is anyone awake?

Hi,
It's really late where i'm posting from. I have no one to talk to right now and i need help.
is anyone around? please?

here for you 🙂

Yep

whats up?

Yep

Thank you 🙂
It's just that, i'm feeling so lonely right now.
I find it really hard to keep up with friends and connect with people. I really do try though. But since i'm quite introverted, i get busy and find it exhausting to keep up with friendships.
i made a resolution to reach out to one person everyday, today was day 12 and it's just so hard.
People on fb are getting married and have so many friends. i feel worse, like there's something wrong with me for not having too many friends.

Can you give me some advice?

dont be too hard on yourself. i dont have a lot of friends either admittedly for the same reasons but we do what we can. you are making an effort and that speaks miles. everyone is different. some people hold many friends--superficial or otherwise--and have loads of time and energy to pour into them. others have few close individuals they devote their time to. it's just a part of being an individual. i think youre going about it the right way tho with you efforts. see how many people you've already reached out to that probably needed it in return?! i did :-) so thanks!

🙂 that's so sweet of you. @AbbyNormal
Time and energy for friends, that really resonates with me, because i really seem to have none.
With a personality like mine, it's easy to get lonely and it's not even my friend's fault because they don't know how i feel since i keep to myself a lot.
I get lost in my own head during the day so easily.

Do you ever feel lonely? how do you manage when you do?

nothing is wrong with having few friends. Most scorpios (I'm assuming you are one?) keep only one or two true friends. I admit, I have been getting really antisocial the past year, but it did bring me really close to my scorpio bff. I don't give two shits about the others, but the more attention I can give to my beloved ones, including my family, boyfriend and bff. By trying to reach out to many different people, you are just exhausting yourself. Try finding someone or few people (unless you already have someone) who you really feel you can trust, and who you feel on the same wavelength. Try having fewer but more meaningful conversations rather than many shallow ones. QUALITY OVER QUANTITY!
I am an introvert myself, and open up to very few people if even. But it's also my pride. Just never try to adapt to the rest just because you feel like that's how it's supposed to be. Be yourself and if you feel more comfortable with few people and friends around you, build on that! Take pride in your personality, it just makes you more interesting.
*sending you some love*

@starwars
yes, i guess i need to focus my energies on people who understand how i am. Right now i'm back in my home town which is a small place and my closest friends live in other cities and countries.
most people are extroverts or are ok with small talk. i find it hard to communicate about well, nothing. so finding like minded people is challenging.

But, you're right, it shouldn't feel like a chore.

@vixen
🙂 thank you. Yeah, life is disappointing. So true.
20s are hard, your friends are busy in their own chaotic lives and you feel like you're losing them at the same time, it takes time to cultivate new friendships.

i need to learn to accept myself and be at peace with who i am. having less friends doesn't make me a bad person, does it?

Alone time... Beautiful... Wish I had more of it!!

Don't pay much attention to what you see on social media. People mainly put the 'good' photos up as no one wants to publicly document the shit times.

@aquamila
yes, i'm a scorpio with a cancer moon and a cap rising. (dangerous combination, really)
I don't have a bff in the city where i live currently, so i really miss having real proper conversations.

Yeah, i should focus on people i like hanging out with, my worth isn't measured by the number of friends,i have, right?

These spells of loneliness are a little hard though. I've been distracting myself with books and work but nights are difficult. Maybe it's just a difficult transit. hopefully, it'll pass soon.

🙂 Thank you

@AgentP911

🙂 i should learn to enjoy my alone time then. guess it's time to take a social media break.

Posted by ninaP
🙂 that's so sweet of you. @AbbyNormal
Time and energy for friends, that really resonates with me, because i really seem to have none.
With a personality like mine, it's easy to get lonely and it's not even my friend's fault because they don't know how i feel since i keep to myself a lot.
I get lost in my own head during the day so easily.

Do you ever feel lonely? how do you manage when you do?

well ive learned a closed mouth never gets fed. so i ask for help if i need it. it's only something thats come in time for me, now in my 30s. but it definitely helps in times of feeling lonely. i have always felt very misunderstood but only as of late have i come to appreciate my individuality as much as i do and cherish my "me" time. im always in my head and that can be my greatest sanctuary or prison--it's all in my perspective. overwhelming feelings can cause me to reach out and i have particular friends (or pets lol) who are there for me in such times.

Posted by Vixen2

Posted by ninaP
@vixen
🙂 thank you. Yeah, life is disappointing. So true.
20s are hard, your friends are busy in their own chaotic lives and you feel like you're losing them at the same time, it takes time to cultivate new friendships.

i need to learn to accept myself and be at peace with who i am. having less friends doesn't make me a bad person, does it?

Absolutely not!

Is it not better to have less real friends then alot of friends that are superficial or a numbers game?

Life has a way of working out. It's really tough and most of us a dealt with bad hands that we have to accept and learn to overcome. It's just the way it is.

I have friends that I am their only friend. They want it that way and like it that way. Not all of us can have a ton of life long friends that we carry with us from childhood...

Never compare yourself to others...it's a very hard skill to master but you'll get there.

click to expand

It is a hard skill...hopefully i'll learn this lesson soon...

Thank you 🙂

Posted by AbbyNormal

Posted by ninaP
🙂 that's so sweet of you. @AbbyNormal
Time and energy for friends, that really resonates with me, because i really seem to have none.
With a personality like mine, it's easy to get lonely and it's not even my friend's fault because they don't know how i feel since i keep to myself a lot.
I get lost in my own head during the day so easily.

Do you ever feel lonely? how do you manage when you do?

well ive learned a closed mouth never gets fed. so i ask for help if i need it. it's only something thats come in time for me, now in my 30s. but it definitely helps in times of feeling lonely. i have always felt very misunderstood but only as of late have i come to appreciate my individuality as much as i do and cherish my "me" time. im always in my head and that can be my greatest sanctuary or prison--it's all in my perspective. overwhelming feelings can cause me to reach out and i have particular friends (or pets lol) who are there for me in such times.

click to expand

Greatest sanctuary or prison.

oh god, yes. Sometimes i wish i could just let myself live. Not think, not analyse, just be.

feeling misunderstood, again so true.

Maybe it's an age thing, but i still have to be friends with myself first. Accept myself for who i am.

Posted by starlover
A few good friends are worth a crowd of acquaintances

🙂 as i read it. I know it's true.
But it's so hard to implement it in real life. I'll keep working on it.

Posted by Vixen2

Posted by ninaP

Posted by Vixen2

Posted by ninaP
@vixen
🙂 thank you. Yeah, life is disappointing. So true.
20s are hard, your friends are busy in their own chaotic lives and you feel like you're losing them at the same time, it takes time to cultivate new friendships.

i need to learn to accept myself and be at peace with who i am. having less friends doesn't make me a bad person, does it?

Absolutely not!

Is it not better to have less real friends then alot of friends that are superficial or a numbers game?

Life has a way of working out. It's really tough and most of us a dealt with bad hands that we have to accept and learn to overcome. It's just the way it is.

I have friends that I am their only friend. They want it that way and like it that way. Not all of us can have a ton of life long friends that we carry with us from childhood...

Never compare yourself to others...it's a very hard skill to master but you'll get there.

It is a hard skill...hopefully i'll learn this lesson soon...

Thank you 🙂

some of us take a longer time in getting there...

I didn't get there until I hit 30...

as evidenced by some behaviors on this forum...some don't ever get there it seems 😉

click to expand

😄
you're so sweet. i feel better already 🙂

I feel this way a lot, too. Reading over this thread, I was reminded about a site I used to use. You send and receive post cards to randomly paired people around the world. It may help with the loneliness...or not. It's called postcrossing. It's at least exciting to wake up to some mail.

And hey, good luck.

Posted by ninaP
@aquamila
yes, i'm a scorpio with a cancer moon and a cap rising. (dangerous combination, really)
I don't have a bff in the city where i live currently, so i really miss having real proper conversations.

Yeah, i should focus on people i like hanging out with, my worth isn't measured by the number of friends,i have, right?

These spells of loneliness are a little hard though. I've been distracting myself with books and work but nights are difficult. Maybe it's just a difficult transit. hopefully, it'll pass soon.

🙂 Thank you

I would suggest you use all the free time you get when you don't have social obligations (must be heaven lol) to pursue your hobbies and activities you really enjoy. Focus on learning how to enjoy your own company, before you start actively looking for someone to share your friendship and devotion with. And while you're doing that, maybe text or skype with your friends and family in other cities?

Your worth is absolutely not measured by the number of your friends! I find people who are not social butterflies far more interesting and worthy of my devotion anyway.

Keep distracting yourself when loneliness kicks in, but try to enjoy what you're doing! Be yourself, and know that absolutely nothing is wrong with that! :*

Posted by ninaP
People on fb are getting married and have so many friends. i feel worse, like there's something wrong with me for not having too many friends.

Can you give me some advice?

I think you need to be honest with yourself. You don't really want what you think you want, you wouldn't even be able to keep up with it. Maintaining it would feel mostly like a chore, and true friendship should be an organic thing. Which brings me to the next point: It's not really what it seems or what it's cracked up to be. That goes for most things in life.

As an introvert you project your needs to connect onto others, so when you observe how others are doing it "right", you think they actually have what you want, when in fact they have what you don't want and what you couldn't keep up with anyway. It's a facade, some people can do it and they are happy in their own way. You wouldn't be. I'm just saying be honest with yourself; step out of your comfort zones and challange yourself but don't look for what "everyone else has".

Posted by wicked
Whenever u feel lonely, see if you can reach out to people you love and trust. They might be lonely too.

🙂 good way to look at it

Posted by Scenic
I feel this way a lot, too. Reading over this thread, I was reminded about a site I used to use. You send and receive post cards to randomly paired people around the world. It may help with the loneliness...or not. It's called postcrossing. It's at least exciting to wake up to some mail.

And hey, good luck.

Thank you. It's sort of nice to know that i'm not the only one.

Posted by starwars

Posted by ninaP
@starwars
yes, i guess i need to focus my energies on people who understand how i am. Right now i'm back in my home town which is a small place and my closest friends live in other cities and countries.
most people are extroverts or are ok with small talk. i find it hard to communicate about well, nothing. so finding like minded people is challenging.

But, you're right, it shouldn't feel like a chore.

alone time is so precious, you don't need to feel bad for it.
you don't have to be friends with everyone either, but if you wanna have good time with other people try to click with them in a way you enjoy.
just be yourself, don't take yourself too seriously either. I always make jokes about my "weak" spots. like I always mention how I can be introvert at times and detach myself in the middle of a gathering to go and watch harry potter 7 series.
I feel like, you should be fine with and accept the way you deal with things first, even if it doesn't seem like the right perfect way.
don't let what people seem to do effect you or make you feel bad.

click to expand

Yea and i guess, the conversations i have when i'm forcing myself wont look genuine and won't stick anyway. I'm ok in a group, love one on one interations. It's just the follow up i'm not good at, which is imperative to maintain the closeness.

Posted by starlover
This week I had five friends asking to meet up...l felt somewhat overwhelmed and decided to meet just two

I am preferring my own company more as time goes on

🙂

i agree and i usually end up offending the other three people i didn't meet. i love my alone time too, but since it's so easy for me to be alone, i do that a lot and my friendships fall away.
That's a balance i'm still struggling to maintain.

Posted by enfant_terrible

Posted by ninaP
People on fb are getting married and have so many friends. i feel worse, like there's something wrong with me for not having too many friends.

Can you give me some advice?

I think you need to be honest with yourself. You don't really want what you think you want, you wouldn't even be able to keep up with it. Maintaining it would feel mostly like a chore, and true friendship should be an organic thing. Which brings me to the next point: It's not really what it seems or what it's cracked up to be. That goes for most things in life.

As an introvert you project your needs to connect onto others, so when you observe how others are doing it "right", you think they actually have what you want, when in fact they have what you don't want and what you couldn't keep up with anyway. It's a facade, some people can do it and they are happy in their own way. You wouldn't be. I'm just saying be honest with yourself; step out of your comfort zones and challange yourself but don't look for what "everyone else has".

click to expand

Hmmm...maybe the fb thing is an ego issue. At some level i've tied the number of people in my network (or friends) to my self worth. Or maybe I'm reeling under the pain of losing my school/college friends to life's pace.
Yes, friendships and connections should be organic, but i figured, "hmm, ok, i prefer being alone all the time, that's why my friends have moved on, maybe i should get out of my comfort zone and reach out to people"
Some people are just so god with people, they're warm and friendly and connect with other people so easily (you're a leo, you're familiar with the concept)
I on the other hand, have a quiet, observant energy. I'm only fun around very close friends.

Any advice on how i can be better?

Posted by ScorpioStarGazer
I can relate to feeling alone. I don't really have anyone I would call a close friend....those friendships fell apart years ago. Good friends are hard to come by. I've learned to enjoy my own company. I feel like if it's meant for a good friend to come into my life in the future then it will happen. If not, at least I enjoy my company. If I didn't I guess I'd be in trouble. I'm very introverted too so I completely understand!

Don't be so hard on yourself. We all feel alone from time to time. Not the best feeling in the world, but completely normal. Hope you feel better soon. ♥

🙂 it's hard when friendships fall apart for whatever reason, immaturity, ego or just different life paths. I guess this is something that cannot be forced.
I do enjoy my own company, but i tend to overdo it and then when i look up from my book, i'm alone. Maybe i shouldn't be afraid of reaching out and then try to be calm and not force closeness. it'll happen with the right people.

Thank you for your words. They helped.

Posted by starwars
@ninaP same, i think the closeness is something that come naturally. Maybe try to get work done with those people you wanna mintain closeness with? For example i have this aqua friend who i dont see much often, so we hit the gym together. That way we have to interact. I suck at texting cant mintain any friendship via text, but i like to do something with them. Or if you cant hang with them, try to watch something, and text about it? Thats fun too.

That's a good idea. This way i wont be stressed about thinking of topics to talk about 🙂

@all just wanted to say thankyou to everyone who listened and lposted on this thread. It was a difficult night, I'm thankful to each one of you for helping me through it.
Lots of love and blessings to everyone