Is it better to stay silent or chase a scorpio?

I'm a female cancer and my ex is a male scorpio. He and I have been off and on for a year after our first break up. After being off an on for a year, we finally got back together officially. However, now we are broken up again and back in this vicious, stupid cycle.

He is giving me the silent treatment now because he got angry about something. This is the second time in our on again/off again history he has been silent for a long time. He hasn't really spoken to me in almost 2 months.

Over time, I have learned never to ask him to talk. Anytime either of us have tried to make up (usually I'm the one who has to initiate), we ask to watch a movie together. (I realize this is very juvenile, but it's how he functions.) I tried talking to him by asking him to watch a movie with me on two different occasions. The first time, he said yes, and we agreed on a movie, but not the time/date. The following day, he didn't come to work (we work together and whenever he feels he can't be around me, he doesn't come to work). I texted him to tell him the movie we wanted to see was only playing in a theater far away. He said, "Well, forget that." I asked if he wanted to see something else, and got no response. Later, I asked if he was okay and he just said "I'm ok." Then, he went silent and we didn't talk for a week. After a week, I poured my heart out to him over text, and told him I wanted peace. No response. After about a week 1/2 of not talking, I went to his desk and asked if he would see a movie with me and asked for a truce. He smiled, and said "I don't know." I know him well enough to know that if he truly felt things were over between us, he would flat out say no, and probably be a jerk about it. I asked if he would let me know then, and he said, "I guess so."

The next night, I texted him and asked if he wanted to watch a movie later that night. He said he acknowledged and admired my attempt, but he would have to respectfully decline. I don't know if that was his attempt to be respectful or condescending. I then asked if I should leave him alone and give up or if he needed more time to clear his head. I said I was hoping to make things less awkward at work between us, because it's awkward for everyone, not just us. No response.

Sorry for the long prelude. Scorpios, what works with you?? I would like to smooth things over, but I don't know if I should stay silent like he does, or keep reaching out to him.

I know he loves

He rarely ever initiates, though. That's what scares me. It's almost like he's terrified to make a move. But, maybe that's just me being scared, I don't know. He is very prideful and very protective of his heart. That's not a good combination for me. 😢

At the same time, I don't want to encourage his silence by letting him know I'm there. I don't want him to feel safe, if that makes sense.

Thanks for your input! Should I send him a text again explaining that, or should I give it a few days?

I WANT to talk in person. The movie is just a way to initiate it. It is him that won't talk. He avoids me like the plague at work. He is the most non-confrontational, non-communicative person I've ever dated. It is very frustrating. He is very emotionally immature. It just sucks because I already love him. Had I known he would be this way, I would have never even given him a chance. Too late now. :/

I can't force him to talk to me, so I don't know what to do.

Posted by ScorpiosHarmony
Set some standards for yourself dear! He's playing passive aggressive power games with you to make you bend and fold to his agenda and it's clearly hurting you. You many have to consider moving on.

A note to the comments above: you shouldn't have to be distant or 'appear busy' for a man to want you, that's just playing immature games. If he wants you he'll make it clear and show it with consistent behaviour.

Thank you, and I agree. I am done playing the immature games. I just sent him two long texts (because he refuses to talk like an adult) saying at the end that if he can't love me consistently, he needs to let me know so I can heal and move on.

I really appreciate everyone's input so much.

PS-His agenda is he wants everything his way. He is VERY jealous and constantly questioning my guy friends and who I'm texting. I am the most loyal person you'll ever meet, and he knows I love him. He is just an inherently insecure and jealous person. He admits it and says he hates it, but he can't help it. There is a girl at work who is married but craves his attention. They can be like butt buddies sometimes--always up each other's asses. I really think it's an insecurity thing for both of them. They both need attention, and they get it from each other. But, when he is jealous over nothing and then I see their interactions constantly--it gets old. I mentioned that to him and that's why there is silence now. He has told me she isn't an issue, and I really do believe he isn't interested in her other than a friend. It just isn't fair. After a year of back and forth and him hurting me, of course I'm going to be a bit insecure and I should be able to voice my concerns. I did it very calmly and lovingly. He even admitted I was calm and very sweet about it and he reacted poorly. Then the next morning, silence.

No offense to you scorpios, but I have found that you guys are notorious for dishing shit out but being the first to be wounded deeply if you get even the smallest dose of your own medicine. It's very frustrating.

He is so lucky I'm so sensitive, forgiving, empathetic, and understanding. No other woman would put up with his emotionally immature bs. When he is loving, he is the most wonderful man. I've never had a man make me FEEL so loved. But, when he is hurt, God help me. He is the complete opposite--self-absorbed and out to sting right back. SIGH.

I need to start asking men when are their birthdays. LOL You scorpios are addictive, but torture. Never. Again.

Frankly, he's being a cunt.

The other posts on here are full of great advice already.

Sure, Scorps don't want someone we can walk over but equally he is being a passive aggressive, immature prick.

Ignore him and forget him. He sounds like too much hard work and the prize isn't worth it.

Once you change your attitude to not giving a shit about him, like he doesn't give a shit about you because if he did he wouldn't be acting like this, then you will feel better and as a bonus it will probably wind him up as he'll be thinking 'oh she's not grovelling around me anymore...'

I m going similar thing with my scorpio I tell you one thing if scorpio gives u silent treatment don't push him because he might cut everything off coz he will be stubborn give him only one meaningful message once a week and he ll see that u re giving him less attention he will wonder why? Always look happy cheerful like u re not hurt about his behaviour he will try to figure out why u re so happy? so he will come close i m doing exactly that... I was like u texting and calling him 24/7 he was angry told me he didn't love me so I m ignoring he unblocked me himself so he is playing mind games like ur man
Deep in their heart scorpio men love attention and love to be loved by someone

My sister is a scorpio and she says to act happy as well. She says if he truly loves me, he will be back. I am 100% sure he loves me, and loves me a lot. He's just very immature and has emotional issues. However, he is more prideful and has more stamina at being silent than any scorpio I've ever encountered (lucky me). So...who knows. I can't continue this cycle though.

Before we got back together officially, he was super upset with me. I tried my best to prove I loved him. Finally, I told him, I'm done with the games. I want a committed relationship or I'll have to move on. He still had up a wall for a while, but then, out of the blue, he said, F it. If you will have this broken boy, I'm yours. With a snap of the finger, he went from being cold and distant to being the sweetest, most loving man. It's like he unblocked his feelings. Very odd to me, because I don't operate in such extremes. Anyway...

All the input is very helpful and helps me be strong. Thanks, again...

Well that's the mood it's circular mine went from loving and caring to obsessive beast and now he is hating me for loving him so I m happy for u he is back but don't try to beg him for love he won't give it to u... You have to make him to chaise u it's a game

I agree with all the ladies and gents who posted.

Bothering us will just annoy us. Whenever you have a spat, people need space to recharge. You keep approaching him. A week here and there is not enough time.

Give him time to get used to some peace of mind. If he still cares, he'll initiate.

In the mean time do your own thing.

Posted by thisiscrap2
I agree with all the ladies and gents who posted.

Bothering us will just annoy us. Whenever you have a spat, people need space to recharge. You keep approaching him. A week here and there is not enough time.

Give him time to get used to some peace of mind. If he still cares, he'll initiate.

In the mean time do your own thing.

Thank you!

I guess it is hard for me to see more than a week or two of silence as being not enough time. For me, silence is never even an option unless something has done something heinous to me. He goes silent over almost nothing. So, to be silent for almost 2 months (with minor communication here and there) just makes no sense to me at all. But...that's why I'm here--to try to understand. ha

^^unless someone* has done something...

2 months is alot of time yes but you pestered him here and there. May see minute to you...but when someone has this perception of you being a frustrating piece of their life...its going to take some time to change that perception. But he can't change that perception if you keep reminding him why you and/or the situation is frustrating.

Scorpios are such control freaks you try take control away from them they freak out I just did recently with the one I'm friends with and my life just got turned upside down 😢

Having a Scorpio in your life can be a head ache that never goes away you can be good for longest then a full on migraine happens lol.

Well, my ex never responded to my text. I didn't think he would. I am guessing he isn't wanting to respond to anything because he doesn't know what he wants. In the past, he has tried to move on, but couldn't. I flat out asked him to tell me if he's done so I can heal and move on.

A few days later, we were out at happy hour with other co-workers and I drunkingly texted him when we left and asked if I could come get my stuff. No response. I have things at his place that he hasn't mentioned or brought to me. He could easily bring it to work and drop it off at my desk without anyone knowing and without saying a word to me. I have a pair of his pajama pants that I know are important to him. They are from his sister and he loves them. A few weeks ago, I realized I had them when I did laundry. I texted him and told him. No response. I know he wants them back, so why won't he just ask me to drop them off at his desk?

I'm just venting. I wish there were a magic wand to erase feelings.

Posted by Gemi9

Posted by DeathbyScorpio
Well, my ex never responded to my text. I didn't think he would. I am guessing he isn't wanting to respond to anything because he doesn't know what he wants. In the past, he has tried to move on, but couldn't. I flat out asked him to tell me if he's done so I can heal and move on.

A few days later, we were out at happy hour with other co-workers and I drunkingly texted him when we left and asked if I could come get my stuff. No response. I have things at his place that he hasn't mentioned or brought to me. He could easily bring it to work and drop it off at my desk without anyone knowing and without saying a word to me. I have a pair of his pajama pants that I know are important to him. They are from his sister and he loves them. A few weeks ago, I realized I had them when I did laundry. I texted him and told him. No response. I know he wants them back, so why won't he just ask me to drop them off at his desk?

I'm just venting. I wish there were a magic wand to erase feelings.

If you will find the link for the wand - please, share it. 🙂

Question. What do you honestly think he is feeling for you?
And how long is the silence continuing? Is he totally ignoring you?
What about at work? How do you guys communicate if at all?
Do you feel he was ever attracted to you very much? Like you thought you are the jewel he can't take his eyes off of? Just trying to help, I think I am getting to know those sexy beasts better.
But don't get your hopes up, ok? 🙂

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If I had to guess, I honestly think he is going through what he has always gone through when he gets this way. He is hurt and putting up a huge wall. When he is hurt, he can also be a huge asshole. I guess he is trying to hurt me back. I don't function that way, but he does. I do think he still loves me. That just doesn't go away. He told me when we got back together recently that he is terrified of arguing with me, but he loves me and he can't help that.

To answer your question of him being attracted to me--I am not cocky, but yes, I know he is. We also are very compatible sexually. We both agree on that and he has told me our sex is amazing many, many times.

The minute his wall breaks down, he tells me how he really feels, and it is always C

The minute his wall breaks down, he tells me how he really feels, and it is always COMPLETELY opposite of how he has acted. Example, the first time we hung out after months of being broken up, we were watching a movie and drinking. I could tell he still had his guard up. We were just working on being "friends." But, I got in his lap and made him look me in the eyes, and he immediately said, "You're so beautiful" over and over. We ended up sleeping together and he kept saying, "I missed you so much" and had tears in his eyes. He told me how he had to try so hard to stay away from me and how he would see me at work and text his best friends, "she is so beautiful" and they would tell him not to talk to me. He said he had so many nights where he just cried because he missed me. He said he longed for me, craved me, dreamed about me. Yet, during all this time, he was cold as ice--no communication, ignored me, acted like I didn't exist. A month before we broke up the first time, he said I was the love of his life, and he wanted me to need him because he needed me. He said I was his best friend. When we got back together recently, he said he wanted to be my best friend, and I told him he was. He also said, had we not argued (over another girl/his hypocritical jealousy), he would have stayed with me forever. He said all the time we were apart was wasted time we could have been together. I wanted to shake him when he said that, because we were apart because of HIM. How he wants one thing, but does the exact opposite baffles me to no end. (Scorpios, why are you guys like that?!)

He is pretty much ignoring me completely. When we go to lunch with a group of people or are at happy hour, we talk to everyone but each other and we don't look at each other. I hate that things are that way, but he has made it like that.

This board changes words. Maker was a-hole. lol

Yes, I am learning I just need to bite my tongue with him. I have gotten a LOT better since we first broke up. I am very calm and don't get upset over things very much, even though he gets upset over nothing. lol I have just come to realize that I have to accept him how he is--his jealousy and insecurity, too--and just know that it doesn't mean he doesn't care when he acts upset. His big issue with me was that I don't care for him being so chummy with this other girl at work. It used to bother me big time, even little things. Here's a silly example--Someone handed out Halloween stickers at work once. I put "Boo" on his shirt as a joke (he's my boo). Well, when I wasn't around, the girl took off my sticker and put one on him. She just craves his attention, and I feel it is inappropriate. But, lately, she doesn't bother me anymore. I don't know if I'm just coming to terms with the fact that she isn't going to change and I can either ignore her need for attention and be happy with him, or if I've been so hurt by him recently that I'm becoming numb. I think it's a combination. She is happily married and I honestly don't see her ever making a move. He's just the only young, attractive guy in our office, he can be very likeable, and she wants to be the center of attention.

I really think that if I just don't let it bother me anymore and things stayed calm for a while, he would naturally ignore her attempts to get his attention more and more. I've noticed that the more hurt or pissed he is at me, the more he goes around her.

I wish I had a way of proving to him I'm letting it go. However, I highly doubt he will trust me saying that since I said it before, but then brought her up when he was getting super jealous and worried over nothing. This time really is different, though. I guess something inside of me broke. I used to get pissed when we were at odds and he would go around her in spite of me. I would never show it, but I would be. Now, I just don't care. I can't prove anything to him if he only wants to be distant, though.

Thank you for your well wishes.

Reincarnation, so do kind gestures even if he is being a jerk? That's what I'm thinking will be the only thing to work, but people who don't know him (or scorpios like him) think I'm nuts and should tell him to f off. lol

Gemi9, that is true. He is not an "evolved" scorpio, as people say. He can be very emotionally immature.

Hmmm. Well, maybe mature is what people mean instead of evolved? My ex is too immature to deal with his emotions. I love that the stereo-typical scorpio's emotions run deep. But, if you pair that with someone who is immature and only wants to hurt people when hurt....no.

You should not pursue any man. Men like adventure, there is a difference between going to fish or buy fish at the store.

Serious question to all the scorps out there--

When you get hurt, why do you hurt the person back if you love them? ...Especially if you got hurt by a person you know loves you, didn't mean to hurt you at all, and apologized?

Regarding my personal situation, I barely did a thing. He got upset over something I approached him with very gently and nicely. Honestly, he is the one who f'ed up by the way he reacted. But, he always flips crap around so everything is my fault. Anyway, now he is being a huge dick (again), and I just don't understand that mentality.

Also, do you ever realize when you mess up, or do you place blame on the other person so you don't have to? If you do realize you messed up, do you not show it and deal with it on your own? Is it a pride thing to not admit it and say sorry, or...?

Sorry to keep beating a dead horse, but some scorps are just complete enigmas.

Also, if someone shows you they are consistently there and trying to work things out, are you prone to keep giving the silent treatment to try to teach them a lesson if you are still mad?

I ask because I'm thinking that may be what he's doing. I last sent him a text asking for a truce on the 14th (no response) and I am finally over trying. I wonder how long it will take him to notice I'm not going to try anymore, because I have always tried to make peace in the past.

Well, you are very blessed, and I'm happy for you. I think a mature scorpio would be the perfect man for me. Unfortunately, age doesn't guarantee maturity, although it should help. I work with another scorpio. He is 45 years old, unhappily married, and has a silly crush on me. He will go through phases where he won't talk to me and is rude to me. After a week or two, he'll come back up to me, joking around as if nothing happened. I finally asked him why he and my ex (both being scorpios) do that. He said it happens when they get their feelings hurt and need space to sort them out. He said they probably act as if nothing happened because they realize they got upset over something silly, but can't help it.

Anyway...it is hard for me to get over him and not be hurt when I see him all the time--work and social events outside of work. I skipped happy hour last night after seeing his car in the parking lot. I never miss happy hour.

I know I would have said a mental f you to him and moved on a LONG time ago if we didn't work together.

Us being at odds affects so much more than just having a crappy work environment. We have the same friends. It really is hard.

PS, I am definitely not trying to wait until he matures. Haha.

Posted by deathnirvana

Posted by DeathbyScorpio
Serious question to all the scorps out there--

When you get hurt, why do you hurt the person back if you love them? ...Especially if you got hurt by a person you know loves you, didn't mean to hurt you at all, and apologized?

Also, do you ever realize when you mess up, or do you place blame on the other person so you don't have to? If you do realize you messed up, do you not show it and deal with it on your own? Is it a pride thing to not admit it and say sorry, or...?

Sorry to keep beating a dead horse, but some scorps are just complete enigmas.

1) To let them know how it feels like to be in pain. Have a taste of my suffering.

2) Sometimes, my pride takes over, and I blame something external. Other times, I know it's my fault and I work on it.

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Thanks for your perspective. 🙂

@Gemi9, Why do you want to be set free?? :/ Are you not happy in the relationship?

I answered your question as to what I love about him in another thread. This is what I said:

"As much as he can be a total self-centered jerk, he can be a loving, attentive, softy. Whenever his guard is down, he is the sweetest man I've ever met. I've never had anyone love me so openly and freely as he has before, and I was in a very loving relationship for 4.5 years before him. I'm sensitive and, especially for a guy, so is he. We are a great match when he isn't being a stubborn a-hole. We both are super passionate about music, bith love children and animals. We laugh a lot together. We can have the best time doing absolutely nothing. Sexually, we are very compatible.

When we are good, we are really good. Our relationship is euphoric when good, and heartbreaking when not...and I know we both feel that way. He has admitted to me he is miserable when we aren't together, but he still stays away for self-protection, and I think because of his pride and need to control when he feels things are out of control.

Unfortunately, I didn't learn how to deal with his retreat until later. I didn't realize the bad until we were already in deep. It definitely doesn't help that we work together. Ugh."