Major problem

Oh my God, I have a major problem. This is a long one so be prepared, anyone, to read it. I will take advice from ANYONE.

I had this aqcuaintence, scorpio, who i liked. I kept trying to make a move and as you know i am gay but im not sure of her sexuality. The more i get to know her, the more i like her, my feelings grow stronger and stronger for her each week. As my feelings get stronger and stronger, so does my frustration. The more frustrated i get, the more frustrated i get with her and end up being stand-offish, shy and reticent. Anyway, in the end, i think, "I've got to do something about this, this is driving me crazy", i decide to send her a message (sms) and tell her to take my number out of her phone because she's not the "sort of person i want to be friends with", when i should have just said, "look, i really like you, but i dont think you feel the same way back and it makes me feel uncomfortable".

THIS IS THE DILEMMA: I work in entertainment. The girl was a customer and i found it hard to bridge the gap between respecting where i work and that the customer is there for no other reason but to have a good time. Oh my god, i am so shy and reticent.

THIS IS THE THING: I sent her a msg yesterday saying i was sorry for the way i "treated" her. She sent one back saying i treated her "like s..hit", I explained that it was awkward for me cos everybodey wants to be my friend cos of my job and she said, "don't be silly, im too old to be a ... groupie". She then said that was no need to be "rude" to her. Then i lunged into a "talk about rude to me", speech, with all the things i have to put up with and she sent one back saying, "theres no need to go on like that, it's a shame you didnt take the chance to get to know me, take care". She had also said in previous messages she was over it. She no longer comes into my work either.

THE NEXT THING IS: I so totally understand where she is coming from and i feel bad that she had mistaken my treatment for treating her like 'butter'. The thing is that it ended ok, she said 'take care', which was nice, because i dont like ending anything on a bad note, but i don't know if i should tell her that i loved her or to leave it. 'Love' sounds like too powerful a word but its the easiest way for me to explain it right now.

I just can't believe i spent all that energy on caring about her and she can't even see it. The frustration, stand-offishness and shyness i showed her was for the feelings i had for her, not because had low thoughts about her. I avoided her because i was in awe of her and respected her space and didnt want to impinge my point of view on to her. I didnt want to tell her i liked her because im gay and she might have been repulsed by that and now i am left with this big empty gap where she thinks i treated her like "sh..t" and had no idea that there was a person on this earth (like many others im sure) who thought she was phenomenal.

I don't think i will ever see her again and i accept that. I don't know whether i should tell her how i really felt. I expressed regret about how i was towards her but i didnt tell her i liked her and that that was why i was 'strange' around her.

THE THING IS: I respect her. I think i should just let her move on and not tell her how i felt, i would, afterall be only doing it for my own good right? I want to say, "yes, its a shame i didnt take the chance to get to know you, but i really liked you, i am gay, you are probably not (althought i don't assume anything anymore)...".

I don't think i want to be with her anymore but i feel really bad that she has taken on board that someone (me) has treated her like "sh..t". I really feel like i have let myself down by not being honest from her from the start. I would have saved myself a year and a half of my time.

What do any of you guys think?

Should i leave it for a week or two and i wil

That was meant to be "honest WITH her right from the start".

Hi libragirl
I have been away from this board for months and funny the first message I read is yours. I cant say what to do but I can tell you my story and hope you learn from my mistakes.

I have posted many things on this board and all about the one scorpio guy that i met, fell in love with and a year and half later only starting to get over (dont thing i have stopped loving him just realised that the relationship is not coming back). When I met this guy my life was totally f**ked up! Had finished a 13 yr marriage, was getting heavy abuse from the ex etc etc. My scorpio guy was my rock but I was torn between loving him and trying to protect him from my ex-partner. His job moved him to another country to work and he asked for me to keep seeing him to met up etc. I refused couldnt see away to do that. Point was I knew I loved him wanted him and I thought he knew that - hadnt said so but he hadnt and yet I knew he like me. I thought when he left i would give it awhile let things calm down between my ex and then i would pick up with my scorpio again. (Also truthfully I believed he would come back - miss me so much) After a few months of hearing nothing and dreaming of this guy everynight I sent him a letter/card but instead of saying I miss you and want you back in my life I was cynical. I said sorry if I hurt you but things where heavy at the time, I hope you dont let that affect any other relationships you enter into etc etc. I was trying to open the door but I done it all wrong (I can see that now). One of our last conversations together when he asked me to come over and see him he told me he thought I had treated him like b*tter. He said I had picked him up when I needed him and dropped him when I didnt need him (true was I couldnt help but want to be with him and then when my ex phoned and give him abuse I didnt want him taking that on my behalf - wanted to protect him and the only way was to say goodbye so my ex left him be) The last time I actually saw him was 1 Nove 2001. So in Nove 2002 I sent him a birthday card (apologised for my behaviour and wished him a happy birthday (it was my last effort). He didnt reply (he has probably moved on and for his sake I hope so) but the point is I left it too late. Cease the moment, dont put off to tomorrow what you should do today. I have spend the last year & half wondering what if. I regret BIG TIME not going for it but at that time I was embarrased to share my feelings, afraid of rejection, afraid it wouldnt work out - but god if I knew how I would be feeling a year & half later I would have went for it.

Funny I have just might a guy last week - met him on tues on the pc and arranged to meet him on sunday (he also lives across the water). Just found out he too is a scorpio etc - so many things the same as the other one - Im now thinking is this a second chance (though they have similar pasts they have different personalities). He has asked me to met him this wkend again. Its difficult because of the travel etc but you know in trying to get you to go for it I believe I have just talked myself into it. I cant bring back the past and regret not going for it at the time. You still have that chance you'res is still ongoing but now i have the chance for the future and hell im going to go for it. AND

AND IF IT WORKS OR NOT AT LEAST I WONT SPEND THE NEXT YEAR AND HALF WONDERING! GOOD LUCK TO YOU LIBRAGIRL I HOPE IT WORKS OUT

Hi Libra Girl...
Hope you are well. I read your post and I hope I can provide some answers....

First, please don't feel ashamed about anything. I think what you just wrote about how you feel and under "THE THING IS"--what you wrote there was very honest. This is just my opinion, but it may be worthy to write to her--via E-mail or letter, tell her that you respect her and that you are sorry if you caused any confusion--that it is not in your nature to do so. And leave it at that. You want to wipe this off your conscience.
I hope she will understand and not hold a grudge.
In the end, it's a learning lesson. Hope it works out.
Sloane

Okay Libragirl, I read your posts on this thread, so I'm fully informed, and I'm thinking about it, but I don't have the time/mental focus to write out a nice long postt as I'd like to...so give me some time and I'll be able to throw my two cents in. What can I say, it's a lack of sleep or something 😢

Until then, take care, and remember how many beautiful, willing and forgiving fish there are out in that sea... 🙂

POST. jeez

lol

Hey guess what guys? I did it. I can't believe it... I told her i am gay and that i liked her as more than a friend. I think she already knew i was gay but i think the 'friend' bit shocked her. I still haven't heard back and i don't think i will.

Unsure, i was afraid of opening myself up and scared of rejection. All i can say is that i wasted a year and a half of my life living in my 'head'. Never again! You're better off to follow Phoenix's band-aid idea and rip it off fast. I think I'd better go, i have to go out for dinner.

See you guys and thanks for all your wonderful input, it IS very much appreciated.

Well, i feel like b....dy sh..t dude, it is hard. I know feel sick because i haven't got the response i wanted, infact, i haven't got a response at all. I dont know...

Now i have to face going to work knowing she won't be there, fearing she might come in. I want to leave my job because it's the only reason i stayed there. Imagine, staying in a job for a year and a half too long because you had a crush on one of the customers, sad...

Anyways, im sure I'll feel better soon, i just feel a bit empty on the inside. I don't feel guilty for how i treated her now because now i realise i had reasons to do what i did. She kind of used to come in and expect everybody to kiss her butt because of who she is and im not into that. Besides that, my sister called me a few weeks ago and told me she didn't want a "relationship" with me so it's coming from all directions. I also feel like my friends are so lame i can't even tell them im hurting...

I think my new years resolution is definately to make friends that give something BACK to me 😉

I want this whole thing to be over, i feel like telling dxpnet to scrap this post from the boards.

Libragirl, I think you deserve better than this girl -- much better. I know how you feel about wanting dxp to scrap the post, I've felt like that before too. But we're all here for you, even if you do live thousands of miles away from most of us. I think you should just wash your hands of caring about her. You're better than that (kissing her butt and all the rest of the mind games).

I think everyone knows what it's like to "feel a little empty inside" after something like this. I understand what you're going through and I have to say that I'd probably never get around to telling her if I was in your situation. Just remember, whatever happens you have to respect yourself even more for being brave enough to go through with it.

Ok, here's an update. Well, i haven't seen scorpio girl for a while since i sent her the message saying i liked her etc... I've seen her a few times, but it's strange becuase while i don't think about her like i used to, i can't quite get her out of my mind. What is it with this girl? Am i delusional?