Heart to heart convo

here is more of the drama. i had an open heart to heart with my scorp last night. to make a long story short. he loves me and in love with me and fatefull and not interested in meeting someone else and all that stuff but he won't move in with me (because he needs his "me" space) and won't marry me because he's not ready for it now and doesn't know how long. he thought that at some point i would get tired of him and break it off. he was thinking about walking away but the thought hurt him. both of didn't expect it to grow into a relationship and it has. i knew that there was something missing and he said that he didn't want get too vulnerable with me and get me involved in his life too much to protect me emotionally. plus his views on marraige aren't traditional. frankly, i don't care about the marriage license paper but care about the value of marriage. i know he's working on building his business and all of this is kind of an excuse. he's all over me and i know he loves me and i love him back. i don't want to be one of those women who make excuses and will try to make him understand that i'm the one. i appreciate his honesty but i have to say i thought we could make it work since we're so good together. i asked him if i should start dating other men and he said he trusts me to make the right decisions. wtf— recently, i annoyed him that his profile on facebook said that he was single and after i said it, he changed it to married and put a pic of him and me there. i'm on the verge of tears because i put real emotions into it and wanted it to work. i know he's scared that i walk away. i'm not ready to walk away and don't know what to do.

not looking forward to dating at all. do you think he'll be pursuing me if i do? i don't think so because he told that one of the things he's with me because he trusts me and doesn't have to wonder where i am and what i do. i thought i'd settle down with him and things were pointing to it. doesn't two ppl being together and being fateful to each other isn't a commintment? do you have to have a piece of paper for that when 50% of marriages end up in divorce?

i know facebook is silly and all but every little silly thing matters.

he doesn't seem like a passionate person and we always have great sex. he always says how turned on he's by me and all. what kind of drama do you mean here? screaming and throwing things?

i'm not sure if he's capable of letting himself feel so much. i think i'm one of the very few women who "made" him feel and actually express how he feels. he's always very effectionate and i don't think you can fake that. he said his past relationships have an impact on everything. so, if he wants out why he told me that he loves and me i know he does.

we've know each other for about a year now. he always tells me how good i make him feel and how special the relatinship is to him. we're very sexually compatible. do you think turning up sex will help the overall relationship?

thanks for the useful input🙂

Aries, I think you left out a very important detail in your story, this question has already been asked & you didn't answer....... How long have you two been together?

"I'm the type where actions and words matter, so they kinda need to coordinate."

^^^^^^^^ I agree 🙂

"I thought it was whatever he SHOWS you, he feels for you. I thought his actions were supposedly what mattered,"

^^^^^^^^ Yes can we PLEASE make up our minds about this! Is it actions or words? LOL

CanTaur- we've known each other for about a year now

"I thought it was whatever he SHOWS you, he feels for you. I thought his actions were supposedly what mattered, but I'm the type where actions and words matter, so they kinda need to coordinate." - i'm action/words person too. more action though. well, if there is an issue and i bring it up then he really tries to change it for the best

fumingli_scorp - I really wish it would be the way you explain it since it'd be perfect for me as well. I'm not trying to get "married" tommorrow or even get that piece of paper. i was married before and i know that the paper means nothging. i want a stable loving mutually satisfying relationship with a compatible partner. i told him that i want a stable relationship at this point of my life and he said he wants to give it to me.

I'm gonna play devils advocate here 🙂

"he thought that at some point i would get tired of him and break it off. he was thinking about walking away but the thought hurt him."

^^^^^ This sounds like insecurity to me, he's afraid of getting hurt again, worried she'll break it off so he's hesitant to move forward? Plus I've heard over & over again on here how Scorps won't stick around if they don't see it going anywhere or they aren't into it.

"he said that he didn't want get too vulnerable with me and get me involved in his life too much to protect me emotionally."

^^^^^^^ Ummm how about to protect HIMSELF emotionally?

"i asked him if i should start dating other men and he said he trusts me to make the right decisions."

^^^^^^^^ TEST!!!!! He didn't give a straight forward answer cuz he wants to see what choice she'll make all on her own. She chooses to date other people & he'll be done with her.

well, all of you are right in some points. some ppl even scorps don't have "heart on their sleeves" and go after you like crazy. i know some scorps that are total comitment phobiacs with a partner they truly love. yes, he doesn't want to see whether or not i'll be dating. it's a 50% /50% chance so, i know either way i won't win. i'll date someone i'll lose him. i don't date and we won't work out at the end then i'll feel like a looser. so, there is no winning here. he does try to protect himself more than me. it's obvious and self preservation. what would i win if i'll walk away now? i'm not going to be pushing for anything and hope that everything will work out in a positive way either way.
and it's funny the way different scorps give opposite response to the same thing. i'm so confused

i want stability and a compatible partner. i thought i found it in him. i'm not one of those women who will push a guy to commit if he isn't ready. i'll leave my life. if i knew for sure it was a stupid test then i'd pass with no worries about it. when ppl want to break off a relationship they don't say i love you and other stuff. i know he didn't say it to shut me up. basically he said he wants to be with me but there is no guarantees (if you think about it married ppl get divorced left and right). and i want to be with him. he said that he knows that the relationship is naturally progressing 100% because he's holding back. so, he knows what's going on and i don't have to point it out to him. it's eating me up inside and i know he's worried as well. should i don't bring the convo again or let him know that i'm not ready to move in just yet and don't care about marriage with a paper so much. i asked him if he thinks that he thinks that he'd ever have the same level of comfort with a woman he has with me and he said he didn't think of that but something to think about.

Aries, sounds to me like your creating a problem where there is none. Your saying that he loves you, wants to be with you etc. So what is the problem? You want more from him right now? There is a reason why he won't/can't give that to you right now, you said he's trying to start up a business correct? You said that was a stupid excuse or something along those lines.... I've never started a business but I'd imagine it's super stressful & he probably doesn't have a lot of time for you. Is that it? Maybe your feeling insecure about where your relationship is. I do think that if you push him into doing something he's not ready for that will lessen the chances of things working out.

ariesgirl: i know facebook is silly and all but every little silly thing matters.

it isn't silly to get pissed off with facebook. i deleted my profile cos it pissed me off so much and other people viewing it even more!

well, i just emailed him how i felt about the situation. everything was done in a positive way which how i feel. and i came off a bit vulnerable and addmited it but not needy at all. i told him i enjoyed being with him as much as he said he enjoyed being with me. and understanding for the life style demand and such. i don't care what happens next. if we meant to be then we will if not then not. hoping for the positive outcome whatever it is. at this point, i have nothing to loose. that's so much drama for my taste🙂

I agree with fumingli_scorp. I think he's past the overly possessive phase and wants you to do what's best for you. Even if that means you leaving him. That's love. I say hang in there, I wouldn't want to get married after just a year. Trust your gut!!!!!!! What is it really telling you? You already know what you want to do.

there was no actual talk about breaking up between us. it's pretty much left up to me which way to go. i want to be with him but don't want to get hurt at the end. i know he'll have a much easier time hooking up with other women then me because of the nature of his social environment so, in that matter it's unfair to me.
he didn't tell me to date other ppl. i asked him if the opportunity comes then should i take it on? and he said i should make the right decision.
he didn't respond to my email but we had other communications after wards and it was like nothing happened. he was busy last night and could't come over.
he wasn't divorced before but had a string of unhealthy relationships. he mentioned that he has a commitment phobia but who doesn't? i do too. not sure what's going to happen next but in any case i want a positive outcome.

I'm sorry if this comes across the wrong way because I don't mean it to but I don't get what the problem is? Why are you even contemplating breaking things off or dating other people? You keep saying that he loves you & you love him & that you both want to stay together soooo did I miss something?

So I could be completely wrong here but I'll tell you what I get from your posts. You wanted the relationship to move forward after a year, at least moving in together if not marriage & you didn't get the reaction that you'd hoped for. This caused you to question his expectations or motivations in the relationship, over analyzed & caused you to become insecure. This is when you start the "should I date others" convo, again you didn't get the reaction you had hoped for BUT you throwing that question out there to him comes across as a ultimatum/threat/manipulation to try to get the reactions that you wanted from him to begin with. Sounds to me like your sabotaging a relationship that seemed to be going fine.

not sabotaging at all and actually wanting it to work out. i would feel way more secure and more confident in that relationship without that particular convo if you think about it. it bothers me a little that he didn't give back any response to my email.
"This caused you to question his expectations or motivations in the relationship, over analyzed & caused you to become insecure. " - yes. basically he says he loves me but if i want to go away then it would be a smarter thing for me to do. wtf— how would you take it? i want you but don't want to be with you 100% ? i am feeling rather emotionally right now and not sure. any advice to shake it off?

when did he say he didn't want to be with you 100% ? Did he actually say those words? I went back & re-read your posts & this was all I found:

"i told him that i want a stable relationship at this point of my life and he said he wants to give it to me."

So now I'm confused lol

exactly! that's is my point that i'm confused too!!! he says one thing then another thing and then another thing but still holding on to me and not letting go but if i want to go then i should do what's right for him. i want to be with you but i have commitment issues. and other things as well.
my instinct tells me to stay and to go at the same time.

thanks for the advice!!!

am3- you're so right on the $ !!! that's exactly what's going on. my scorp is the one who constantly dropped some "future" hints. like: on my to do list is to have a kid, you'll be in charge of decorating, did you ever looked at me as a long term prospect. he's the one who always brought up any "relationship related talks" now i'm wondering if he did because he was interested in long term or he just wanted where i stand.

emotional fucktard - i like that lol