PLEASE HELP

So I've been friends with this Scorpio for about a year and he has saved me from myself numerous times (from a drug overdose, encouraged me to go to rehab). I am a Pisces/aries cusp with a sag rising. I like this guy a whole hell of a lot and when we are together it's like this harmonious connection that I have never felt with anyone before. We ended up hooking up and then I went to rehab. When I came back I thought I was over him because he made it clear he wasn't looking for anything. A few months later we started hanging out again, talking every once in a while etc. And gradually started hooking up again. The connection and intimacy that we had in bed was unimaginable. But he acted hot and cold. We would be having great conversation and then all of a sudden it stopped. He would text me if I initiated but would, again, pull away. I have told him a few times that I really really like him, but he says he is just rolling with the punches and has mutual feelings. The other day I visited him at work and he was all over me. I also experienced the infamous Scorpio glare. Well a couple days after that he hung out with me and my friend. I ended up talking to him in the car. I let him know that I really really like him but if he only wants something physical to let me know so I can move on. He said that he has mutual feelings for me and is going with the punches (I let him know that I am not trying to get him to commit so soon but I am hopeful). He said relationship wise if it moves in that direction he isn't opposed to it. And that night ended great. I didn't hook up with him and left him wanting way more kisses. But since then it's more hot and cold games. Ignoring me, barely chatting with me, just tonight I asked if he had plans and he opened my snap and didn't respond. Is he stringing me along? Did I scare him off? Should I move on or be patient? I don't want to ruin this if it's something good but I also need to know when to walk away for the sake of my hearts safety.

You seem to be all over the place and moving forward relying more on hope than the reality of the situation.

The man says this:

Posted by ceaydial
...he made it clear he wasn't looking for anything....

...he says he is just rolling with the punches and has mutual feelings.

He's indifferent, only really engaged when he wants some tail and while I'm sure he "really really likes" you too he's giving you exactly what he said he was open to. No committment. "Hot and cold" is what no commitment looks like.



con't....

Posted by ceaydial
...I let him know that I am not trying to get him to commit so soon but I am hopeful...

So basically you're offering more tail until he decides to commit. It sounds like he heard that the same way I read it because he replies with this:

Posted by ceaydial
.... He said relationship wise if it moves in that direction he isn't opposed to it.

Translation: I'm not promising you anything, but if the tail doesn't get stale and I don't meet someone I actually am ready to commit to I'd be open to being in "something" with you.

Posted by ceaydial
...since then it's more hot and cold games.

Since then? Throughout your whole post you wrote the man has been hot and cold. You just refuse to see that for what it is. His behaviour didn't change despite your polite ultimatum, so you shouldn't take ownership for that.

Posted by ceaydial
Should I move on or be patient?

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I think you're confusing patience with settling for scraps. Patience is something you offer when someone is reciprocating the time and energy you're putting in.

Don't believe the hype. A man knows, (sometimes well before a woman clues in) when he wants to commit to you. They don't require patience. Please don't mistake that to mean they don't need to date and get to know you. That is not what you're describing here. You call him a friend. You've known each other for approximately a year. He's been up in your lady parts. Do you really think he still needs weeks and weeks to decide if he wants to commit?

Honestly, given the context of your first few sentences, I think you need to focus on your sobriety and keeping yourself from relapsing. A relationship and worrying about a man probably isn't the optimal thing to do at this point, especially if it is very early on in it (first year). Focus on maintaining that. In all likelihood, because he saw you go through it, he is not allowing himself to emotionally open up to you for that very reason. He's not willing to risk his heart and emotions on someone, whom by your own words, have addiction issues that could lead to their death. No one wants to lose someone they love, and not by drugs.

Posted by Ellygant
How far along are you in your sobriety? Did the overdose/rehab disrupt other areas of your life a lot, like your job or family?

I am 6 months along, I went due to mental issues. The drugs and eating disorder was just the mask I used to cope. Now that I am on mood stabilizers I I am a completely different person and don't even crave drugs or alcohol.

Posted by nikkistar
Honestly, given the context of your first few sentences, I think you need to focus on your sobriety and keeping yourself from relapsing. A relationship and worrying about a man probably isn't the optimal thing to do at this point, especially if it is very early on in it (first year). Focus on maintaining that. In all likelihood, because he saw you go through it, he is not allowing himself to emotionally open up to you for that very reason. He's not willing to risk his heart and emotions on someone, whom by your own words, have addiction issues that could lead to their death. No one wants to lose someone they love, and not by drugs.

So your saying he is just going to walk away? I'm so confused. He acts like he wants to be with me half the time and the other half I don't even hear from him

Posted by nikkistar
Honestly, given the context of your first few sentences, I think you need to focus on your sobriety and keeping yourself from relapsing. A relationship and worrying about a man probably isn't the optimal thing to do at this point, especially if it is very early on in it (first year). Focus on maintaining that. In all likelihood, because he saw you go through it, he is not allowing himself to emotionally open up to you for that very reason. He's not willing to risk his heart and emotions on someone, whom by your own words, have addiction issues that could lead to their death. No one wants to lose someone they love, and not by drugs.

Also, I don't understand why he is stringing me along. If that's the case why wouldn't he have just said that. I told him that if he doesn't want to be in this for any other reason but physical I need to know so I can walk away.

Posted by ceaydial

Posted by nikkistar
Honestly, given the context of your first few sentences, I think you need to focus on your sobriety and keeping yourself from relapsing. A relationship and worrying about a man probably isn't the optimal thing to do at this point, especially if it is very early on in it (first year). Focus on maintaining that. In all likelihood, because he saw you go through it, he is not allowing himself to emotionally open up to you for that very reason. He's not willing to risk his heart and emotions on someone, whom by your own words, have addiction issues that could lead to their death. No one wants to lose someone they love, and not by drugs.

So your saying he is just going to walk away? I'm so confused. He acts like he wants to be with me half the time and the other half I don't even hear from him

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No, I am saying he is keeping himself guarded. I am also saying that you need to focus on your sobriety, not on a man.