. Early on, he posted a video covering a song for me by one of my favorite singer-songwriters, but in an effort to be rational I tried to force myself to think of it as a gesture of friendship - to consider that there are a few existing cultural differences and thus the gesture might be construed completely different from his perspective. Still, I think part of me would like to think that it means something deeper - I mean, presently he is devoting the little spare time he has between coursework and his dissertation to work on a second cover (with an unprovoked promise of more to come) - surely that is indicative of something deeper? I am musically inclined too, but never have I put the effort into learning a piece specifically tailored to an individual except my parents. Anyway...

The crux of the issue - I am already not the most adept at reading people, and given the fact that I have few visual cues like body language to go on, I am not entirely sure what to make of some of the comments he made a couple of weeks ago. Here we go: So there are very few modern films I get excited over for a plethora of reasons that I will not delve into right now (though I will admit this last season has been one of the best in a while), but there was one I could not wait to see. In one of my e-mails I mentioned it to him and as it turns out he had been anticipating it too (longer actually, as it would not be released where he is until much later). He mentioned how frustrating he imagined it being because one of the actresses would have very little visibility throughout the film. Later he elaborated further on the source of his frustration by writing that it is because she is gorgeous (which I knew... I did not need clarification -_-). I fought against my nature on this one... My major vice is I am possessive... Friends, family, tarts, you name it.

I tried to be neutral... I admitted what cannot be denied even by those who throw shade like it's their job - that she is attractive, and that there would probably be others in his predicament. Later on, in a separate discussion, he integrated her into an example to further illustrate the point he was making, and I felt my eyes narrow. In the past he has emphasized that he cares more about what goes in beneath the surface rather than physical appearance... Yet he seems very caught up in hers. As I wrote earlier, generally I am not the best at reading people - that goes double for menfolk - but I've always thought that when a guy likes a female (or at least can envision potential beyond the current station of their relationship) that it would be remiss to mention another (e.g. play it safe as not to alienate or incite insecurity)... Even if the one in question is unattainable. He is very cautious, but the more we talk the less selective he is about what he divulges (so I think)... This is great progress, and despite my moon I find myself very patient, but I still feel that very little goes uncalculated with him. I feel that bringing her up was not without reason... And that he is either trying to gauge my response or politely trying to steer me away from being attracted to him beyond friendship (I have not outright told him, but I am sure he has more than an inkling regarding my inclinations... he has this uncanny ability to read me despite the lack of visual cues...Granted, I am not exactly known for my subtly). He has referred to the Internet as a "Kingdom of Masks" (an assessment I certainly cannot disagree with) so part of me is inclined to believe that perhaps these are attempts to provoke me to see if mine slips - to determine if I am wearing one. (Or is this a warning about himself?)

I know this might sound bizarre, but I have divulged things to him that only my best friend of a decade knows. Usually I am reserved regardless of the medium, but I seriously get diarrhea of the mouth with him. I value his friendship, so even if these things are indicative of him trying to deter me from my blossoming feelings, with time I can be fine with that, because he has been an amazing friend to me already. I just want to get an idea of where he stands before I make myself look anymore ridiculous, this time in person lol.

If you need more information feel free to ask... Bar the first five or six messages, every e-mail/letter we exchanged is novella length (I wish I was over embellishing this fact) so it was hard to determine what might be relevant to this. I am more confused than a homeless person on house arrest. Advice (and even constructive criticism) welcomed. Hell, you can even tell me it is a non-issue and that I am overreacting and being batshit crazy if you want - I feel like it.

Okay, Proust. Please tell me why you are possessive of tarts. In ten words or less.

Also, what are the respective sun, asc, moons of you and said beau.

Finally, I cannot comprehend exactly what you are asking for. Please restate why you think he might be testing or friend zoning you. Was there ever any flirtation or mention of dating?

I am flagging this thread!

A white flag?

Posted by beckamitchell
Okay, Proust. Please tell me why you are possessive of tarts. In ten words or less.

Also, what are the respective sun, asc, moons of you and said beau.

Finally, I cannot comprehend exactly what you are asking for. Please restate why you think he might be testing or friend zoning you. Was there ever any flirtation or mention of dating?

The tart bit was a combination of my brand of hyperbole and hunger.

Sorry... I guess I wrote so much without saying anything at all. My question was: Is his talking to me about another female indicative of him not being interested in me? It sounds pretty lame now that I have reworded it so now I feel like I have wasted you all's time. There has been what I'd consider very subtle flirting... The kind you might miss if you blink too fast or that is interwoven in a witty comment. He talks about the things we will do once we meet and even when we are older as if he firmly believes we will be in each other's lives in the future but he never elaborates on the context.... So no, there hasn't been any talk of dating at all whatsoever. That part is really inconsequential to me though - even if this were a situation where we saw each other every day for five months I would not be in a big rush to discuss "the next step". For me, friendship is a good foundation to build on, I just wanted to figure out if it is possible that he could see that friendship evolving into something else. I actually find the slower pace refreshing.

My sun is Taurus, ascendent Sagittarius, moon Aries. His sun is Scorpio, ascendent Capricorn, moon Libra

Posted by GetMisted
I'm going to take a wild guess here and assume that you are a Gemini?

As for him? He sings you songs. He reads your lengthy novels. So on and so on.

I take him speaking of this actress and her beauty as a sign of openess on his part. Try looking at it from a diffirent angle. Maybe he is pointing out things about her that remind him of you. The way she dresses, style s her hair, etc.

Even still, get rid of the jealousy or what ever it is. We enjoy beauty in what ever form it takes. It's a topic of discussion. Just be happy we're discussing it with you.

Personally, I'd say he's falling for someone he hasn't even met yet. It happens.

Thank you. I am actually a Taurus. "Just be happy we're discussing it with you." I really needed it put this way. Sometimes it takes being blunt to drive the point home for me. Your reply is invaluable and it really did give me a better perspective. I feel ungrateful for not appreciating it as him opening up and daft for not realizing it myself. By his own admission he is sometimes too shy to pay direct compliments... That coincides with what you wrote about him pointing out things he see in her that may possibly remind him of me (in fact, I remember being irked by one of the things he mentioned he liked about her because I thought 'I have that quality, look over here!'). I feel so juvenile now... At least I can find solace in the fact that I did not impulsively act on my insecurity and say something ridiculous that might irrevocably destroy our great rapport.

Posted by MrFirebird
I am flagging this thread!

Alright, though you could at least as a courtesy inform me of what I said that was so offensive to warrant such an extreme response. Mea culpa? My apologies if I really did write something that you found offensive.

I think he must be teasing you.

You and Monsieur Beau are engaged in a dance of poetry. Capricorn (asc) moves slowly; Libra (moon) has indecisive moments--many indecisive moments; Scorpio (sun) enjoys undercover pursuit and power plays. Does he have any Pisces, mmm?

Also, just make sure he's not one of te gays, given all this flowery hoo-ha you two are swapping about. You don't want to be swooning over someone you can never have.

Finally, I was serious about the "ten words or less."

Posted by beckamitchell
I think he must be teasing you.

Ah. In that case, I hope there are no hard feelings regarding my response. Sorry, MrFirebird! :/

Posted by beckamitchell
You and Monsieur Beau are engaged in a dance of poetry. Capricorn (asc) moves slowly; Libra (moon) has indecisive moments--many indecisive moments; Scorpio (sun) enjoys undercover pursuit and power plays. Does he have any Pisces, mmm?

Also, just make sure he's not one of te gays, given all this flowery hoo-ha you two are swapping about. You don't want to be swooning over someone you can never have.

Finally, I was serious about the "ten words or less."

click to expand

That is quite the combination, but I think I have the fortitude necessary for the challenge. I can definitely attest to him being slow moving and indecisive (Writing that feels a bit like the pot calling the kettle black considering I am guilty of both myself hah). To my knowledge there is absolutely no Pieces in his chart... I am a bit of novice with all of this - what would that have meant?

Given the nature of our correspondence and the fact that one of the reasons I came here seeking advice is because he was fawning over a female, I doubt he is gay... Still, I will heed your advice. Better safe than sorry, after all.

When I get hungry, I get greedy.

Posted by Whatu

He's already putting money aside for you're kid's education, trust me.

😄!!

His words radiate an undeniable warmth when he writes about his niece - it is apparent he adores her. 🙂

He has mentioned children in a way that definitely makes it seem that fatherhood is something he looks forward to... Only time will tell if I am included in that picture, but your response certainly made me beam.