Do Scorp males tend to be selfish/self-centered?

Anyway, my SO (55 Scorp/Sag) and I (47 Virgo) are having a bit of a struggle. We've been together for 7 months now and for the most part things are great.

However, at this time, we have seperate residences. He's in an apartment about 15 miles away from my house. We see or talk to each other daily and usually "sleep" together atleast 5 nights per week. The problem I am having is that he always wants me to spend the night at his house, especially during the week. Normally that wouldn't be a huge deal except for the fact that I have a dog and I can't just leave the dog alone all night, every night. So I wind up getting up in the middle of the night and driving home almost every night.

I talked to him about this and asked if we could try and divide our time between houses more so my dog isn't being left alone so much and he agreed. Except it rarely ever happens. Now I know he likes being at my house because he usually spends most of the weekend there and feels very much at home there. He also loves my dog, despite that fact that he has never had a pet before.

How do I reach a compromise with him on this without constantly nagging about it? When I do bring it up, he'll cooperate for a couple days but then it's right back to him practically begging me to come over to his place all the time.
I'm will and do compromise on a lot of things but this is one, mostly because of the dog, where I can't and won't any longer.

Is this normal for them? Are they always this difficult if they don't get things their way?

I'm wondering why he's OK being at your place on weekends but not during the week? Is it simply a matter of convenience for him to be at his place during the week? Have asked him why he says he'll stay at your place and then doesn't? What's the real issue here? There's a reason for him not going to your place during the week. That's what needs to be addressed.

Seems more like a communication issue to me than a Scorpio not getting his way issue.

I think most men in general will take whatever we give. Many of us give too much.

If you don't want to drive home in the middle of the night then don't. Stay home. He'll come to your place or he won't. As long as you keep going to his place he has no reason to go to yours.

"Do scorp males tend to be selfish / self centred?"

In my experience, yes.

"There's a reason for him not going to your place during the week."

The only answer I've gotten is because he has to get up for work the next day. Hello!!! So do I! Plus, he knows that I have to take the dog for a walk before work and have a much longer commute. So, other than that, I really don't know.

As for not going to his place, I've been doing that this week, mostly because my dog has been sick this week. So I basiclly haven't seen him this week. He does call every night "to check on my dog" and then goes on about how he misses me and missed being with me. I keep telling him that he's welcome to come over and keep me company while I tend to her but he hasn't yet.

"it may be a communication thing."

Ok, so then I need the Scorpios here to help me translate this.

I've asked him, point blank, if we can trade off where we stay and he says "yes" but when it's his turn to come to my place, there's always the "I've got to get up early tomorrow, can we do your house the next time?"

To be honest, I think he gets it. When I bring it up, he always agrees with me. I just don't understand why he won't stick to the agreement unless it's convenient for him.

Yes & No. Mine will do anything for me, get up at 5am if I need him for something which is something I've never had with anyone else. However, I have almost the same problem you do Cj, I don't have a dog but I do have a daughter. My daughter spends the weekends with her father & the week with me. Now during the weekend he has no problem spending every minute with me @ his place ....It's when the week rolls around, he works M-F & then goes to the gym just about everyday after work. If he wants to see me during the week he has to stay at my place, which he does, but he likes to stroll in late at night, usually right when my daughter (who adores him) is about to go to bed. I had a problem with this because I don't want my daughter to feel left out of our relationship, I'm a package deal. We had a talk about this & now he knows......Come over earlier or don't come over at all. So far it's worked 🙂 Good Luck

Cantar,
So how long ago was the talk? I'm curious because whenever we've talked about it, he'd cooperate for a little while.

We had the talk last week, this week has been fine. He went to the gym Monday, Tuesday & Yesterday but came over early yesterday evening & watched a movie with my daughter. He's skipping the gym today to take my daughter fishing & he's taking a half day off work tomorrow so we can take my daughter swimming. I'm hoping the talk worked & he keeps this up 🙂

Yeah I was gonna say that too, could you take your dog with you to his place? or just stop going over there 5 nights a week. If he wants to see you bad enough he'll compromise, I couldn't see myself getting up in the middle of the night all week to drive home then drive back! Screw that! I think you teach people how to treat you & if your willing to go through all that to see him, I see him taking advantage of that in the future. He'll always be expecting you to bend over backwards for him. I'd put a stop to it now.

"Actually, since he likes your dog, would he also be open to you bringing your dog over and you both spending the night there?"

Unfortunately his apartment doesn't allow pets. We've joked about sneaking her in but I don't know how to really sneak in a 65 lb labrador.

"If he wants to see you bad enough he'll compromise"

That's what I'm hoping. This week is a perfect time for me to drive my point home because with my dog being sick and all, I am staying home with her regardless of whether he's there or not.

"I think you teach people how to treat you & if your willing to go through all that to see him, I see him taking advantage of that in the future. He'll always be expecting you to bend over backwards for him. I'd put a stop to it now."

Wow! That really hit home! I know I tend to be overly willing to compromise, not just in this relationship but in many of them. I need to get this engraved because I can see how it would help me with a lot of things in life.

Thanks.

🙂 Nothing wrong with giving & compromising in a relationship....in fact it's a must but it's when you find yourself doing most of the giving & getting little in return that things get hairy, for me, that just causes resentment in myself. I think he'll have more respect for you in the long run if you start saying no to some things.

Duh, I just remembered about the last Scorpio I dated. Actually there were 2.

The first was a long term sorta thing. He would never even come to my house much less sleep here. In 5 years he spent maybe 10 nights here total. He just liked being "home". It was where he felt comfortable. I was an idiot and taking him on his terms only. I'm a Scorpio. I'll go wherever for good sex.

He actually ended up moving in with me, believe it or not. (I still can't!) He was gone 3 months later. Part of the issue was that he felt uncomfortable because this was my house, not his. That seemed to demasuclate (yeah I made that word up) him for some reason. I mean, I kinda get it. If the situation had been reversed, I moved in with him, I might have felt like he had all the power or say about how things would be. Stupid but...

The second one was a casual relationship. His house had been gutted. He ran out of money due to divorce in the midst of a remodel. Actually I think he gutted it so that she wouldn't try to take it but...Well, that shows how territorial us Scorps can be about our "stuff" I guess. I'm guessing it could be more pronounced in the male.

Anyway, this second Scorp had a bed and a computer. That's it. Oh and a fridge. OK, and a bathroom. And a huge mess. There wasn't even drywall on the "walls". It was like a plywood frame, the whole house!

He was a self employed contractor. He made his own hours. He never made it to work before noon so it wasn't like he had to get up early or travel. He didn't want to stay at my place. I always had to go there.

Now, there is nothing wrong with my house!!! I'm conveniently located, middle class suburb, ya know typical suburban soccer mom/nascar dad hell. I mean it's not a show place or anything but it is certainly more appealing than a 2 room apt or a gutted house with nothing but a bed and a computer monitor to watch downloaded movies on.

So, yeah, you might just have to deal with the home is the castle thing...or whatever that is the boys have going on. That and keep in mind that Scorps have less a need for the physical togetherness all the time thing too. He actually just may be wanting a little space/downtime is all. We tend to need that.

All you can do is communicate you wants and needs clearly. He will either satisfy them or he won't. I think you've probably figured out by now you can't mold a man into something you need him to be. He is what he is.

"So, yeah, you might just have to deal with the home is the castle thing...or whatever that is the boys have going on."

This is funny, I was wondering if this was the case with Scorp guys, It seems to be so. Though he comes to my house he'd clearly MUCH rather be at his, Also we just starting talking about moving in together.... we both live in apts which are pretty much the same size, in the same neighborhood....the difference is, mine is cheaper & I have my daughter I'd have to move. Guess who he wants to move? That's right, he wants me to move to his place even though, mine is cheaper & just as nice! Being that he's in school full time & trying to work full time, you'd think he'd opt for the cheaper place but Nooooo, It must be a territory/comfort thing for them 🙂

He know how important my dog is to me. He saw how devasted I was last fall when I lost my other dog of 10 years.

He also has really showed concern over her health this week (which is improving every day BTW). He even had me hold the phone up to her ear last night so he would wish her a good-night. LOL

I'm trying to not put too much stock into this week because I know, with a sick dog and all, I'm stressed and not sleeping too well. Hopefully, now that she is getting better, that will change.

Thank you all for your wonderful messages. I don't post here often but I always come away with some very good, common sense, information.

"Also we just starting talking about moving in together.... we both live in apts which are pretty much the same size, in the same neighborhood....the difference is, mine is cheaper & I have my daughter I'd have to move. Guess who he wants to move?"

We have also been starting to talk about living together as well and I half suspect the reason we never really get past the "in concept" part is because he KNOWS that he'd have to be the one to move in with me or he'd have to get a house where we could have the dog.

Heck, if it's about him having his stuff around...great! His furniture is much nicer than mine anyway. I'd gladly get rid of most of my stuff...just not the dog.

If it's the dog, then he hides it very, very well.

He's always inviting her up on the sofa to "sit on his lap" or to curl up with him in bed after I've gotten up in the morning. A couple weeks ago, I went to take a shower and when I got out he had left and taken her for a walk. He loves to "sneak" her food when he thinks I'm not paying attention.

"I'm a Scorpio. I'll go wherever for good sex"

Well, as established, lately, he hasn't had to because the good sex has been coming to him most nights. VBG

Not saying that it hasn't been well worth the drive and all.

"demasuclate (yeah I made that word up)"

Was that because emasculate was hard to spell?

Been away. Will probably stay away for awhile as the estrogen levels on DXP have reached dangerously nauseous levels. In near record time, these boards will become 100% female.

PP and Shaka will still come, but I will endow on them the title of honorary females. Mutables.

bring the dog over what a mess.

"well, well, well, look who pulled themselves away from the online porn long enough to pop in and say "hello"...scorpio_rising! did you max out your plastic on all those sites already? hmmm??"

Oh god, do I have to guess who reinvented themselves again?

^ this is true

I'm also dating a Scorpio (We both are Scorpio) and at first it was pretty equal. We live about 35 minutes apart from each other and we both have busy schedules. He would come to my house on the weekends and I would go to his house on Wednesday night because I don't have to be at work early like he does. I'm starting to feel him wanting me to come to his house more now and I'm not going to fall for it. This weekend for example... He is supposed to come to my house tonight after he gets off of work, but now he is kind of hinting about how his internet is down and he needs to be home all day tomorrow for the cable company to come. I think he wants me to say that I will come there, but I have to work tomorrow and I don't really want to start the habit of going to his place on the weekends, but if I don't go there, I may not see him at all this weekend because he is going to take his son waverunning early on Sunday morning which he has not invited me to do (which is a whole other issue that I will probably start a thread about) Even though he has legitimate reasons for why he would want me to come there, we women tend to make the man's things more important than our own and after reading this thread it has definitely made my decision easier to say no. If he doesn't want to come to me this weekend than I'm just going to take this weekend to get caught up on my own things that I have been neglecting because of him.

CJ,
It is simple. YES scorp men are this way. Like to control the situation and are sometimes hiporcritical (sp?) You have to show them you mean what you say in order for them to change. Example: Stop sleeping at his place as much during the week and if he wants you as he has been getting you then he will come over there, or be horny! With scorp men you have to show them you mean what you say or they will keep having their way. In my experience.

BTW, they can get set into a routine vey easily and don't like change much.

Yea. I feel they can love, and care for others. But it's more about self survival with them, they are their number one priority, then the family/relationship.

Old thread.
Anyway, I know 4 Scorp guys who were all roommates. yeeeaaahhh. It's an interesting household. They passed women around like they were a piece of candy. I'm not joking. They laughed about it, compared notes... it was gross to be honest. They didn't even pretend to be nice to the girls. They were pricks about everything.
BUT one of them ended up finding "the One". He treated her like a queen. Everything was about her. He was willing to go out of his way 10 fold for her. The others treated her with the same respect. She was protected (overly) by ALL of them in the house. If her BF couldn't give her a ride one of the other guys would step up to do it. They were gentlemen to her.
What I'm saying is if a Scorpio likes you and respects you enough they will move mountains for you. They will change whatever you ask them to (within reason) for you to keep you happy.
If you mean jack to them.... they don't give a rats ass about your feelings. Period. Nada. Zip. You could be telling them your whole life sob story and it wouldn't move them an inch if they don't care. So selfish and self centered.... yeah.... if they don't give a shit about you.

As for the Scorpio 4 I'm talking about they are too arrogant to think that if they are nice to someone they are "awesome" enough for people too fall at their feet and for women to whip their panties down. They are "God's gift" and I don't think it registers that someone could hate them let alone not give them what they want. I'm serious. Sadly ...........and strangely it works. But but but... not on me. At all. Period. I know how they operate. Thank goodness.