Devastated....Scorpio dumps me after Christmas

First let me run through what happened then I will give you a little insight about our past (as I eat cookie dough) Sigh...

So over the past 72 hours this Scorpio man who claims that I am the love of his life dumped me twice. Once because he assumed I was with someone that I wasn't with and called me a slut and accused me of so many things. Since I am in love with him I reassured him that wasn't the case. Still he dumps me. A day later I come over devastated and asked him why he would dump me on a whim? We talked about it, he made demands, I obliged and agreed. I would do whatever it takes to make him realize that I am not this monster he makes me out to be. Not even 24 hours after that I come to him with some concerns about this topic and I wanted to chat. I felt there were double standards, and it wasn't fair how he was allowed to treat me like he did. He stopped me and cut me off and dumped me again. Really? REALLY?!! I think what gets to me is how much I have been through for him.

Just last month his cousin passed. I was there for him every moment. Even though he took it all out on me. I told him my concerns and he apologized. I made a post a while back about this Scorpio that vanished on me not once, twice, but three times.

Basically what has happened is he's in school right now getting a double masters. He claims he just lost sight of what was really important and wasn't able to give me the time I needed. Even though I never, ever asked for anything. I think maybe he thought I was trying to ask for crap but hell I was definitely not doing that. All I wanted to do was spend some time with him. But still he would up and vanish on me without a word. He claims he is deeply in love and thinks/thought about me every moment. Its just very hard to believe.

He says all we do is fight when we talk and it's not really that, its more over him accusing me, and me reassuring. And then I ask for more time. When may we talk? I just wanted a little of his time. I'm completely devastated. I let him back into my life numerous times after vanishing on me. And I really, really believed that he loved me. Now that I look back I have been nothing but hard on myself that I should have never listened.

Here is his chart:
Sun - Scorpio
Ascendant - Aries
Moon - Capricorn
Mercury - Scorpio
Venus - Scorpio
Mars - Libra
Jupiter - Aries
Saturn - Sagittarius
Uranus - Sagittarius
Neptune - Capricorn

Id really appreciate Scorpio's insight....I really nee

Sweetie:

Im not a scorpio, but do have exp with a scorp sun/cap moon and a life time of human relation exp so here are my thoughts.

First, I am very sorry for your pain. I def feel for you. Next, what I get from what little you have written here is: He has had the upper hand of control and entitlment and you have fed that behavior. It sounds as if you are lacking self esteem, probably drained by him, and that you are almost *begging* him to behave like a normal bf should. "when MAY we talk?". This sounds like a subserviant, fearful child afraid of being rejected by a father like figure.

It sounds like you fear if you don't be, act, do, say what he wants, he will disappear again. And you are walking on eggshells to prevent that. He can only abuse you if you allow it...and I think you have allowed it. Which is feeding it. Does this make sense to you? You kept taking him back time and time again which sent a message that you are willing to put up with this shit.

May I suggest you go totally silent..no contact at all. As if YOU no longer care about him...and you will likely see him peeking his around up your ass for a change. He will only value you when YOU value yourself.

Thank you for the insight I really appreciate it. Yes, you are right. I did allow him back several times and im sure that does give him the impression that he can act any way that he wants because Ill be there no matter what. This time around though I will not be. I haven't done a single thing to speak to him. Normally Im the one who initiates, he never does. So I dont believe he will be coming back. Maybe that is a plus for me.

I live by this quote "We teach people how to treat us". How we act and react to the behavior of others sends a very profound message to people. When my ex husband stopped paying child support, I took him to court and did so repeatedly every time he stopped paying. I had to reinforce over and over again that this behavior was NOT acceptable.

Its hard to set and ENFORCE boudaries when we fear there will be a negative reaction. I, too, was intimidated by my scorp ex. BUt there finally came a day when his inconsistency just became too much and I was losing my indentity, so I ended it. Unfortunately for me, I went back on my own months later, only to get his disappearance when I confronted his behavior. So, the deal is done for me..he gets only two disappearances from me. I am unwilling to send another message that just becauase I love you I will accept the shit you throw.

Some lessons are learned very hard.

BGP - Im starting to think this whole Houdini act is a trait of Scorpio's? I've read a lot about it lately and it seems to me they are notorious for disappearing?

Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhhh.....Im surprised you haven't read more about it here. Look under my posts to see the thread I started "Understanding scorpio disappeances"


and look here...its infamous!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080817211200AAaYQNq

You know Ive read a lot about Scorpio's and Gemini's too. Im not sure why they are so attracted to us. I've seen it posted all over the board and how it's a popular pairing. I think to myself "How is that possible when they don't even talk to us"!

Oh and thank you for the links. I am reading them right now. I guess im just having a terrible time trying to figure this Scorpio out.

A few more things. Since im sitting here thinking and reading. What I don't understand is how deep his feelings go. He said the L word first, I did not. He came for me saying that he missed me so much and he was madly in love with me and I was the love of his life. He would refer to me as such. But then to do what he does to me? Just dump me and leave me, not be there for me or any of my issues? All I wanted to do was talk about how it concerned me. Maybe figure things out so we could come to an amicable agreement. He wouldn't even give me a chance. Im very upset because I believed that he did care for me, but if he did why would he just throw me away like that?

It sounds like you and he have different concepts of "love." Making wild accusations, name calling, forcing demands on you, creating double standards, and cutting you off on a whim is not how I would ever treat someone I loved, and I doubt it is how you would define "love" either. Making you walk on eggshells lest he is set off again is not "love," it's control. He sounds horribly controlling, manipulative, and likes to have you on a string ready to do his bidding no matter how unreasonable he is.

I can't add anything to what Big Girl Panties has already said. This does not sound like a situation that will get any better with time. Forget the fact he is busy, busy, busy. That is no excuse for acting like an abusive, controlling monster. Lots of people are horribly busy, horribly stressed, sleep deprived and overworked, and they still have the capacity to treat their loved ones with fairness, respect, and consistency.

You have been serving as his punching bag/ garbage can/ doormat. Of course he doesn't want to lose that, it's so convenient for him to be able to take all his bad moods and his bullshit out on you. Then he just reels you back in by saying he loves you and he is sorry ... it's classic manipulation and control, not love.

I know you are hurting but you have got to walk away. Tell him to get lost, that you are done with him forever. Block his number, block his email, do not engage with him in any way, and if he tries to come by your house or place of work call the cops and take out a restraining order on him.

There is nothing loving about this situation, it is emotional abuse, and could escalate to other types of abuse as well.

what are you doing in/with your life, xin?

fuckin leave and forget about him. i know its easier said than done tho.

on the other hand, i approve of the dude. fuckin bitches keepin mind on his riches

AC - Thank you for the insight. I am starting to realize as time goes on it wasn't love at all. I just think that some people like to tell others what they want to hear to keep them around. It's not love. I knew deep down inside that I was being stupid but after so long hearing it over and over you start to second guess yourself. Like hey maybe he really just might happen to like me. Im a pretty cool person ok what the hell. Tra la la skipping through daisies only to fall into a trap.

Well you wouldn't be the first one, girl, nor will you be the last!
With distance comes perspective, and a whole lot of valuable knowledge and lessons learned for the next relationship.
Go get another log of cookie dough, wallow in your misery for a while, cry, write in a journal, vent to friends (or here) and give yourself time to feel this loss.
Eventually you will want to get up, get active, laugh again and forget all about that mofo. 🙂

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has given me insight. It's really helped today 🙂
I think I am most upset with myself. Again thank you!

No one can love them more than they love themselves ahaha jk 😛 you scorps are alright!

All of the above advice is true, but the best summary of reality is as follows:

—Ladies, let me give you some advice. You can throw all your stupid fucking chick-lit, self-help, why-doesn't-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as —deserving?? respect; you get what you demand from people. Let a guy fuck you in the ass, come on your back, drink all your beer and then leave, and he??ll do it. But if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he won't associate with you. It really is that simple.?? - Tucker Max

Posted by oldskoolflavor
the scorpio must be an 87 baby ..
FIRE RABBITS, we in tha house !



she's 32 .. and a gemini
she must be like 18 from a maturity pov

(no offense to gems)

*steals cookies on his way out*

Disagree! I'm 27 and a Gemini, and though I can relax and act a fool, I'm more mature than most people in my age range and older...but I have a few Scorpio placements, maybe that has something to do with it 😉