i think my libra's broken...

hi. im a scorprio female currently seeing a libra male. he's a real sweetheart and he means well, but he's lazy. he lets really stupid things bother him and uses petty things i call his 'crutch' for not improving himself. all he wants to do is lay around, smoke and drink. he'll work when pushed. he has a 'i dont give a damn' attitude. he knows what to do better his life. he doesnt seem interested. then he acts like i should be satisfied. i shouldnt have to babysit a grown man. in the beginning i tried uplifting and encouraging him, but in the end he still did nothing. now im getting fed up. he's sweet to me but that's not gonna secure a roof over his head. neither is his attitude.

on top of that...um libras are supposed to love beauty and nice surroundings right? well, mine is very messy. the way he kept his house was terrible. i've been over a lot and it was ALWAYS messy. no exaggeration. his personal apperance is messy. chapped lips, dirty hair, dirty fingernails, wild facial hair. im not just complaining. i've tried helping him so much i feel like a mother than a girlfriend. i have to tell him to buy chap stick. get his hair cut. clean the house sometimes. im tired of it now. i dont want to leave but i dont want a partner like this. i want a man that knows what to do. im not his first girlfriend. he should know how a man should keep himself.

so what do i do? try to get through to him or leave? and if i try to get through to him, HOW will i do it? need some help here....

He's messy? Ew. Leave. Seriously.
It's ridiclous for a grown man not to know that washing his hair is a must. How do you even touch him? Does he smell?
*shudders*

Haha. Sometimes my guy will pull that crap and I'll say something.
He says it's just his manly musk.
I tell him "Yeah whatever you just plain reek! Go shower". LOL
I let him slide a little because of his Army days. I'll train him yet 😉

Some people are just unclean whether that is just around the home or personally as well. He wont change if he doesn't want to himself so the choice is yours and whether you are prepared to have this type of person around!

They say the character Edward from Twilight is one of these type in real life...dirty!!! Yuk!

My question is ... if he was like this from day one, and you didn't like how he kept himself from day one ... then why are you currently experiencing him past that day?

In your post .... the only nice thing you said about him is that he's a sweetheart and means well .. after that initial 6 words to put up here so we will be left with an impression that you mean well when you bash him .. you then spent 2 paragraphs complaining about his attributes, behaviours, and flaws that you don't like.


Hmm ... 2 things you do like versus 2 paragraphs filled with things you don't like.



Why is this? Because you were looking for someone to fix and decided that he wasn't?

And you would really have the audacity to question him? When the only reason you even stayed with him is because you wanted to fix something to suit you, rather than having something as is to cherish.

"he's sweet to me but that's not gonna secure a roof over his head. neither is his attitude."

^^^^^^^^^^ .. oh, I think I get it now ... you are looking for a roof over your head, so this is about materialistic .. you thought you could tolerate him so long as he provided AND was willing to change .... but, he can only do one of those, which is provide something to you and you just don't think it's worth tolerating to have this provision unless he is willing to change along the way.


Fuck that he means well .. that isn't important .. fuck that.

A woman would rather have superficial and undearing feelings ... and a roof, in which the man under this roof he provided is perfect according soley to the woman's standards.

Oh, I see I mis-read that .. pardon.


It's not a roof over your head for the securing ... it's one over HIS head.


What is that suppose to mean?


"he's sweet to me but that's not gonna secure a roof over his head. neither is his attitude."


Excuse me? Is that really impying what I think it is?

None of this makes sense to me ... why would you, or anybody else, get into a relationship in which you didn't like the other persons standards of living?


How many times does a person have to be told that you cannot change anybody except yourself before this finally sinks in?


From day ONE you didn't like the way he lived ..... so what the fuck?

This man isn't broken or defective ... there is nothing wrong with him.

He is himself, and that's the only person he needs to be.


The broken person is yourself .... for you are the one who didn't like his standard of living, and agreed to a relationship, regardless .. to your own unhappiness.


That makes YOU broken .. not him.

That's so sad .. and there's no way to wake the person up .. Lord knows I've tried.


Nice, mean, beat-around-the-bush, obvious, by example, beat-over-the-head, vague and dropping hints, direct, holding hand, put back against the wall, consequence mentioning .. the list goes on.


People are blind by their emotions ... they cannot see anything except what their emotions at each particular moment tell them.

And what's even sadder is that ^^^^^^^^ .. because inevitably, when they find thierselves at this place again in their life, they will do it again, and again, and again ... until they wake up.

No matter how many times the same mistake is made ... it will be made again, to the same outcome .... because people are blinded by their emotions in the moment, and cannot recognize past or future.

first off, im with him because despite these issues cos i can see a good person. he always makes sure that i am okay and doing fine. he does sacrifice and his heart is pure. a lot of men only do things for women for pleasure in return. he's not like that. he actually cares for me. but i dont think he cares for himself. i care for him and i tell him that he should take some time and think about himself first instead of me. or maybe he is too lazy to think of himself - maybe he sees grooming and cleaning as too much work. i dont know what his problem is. i tell him to take his money and do something for himself. he does - he buys smokes and booze and video games.

and i say his attitude wont put a roof over his head because he is currently living with one of his friends. he used to have his own apartment but got kicked out cos he wouldnt pay rent or keep the place up. this has nothing to do with me wanting to change him or his house. hell, he can have his place upside down for all i care. just clean it up! i told him if we ever live together, he cant bring his nasty ways with him. its a shame i have to push him to do the basics. when he does finally get cleaned up he looks 100 percent better and he knows it. all of our friends tell him and try to keep him on his toes too. but in the end he always goes back to his bad ways. i guess i have to leave him. i dont want to but i dont want to keep going thru the same shit.

oh yeah, Bella - there is nothing wrong with my self esteem. i'm just not one of those girls that looks on the surface only. if i were i would have never gave him a second of my time. maybe theres some faith that he'll snap out of it. fading faith...

and P-Angel - first of all i am not trying to change him. no one's holding a gun to his head and forcing him to change. in the beginning when we met, i had no clue how gross this person was. we met in school and for a while we'd hang out there in the library and then we started going out. it wasnt until he finally brought me over to his place that i saw what his living style was. first time i thought he didnt have time to clean up. but then when i started to frequent, i learned that wasnt the case. and dont try to turn this on me. everybody with half a brain knows that when you wake up, you wash, shower, clean yourself before going out. i didnt know he was defective until we took this thing deeper. do you think that if i knew right off bat, i would have taken him? absolutely not.

and thank you, Moon Eyes. you worded your statement beautifully.

"and P-Angel - first of all i am not trying to change him"


"its a shame i have to push him to do the basics"

-----------------------------------------

"no one's holding a gun to his head and forcing him to change."

"i told him if we ever live together, he cant bring his nasty ways with him."

-----------------------------------------

"the beginning when we met, i had no clue how gross this person was."


****** you don't deserve him, hopefully one day he opens his eyes and realizes he has a woman who regards him as gross.

I agree with p-angel on this one.......this man is only being himself and he had to be this same way when you fell in love with him...dont put him down and talk about him on the internet like that...speak highly of him and I guarantee you will see some improvement...

by the way....why do you love him?...you never mention that

talk about him on the net? please! we go thru this face to face everyday damn near. you learn good grooming habits when you're freaking 5! some of this is just plain common sense. i bet if i leave and he gets another girl she'd be going thru the same thing unless she didnt give a damn like him. i didnt know he was like this until he let me in deeper. then thats when the brick wall came. like 'whoa. hold on. something's not right here.'

and all im saying is if i can get up and shower and groom every morning, WITHOUT being told, why can't he? shower, slick his hair back, brush his teeth, put on clean clothes. wow. im REALLY pushing him to change.

and i love him because he loves me. simple as that. but i dont love his ways and bummy attitude. i can love the person but not their ways. and i've tried to go along with this shit, but i'm tired now. he says he wants to take care of me, but how can he do that if he cant take care of himself? he doesnt want me taking care of him. so what am i supposed to do? sit there in filth with him? dont think so.

and thanks, Ariessun. appreciations.