Give 'n take

Amici,
I think I have developed a communication problem with my fellow humans and I don't really know how to surpass it-hoping that you might have one.
One night I was talking to my scorp and he told me that I should wait for the others to search for me,call me on the phone.He said " Let them look for you and not the other way around".
Only that I need so much social interraction and i don't see how can I wait for someone to contact me exactelly when I want to.
Although I can admit that this strategy works nicely for him-his handy is -sometimes-ringing continiously.
He told how he had this revelation -one summer,some many years ago,he was chasing girls at the seaside and he wasn't very succesful.Being tired one day,he sat down somewhere by the beach and he picked up 5 girls who came to him - and that efortlessly.
Sometimes I admire him so much for the way he thinks and solves problems!But I cannot turn myself into him.
Do you think that what he told me is a clever thing to do? but how? what are your opinions about who gives and who receives?

Bella,

He sounds like he is telling you to stop wanting to socailize so much? Or he doesnt like what you have to say! I would ask him why? Why do you have to stop being you! Maybe he wasnt trying to be insultive?!

I would say, do whatever Bella wants to!

OK,that's right about doing what I want to do.But this time he really was trying to be helpful and to give me a piece of useful advice.And that is to stop going after people and to waint for them to come to me.He is doing that and he is very happy that way-and I am not ,cause I don't like being the one that has to call and say - let's go out for a film,drink,walk , meal etc.And that was his solution to my problem.And I responded to him-OK,but there's the danger of sale's stuff-It's offered to you very convinient,but you don't want it very much.
So what do you think?

I say NO!

If this is your boyfriend and he's telling you something like this, I personally would take it as him blowing me off. In other words is he trying to tell you to stop CHASING HIM—? Your post isn't really clear so you need to ask him WHAT HE MEANS!!!

So typical of an Italian man ain't it?? BTW I wasn't born to far away from your home town Bella and I wouldn't be caught DEAD with an Italian man! LOL

Well,Saggie,he isn't trying to tell me to stop chasing him.In fact,I think he likes being chased!
We were talking about friendship-and about mutual friends-and in this respect he told me to wait for others to look for me.HE really was trying to be friendly and helpful-I feel that he is close to my heart and wouldn't hurt me deliberately.
Aprox the same thing my girl friend told me-and she is a Libra Sun with Scorpio ascendant.That she is almost always the one that is being called on the phone .She even told me several years ago-when we were smaller-that she doesn't have a phone book!!!! because she isn't using it,she never calls others,they are the ones that call.To me , this is kind of sadistic,but I can't help thinking that this strategy is working-every time I call her,she sounds like she is doing me a favour by granting me a go out.She is rejective ,but in the same time people continue to contact her.Isn't kindness anymore the key to good relationship with humans?

Very interesting thread, bella.

I might as well be your Libra sun friend, because that has always been how it is with me...I almost never call other people. It has to be an emergency or a special circumstance for me to call. However, this is only because I dislike talking on the phone. It isn't anything like a strategy I have, it just seems to have been that all my life, other people always call me. I talk to them when necessary, but if I miss their call, I miss their call. If it is important, they can leave a message on my answering machine which is always on. I am very social and friendly once I'm actually on the phone with them, but I don't initiate. People who know me well know that I'm not trying to be rude or mean to them, they just know that if you want to talk to me on the phone, the best way to get ahold of me is to call. I will call you back if it's important and you've left a message, but otherwise, they call back later and if I'm there I talk to them.

Thanks,dear Phoenix,for clearing that for me.
I need more clearing though-what happens if you miss someone very much?do you prefer to wait for that person to contact you?but why waist time?I really need to understand that,'cause I cannot stand waiting around for things to happen,though I would like to be able to.
And I am inquisitive about one more thing-do you think you can measure social succes by the amount of time spent on the phone at others call?is there a direct proportion between the number of times your phone rings and your popularity ?
Hugs,
Bella

It does a lot of sense,Aprilbaby,thanx!
The truth is that I have this degree of anxiety and I didn't realize until now that this was reflecting in my phone-call habits!
Still,I was taught to be polite and I know that one of the most unpolite things is to make people wait-it's like you do not have any respect for their time,which is a valuable asset especially in our modern days-afterall-Time is Money,isn't it?
So let me give a short example-the day before yesterday I called a friend from a fixed phone on his handy.He hasn't answered,so I hung up.5 min later he called back asking "where did I call?" I 've told him - it's me,how are you? He said "I am in a meeting.I'll finish in an hour" Me- " I'll call you in an hour" So I called him in 2-3 hours and I said-"I want to take you out tomorrow for a coffee".The next day I called kind of late in the evening-8 o'clock-and he was at a reception and couldn't talk.
So , according to you - should I call him or should I wait for his call? It's me who wants to see him,we haven't spoken in about 2 weeks,he is a rather busy person.
Cya later,aligator!
Bella

Bella,

"what happens if you miss someone very much?do you prefer to wait for that person to contact you?but why waist time?"

If I miss someone very much, I do then go looking for them. In fact there are a few people in my life right now that had I not sought out with much perseverence after some time of seperation, I probably never would have had contact with them for the rest of my life. Ideally, I wish they would come looking for me, but...if I feel it's important to talk to them again I will do the investigating and find them.

About not wasting time, very good point Bella. As long as you can find that elusive balance between not wasting time yet not being too aggressive socially, all will be well. It's definitely hard to figure out when to be socially pursuant and socially reticent. Be yourself, but just be aware that who you are being when you're being yourself can make some people shy away and think, "okay, she likes being the leader, so I will let her lead", you know. On the other hand, there are a lot of people who like to be led, so perhaps in being your true self, you will naturally attract and keep those around you who are naturally most compatible with you.

"do you think you can measure social succes by the amount of time spent on the phone at others call?is there a direct proportion between the number of times your phone rings and your popularity ?" I don't know what you mean by the first question, but my answer to the second question is that yes, I suppose one could look at it that way, BUT, one would be pretty arrogant to think that way, in my opinion. So my phone rings a lot...never occurred to me that everyone must love me because they call a lot. I guess what I mean is, I don't use my phone habits as a means to guage how popular I might be, and I don't use the phone as a tool of manipulation either. If someone wants to call me, that's great, but if they don't call, it doesn't bother me because I have no right to be upset with them for doing something I do...not calling people.

Whew, I have no idea if I answered that right but I hope it helps! 🙂

By the way, Aprilbaby's points were right on...every one of them!

You know,I fear that I might lose contact for ever with people if I do not fuel the relationship with them.
And I always feel the need to be a part of the group and - above all-the need to be loved and accepted for who I am.
That's why I sometimes play a part that does not represent me-the social mask that I am wearing at times -when I feel depressed e.g.'cause who cares for depressed people?
Anyway,I am throwing a BIG PARTY on the 23rd-above 100 people-and I 'm really looking forward to have all my friends and their friends aboard.I would invite you guys too,but there are some practical issues to be overcomed.
I was planning on shutting out everybody as an experiment to see how long can I resist without getting a hold of others,but I guess I 'll have to postpone it after the party,'cause until then I will be very busy inviting people over.

A domani,
Bella

Hehehe...well Bella I am sure that you make a fabulous hostess, so have fun with your party! (Wish I could be there, but you're right, wouldn't be practical. lol)...well good luck as you ponder these things, I am sending good vibes your way. 🙂

P.S. You are a Leo, correct? If so, it only makes much more sense about how you are feeling (totally normal for your very social sign)