R1g0rM0rT1s
@R1g0rM0rT1s
13 Years1,000+ Posts
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lending people money
'red sea pedestrian' may be more globally understood, lol.
I have no problem lending money.. but I NEVER lend anyone money if I cannot afford to never get that money back. I don't have A LOT of money or anything, but I'm responsible with my finances and don't do a lot of frivolous spending. (My Taurus placements loooove security.. so I like having a little "cushion".. not having a cushion makes me antsy and irritable.) In other words, MY bills are taken care of, and IF I can afford it, I'm fairly willing to say yes.
Most of my co-workers have figured this out about me. They often borrow $ 20 or $ 40 from one payday to the next. I've told every one of them, "You get only ONE screw up.. if you EVER fail to pay me back, I'll consider it a good investment to burn bridges with you, and you will NEVER borrow from me again." Thus far, they've always paid me back, in full and on time, and the two that needed to wait an extra paycheck ASKED and were granted the grace.
My younger Tau daughter just bought her first car.. nothing special or terribly expensive, but she needed to borrow $ 900 from me to make up for the shortfall. I considered gifting it to her, but I'm more the type of Mom that wants her child to EARN their things.. since it's always been this way, she herself refused to allow it to be anything but a LOAN. So I lent it to her with the same warning I give everyone else.. and with the understanding she would pay me at least $ 100 from every two week paycheck. Well, she's paid me $ 200 from each paycheck, and threw in an extra $ 100 after she got her college financial aid refund check. She doesn't like owing money, like her Mom. HATED having to borrow it, and is doing everything she can to pay it back as fast as she can.
On the other hand, many weeks ago, I lent a good friend $ 150 to help him get by after missing a week's work from being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. He paid me $ 100 immediately from his first paycheck, but asked for more time on the other $ 50, which he paid in three installments later on haha.. during this time, HIS gf borrowed $ 7 for a pack of smokes (asking me to not tell him she did so.) ..She's never paid it back. Not that $ 7 is a big deal or anything, wouldn't make or break me.. but she has made no effort or acknowledgement in regards to it. *shrug* I consider $ 7 an insignificant loss, and since I now know to NEVER lend this girl money again, I won't.
Most of my co-workers have figured this out about me. They often borrow $ 20 or $ 40 from one payday to the next. I've told every one of them, "You get only ONE screw up.. if you EVER fail to pay me back, I'll consider it a good investment to burn bridges with you, and you will NEVER borrow from me again." Thus far, they've always paid me back, in full and on time, and the two that needed to wait an extra paycheck ASKED and were granted the grace.
My younger Tau daughter just bought her first car.. nothing special or terribly expensive, but she needed to borrow $ 900 from me to make up for the shortfall. I considered gifting it to her, but I'm more the type of Mom that wants her child to EARN their things.. since it's always been this way, she herself refused to allow it to be anything but a LOAN. So I lent it to her with the same warning I give everyone else.. and with the understanding she would pay me at least $ 100 from every two week paycheck. Well, she's paid me $ 200 from each paycheck, and threw in an extra $ 100 after she got her college financial aid refund check. She doesn't like owing money, like her Mom. HATED having to borrow it, and is doing everything she can to pay it back as fast as she can.
On the other hand, many weeks ago, I lent a good friend $ 150 to help him get by after missing a week's work from being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. He paid me $ 100 immediately from his first paycheck, but asked for more time on the other $ 50, which he paid in three installments later on haha.. during this time, HIS gf borrowed $ 7 for a pack of smokes (asking me to not tell him she did so.) ..She's never paid it back. Not that $ 7 is a big deal or anything, wouldn't make or break me.. but she has made no effort or acknowledgement in regards to it. *shrug* I consider $ 7 an insignificant loss, and since I now know to NEVER lend this girl money again, I won't.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
... like me and as soon as someone asks you get struck down with fear cos you know you're gonna say no.
why would saying "no" to a person strick you with fear?
What are you afraid of, in this instance?
I don't fear saying "no" .. in fact, I laugh at them and tell them to go rob a bank.
four by two = cockney rhyming slang for jew 🙂
'neither a borrower nor a lender be'....on of my parents' mantras, lol.
but then they invented CREDIT CARDS!!!
'neither a borrower nor a lender be'....on of my parents' mantras, lol.
but then they invented CREDIT CARDS!!!
oooop, I didn't know you responded.
Seriously, Roxi, why are you worried about saying no
Seriously, Roxi, why are you worried about saying no
Are you being insecure in thinking this person might not like you any longer if you don't agree to bend over and grab your ankles for him/her?
I cant do it and i dont know why, but i guess its the fear of it ruining the friendship or ruining how i see them should they not pay it back as promised. I hate broken promises or ppl who dont stand by their word. I never borrow either, something inside me is not cool with asking people for things.
Posted by seraph
I don't lend it. I give it as a gift. That way, there is no pressure on them to pay it back, and no annoyance on my part that I might not get it.
Also, in this regard, you don't have to plan around some phantom "future payment."
very smart and generous. xoxo
if it's a close friend... i'd do the same, knowing that they'd help me out too if i asked.
Posted by P-Angel
Are you being insecure in thinking this person might not like you any longer if you don't agree to bend over and grab your ankles for him/her?
oh i'm not worried about saying no P. the problem i find is that some people believe they are 'desperate' when they want to borrow money whereas in my mind, being behind with the rent is desperation of your own making..but anyway, they are so in the mindset that only more money will help their circumstances that if you say no, they naturally take it very badly.
it can be a deal breaker in some relationships.....even just to be asked the question.
oh yeah well that's another matter altogether!! it's definitely worth doing some strategic favours and holding them for when you need it returned. specially if they make a fine cake 😛
my first ever bf was a sicilian cancerian (aww the words sound cute together...he was an asshole though, lol) ANYWAY. they have an expression that friends are 'bread when you're hungry'. it seems a mercenary way of looking at friendships but it isn't really...just means everyone helps each other when they need it 🙂
and if you don't pay a sicilian back you can expect to be wearing cement boots and becoming fish food in the very near future.
my first ever bf was a sicilian cancerian (aww the words sound cute together...he was an asshole though, lol) ANYWAY. they have an expression that friends are 'bread when you're hungry'. it seems a mercenary way of looking at friendships but it isn't really...just means everyone helps each other when they need it 🙂
and if you don't pay a sicilian back you can expect to be wearing cement boots and becoming fish food in the very near future.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
is this something you find easy to do or are you like me and as soon as someone asks you get struck down with fear cos you know you're gonna say no. 'no' nearly always offends but in my rare experience of lending money, 'yes' inevitably leads to some division when they can't/won't or just don't pay you back.
i currently have this dilemna. i know someone is about to ask me. i like them but i don't entirely trust them to pay it back and that would be a problem for me. i don't know anyone who has money to burn. this person is behind with their rent and has vehicle fines to pay and so to me, and i know i'm a 'four by two'....that spells 'irresponsible lending'.
what are your feelings about lending someone money?
Rig,
Just be honest with the person.
The people around me who are broke, are so at their own fault.
1. they won't work, or if they do, they're the ones who call off all the time
2. they spend their money on bullshit
3. are lazy and have no drive nor ambition
so, why would I give them my money? I'm not going to help a person continue to be a leech.
now, if they actually helped themselves, and I don't mean an attempt to put on a show to make others think they decided to have goals in life ... I mean, actually cared to take care of themself .. then I would view them differently.
But, they don't .. they're like the Occupiers .... they do absolutely nothing to help themselves or this world, but, think that if they hold thier hand out then you're suppose to GIVE to them.
Fuck that .... go get a job. Flipping bugers is work
1. they won't work, or if they do, they're the ones who call off all the time
2. they spend their money on bullshit
3. are lazy and have no drive nor ambition
so, why would I give them my money? I'm not going to help a person continue to be a leech.
now, if they actually helped themselves, and I don't mean an attempt to put on a show to make others think they decided to have goals in life ... I mean, actually cared to take care of themself .. then I would view them differently.
But, they don't .. they're like the Occupiers .... they do absolutely nothing to help themselves or this world, but, think that if they hold thier hand out then you're suppose to GIVE to them.
Fuck that .... go get a job. Flipping bugers is work
Posted by P-Angel
The people around me who are broke, are so at their own fault.
1. they won't work, or if they do, they're the ones who call off all the time
2. they spend their money on bullshit
3. are lazy and have no drive nor ambition
so, why would I give them my money? I'm not going to help a person continue to be a leech.
now, if they actually helped themselves, and I don't mean an attempt to put on a show to make others think they decided to have goals in life ... I mean, actually cared to take care of themself .. then I would view them differently.
But, they don't .. they're like the Occupiers .... they do absolutely nothing to help themselves or this world, but, think that if they hold thier hand out then you're suppose to GIVE to them.
Fuck that .... go get a job. Flipping bugers is work
P,
You might think differently if you were in their shoes.
Posted by IntriguedScorpPosted by BullGemPosted by IntriguedScorp
It is a well known fact that people who borrow money are broke. This is why you can't expect them to pay it back.
Can you help them get a loan or something where they are contractually obligated to pay it back?
Some people do get out of the dumps and are able to stand back on their feet. And even then, I won't ask for anything back.
Now, if they want to pay me back in cake...😛
Exactly! Pay me back in ways that are not money related. Help me with a business connection, or make me dinner, or wash my car, whatever. Cake is good too!
I have just found that even when the broke person gets back on their feet back all their money is spent on managing the past brokeness and then they need a new couch or their car breaks down or the list is endless and actually paying the person back seems to always land at the bottom of the list. Not with everyone, but with a lot of people.
That's why giving and not expecting is the best thing for a friendship that you want to maintain. If you can't do that then you have to say no. *shrugs*click to expand
+1
Give, expecting nothing in return makes for a greater person than a private "creditor".
Posted by MrFirebirdPosted by P-Angel
The people around me who are broke, are so at their own fault.
1. they won't work, or if they do, they're the ones who call off all the time
2. they spend their money on bullshit
3. are lazy and have no drive nor ambition
so, why would I give them my money? I'm not going to help a person continue to be a leech.
now, if they actually helped themselves, and I don't mean an attempt to put on a show to make others think they decided to have goals in life ... I mean, actually cared to take care of themself .. then I would view them differently.
But, they don't .. they're like the Occupiers .... they do absolutely nothing to help themselves or this world, but, think that if they hold thier hand out then you're suppose to GIVE to them.
Fuck that .... go get a job. Flipping bugers is work
P,
You might think differently if you were in their shoes.click to expand
I would never be in their shoes, and for you to even suggest that is saying that you think being lazy is being a victim.
to be in that position is a choice ... a choice to not help yourself.
They choose to wear those shoes .... you don't get that, obviously you think they're a victim
I'll die before I would accept defeat in spite of myself, and be too ignorant to know ... like them, and obviously like you.
There's plenty of money out there .... a person doesn't need to borrow it, or have a hand out ... they need to get off their ass and get a fucking job.
if they don't make enough money, then work two jobs.
If a person can't afford themselves, then they need to change their life style ... NOT continue to spend beyond their means and expect other people to rescue them.
if they don't make enough money, then work two jobs.
If a person can't afford themselves, then they need to change their life style ... NOT continue to spend beyond their means and expect other people to rescue them.
Posted by Ellybean
I've never given out what I couldn't afford to not get back.
And you can bet your ass that those people in here who claimed that they just give for the sake of being generous are those exact same people who stand with thier hands out expecting to be given without intentions of helping themselves.
There is no valid reason whatsoever why a healthy adult should have to borrow money.
Money is out there to be made ... get off your ass and go make it.
Money is out there to be made ... get off your ass and go make it.
Posted by Ellybean
I've never given out what I couldn't afford to not get back. I don't ever expect repayment either. I have never been asked for a large sum though. Most of my friends would rather die than ask for money too. They all are very ambitious and independent.
Ironically the only person to ever pay me back was the poorest of them all.
Cheers to the poorest of them all! - I have a LOT of respect for them. Thanks for sharing that, with us EB. 🙂
Posted by P-AngelPosted by MrFirebirdPosted by P-Angel
The people around me who are broke, are so at their own fault.
1. they won't work, or if they do, they're the ones who call off all the time
2. they spend their money on bullshit
3. are lazy and have no drive nor ambition
so, why would I give them my money? I'm not going to help a person continue to be a leech.
now, if they actually helped themselves, and I don't mean an attempt to put on a show to make others think they decided to have goals in life ... I mean, actually cared to take care of themself .. then I would view them differently.
But, they don't .. they're like the Occupiers .... they do absolutely nothing to help themselves or this world, but, think that if they hold thier hand out then you're suppose to GIVE to them.
Fuck that .... go get a job. Flipping bugers is work
P,
You might think differently if you were in their shoes.
I would never be in their shoes, and for you to even suggest that is saying that you think being lazy is being a victim.
to be in that position is a choice ... a choice to not help yourself.
They choose to wear those shoes .... you don't get that, obviously you think they're a victim
I'll die before I would accept defeat in spite of myself, and be too ignorant to know ... like them, and obviously like you.click to expand
Let me take a guess..., you wanna be Large Marge. Your pride betrays you.
Posted by cheekyfaeriePosted by P-AngelPosted by Ellybean
I've never given out what I couldn't afford to not get back.
And you can bet your ass that those people in here who claimed that they just give for the sake of being generous are those exact same people who stand with thier hands out expecting to be given without intentions of helping themselves.
Bullshit.
I'll give someone the shirt off my back if they *need* it. When I give, it's with an open heart. Make me feel taken advantage of and you can go fuck yourself.
Giving anything and expecting something in return is right up there with donating to charity and writing it off on my taxes. Negates the purpose in my mind.
And if I ask for help in any way, shape or form, you can rest assured it was my absolute last resort. For me, it's admitting I have a weakness and I don't advertise that.click to expand
That was about the taker, not the giver .... looks like your brain missed that. I guess because you were itching to be contrary.
Amazing to me how many people cannot answer the question, and in so doing they begin to talk about giving people money when in need.
This thread isn't about giving out of your heart to another person, and never was.
It's about loaning money.
Seriously .... can you even read.
This thread isn't about giving out of your heart to another person, and never was.
It's about loaning money.
Seriously .... can you even read.
^^^^ i love you P 🙂
i do agree with P though. i'm not talking about charity or even helping a friend out in dire emergency cos i think we would all like to think we would help if we could. there's this one beggar outside the shops here who i always give my change too cos he's smartly dressed and is polite and respectful irrespective of whether he gets anything or not.
but if the same man was a friend of mine and i knew his circumstances to the degree that he had a gambling problem let's say...if he asked me to lend him money, i would be compelled to say 'no'.
it's often those kind of people who will ask a second time and a third time and they still won't have paid you back. each time they ask there's a compelling story attached, particularly as to how they 'promise' to pay you back.
i can't see that leading any other way than having to bin the friendship imo. i would doubt anyone to be a friend if they used me in that way either.
but if the same man was a friend of mine and i knew his circumstances to the degree that he had a gambling problem let's say...if he asked me to lend him money, i would be compelled to say 'no'.
it's often those kind of people who will ask a second time and a third time and they still won't have paid you back. each time they ask there's a compelling story attached, particularly as to how they 'promise' to pay you back.
i can't see that leading any other way than having to bin the friendship imo. i would doubt anyone to be a friend if they used me in that way either.
same goes for partners too.
I don't lend money to people unless it is a small amount that I can forget about. Then it's a gift.
For larger amounts, if the person knows I have money on my side, I tell that it is tied up. Can't take it out.
In a way that amount is MY security.
um yeah... don't feel guilt, Rox. There're tons of banks and financial institutions -- even if your credit is BAD -- they lend people money. She can take the legal route of borrowing.
For larger amounts, if the person knows I have money on my side, I tell that it is tied up. Can't take it out.
In a way that amount is MY security.
um yeah... don't feel guilt, Rox. There're tons of banks and financial institutions -- even if your credit is BAD -- they lend people money. She can take the legal route of borrowing.
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
^^^^ i love you P 🙂
I love you, too, Ro ... you're probably the only one who actually gets my sarcasm
Posted by R1g0rM0rT1s
same goes for partners too.
It gets real tricky here. Anytime a guy would ask me this (not now, years ago) .. my mind automatically turns to ...
Is the only reason he is with me is because of money? A gold-digger?
Posted by P-AngelPosted by R1g0rM0rT1s
same goes for partners too.
It gets real tricky here. Anytime a guy would ask me this (not now, years ago) .. my mind automatically turns to ...
Is the only reason he is with me is because of money? A gold-digger?click to expand
P,
Don't be so self-defeating.
It's unhealthy.
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i currently have this dilemna. i know someone is about to ask me. i like them but i don't entirely trust them to pay it back and that would be a problem for me. i don't know anyone who has money to burn. this person is behind with their rent and has vehicle fines to pay and so to me, and i know i'm a 'four by two'....that spells 'irresponsible lending'.
what are your feelings about lending someone money?