epiphany

it seems you can't deny your feelings forever and at some stage, all the forcing to the back of the mind of things you can't or don't want to deal with, inevitably, at some stage, resurface with HUGE impact.

this happened to me today. while i was walking lola the dog acutaly. it was actually a good thing too, as it always should be to confront these things. i'll explain.

in august i had the aforementioned (many times) 'thing' with a leo. he didn't actually dump me as such but put me on hold while he sorted some mind fuck out. i was upset but it wasn't the end of the world and before long, after he'd said that, he was sniffing around me again.

he was still sniffing around when my then 15 year old son (who shares the same first name as the leo coinicidentally), returned to the UK to live with his father. i'm uber close to my son and although i was obviously sad to see him go (understatement, cos i wanted to attach myself to his ankles to stop him leaving), he had told me he wanted to pursue a career in pro football and there were more opportunities there and i know he is so passionate about it that of course, it was best that he follow his dream.

then about a week after, the leo insulted me really badly and i unleashed a pretty vicious onslaught on him which he totally deserved.

when i last saw him, it was the day after my son's 16th birthday and so i was a wreck as it had been emotional for me. i told the leo i didn't want to speak to him and walked away but then i had this weird emotional sliding doors moment and suddenly, i was feeling so bad cos of the leo.

from that point, i got really sick with stress over what i thought was the leo but actually, it was cos i missed by baby boy so much!!

now i realise that all those months of suffering had nothing whatsoever to do with the leo and everything to do with me feeling heartbroken about my son not being around every day as he had been since birth 😢

and now i know, i feel really free. cos it's an ok thing to miss your son this much isn't it? i just didn't want to admit it to myself cos i thought it was selfish of me to feel that when all he is doing is pursuing his dream and i speak to him and he talks with the same passion and determination to get there...and is already on his way. he got accepted to a football academy where he will get academic and football training with a pro team.

i feel so relieved that i'm not a stupid lovestruck dumbfuck, i can't tell you!!!

OH MY FUCKING GOD ..... Rox, it's you !!!


No wonder I like you.


Who said that


:: looks from side to side ::

Dan is fine, he's a Virgo afterall.

::: looks around :::


I don't see your harem. Where's tollbooth, and the Aries? Normally, they are at your heels, waiting with baited breath to have the opportunity to protect you from ME


Which is rather funny, since you're the big bad Scorpion and I'm the little Fish

well hello P! long time no see. never forgot you...how can anyone? hmmm...the harem you refer to went on to become friends and we chat often on fb. not been here for years. not even tempted to lurk.

dan's cool. he'll be great 🙂

i'm not a big bad scorpion btw. i'm also not quite the person i was either.

thank fuck for that!!!!! LOL...good to see ya 😉

shall it be duelling pistols or swords my dear? 😛

or shall we stick to razor wit 😄

It depends ... are you still playing your husband?

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s

i'm also not quite the person i was either.

It's doubtful that people change .. considering they seem to find themselves in the same scenarios. They just learn to disguise it better, or find a better excuse to tell themselves, so the guilt won't set it.

my ex husband has been living in the uk for about 2 years now with the woman he had the fling with before we even moved to spain which is now 8 years ago or thereabouts? no. i don't play him. i don't play anyone any more P. not in the virtual world at least 😛

i have no guilt. i have no conscience. it's not a good thing but it's a fact nevertheless.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s

i'm also not quite the person i was either.

It's doubtful that people change .. considering they seem to find themselves in the same scenarios. They just learn to disguise it better, or find a better excuse to tell themselves, so the guilt won't set it.

click to expand

there are plenty of things that happen in life to change us. it's called growing up. it's a process. shit happens. mistakes are made. the wise ones draw from those things and make the changes needed to prevent it from happening again. it's how we mature.

but then some people aren't as wise and they never change which is a shame, but only for themselves 🙂

take my ex husband for example. he was broken when our marriage ended but he did some bad things and had some responsibility for it ending too. it took him a while but now he is really happy in his current relationship and i'm really happy for him. it's a bit strained between us cos i'm still in spain with my daughter but he sees her often and i now have the same situation of missing my son. but in many respect its really good cos dan's relationship with his dad has not been very good in the past few years. dan lost respect for him and though he loves him, my ex hurt him when we split cos he used the fact that dan and i was so close to lump him in with me with his insults. remember, he screamed in his face when he was 13 that he was a lying shit, like his mother.

but even my ex husband changed. almost beyond recognition. and i'm happy for him. genuinely. the love died between us years before we split.

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s

my ex husband has been living in the uk for about 2 years now with the woman he had the fling with before we even moved to spain

He's still with the same Bimbo?

He makes a lousy Aries, then .... if he can last that long in a relationship.

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s

no. i don't play him. i don't play anyone any more P.

i have no guilt. i have no conscience. it's not a good thing but it's a fact nevertheless.

click to expand

Not having those things are why you can easily play ... because without that, there is no remorse.

Let's hope you don't .. that's why I was pissed off at you, you know. Just because he's a fucker, doesn't mean it's ok for you to be one back to him. You lowered yourself to be the same level of fucker he was, and it infuriated the piss out of me.


Well, welcome back 😄 ... I can play nice !!

you can't get to me this time P cos i own it...good or bad.

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s

remember, he screamed in his face when he was 13 that he was a lying shit, like his mother.

but even my ex husband changed. almost beyond recognition. and i'm happy for him. genuinely.

Yeah, I remember how much of a dickhead he was to Dan, who could never understand why his father was so disappointed in him all the time. 😢 ... that's a very difficult pill to swallow for a young Virgo, who's naturally inclined to please those they love.

He changed? No shit? He doesn't fuck with your head anylonger? at all?

So, what happened? did he find god, or some shit?

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
you can't get to me this time P cos i own it...good or bad.

why did you say that .. does it sound like I'm trying to get to you

yeah, you can play very nice. awesomely so. but then you kind of flip out on people for no apparent reason it seems. it's intimidating for some cos you always sound so fuckin' plausible in your arguments. but i know that you are a literal lady and sometimes that means you get things very wrong. you see flaws as pathetic weaknesses. relationship woes are trivial and meaningless to you (although most times, you have a very good point, lol).

the lack of conscience constantly worries me. it's combined with a lack of emotion too unless relating to my kids it seems. i'm trying to work on this cos i want to feel stuff like normal people do. i wanna go walking on the beach with a really cool guy and discuss...i dunno...stuff that i wanna discuss...and have romantic meals and get swept away and shizz too!

but i am 'like a stone' apparently. 'hard as a coffin nail' some guy said to me. and i don't wanna be 😢

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s

but then you kind of flip out on people for no apparent reason it seems. it's intimidating for some cos you always sound so fuckin' plausible in your arguments. but i know that you are a literal lady and sometimes that means you get things very wrong. you see flaws as pathetic weaknesses. relationship woes are trivial and meaningless to you (although most times, you have a very good point, lol).

(

my damn brain doesn't work like everyone else's, Roxanne 😢

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s

the lack of conscience constantly worries me. it's combined with a lack of emotion too unless relating to my kids it seems. i'm trying to work on this cos i want to feel stuff like normal people do. i wanna go walking on the beach with a really cool guy and discuss...i dunno...stuff that i wanna discuss...and have romantic meals and get swept away and shizz too!

but i am 'like a stone' apparently. 'hard as a coffin nail' some guy said to me. and i don't wanna be 😢

click to expand

But, it's just being a Scorpio. Part of the Beasts' nature.

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s

but then you kind of flip out on people for no apparent reason it seems. it's intimidating for some cos you always sound so fuckin' plausible in your arguments. but i know that you are a literal lady and sometimes that means you get things very wrong. you see flaws as pathetic weaknesses. relationship woes are trivial and meaningless to you (although most times, you have a very good point, lol).

(

my damn brain doesn't work like everyone else's, Roxanne 😢

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s

the lack of conscience constantly worries me. it's combined with a lack of emotion too unless relating to my kids it seems. i'm trying to work on this cos i want to feel stuff like normal people do. i wanna go walking on the beach with a really cool guy and discuss...i dunno...stuff that i wanna discuss...and have romantic meals and get swept away and shizz too!

but i am 'like a stone' apparently. 'hard as a coffin nail' some guy said to me. and i don't wanna be 😢

click to expand

But, it's just being a Scorpio. Part of the Beasts' nature.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
you can't get to me this time P cos i own it...good or bad.

why did you say that .. does it sound like I'm trying to get to you

click to expand

well...to be honest p, you did hurt me actually. i thought we were friends but then you lost all understanding of me and i appreciate now why that is btw, but at the time i didn't get it. i was too far up myself to.

the ex is happy now cos he found his true love. she had a thing with his best friend for two years. i asked him how it felt to know he'd fucked her too, lol...he pulled an icky face, LOL. still not great with dan thought. unbelievably, for a musician that was constantly told to forget his dream and get a normal job by his parents, he is now telling dan to ease up on the football to concentrate on this gcse's (the english high school cert..whatever you guys call it). he's such a clever kid though (like his mother natch) that he's already passed most of the exams and is way ahead of the english kids. he even managed to get the highest grade ever in english language despite only ever learning it as a second language in spain (you know, grammar and stuff). my genius manchild. you wouldn't believe how gorgeous he is. lost his cherry in the summer. couldn't wait to give me the damn details. i turned it into a metaphor of going on a car journey. he told me that he had taken 6 girls for a ride that week and reached his final destination with 2, lol. i asked if he wore a safety belt and he said 'yeah, well that's why i borrowed ?

you have a great brain p. sometimes you see things with such clarity as to make it seem blindingly obvious. that's the positive side and it's a great positive side to have 🙂 the negative is that sometimes you see things through fuzzy eyes and it gives you a distorted view of things. but it's a great brain. the potential upside which i'm sure you're aspiring to, would be quite phenomenal. i've found out a lot about your 'situation' let's say, since speaking to you last.

sultrybanana...who were you in a previous existence here?

i'm not american btw although today, i am mostly wearing abercrombie & fitch...does that count?

anyway. to topic. i also have a teenage daughter...well almost cos she's 13 in april (aries sun, scorp rising eeeek). i'm almost ashamed to say that i have a totally different view towards my son losing his virginity than i have my daughter. LOL....i have to WARN my daughter about boys like my SON!!!

omg...it's confusing and a little bit double standards of me but.......the boy did good!! he started the summer lacking confidence with girls. worked out like a mentalist and got seriously buff and then boosted his confidence further by becoming a babe magnet. my boy became a man.

and he's a good boy too cos he respects girls...he and i have a great relationship which will help him in the future to have a good relationship. but not just yet of course cos he's only ickle still.

kids are gonna do what they're gonna do. all we can do is guide them in the right direction. i didn't want to get into a situation my oldest brother was in when he answered the door to a couple claiming to be the grandparents of his son's KID!! his son was only 15 at the time and had been secretly supporting this baby for 8 months before my bro found out. all ended well but he nearly had heart failure when he became a grandad at 33!!

letitbe: (can't find my asterisks 😢) thanks for that. i can't believe i wasted all that time thinking it was some knobhead that broke my heart and when i realised it kind of fixed my heart a little bit. as long as my son doesn't know he broke it, cos he couldn't bear it, i'll be fine. i just had a chat with my daughter about it...she was pretty relieved that i was over the leo too, lol. gave me a bit of a lecture really. wonder who the parent's sposed to be some of the time.

sultrybanana: i remember flipflop. you's a little bit craaazy i think. fabulous. keep it up. this is sposed to be a good place to hang out with a little heated debate thrown in for good measure. i love some of the things you come out with. makes me LOL gf 🙂

yeah i was roxi btw (feels weird saying that when it's my name, lol)..still a writer but actually getting paid shitloads for a change. it's taken a while of crawling through poverty though (i exaggerate somewhat of course) but to get paid for doing what you love doing is just the greatest thing ever 🙂